I need Advice........

[Jempast]

My mom's birthday is in April and she has done some really awful things to me & my husband this year. Too many awful things to list. I probably won't ever talk to her again due to all that she has done. I don't think I could list all of the awful things she has done to me. Just so you get an idea of how awful she has been I have been thinking of moving overseas to get away from her. All though my husband & I live in a rented house I just keep thinking of moving overseas or far up north near Canada just to get away from her so she could not contact me.

 

My question is should I crochet her something for her birthday & mail it to her? She loves the things I crochet. I just can't decide what to do about crocheting her something. Any advice?

[Arlinka]

You only have one Mother, like her or not.

My advice is: YES, crochet something for her. If you don't, you may regret that decision in the future. Go with your heart - you are still her daughter no matter what !!!!

[classic crochet]

If you don't ever want to speak to her why would you want to spend your time making her something? Our mom's sound a lot alike. I'm sorry she has made life so hard for you. It's okay not to do anything for her if you really just want her out of your life. Some relationships are just plain toxic and you don't need to feel guilty if you have to walk away to survive.

[Jempast]

If you don't ever want to speak to her why would you want to spend your time making her something? Our mom's sound a lot alike. I'm sorry she has made life so hard for you. It's okay not to do anything for her if you really just want her out of your life. Some relationships are just plain toxic and you don't need to feel guilty if you have to walk away to survive.

 

 

Thank you!

[magiccrochetfan]

If you don't ever want to speak to her why would you want to spend your time making her something? ....you don't need to feel guilty if you have to walk away to survive.

 

My thoughts exactly!

[classic crochet]

You're welcome! I know how hard it is to struggle with this.

[Mom w/a Motif]

We have cut off all contact with my husband's mom, because of all the horrible things she did to us; and just what a horrible person she is in general. We were fortunate enough to move out of the state, and we told her to not try and contact us. (While we still lived there I was thinking about changing my email and phone #, because she still knew where we lived...) You just have to follow what your gut tells you. I feel so much better with her out of our life, and so does my husband.

 

Tina

[sandra2469]

Why don't you crochet something that she might enjoy and donate it to a shelter some other orgnization that may be able to use it? It's not exactly the same, but at least something good would come out of your trial.

 

Bless you - I'm sure this is really hard for you.

[losingmymind2]

Don't waste time making something for her, do something nice for someone else with that time. If you feel you must acknowledge her birthday at all, a simple card that states "x has been donated in your name" is all you need to do.

[123mama]

It is sad that you dont get along. I am very blessed that I got along with my mother and in laws.

 

hugs

 

sondra

[slicer]

I don't have any experience in this situation, but I would recommend giving it great thought. I agree with the both Arlinka and ClassicCrochet, even though they are two completely different answers. I usually only make things for people if I see a pattern or yarn that they would love. I make it whether or not they are my best friend, or just an acquaintance. Hopefully it will be appreciated, but it might not be. Luckily for you, your mom loves your work, but if it's going to be too difficult for you to make her something, then do not do it. Most (if not all) of us crochet because it's something we enjoy and that relaxes us. Do not let this take away from why you crochet in the first place. Hope this helps and wasn't completely confusing...

[AutumnWindsong]

I had to move a state away from my mother to be able to remain civil to her. Don't get me wrong, I love her. It's just that some relationships in life are toxic...ours was one of those. I agree with several on here who said to donate something in her name. Then, send her a birthday card stating that something was donated in her name.

 

Blessed Be.

Autumn

[JoBug]

Of COURSE I am NOT in the majority here..lol.. but really, I lost my mom when I was only 14 years old, it is soooo very hard for me to see strained relashionships with girls and their moms, you both don't know how truley lucky you are to have each other, that of course is my PERSONAL opinion is all. Obviously your mom has some deep seeded problems, and I have always been one to say two wrongs do not make a right. Me, I would send her something, you never know, she may DEEP down love you with all her heart, but something is keeping her from acting like it, or showing it. Maybe you could send her a couple simple hankies with a nice crocheted edging, and she would keep them with her at all times to remind her of you. Just my honest opinion, from my heart. I wish your mom would learn, DONT TAKE FOR GRANTED WHAT YOU HAVE TODAY, FOR TOMMOROW IT MAY BE GONE.

Hugs and Love

JoAnn

[rolling_backpack]

My dad moved across the country from his mom, but he was still was civil to her. I think you should make something for your mom Even though she may not act like it, she's your mommy, and I'm sure she loves you. When I got in a fight with my mom, my dad told me that she's a human just like I am, and she's not perfect. Good luck

[boksie]

Tough situation. Do what you feel is right for you. If you will resent making her something and having a strained relationship with her anyway then don't do it or like some others have suggested make something for charity and donate in her name. Like someone else on here I lost my mom when I was young (almost 13) and then 10 months later my wonderful dad remarried the woman from well, this is a G-rated board so I won't say where and ever since, our relationship has gone from strained to nonexistent (I'm 51). I would not make him anything but then that's me. You have to do what you feel is the right thing for you and your mom. I'm sorry you find yourself in this predicament. I'm here if you would like to pm someone and talk.

[Miss Crochet]

I understand really, really well how you feel. It's hard to have two conflicting voices in your head and I guess you are the only one who knows which voice is loudest. That's the one you should follow.

 

I get on well with my mother, but probably because she lives in another country. I know from other posts that your mother is a very difficult person, but you're very lucky that she appreciates your crochet work. It could be her way of expressing affection towards you - maybe she's the type of person who has a twisted way of showing she loves someone, and loving something that person makes might be easier than showing love to the actual person

 

Anyway, if this is the first step in cutting her out of your life and you feel you need to make it, then I'd send her nothing at all. A card is still an acknowledgement of her birthday, her existance - if you don't want to acknowledge that, then don't do it. I personally (and this is just me) would try - however hard it is, I try to try - to 'return good for evil'. I'd send her a scarf or a hat or even something as small as a crocheted flower. But that's just me and to be honest, despite my best intentions, I don't always manage to be that good. But I try...

[Empress Busy Bee]

Of COURSE I am NOT in the majority here..lol.. but really, I lost my mom when I was only 14 years old, it is soooo very hard for me to see strained relashionships with girls and their moms, you both don't know how truley lucky you are to have each other, that of course is my PERSONAL opinion is all. Obviously your mom has some deep seeded problems, and I have always been one to say two wrongs do not make a right. Me, I would send her something, you never know, she may DEEP down love you with all her heart, but something is keeping her from acting like it, or showing it. Maybe you could send her a couple simple hankies with a nice crocheted edging, and she would keep them with her at all times to remind her of you. Just my honest opinion, from my heart. I wish your mom would learn, DONT TAKE FOR GRANTED WHAT YOU HAVE TODAY, FOR TOMMOROW IT MAY BE GONE.

This is how I feel.

It's not even been a year since I lost my mom. I'd give just about anything to have her back and bugging me.

I get everyone's relationships are different and I have no clue what's going on in yours.

[Ladykats]

My Mom lives thousands of miles away from me, and my MIL wasn't close either. My own Mom has in the past caused trouble, not for me but my two sisters that stayed in town. Over the years one of them wouldn't be talking to my Mom or there was some small fight going on. We have all gotten older and after my Dad died, we girls have settled down quite a bit. We have all learned to not talk about politics mainly with my Mother. I love my Mom as do my sisters and we are thankful to have her in our lives. It wold be a shame to lose the women that gave you life. Now don't think I haven't experienced some of what you are going through. My MIL flat out didn't like me. You see, I am not Greek and my husband is... and he is from Greece. It was a very big NoNo for him to marry outside of his race. But as he has said to his parents, you can't control who you fall in love with. For the first 12 years of our marriage, my MIL tried very hard to break us up. And she did horrible things to me and my children. When she got ill and came to the US for treatment, I was kind to her and treated her with respect even though I knew she hated me. I took her to doctors, and found doctors that could speak Greek so they could talk to her directly. My MIL died in 2002 of COPD, but before she pasted away she told me that she had been wrong and that she could not have picked a better wife for her son. When she died, we were very close. I wouldn't give back those last few years I had with her.

 

so my advise to you is if you feel to crochet something for your mother, then do so. Don't let her bitterness destroy your love for her. Remember you catch more flies with honey than you do vinegar. And as we grow older we change and you may regret down the road of giving up on her.

[Sylviaf]

If you are determined to cut her out of your life, don't make her anything. If you think there is hope of repairing the relationship, crocheting something would be a nice gesture.

[texasredhead]

I didn't get along with my mother either...she was so controlling and very negative about everything. I felt like I just couldn't do anything right. I had to go to psycological counsiling because of this when I made myself really sick from nerves. The doctor told me that she would never change, but I had to change my attitude towards her and my reactions towards her if I was to be able to stay healthy while I was around her. She was my mother, I know she loved me in some way, but I just couldn't see it. However, I did change my reactions, I knew what subjects to avoid and I was very kind and pleasant to her. I just accepted her the way she was, and pretty soon she stopped being so judgemental and I was able to be around her much more because I changed MY attitude. She died in 2003 on her 79th birthday and I would give anything to have her back. If you could just accept your mother as she is and work around her flaws, she just might start to have a softness for you and her love for you will come out. I say, acknowlege her birthday, send her what you feel you can for now, even just a card and let her know how very much your appreciate her for being your mother and let your relationship start to make a step towards eachother. I think you will find that you can feel better about yourself and your relationship with her will find a comfortable place. You will not have your mother forever, and I can tell you that you that if you miss this opportunity to heal your relationship, you will regret that you pushed her away from you once she is gone.

[Shellie_wnj]

I know that you are looking for advice, so that is what I will give. Please make sure that you make the best decision for YOU, not what others want you to do or what you feel you should do because of others. If I was in your situation, I would make something, and I would pray over it. I would pray that she would become closer to you and that she would have a softer heart towards you and your family. Then I would send it to her with a prayer card.

 

to you, just do what you feel is best for you!

[ReniC]

Going by my past experience, if I were you, I would make her something. Make yourself the grace under pressure so you may live with this later on in your years. In the long run, you can avoid regrets. You don't have to contact her or let her know where you have gone, just be the bigger person and try to forgive even though you may not forget. Whatever you decide to do, I will pray for blessings for you and your mother.

[Feederofthepack]

I know I would have a hard time making something for someone I felt like that about. It would ruin my hobby! But maybe you can't help trying just one more time.

[kkms]

UGGG - i too was 14 when i lost my mother. i wish i had her here to argue with. with that being said.... i am going through something simialr with my 9 year old and her friends. for 4 years she has been friends with this group of girls and now they don't want to be friends anymore because of one girl - even went so far as not inviting her to her birthday party. my daughter is better than all of them (hmmm that does not sound they way i want it to...) but she went out and bought this girl a birthday present anyways.

 

atleast if you put your best foot forward you can't have any regrets later on!

good luck with your decision.

 

 

Of COURSE I am NOT in the majority here..lol.. but really, I lost my mom when I was only 14 years old, it is soooo very hard for me to see strained relashionships with girls and their moms, you both don't know how truley lucky you are to have each other, that of course is my PERSONAL opinion is all. Obviously your mom has some deep seeded problems, and I have always been one to say two wrongs do not make a right. Me, I would send her something, you never know, she may DEEP down love you with all her heart, but something is keeping her from acting like it, or showing it. Maybe you could send her a couple simple hankies with a nice crocheted edging, and she would keep them with her at all times to remind her of you. Just my honest opinion, from my heart. I wish your mom would learn, DONT TAKE FOR GRANTED WHAT YOU HAVE TODAY, FOR TOMMOROW IT MAY BE GONE.

Hugs and Love

JoAnn

 

This is how I feel.

It's not even been a year since I lost my mom. I'd give just about anything to have her back and bugging me.

I get everyone's relationships are different and I have no clue what's going on in yours.

[kidge]

Do the best you can.. if you can crochet something (without harm to yourself) do so it will benefit you as well.

 

I have not had an atypical childhood or family life. My private story is my own and I will leave that book closed at this moment. But a very wise woman once told me "good and bad you are who you are because of her... biologically and environmentally". Now I was only 12 ( I will be 40 next yr) the first time I heard that, I remember thinking BAD but over my life I have come back to that statement many times. And you know what I am ONE heck of a Gal, good and bad I had to experience it all to get to where and who I am today.

 

My mother is now permanently disabled and living in assisted living at the age of 56 due to the clinical diagnosis' and self abuse with chemicals. I visit when I can and I send packages and letter when I can't. I value the relationship I have with her for what it is. And I honor her as my Mother and in doing so I honor myself, my children and my grandchildren (should I be blessed with them).

 

And I pray that when at the end of my days my children can say "She did her best, she loved us the best she could, and she mended the chains of our family."

 

So in closing do what you are comfortable doing.