I was made fun of again on Thanksgiving for croheting.....

[Jempast]

I was at my Grandparents house on Thanksgiving for lunch. My Grandfather is making fun of the fact I crochet by saying I need to dress up like a granny. Since that is a granny craft. He makes fun of my crocheting every time he sees me crochet. I get sick of him doing that.

 

As if that was not bad enough but my cousin made the time at my grandparents house miserable she did the same thing to my husband. She yelled at me and then at him.

 

I just don't know if I should go there on Christmas Eve. I never have any fun there. The only reason I am considering going is because of my Grandfather's health. He is in his late 70s and this might be his last chrismtas. With the way his health is going down hill badly.

 

 

What should I do?

[Lisaizme]

Crochet him a pair of slippers for christmas. Smother him with love. Some people only know how to express their feelings by teasing.

 

Go along with him.. dress up in a long dress with an apron and walk hunched over and pinch him on the cheek and call him "dearie".

 

If he's aging poorly, remember that sometimes the process that restrain us from saying inappropriate things quits working. I remember visiting my MIL and she started saying some HIGHLY inappropriate things about another family member and I was just in shock!! I was glad my children weren't around because I would've had to either remonstrate with her or get my kids out of the room it was so bad.

 

It's very hard not to take it personally. Maybe you could go for a shorter period of time? Or go when rude cousin isn't there.

 

Good Luck.

[DesertCrocheter]

Well, I could never disrespect my elders, and with almost all of my parents and grandparents long dead, the chance to spend holiday time with the one remaining would be great. Your grandfather probably thinks he's being funny or clever.

 

If you love your grandmother very much, why not try first ignoring their comments with just a little smile, or saying something like "If this means I'm like my Granny, that's just fine with me!" regardless of whether she crochets or not. My mother still remembers how my dad would egg my uncle on until he was fuming; funny to my dad, exasperating and ruined the holidays for my mom.

 

Perhaps you and your husband could leave earlier than normal. There's no need to spend the entire evening there if it make you completely unhappy. Being Catholic, midnight mass is a great excuse for me.

 

My advice: be patient. Ignore your cousin in the spirit of the season, and remember your grandfather is old and set in his ways.

 

Patty

[Jempast]

The thing is my husband & I don't drive. So we can't leave when we want to or arrive when we want. That's the bad thing.

[Lady_of_Roses]

Your grandpa may actually be complimenting you in his way. If you don't want to inspire more comments maybe don't take it with you this time.

 

As for your cousin, I'd probably tell her she needs to take a time out as you're there to have a good time, not to listen to her yelling and ruining the holidays.

 

I'd probably go simply because I'd feel too much regret at losing the chance at what could be grandpa's last Christmas.

[HomekeepingGran]

There are people who just delight in pressing your hot buttons and your grandfather sounds like he might be one of them. Maybe your cousin is, too. If you have already showed that it gets to you, your game is lost, I'm afraid. For the next thing, where ever and whomever it might be: keep calm and DO NOT let that person know they upset you or the teasing will begin in earnest. This is from someone who had to learn the hard way, Jempast. For the next holiday with your family, I like Patty's suggestion to pass it off as a compliment to your grandmother. What a simple and dignified answer, if said with a smile!

[jillybean]

My family is always teasing each other, it can be a show of affection. Are you sure you aren't just being over-sensitive? Does it really matter that much in the big picture?

[cdschlea]

Ipod--earbuds!! If you run the wire under your shirt, maybe no one will notice. Tell'em it's your hearing aid!

 

:hookColleen

[Miss Crochet]

Just a quick note to chime in and agree with the above posters. Your grandpa probably loves to tease and you're an easy target because you get riled up. Relax! It could be his way of connecting with you - you have an 'in joke': he teases you, you get upset, no hard feelings (he thinks.) Do what some of the above posters have mentioned - tease him back ("So if it makes me a grandma, what does it make you? A great-great-grandfather!") or take it as a compliment. Don't waste time getting upset. Chances are, when he's gone, you'll look back on his teasing and you just might miss it a little bit...

[YarnMover]

I had a family member that was like that. We quit talking and seeing each other over 15 years ago. Only mine was over the fact that I am hearing impaired (I lip read). It was very mean and spiteful.

 

It is one thing when a family member teases, or razzles you, but when it is done in a hateful manner, then it isn't teasing anymore.

 

I don't know if this is the case here with what you and your husband are dealing with, but I can understand where you are coming from if it is.

 

[kidge]

It may be his way of saying "pay attention" to me instead of the crochet. My dad is kinda like that he thinks by saying something he thinks is "funny or endearing to him" he will just enough of a hint without actually saying "I want you to visit with me while you are here".

 

Just a thought.

[Jempast]

My Grand-Mother always told me kill 'em with kindness. This is my first Christmas without her. My grand mother and grand father that are still alive are more like an aunt & uncle to me. They don't treat me as there grandchild like my other set of grandparents did. With whom I miss dearly.

[Jempast]

I left this part out in my first post ,my family and I have nothing in common. Which is why it is so difficult for me to be around my Dad's side of the family. The only one on his side of the family that I really 'connect' with is my stepmother. We talk about things that we couldn't talk about with anyone else. I have always felt a connection with her. My dad & I get along okay but not as well as I do with my stepmom.

[#1Crochetfan]

I think you need to not take it personally. I think "Kidget" may be on to something with him needing attention. Every Thanksgiving, we go to my DH's family and every year somebody makes fun of me in one way or another or overly teases me to the point where it's hard to be a good "sport", but I deal with it. They do it to get a laugh from the others. One instance is while I was crocheting a sweater last year. My DH's uncle, snickering, wanted to know if I was pregnant. It seems people have a tendency of wanting to be the center of attention and although I was tempted to tell his uncle well, maybe I am pregnant-I just bit my tongue while everyone thought it was funny.

 

They are family and they have their quirks. Also family members tend to drink too much at these functions which tends to make then belligerent. If you look at it from this perspective maybe you can tolerate it a little better. Hope next year is better for you.

[lusmom]

you could make slippers for wvwryone but hm.....when he gets fussy just tell him that your arthritic hands couldn't handle another pair....boo hoo

[Elle]

Think of your grandfather. If there's a chance it might be his last Christmas, then just ignore the teasing, ignore the person who gave you a hard time on Thanksgiving, and go for your grandfather's sake. Of course, there are no guarantees from day to day that any of us will be here, but if someone is elderly and not well in the first place, I would try especially hard to make sure whatever remaining family gatherings they are present for were fun, friendly times.

 

Everyone's sense of humor is different. Your grandfather might think he's being clever or funny by teasing you, and the fact that he gets a rise out of you only prompts him to continue it. Maybe you could try to think of a witty comeback to shoot at him if he teases you again on Christmas about your crocheting. If you join in with him, he may not do it as much because he'll know it's not aggravating you any more. There have been some good suggestions given by other members here as to what to say back to him.

 

As far as your cousin goes, I would just ask her what her problem is. I would ask her why she has to choose a holiday family gathering to air her grievances, whatever they are, and that if she has an issue that she would like to talk to you about, you would be happy to either meet with her or spend time on the phone talking about it, but you would prefer not to ruin a holiday with arguments. If she persists, simply ignore her and go on talking to someone else about a different subject, and eventually maybe even the other relatives will ask her to please put a lid on it until a more appropriate time.

 

For what it's worth, I know where you're coming from. But because I am an only child and come from a small family to begin with, all of my family is gone now save for one cousin who lives in another state that I have not seen in seven years. Since DH's situation is the same as mine, at this point it is just him and I against the world. I truly envy anyone who has family to spend the holidays with, and I hate to hear of relatives not getting along, because y'all don't realize how lucky you are that you CAN get together. Please try to get things worked out with your cousin, but give your grandfather the benefit of the doubt. He is an ailing old man who probably loves you with all his heart, even though the things he does might not show it all the time.

[Granny Square]

Is this a couple-hour visit across town, or are you traveling a long way and staying overnite with them? If it's just a short visit, perhaps you could rob him of his ammunition by leaving your project at home. But, you might have to weigh that against the calming effect of crochet agains the hollering cousin :O

[ratdog]

Sorry, I can't find any sympathy for you. My grandparents were all gone by the time I was three. Both my parents are now dead. Grandpa sounds like he is making a joke and you are being too sensitive.

[SassyCMA06]

If sitting down and talking with them doesn't work, I would consider not going. The holidays are stressful enough as it is- why add to it? Perhaps you could spend some time with your grandfather before or after Christmas without the cousins.

 

I, too, have family troubles that make get-togethers tricky. I'll probably just go up to see Grandma at the nursing home and maybe take her out to lunch or out shopping closer to Christmas, without the family around. My Grandma isn't doing well either and hate to miss out spending holidays with her just becuase of obnoxious family members.

 

Good luck!

 

I was at my Grandparents house on Thanksgiving for lunch. My Grandfather is making fun of the fact I crochet by saying I need to dress up like a granny. Since that is a granny craft. He makes fun of my crocheting every time he sees me crochet. I get sick of him doing that.

 

As if that was not bad enough but my cousin made the time at my grandparents house miserable she did the same thing to my husband. She yelled at me and then at him.

 

I just don't know if I should go there on Christmas Eve. I never have any fun there. The only reason I am considering going is because of my Grandfather's health. He is in his late 70s and this might be his last chrismtas. With the way his health is going down hill badly.

 

 

What should I do?

[thepunkrockinchick]

I doubt he was teasing you in a way that was meant to be hurtful. Is he used to seeing people crochet everywhere they go? I remember you posted about him commenting before.. http://www.crochetville.org/forum/showthread.php?t=87064

[eyrthmother1]

your grandfathers comments may be a way to tease you and show affection, or may be due to his age and loss of decorum due to it. As for your cousin, though, that sounds like she may have gotten jealous that he was paying attention and teasing you, so she joined in on it.

 

All of my grandparents, but 1 died before I was born. The remaining grandmother died when I was only 2. So, if you can deal w/ your cousins jealousy/pettiness, I would definitely suggest going for the holidays. You do not know how many more you will have w/ him and when he is gone you will miss him more than you realize.

 

My cousins tend to tease me about my crocheting also when we get together at holidays. At 1 pnt, I had been making granny daughters for like 2 YEARS! to get enough to make an afghan. So every time I went and made them while we sat and talked, I got teased w/, "are you STILL making them things? geez." My payback finally came when I finished the afghan and took it w/ me to show it off. They were all envious of how bright and pretty it was.

 

Happy Holidays

Sandy

[CrochetAmore]

What should I do?

 

No one here can tell you what to do. Ultimately, you are the only one who can make that decision. My question is why are you taking your crocheting with you? The holiday get togethers are a time for enjoying your friends and family without distraction. If you need crochet to take you away from the reality of your family then perhaps I think you've found your answer...

[Elvee]

I am sorry your feelings are being hurt over this. You just need to leave your crochet work at home when you know you'll be seeing him. Maybe he feels like you are paying more attention to it than you do to him and it hurts his feelings. He is elderly so maybe you can humor him.

 

Your cousin just sounds mean. She may be jealous of your talent, or the attention your Grandpa gives you. My one sister always would say, "I don't have time to sit around and do that ****" but she always wanted me to make baby afghans, etc., for her. She had as much time as I did, she just chose to spend it differently.

 

Holidays or doctor visits--when ever you spend time with these people just leave your work at home. I hope you have a good holiday!

 

,

[kookaloo_starr]

My 70 yr old FiL always comments on my crocheting, last time we went to stay with him I was working on a blanket for my niece and he said "How's it growing" and I told him slowly... his reply was "you're not very good then are you?!" At one time I would have been offended but now just say "I am good, I'm just good 'n' slow". FiLs Mother crocheted all of her life, I'm still fairly new to it so I'm not going to look half as impressive as she did (but he'll still be getting a blanket in the new year in the style his Mother made)

My side of the family just don't give a dam *lol* I took a ball of yarn and hook to Xmas day at my Mums last year but we were having enough fun for me not to use it - I used it as a prop actually, when anyone said "aww I didn't get crocheted slippers" I held it up and said "work in progress" with a wink. At our family party this weekend I gave my niece her blanket & my 71 yr old Aunt called us BOTH old ladies! Me for making it and the 16 yr old for sitting with it wrapped around herself

[mellybelly]

When you enjoy something like crochet so much, I think its a little easier to get insulted/hurt from other's remarks. Especially when they're from someone you love. I also wonder if his age isn't a part of it. My grandmother was so loving and easy going all of her life, until close to the end when she was getting dementia. At first, it wasn't too bad...a snappy remark here and there that made you wonder if you heard her correctly, as it was so out of character for her. Eventually it got pretty bad - she could get downright mean, as she had extreme paranoia that we were all stealing from her.

I know its hard, but I think its best to try and 'suck it up' and ignore it. Like you said, you don't know how much longer he'll be around. Sorry you're having to deal with it - I know its not easy!