Crochet, Divorce, and a Very, Very Bad MIL

[Notuswind]

Hey Everyone! Just wante to do a small rant/vent and I hope you all don't mind overly much. I just recently finished up a rather nasty divorce ending my 13 year marriage. Basically his mother moved in with us a few years back after my FIL passed on and that's when everything fell apart. In short, she tried to take over my home, my children, my entire life. It was unreal honestly especially since we had lived with her twice before. I just never saw this change in attitude coming from her. Anyway, it was really a nasty divorce choreographed by my ex-MIL who financially supported my ex throughout the entire thing, just to fight me on anything and everything. Well, I chose to take my kids and leave that mad house. Now that we've moved and have begun settling in, I finally noticed something. SHE STOLE ALL OF MY DOILY BOOKS!!!! I must have had a gazillion of doily pattern books, mags, leaflets, and she took every single one of them. Best part is, she doesn't even really like to crochet! Sewing is her thing but when she moved in with us, she got her knickers in a pinch because we didn't "provide" her with her own sewing room (I didn't even have my own crafting room for Pete's sake!) so she started to crochet doilies. I simply can not believe the depths of evil this woman has stooped to. Anyway thanks for listening and sorry to dump my peronal problems on all of you. I'm just so annoyed atm but keep trying to tell myself that in the end, she'll get what she deserves. Thanks again.

[Priszm]

Could your kids get them for you when they visit Dad? You can tell them you seem to have misplaced them and ask your kids to look for them when they're over there. That way, there's no negativity towards Dad and Grandma being shown to the kids.

[stronak]

I have noticed in my 42 years that some people just like to be miserable. I am a very upbeat person, who smiles constantly and never has a bad word to say to anyone, and at one point someone asked me "Are you always a f@#!ing ray of sunshine?". I politely said "Yes I am, all day everyday." You will put this behind you and be a better person for it. Take it from me, I know.

[e.ldelgado]

That is awful. I would tell your kids "50 cents for every book successfully brought back home" and if that didn't work I would just go and ask her for them. Sorry to hear about your problems. there are people out there that if they are miserable they want to make everyone around them miserable as well. You did the right thing!

[vonnie]

It really might be best to just replace them, I am sure there are some you didn't want, you can check on ebay, or put out a request on here or on Craigs list...I can't imagine the pain you have gone through, but if you just ignore her (and Iknow that is easier said then done) then it will get to her more than if you confront her, that is what she wants another fight... Good luck on your new life, hopefully you can put that part of your old one behind you.....

[badrhinogillett]

Can't you just tell your exhusband that you left some books in the house? I would not ask the kids to get them for you.. they shouldn't be involved.

 

If asking for your books back from your exhusband doesn't work just go get other books. No matter how much they cost, it's cheaper than the emotional price to fight over them.

[grannytme]

I agree with badrhinogillett.. DON'T involve your children... they are innocent! Buy more..go to yard sales what ever it takes Don' let her know it even bothers you. ask for freebies on this site.

[warmfuzzies]

In my 54 years, I've learned some things that help through all the good and bad times. One of the most important lessons is that HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE. It sounds like your ex-MIL has chosen to be unhappy (and probably bitter too!). Some unsolicited advice? LET IT GO. You'd only be feeding her fire by even trying any method to get your doily books back. I've had a similar experience with an ex-husband (I love to cook and when he left me and our three children he took all my favorite cook books). I turned this into an activity for my and the kids, and after scouring garage sales, thrift stores and used book stores, not only did we replenish the lost stash, we had a great time together. If life gives you lemons, MAKE LEMONADE!

 

Best wishes and blessings,

 

Juli from Texas

[losingmymind2]

Hopefully the whole pile will fall on her one day and break her toes! She seriously has earned herself some bad karma for that. I know you've tried so hard to be civil and just move on.

[lusmom]

as a divorced woman myself let me offer you two pieces of advice.

under no circumstances allow yourself to be bitter. you deserve to be happy. second how much sense does it make to allow yoursolf to allow this person to use stuff to rob you of your hard fought for happiness. its just stuff and you can always get more. you happiness doesn't last forever. besides, when your happy and at peace, and you've moved on, he's gonna be on his third wife still saddled with his mother. you go ahead and rant you gotta get it out somewhere. you just fought one of the toughest battles of your life. Way to go! Nuthin but blue skies and sunshine comin your way sister

[moomooo]

Say maybe some of the ladies here that do doilies crochet maybe some can RAK you with some that they wont want or use and you can begin to build your collection..

 

That woulld be a blessing in itself...

Good luck and you are starting a new leaf of life ... enjoy it to the fullest..

hugs

Lilllibet

[mythunderbird]

im sorry to hear about how awful your ex and his mother has been. while you got out with the kids and im sure he will be required to pay child support which will nag his goat im sure, i would not let the kids be pulled into that mess either. what kind of doilie books do you like, the older 10 cent ones or newer ones you can replace. i for one would be happier than a snaggletoothed tiger (:lol:lol:lol:lol) to help you out i need to know what you like. i agree with the others let them go they are things where she may have done it to get your nanny goat don't give her the satisfaction of knowing how much she has hurt you. seriously i will be more than happy to give you some of mine i don'tneed or want anymore. is hard for me to do thread work any more so i might have a few of the ones you want let me know please? i also want to add a congratulations for seeing him for what he is and not letting him or his wicked mother get to you, your the better person thats for darn sure:lol:lol:lol:lol hang in there, your not alone you need a hug or a place to vent we are here:hug:hug:hug:hug:manyheart:manyheart:manyheart

[pasteeater]

I kinda know how you feel! Due to a very bad relationship I had to take my son and leave in the middle of the night. We snuck out basically. I left without even shoes or a bra for me! We ended up at a battered women's shelter for nine months! Before we left we were staying at my ex's mothers house. All our stuff was in storage and I lost years and years of crochet and plastic canvas patterns. I was heart broken between that and everything else we lost. The weird thing was over a year and a half later I went to a yard sale and there was my plastic canvas patterns!! I was shocked. I always had a feeling I'd find them again but I was amazed. Nobody would believe me until I showed them my name in my books. I still don't have my crochet patterns from back then and I miss them. I found a lot of the patterns I had on ebay. Maybe you can do that if you have the money. It's not really expensive or it wasn't for me. I'd offer you some but I don't have many patterns and no doilies. That was horrible of her to do. So mean and wrong. I hope you are able to put it behind of you. That's where people like that belong. Behind you. Good luck!!!!

[lhasaapsolady]

I would just tell the ex I want my books back, if not I'll file a suit on your mother. After all it is theft, irregardless of the fact that you were married to her son. I'm quite sure your crochet patterns are considered personal property and not community property. I myself would not let her get away with it.

[redpuppydog]

Well, first off, I agree, don't get the kids involved. You just don't need that sort of drama. Just go replace them. The only reason you might go after them personally is if some of them was very important to you. (i.e. passed down from grandma's inheritance.)

 

Vent all you want, I'm always here to listen. If you want to chat personally, just ask me for my AIM info. (Assuming you have AIM) Anyway, I'm going to search my stash and see if I can find some patterns for ya. Meanwhile, I found a link to a website with doily patterns.

 

http://www.thecraftytipster.com/crochet/crochet-doilies.html

[Shellybrook]

I know this is easier said than done but as somebody said in an earlier post Happiness is a choice.

 

My DH often allows people he has to interact with , that he doesn't like, to "get is goat". Its consuming.

 

I keep reminding him of this...when you let them consume you, when they aren't even present...they are winning. She did it to get your goat, and there you are allowing her to get your goat. Use that energy you're using to be angry at somebody who doesn't deserve your attention to do something pleasant with/for somebody who DOES deserve your attention.

 

[cdschlea]

See if your local library carries crafting books or if they belong to a larger library net that may carry pattern books. They wouldn't be "yours" per se (unless you think of fit as you pay taxes so they belong to everyone!) but you could still make some of your favorite patterns. And don't forget all the free online patterns you can cruise the net for. People are generous.

 

Perhaps even, after all these years of loving the art, you might be able to design some patterns of your own. Nobody gets to steal those!

 

It may take awhile, but karma will sneak up her when she least expects it. It just always seems to work out that way. And if all works out the way it should, you get to outlive her and be happy on an earth that doesn't contain such an unpleasant person!

 

At least you were able to get out of that house with your unreplaceables (your kids!) No wonder you're such a happy person!

 

 

It really, really will get better. Been there, done that!

 

Colleen

[RoseRed]

Leave the kids out of it. How old are they anyway? (I see a baby in your pic)

 

I would inform the EX that I wanted my books back or I would file a police report and press charges. (if you want to get the courts involved again)

 

Depending on the state you live in - getting the kids involved could get the courts involved and the less they have to do with your life the better. I don't know the laws in NY but the ones in PA are super strict about the kids.

 

It all depends on how much extra BS you want in your life. Personally - I would do it. Theft is theft.

[celiawinters]

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your books, as I call them treasures. Look at your MIL like this - birds never fly TOO HIGH that they don't have to lite - and hopefully you will be there to watch her lite. Sometimes the wait is long but believe me, I had to wait 15 years for a person to lite and when he did he not only lit but he 'bursted it'. It was worth every second of the wait and all I did was smile to myself and thought 'job well done'. Now as to the MIL, I have been married almost 37 years and mine has never liked me from day one and she never remembers birthdays, holidays, etc. for her own son and our son, her grandson, never mind me, the DIL and I totally look at her like this, it is her loss. I'll add, I have never liked her either and after a few years of gifts for her for every occasion and never a word of mention at all and I was the one buying for her, I QUIT. I told DH if she was to get a gift he would have to handle it. Needless to say, he hasn't given her anything either. Now MIL has two other grandsons and now a gread-granddaughter that she lavishes all the time, if you get the message. After FIL died in 1982, she sat down to be cared for and waited on. I let her know - NOT ME. So much for my soap box!! I hope this MIL lites quickly, for your sake!!! :)

[proudmama762003]

If i had any doily books I would sooo gift them to you...just not something I have acquired. There are a ton of free ones on the net as someone else said. Also, post a freecycle ad and go to yard sales!! Ebay sometimes has them for a steal. Put them on your wishlist here, who knows.

 

I am torn between others responses...part of me agrees with "let it go, that will get her goat" when you dont mention it and act like it didnt happen, dont fuel the fire. and HOPE for karma. The other part of me says, ask for the books back and if you dont get them sue her to high heaven!!!! Then close that chapter in the book of your life and enjoy, to the fullest, the new chapters. alot of help i am, huh?

 

BTDT, with the (ex) MIL that didnt like me. It was all fine and dandy til she didnt get grandkids right away (never did from us, anyway) then all heck broke lose. We later divorced and someone told me later that said MIL and SIL were bad mouthing me and the ex let them have it with both barrels and told them to shut up as they had no idea what happened and to quit talking about me like that - had he done this while we were still together, perhaps we would never have divorced but who knows.

 

I do believe in Karma, however, I often wonder about it. Seems like the really rotten people live forever (making others miserable) and nothing bad ever comes to them. Then you see wonderful, awesome people go through some really horrible stuff - where is the justice in that. Dont get it, but I guess it is in the "big picture" that god has for us that none of us truly understand.

 

Congratulations on leaving w/your kids....i am sending many happy prayers for a wonderful life!!

 

many many gentle hugs

[grandmalolly]

After reading your post (twice) I guess i just have to echo the others.don't get the kids to steal them back for you. If all you lost was your doily patterns consider yourself lucky. And I'm not saying that they didn't mean a lot to you, as I know how I'd feel if someone took my patterns, but she only did it to be mean, spiteful and petty. You have what matters most to you....your children...and they can't be replaced. If you can remember what pattern books, or patterns you are missing, you also have all of your friends here and maybe we can help you replace them. Good luck on your journey to a happier life, and please keep us posted here........WE CARE!!!

[Sylviaf]

I would also leave the kids out of it. Would your ex be willing to recover them for you? If not, I agree with the people who say to let it go, even if it annoys you.

[jessicagil]

Chiming in here... my ex tried to get things from the house after the courts made him leave (I had to put a restraining order on him). I found out & made sure to go file more papers. He got himself in such a big hole he could not see the kids for over a year with out supervision. Things can go down that route if you start getting yer kids involved now. Things are replaceable but not your kids in any sense. Not saying you are though. Just explaining what happened to my ex with a simple "if you see it get it for me".

 

If I did doilies I'd so send you some patterns. I have yet to figure out how to do anything like that. I wish you all the luck in the world and hope yer kids are not subjected to yer exmil bitterness.

[eyrthmother1]

I've not read ALL the post yet, but from what I have read, this is my opinion (and as we all know, lol, "we all have opinions, so take it w/ a HUGE grain of salt" )

 

I have never been married, but have had those oddbirds in my life who have tried to tear me down due to jealousy, or just trying to make their lives seem "not so bad, after all" (these people have claimed I was romantically interested in a "same gender" friend of mine, and also had 1 who claimed I stole from her then she found out it was another friend of hers who had done it), and what I would do in this situation is what my mother raised me to do "kill them w/ kindness" (and mine tends to have hidden briars).

 

I would call up your husband, maintain a very nice, pleasant voice and state, "It seems that I left several of my crochet doily books at the house. SINCE i know HOW MUCH your mother enjoys making doilies and the patterns in the books. If she would like to keep them, then I will GIFT them to her. May she have many happy hours of crocheting from them."

 

It specifically calls HER on having them w/o directly saying "YOU STOLE THEM!!" it lets her suspect that you are a much better person that she is since you "gifted them to her out of genuine caring for her enjoyment (cough cough). it makes her OBLIGATED to you (she will feel like it anyway, hehe) and is basically a metaphorical "knife in the back" for all she put you through and every time she uses 1 of the books....wwwweeeelllllll.... that knife will get twisted deeper and deeper. (yes, i have an evile mind at times)

 

It will also free you up emotionally because you will be releasing them to her, instead of feeling they were taken from you.

 

just my .02's worth

Sandy

[Stitchinpick]

My two bits! Feel sorry for your MIL. Really. She lost her husband and all that she had. She moved into your home and wanted her own. She could not live without a man, so she took her son back. The thing is, it probably was not even intentional. She is a sad person who is grasping at straws.

 

If you can find some comfort in that, YOU will be a happy person instead of bitter and shriveled like her.

 

Let her keep the dang books. I like the idea of your telling your ex that you gift them (as said above)!! I also believe that sad things come to people who do what she did. Don't let that rub off on you. You will get them back easily enough.

 

Enjoy your kids. Raise your head up and know you are a good likeable person and enjoy life!