Have you had your heart broke

[dimples]

A

[darski]

I find it kind of hard to say anything against your mom when she was trying to do a loving thing on Thanksgiving.

 

But then I don't really do the family thing much at all so I don't pretend to understand.

 

I am sorry that you feel disrespected and you are right that you have the choice of whether you ever have to face such treatment again. My only question would be... what do you gain by not being part of the family events and what do you lose by not participating?

 

:hug Again, I don't do a lot of family stuff so I have counted the cost.

[Ladycrochat]

I know you are upset now (and you have the right to be!) But please do not let something this small cause a family rift. There are people in our family who do not talk to each other, and no one can even remember when or why this started. try to be thankful for the family:ghug you have. There are millions of lonely people in the world who would gladly trade places with you! Try to put it behind you, life is way to short to waste it being bitter!

[SlowCrocheter]

Unfortantly once a gift is given they do have the right to do whatever they want with it cause is it theirs then.

However I can understand why you were hurt about the whole thing.

I don't allow drunks at my house either. I make them stay outside in the cold. After a couple times they stop coming or don't bring it in the first place. It did cause some problems at first but now that they are "get" it no more problems.

[Ninn]

Family peace? Not if someone brought alcohol after it was stated there was none allowed. The minute I found it, they'd have ALL been shown the door. Every adult in that vehicle knew about it and they ALL lied to you. I'm sorry, I know I have no right to tell you what to do, but I personally would have flipped on the "B*#%^H switch right then and there. Of course, with my family, you practically have to hit them over the head with a Mack truck for them to get it, anyway.................

[papersmiles]

I am so sorry your feelings were hurt. Unfortunately people often don't think before they act. I hope things will smooth out with your family. Giving you a hug!!!!!

[Craw]

:hug

Since it was your house you have the right to set the rules about alcohol and expect them to be followed. For your gift to your mom, I can understand you'd be hurt. That would hurt me too! But, like others are saying, once it's out of your hands, the recipient can do with it what they like, even though you may not like it. Let it go. I know first hand that families do or say dumb things to each other sometimes but I also know it's not worth stewing over.

[stitchgirl]

The rest are right here. Let it go - I too would have felt bad if my mom had received a gift from me and turned right around and gave it to someone else. But you can't let both incidents here spoil your holiday season and maybe even holidays yet to come. Your mom was probably certain you'd understand or she probably wouldn't have given the gift away. Just my 2 cents.

[boksie]

Here's my 2 cents worth. In some states if alcohol is available and then the "drinker" gets into an accident, the host(ess) of the get-together could be held liable. Sooo, just don't have anymore get-togethers at your home. Let the "drinkers" host the get-togethers. The situation with the dishcloths you made would have hurt my feelings too. My mil has added her own special "touches" to the few things I have made for her and her dog and I am embarassed to claim them as my creations so I stopped making her anything. Once she asked me to make her friend's new puppy a sweater because the little furbaby was shivering with cold. She kept it so long that it didn't fit the furbaby when she got it. I am going to try one more time and give her a scarf for Christmas that I am making out of bamboo yarn I found on sale. This is it, if she "trashes" it then there will be no more. Some people don't realize that when they receive a crocheted gift that it maybe weeks or even months of love that goes into making them. Sooo, take a deep breath and think before you there are even more hard feelings in your family. Remember we are here for you to rant to and we understand.

[jackie0109]

Many times, especially my very loved one talks about things that would even hurt me deeply

[Miss Crochet]

Now, I don't know what kind of person your mother is, but my mother is generally a very generous person - to the point of being embarrassingly so, because she has no compunction about giving away stuff she has just been given herself In a case like that, if it were my mother, she'd probably be thinking, "Oh, poor MIL: she got no present! That's a bit rude, isn't it? She'll be feeling hurt, won't she? I'll just give her mine and DD can make me some more after Xmas again..." I mean, she did say they were from you - maybe she thought she was sparing you the embarrassment of not having a gift for MIL.

 

As regards the drinking: if you don't want alcohol at your house, that's your rule and they should've respected it.

[Elle]

Twice now I have tried to reply to this thread and both times I got one of those white pages with the blue writing popping up and telling me that there's an error! It's so maddening!

 

Let's try this again!

 

Dimples, I know that you are very angry and hurt right now, but please don't cut yourself off from your family for this or any other holidays. Except for one cousin (in another state) and DH, I have no family. Everyone else has passed on. I envy you so that you still have your mother here to get angry with her! Life takes our families away from us soon enough, don't push yours away over something so minor.

 

The beer drinkers I can understand you being very upset with. It was completely rude and ignorant of them to sneak beer when you had made it plain that you didn't want it at your home. But don't punish yourself and the rest of your family for their actions. Be honest with them and tell them that they are not welcome if they cannot respect your wishes and abstain from drinking even for a few hours to get together with family. They will be healthier for it in the long run. But don't be angry with your mom for giving your dishcloths away, even to someone you don't like. You can make her more. Instead, give her a hug and ask her to please not do that any more. There's just not enough time in life to give all the hugs that need to be given. Here's one for you.

[kazily]

I have heard of re-gifting & have even done it myself with things I wouldn't use but it is thoughtless to do it in front to the person that gifted you from their heart. Even more if it is a handmade gift! Would someone give away a special drawing their child made for mom? Of course not.

 

I'm not saying you shouldn't forgive her or cause an argument within the family. She is your mom & sometimes people do things without thought of someone's feelings. But I'd be hurt & I would tell her I made those for her & it made me sad that she didn't want them. I would also ask if she likes handmade. Some people don't have an appreciation for it. They think it's cheap & not as good, if it doesn't have a store tag on it-- which we know is very untrue.

 

As far as the drinking in the truck goes, I'd be upset that they didn't abide by your rules too. It's not like smoking outside because you don't let people smoke inside. This is drinking & then driving. I think I'd have to say something there too--like " ________ if you can't make it 2 hrs without drinking, I think you should stay home next yr. I wouldn't want anything to happen to you while driving"

 

....like using kindness & turning it around so that it's not your problem but theirs & that they see that it is also your care for their well being as well as your rules. It may make it easier, rather than starting a fuss with family.

I am big on doing that--to keep the peace with argumentative family members but I am not one to keep it to myself when something really bothers me. And both these things would really bother me.

[fc1123]

At thanksgiving I gave my mom some dish cloths I had made her,well she turned right around(in my presence)and gave them to her MIL :angryand and said these are from lisa.I really do not like this woman but I would have gladly made some for my mom to give her MIL if she had asked me to. I know she only thought that she didnt want her MIL feelings hurt because she didnt get dish cloths but I really dont want that woman to think I like her enough to make her a gift.I did not say anything in front of the group because I did not want to hurt my mom,but boy was I upset. to top this off towards the end of the dinner,when everybody was leaving I discovered that my step father allowed beer to be brought to our house.(my brother and uncle were going to the truck and drinking it). these 2 people are very violent when they drink.I specificly stated to everyone that no alcoholic beverages were allowed on our property at any time what so ever. I do not drink alcohol at all and do not want it at our house. Sorry for the rant i just am so angry and hurt I had to get it all out. I did say my peace to mom after the gathering was over but it sure didnt make me feel any less hurt. Needless to say I will not host or attend anymore family gatherings. I feel,I was disrespected and lied to.I hold my step father responsible because it was his truck they all came in and he should have said if you have to have beer you have to stay home,but he is a bit spineless so he was to afraid to open his otherwise big mouth.

 

 

 

I understand completely I would be hurt if my dad did that to me I'm saying dad because my mom died 15 years ago and she was drinking and driving home from my grandmother's birthday party so I relate to the last part of what you said completely that's why I don't spend time with my mom's family I love them but I can not be around them because my cousins all drink this past summer my cousin Alyssa was drinking and driving and assaulted a police officer I don't remember what came of it and I personally don't drink because of my cousin being in prison for 6 years for drinking and driving the charge was vehicular manslaughter so he was there for 6-15 years he served his time but that one incident changed my life forever so I do not drink of course people ask me about that at a bar because all I drink is pop but it is cheap. The last time I went to see that side of the family as soon as I heard the alcohol was coming out I left I will not be around them as I stand earlier I love my family but I will not be around them.

[Wiste]

Wow, that's really shocking. No matter what your mom's intentions were, it's just plain disrespectful. I'm always very cautious when it comes to gift giving because I think the whole process is the most telling about how people feel about each other.

 

As for the people who couldn't have a couple hours of family time without drinking, sounds like they've got their own set of problems. You're right not to allow that around you if it makes you uncomfortable. Being a guest in someone's home doesn't mean you get to walk all over them. If anything, guests should do more not to offend their hosts than the other way around.

[cgd]

I agree about the drinkers. They have real addiction issues if they can't be without alcohol for a couple of hours, and as others have mentioned, the driving and legal risks. I grew up with with an alcoholic father, so I know how dealing with that drama can be. He couldn't be without the stuff and eventually died from complications from it when I was 13. I hope these folks will stop and consider if they really want to go down that road. I don't know if your family members are addicted or just thoughtless (or both), but in either case, I feel for you having to deal with it.

[Ellie 13]

I've never had anyone give my gifts away while I was there (2 nieces traded because of color choices). As for the drinkers, if they do it again, make them leave. Tell them if they can't go a couple of hours without booze, to go to AA.

Ellie 13

[Feederofthepack]

Wow, that was unfeeling to pass on your gift right in front of you. I'd be ticked off, too.

 

I know how it feels to have family members disreguard your feelings and house rules. "What she doesn't won't hurt her" Makes you feel like a little kid stamping her foot while everyone laughs and does what they want.