Oh Dear! Gifts for men

[darski]

Today's CleanLaugh - "Gifts For Men"

Getting gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.

 

Rule #1:

When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.

 

 

Rule #2:

If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.

 

 

Rule #3:

If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.

 

 

Rule #4:

Do not make men socks. Do not make men scarves. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.

 

 

Rule #5:

You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

 

 

Rule #7:

Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.

 

 

Rule #8:

Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts.

Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one knows why.

 

 

Rule #9:

Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. It will ruin his day and he will always have parts left over.

 

 

Rule #10:

Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. NAPA Auto Parts and Sear's Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks."

 

 

Rule #11:

Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"

 

 

Rule #12:

Tickets to a football game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.

 

 

Rule #13:

Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label-maker.

 

Rule #14:

It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

 

 

Rule #15:

Rope. Men love rope. It takes them back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manilla rope.

[honey_pott]

Too true! This is a great wish list. I think the only thing missing is a video game for their downtime!

 

Thanks for a great laugh to start the morning!

 

Lesley

[Dextersmom]

Soooo funny! The cordless drill one really got me - so true - I think we have three!

[SHERYL]

# 10 really got me ~ when my hubby and I met he had a '68 Ford Fairlane.

[Kiirs]

How funny!!

[mizduck]

Very informative guide, Darski! Thanks!

[HomekeepingGran]

I pulled out the big guns for my husband's birthday, also in December. He got a kit to build a wooden rowboat and... books about sailing. He was one happy man. Christmas: pants and socks! (Hey, you can't win 'em all!)

[stitchgirl]

:rofl:rofl Darski, you're a card. They are so funny, but many are very close to the truth. (I can see my guy with a labelmaker!)

[siminsc]

Thanks for the biggest laugh of the day! Hey, when we started going together, my husband was driving a Ford Fairlane, too. It belonged to his dad.

[NeedSleep]

So true!! DH has so many cordless drills it's not funny.

 

Label maker...now that would be interesting....

 

I'm picturing our dog walking around with a "dog" label.

[Empress Busy Bee]

Not true in our case. My husband is not a handyman, car fixer upper, etc. He does not want tools or lots of cordless drills. He will tell you himself.

 

The label maker is my toy.

[lmz]

Do you think if I got my husband a label maker, he would then start putting things where they belong???

 

......naahhhhh.........

[JoAnn]

Label maker...now that would be interesting....

 

I'm picturing our dog walking around with a "dog" label.

 

 

:rofl:rofl:rofl

[MadCityCrochet]

Do you think if I got my husband a label maker, he would then start putting things where they belong???

 

......naahhhhh.........

 

No.....but then at least YOU would know where to toss stuff when it is found laying around. My DH has the strange habit of leaving his tools right where he used them last and then he can never find them again. He can't seem to figure it out....

 

Any tools I find lying around I tend to toss in a big pile on his "work bench". Really it is just a rectangular shaped support for his "big pile" and no work has ever been done on it.

 

Sara

 

BTW, Darski the list is hilarious and WAY too true...

[darski]

We've had fun so far but I just have to include this line as well...

 

Today's Oneliner

 

Christmas is weird-

what other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree

 

and eat candy

 

out of your socks?

[stitchgirl]

We've had fun so far but I just have to include this line as well...

 

Today's Oneliner

 

Christmas is weird-

what other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree

and eat candy

out of your socks?

 

 

:sofunnythat's too funny!!

[Granny Square]

:laughrollToo funny! Thanks for the chuckles. #11 fits my DH (barbecue man)

[Bubbazmama]

Great list. I wish I would have gotten it a few years back!! But now I understand.

[Zaraliz]

Very good though I have just finished knitting a pair of socks for my husband, he wears homemade all the time. Zaraliz

[christinascrochethaven]

:roflfunny....my DH has many of those items on the list. Although we did get rid of his bathrobe as he never used it....

[darski]

:roflfunny....my DH has many of those items on the list. Although we did get rid of his bathrobe as he never used it....

 

:rofl :rofl

[Real Deal]

VERY good list.

 

My father can't boil water on a stove, but has made entire huge smoked turkeys (right from the raw state) on the Bar-B-Q.

 

When the cordless drills first came on the market, I wanted one and my estranged husband made fun of me, saying they had no power, like a "real" drill and were for pansies. Now, years later, he came over here to help me fix some things, and he showed up with not 1, but 2 of them. It took everything I had to keep from laughing.

[Ladycrochat]

Very funny stuff:rofl:rofl! Thanks :hugfor the smiles:D today!

[Momcrochets]

too funny! loved the bbq one! read that out loud to DH.

btw, I've only crocheted him one thing...a pencil holding bookmark...he never uses it. (no scarves, no hats) And doesn't want a sweater. The crocheted Qhook afghan I made for the house, we all use...even him.

[Cherokee2]

My hubby is a woodworker, so any kind of tool I can find that he doesn't already have, he is ecstatic! But I have to disagree... you CAN have too many cordless drills.

Really, he is usually appreciative of just about anything. One of his sisters one year gave him a big jar of honey roasted peanuts. He was in Heaven!