dealing with debt

[paperflowers]

My husband and I had kind of a bad year. We're not destitute, just more in the red than last year .

 

Last February, we made a compromise. He trimmed twice the amount of a vehicle payment from the budget to convince me to let him buy a new KTM motorcycle. He had a Ducati already, but it's not street legal. That went okay until track day season started. The Ducati kept breaking down and was in and out of the shop all season. It got so bad that he bought a second track bike. On the last day of the season, that bike broke down. So even though we reduced our spending, at the end of the year we ended up with a giant pile of debt from all the repairs and carrying two bike payments. We haven't been able to sell the KTM yet.

 

It'll get better in a couple months, it's just frustrating. We made a lot of good changes this year. The credit cards are hidden, the cable's downgraded. Janis has been using his creativity to cook healthy dinners at home. I might be going back to school. And I had a talk with the family about everyone getting carried away with $100 Christmas gifts .

[Addey]

Sounds like you've got a plan, even though you've hit a few bumps. I'm trying to get to that point myself. I've got to remember to call the phone company and downgrade my phone to minimum long distance (we use our cells for that mostly anyhow...) Thinking about money makes my head hurt, but you've got to do it.

[tiggerhale]

It can be frustrating when you feel like you take 2 steps ahead and 5 backwards!

 

We're not destitute either but have been spending more than saving so I'm revamping our budget etc. I had made all the birthday gifts for the kids and their friends for the last 2 years but stopped when I went to clean out the house this summer. I think I'll be going back to that! We had trouble w/our Buick - never did find the exact cause - so DH ended up replacing about $1000 worth of parts (He's a motorhead!) at Easter. That plus the gas of him having to drive the truck to and from his parents (5 hours away) really took a big chunk away.

 

Keep at it! And I'm right there w/you about the Christmas gifts - usually get some unexpected gifts and have people pop up that I didn't plan for! My DH's family goes into a last minute panic for what to get his parents (who frankly can afford whatever they want). That drives me crazy.

[darski]

I give you Kudos for dealing with the reality. Many people drop further and further behind because they don't want to admit where they "really" are.

 

I'll be praying for you. if you can just keep the belt pinched in, it will pay off in the long run.

[Debbi-a1]

I give you Kudos for dealing with the reality. Many people drop further and further behind because they don't want to admit where they "really" are.

 

I'll be praying for you. if you can just keep the belt pinched in, it will pay off in the long run.

I agree with all this.

 

You are doing the right thing, you know, you have planned and are planning. And you are trying.

 

Keep at it! And I'm right there w/you about the Christmas gifts - usually get some unexpected gifts and have people pop up that I didn't plan for!

I had read in a magazine a nice, hat & scarf set in nuetral colors is great for this. And since we crochet it's easy to whip one up. And in nuetral colors it works for a man or woman. And if you don't give it at Christmas, save it or give it to charity. Or you could frog it and use the yarn for something else.

Debbi

[Real Deal]

It does sound like time to put your foot down. Maybe both feet. It's time for him to have a reality check when motorcycles are driving you into debt. I know what it's like because my first husband bought whatever he pleased, then whined to me to "fix it." Motorcycles, sports cars, ski trips ... it didn't matter, as long as he was having fun.

It reached the point where I was very frightened, so enough was enough. I ripped up the credit card, slowly paid it off, and that was the end of it.

 

I have never been in debt again to something that's a hobby.

[tamugrad02]

I know the feeling of not being able to get ahead all too well.....my fiance and I are treading a thin line right now. When we moved, a year ago, it cost more than we thought it would (and there were some issues with our old bank that ended up costing us) and then we were both out of work for 3 weeks because we didn't know, and nobody told us until too late, that we needed a card to serve alcohol in this state, and it took 3 weeks to get the darn thing.....point is, we haven't been able to catch up. Everytime we think we're making headway, something happens and we're right back where we started. Needless to say, there will be alot of handmade gifts this year.......

[HomekeepingGran]

Do take a look at The Dollar Stretcher for great tips about managing and saving money. The archives are huge with tons of great ideas for everything from Christmas gifts to household cleaners to fashion. Good luck!

[JoBug]

Oh yes I know more about money problms than anyone I FEEL right now. Beng off work 5 weeks, two weeks longer than I expected, I WOULD not in hind site had the surgery had I known that, not at this time of the year anyways I would have tried to hold out. ANYWAY what I am attempting to say, is it IS incredibly frustrating, at any level. To wonder if you should spend the $25.00 on a precription, or buy groceries, no one should have to face that NO ONE. And unfortuntly, I do, every week. WHat you have to do in MY opinion, is pull up the old boot straps, and KNOW things WILL get better, by the Grace of God, I repeat and repeat, "Lord, show me and my family Mercy" and it helps me. And Christmas, unless you have little kids, Christmas is NOT about the presents and who can get what, it is about the celebration of the birth of Jesus, and always remind your kids of that. Sure, we would ALL like to have a big flat screen TV, and a new car, and our kids a Ipod, a fancy sell phone, a computor, but the reality of it is in all my years as a mother, in a year or two, are they going to even recall what they got for Christmas? Are they still going t be interested in it??? I guess I am TRYING my hardest to take the high road this year, when SOCKS are a luxury gift in this house.

Anyways, its always something, but everyday fnd something you have to be greatful for, and focus on that, it helps it really does, Bless you and I DO hope so much that things get better for you soon.

HUGS

JoAnn

[alibra]

You don't mention your husband's age, my feeling is that he is young. The motor bike thing is something you need to deal with realistically. Can he afford his purchases for a non essential bike. Yes, he gets enjoyment out of the bike but at what cost?? My son has a Ducati they are not cheap..expensive bikes make for expensive repair costs. If he absolutely can not live without his bikes, then he should get a second job to pay for them. Your welfare is more important than his hobby. Sorry that you are going through this but you really need to be candid about his purchases..I sense that you are not thrilled by the continued cost of a hobby but are not saying anything to avoid confrontation. I hope things get better for you...I truly do!!

[vonnie]

:angryThis was a very different year than we are used to.. DH had double back surgery in Oct, he is 56. He hadn't missed a day of work in 38 years, same job. And now he is still off from the surgery and no income for the last two months, so no money coming in... Hopefully he will go back to work after the first of the year, but it takes so long to catch up:angry..

Prayers for a great Holiday season for all and hopefully we will all get past our money problems:hug:hug

[sunnywolfgar]

sorry to hear what you are going thru. I was always raised if you cannot afford it you don't need it. Growing up we used to get money for doing chores in the house and when we went to town to go shopping for the week you know how us kids are always had to spend our money. Well if we was short mom and dad would say: if you cannot afford it you don't need it. We either got something cheaper or saved it till we got more money.

This is how I also raised my kids.

last year we made a few cut backs, having a few money problems, not real bad, but I started seeing things I really never paid attention to before. So broght it up with my husband and it made sence so my husband down graded our cell phone. Why spend the money if you are not going to use it, and that money can go for something else. We had 500 minutes for like $62.00 a month

got it down to 200 minutes and now its like $31.00. That about 1&1/2 cents a day. We have vontage with our house phone and make all the free long distance calls we want. We just needed that cell phone for trips on roads, when the power goes out, and when I go to town so if my husband needed me he can reach me quickly. to have the phone in case of emergencies. Hes a heart patient. He had a 6 by pass 4 years ago hes doing good, but he does have spell from time to time, when he gets to excited or gets stress the chest pains come, he has learned not to get stress. He doesn't go to the hospital because he has learn whats the bad ones are from the little ones.

Early this year we dropped our newspapers. It was getting to where they pile up and never getting read. So we dropped that too. if we need to look at sale papers we just go on the net.

We are down to 2 credit card and that is it--his. I hate using them--I don't have any:D. we had to a few months back for Florida we went for a family funeral. I do love our debit card, no intrest . comes right out of checking. Love it!

Hoping things get better for you.

[OzRebel]

Boy, can I empathize! I had a bit of money put away then in 3 mo time had $1650 in car repair bills. My son has ruined 2 pair of school uniform pants. I have several new prescription meds so meds are about $200/mo now. Gas and utilities are killers. I had to break down and go to a consumer credit counseling service to get my credit debts consolidated with lower interest rates so they can get paid off in my lifetime! Times are hard and I've told my kids Christmas will be slim this year. They are having smaller b-days (Nov & Dec) and that has been OK. And they're getting things like DVDs and games that we can enjoy as a family since we don't have money for outside entertainment anymore... movies, bowling, etc are too expensive! I have been sending so many positive thoughts and energy to all the people who are struggling in these hard times.

[christinascrochethaven]

Keep thinking positive...We were in debt after my DH graduated college. We made mistakes, but things are better now. Work together and you can work things out! Good luck!:hug

[birdlady1]

It's happening to a lot of us ... myself included. I lost my job in late March and haven't found a new job yet. Nobody wants to hire "grandma" it seems. I've been collecting unemployment and, thankfully, I can pay the basic bills. But I can't do much more than that. Talk about budget cutbacks!

 

Unemployment runs out at the end of January. If I don't get a job (even a part-time job at that point), I'll have to dip into my 401K. I hate to do that, but....

[paperflowers]

Thanks for listening. I'm probably a bad wifey for letting him do track days . It is expensive, but it's usually not this bad and we expect the cost to go down later on. My logic is we're young (turning 29) and this is what he loves to do. Who knows, maybe he'll win some trophies. In a couple of years, we'll have to start having kids and there won't be time to have fun anymore. Seems like a good time to live in the now.

[boksie]

Thanks for listening. I'm probably a bad wifey for letting him do track days . It is expensive, but it's usually not this bad and we expect the cost to go down later on. My logic is we're young (turning 29) and this is what he loves to do. Who knows, maybe he'll win some trophies. In a couple of years, we'll have to start having kids and there won't be time to have fun anymore. Seems like a good time to live in the now.

Your not a bad wifey, just maybe some bad choices were made. As far as not having fun when the kids come, thats not true. What you do for fun may be different but you'll still have fun!

[Lisaizme]

Having kids doesn't mean you don't have fun anymore.. you just have different kinds of fun.

 

You might look at the books "Tightwad Gazette" by Amy Dacyczyn. You can probably check them out at your library, or get them through inter Library Loan. OR, you can go here to read an interview with Amy. See how well you mesh with her philosophy of saving money.

 

Good Luck!!

 

P.S. I love your CV name, PaperFlowers. Reminds me of the song by Amy Lee (or Evanescence). What a gorgeous voice and song.

[qwaychou]

A lot of people are having a really hard time this year. All my gifts this year are going to be homemade, no cards (can't afford the postage), many cutbacks. We don't have cable, or phones, or ipods, or games or whatever. We're trying to live simply.

The reason our family is in dire straights, is because I hurt my knee and have been off of it for almost two years... I'm only 34, and have a four year old duaghter. It's been really tough. DH has had to take a lot of time off to help out and we are very behind on all our bills.

These couple of sites have helped me out a LOT. Our grocery bill is now next to nothing and we eat very well, usually.

http://www.menus4moms.com/frugal/meals_for_hard_times_1.php

http://hillbillyhousewife.com/

http://www.thefamilyhomestead.com/

best of luck!

[sunnywolfgar]

Wanted to add, its not how much you spent on the gift, its the thought that counts. Doesn't matter, birthday or any other gift reason. I can remember my grandma:grandma saying that:D.

[cgd]

I can relate about the DH/motorcycle. Thankfully mine only had one street-legal one. What cured him was wrecking the thing over a year ago, totalling it, and the broken arm and excruciating pain that went with it. He's ten years younger than me, and at some point we decided to move into a slightly bigger house (we were in an 1100 sq. ft. one bursting at the seams) and to a nearby town where we both have family. He's hitting the mid-30s and priorities are changing.

 

Instead of a motorcycle, he'll probably get a four-wheeler (not a racing one, just a regular farm/hunting one) in a few years. That's something we can all do together and isn't as dangerous as motorcycle riding.

 

As for debt, hang in there. Times will get better, and Christmas will be creative. I crocheted and knitted some Christmas gifts this year and last year, and people loved them even though they didn't cost much. You'll get through this!

[paperflowers]

Sorry some others are going through tough times. I liked the sayings and links. Cindy, my nick is from the Evanescence song. I love that song.

 

I'm used to being the spoilsport saver and I feel like he's finally coming around. He grew up with a single mom in Soviet-controlled Latvia and jokes all his toys were "made of wood and screwed to the floor." Then he came here and there's this endless wonder, things to see and try. Now he frets about our credit card debt and buys store brands. He even sounded like he was going to quit the track. We already have so much invested in it and the new bike should run trouble-free for a long while once it gets a new transmission. When he makes it to the advanced group, he can use the track for free.

[chrispersmom]

Oh yes I know more about money problms than anyone I FEEL right now. Beng off work 5 weeks, two weeks longer than I expected, I WOULD not in hind site had the surgery had I known that, not at this time of the year anyways I would have tried to hold out. ANYWAY what I am attempting to say, is it IS incredibly frustrating, at any level. To wonder if you should spend the $25.00 on a precription, or buy groceries, no one should have to face that NO ONE. And unfortuntly, I do, every week. WHat you have to do in MY opinion, is pull up the old boot straps, and KNOW things WILL get better, by the Grace of God, I repeat and repeat, "Lord, show me and my family Mercy" and it helps me. And Christmas, unless you have little kids, Christmas is NOT about the presents and who can get what, it is about the celebration of the birth of Jesus, and always remind your kids of that. Sure, we would ALL like to have a big flat screen TV, and a new car, and our kids a Ipod, a fancy sell phone, a computor, but the reality of it is in all my years as a mother, in a year or two, are they going to even recall what they got for Christmas? Are they still going t be interested in it??? I guess I am TRYING my hardest to take the high road this year, when SOCKS are a luxury gift in this house.

Anyways, its always something, but everyday fnd something you have to be greatful for, and focus on that, it helps it really does, Bless you and I DO hope so much that things get better for you soon.

HUGS

JoAnn

 

 

VERY well said JoAnn! I remember hearing my mom cry at night because she was struggling to pay the bills and get us something for christmas. My dad was an alcoholic and helped with nothing and then he left. But, as an adult here is your justification that you are correct.....here is what I remember about my childhood christmas experiences. I sort of remember the gifts, but my most treasured memories are the smells of what my mom was cooking when I would wake up in the morning. Her in the kitchen for days making treats and desserts from scratch. The turkey and the stuffing filling the house with a wonderful scent and the best of all....her homemade yeast rolls raising and baking. The smell was fantastic. That is what I remember. And always knowing that she loved us and would sit up all night on Christmas eve wrapping whatever little treasures she managed to buy from selling her crochet. And then making us all crocheted slippers and toys for christmas. And she always sewed me the most wonderful skirt and top outfits. That's what I remember. So, you are right. The expensive toys will be forgotten. It's the love and the atmosphere that your kids will remember. I sure do. Even now and I am trying to do the same for my kids.

[cgd]

I love Evanescence! I might be the only 43-year-old who does, but I do. Their 2nd CD kicked butt too--I esp. loved that slow song, don't remember the title, but the one about I can't say no to you. They can do heavy or slow. I also love that song Broken that Amy Lee did with Seether.

 

I too grew up poor with an alcoholic father, but I remember how my mother, brother, and myself made the best of things. We didn't have a lot, but we had family and as chrispersmom said, the wonderful food. Maybe your DH will in time feel secure and not need to buy so many things.

[losingmymind2]

Since I had to quit work and move to NJ to be available for my son, my finances have gone to pieces. I was hoping to start saving (better late than never) for old age, but since I went back to school I'll probably be paying off student loans with my social security. Oh well. The house is free and clear, if we decide to keep it, and if we have to sell, it should go fairly quickly. Mom's house in NJ is free and clear, but when she leaves it, will have to be sold as the taxes are unbearable and I'd never afford them.

 

We're gaining a boarder as of Feb, future dil and stepson have decided to give up their apt. to try and save money towards a house. She's going back to her parents for a while, and he's coming here. What she pays them in rent will be saved for her to use as downpayment, and we'll try to do the same for him. He's got to pay a lot of fines and fees, get his license and get a decent paying steady job. My van is available once he gets his license, so he can get to a job.