is this selfish?

[JaneMarcy]

 

I propose that you make her a afghan out of left over yarn you have (no cost for materials) and make sure the colors clash with every room in her house. You can just say "Oh, I thought your living room was a completely different color." And if she continues to protest, you can pull the guilt trip on her "I can't believe I spent all this time and put so much love into this blanket and you hate it!" Tears would be a nice touch, too.

 

And I would almost guarantee you'd never get another obnoxious blanket demand from her.

 

:lol

 

Sometimes people who work, assume that SAHM's do nothing all day. So maybe your "friend" thinks that you have nothing better to do than make an afghan for her. I would just "forget" about it, and if she brings it up again, just keep telling her you'll get to it as soon as you have some extra time.

[lilpug]

I tell people who want me to make them something to go to the store and get the yarn that they want me to use:yes ! That way they get the colors they want and also see how much yarn is:eek ! And if they never bring you the yarn you don't have to make it:lol

[ANGELICRUTH]

I have this happen too much,too. I'm always so nice! ugh! What I do now is just say "we'll see" and then forget about it. I don't know if non-crocheters just don't understand how much time and money it takes or if they just don't care. Most of all my crochet is given away because I love to make things and surprise my friends with something I know they will treasure but to make somthing on demand and esp. for an ex-bf. NO WAY------NOT UNLESS THEY PAY!! And I mean for yarn and time! Maybe I'm not so nice after all!!

[DEMET]

Hi,

 

I think you need to tell her, if she still wants to be done, she need to buy any kind yarn 8-9-10 whatever skein. I personnaly will not buy yarn, you can say >>> I did not start because you did not buy yarn<<< have excuse if she will not provide yarn. (since she is demanding, at least she provides yarn)

 

Unfortunatelly most of the people does not realise (may be ignores) how much time and work we all are putting on the pieces that we are working on.

 

Demet

[TamKing]

Why not just teach her to crochet and she can make it herself.

[leesespieces]

you don't sound like you like either one of them LOL how could you spend as much time as it takes to make something like a throw on something for people who treat you like that? i'm not going to ask why your "friend" is with YOUR ex boyfriend but she doesn't sound like she's worth the time or money that she didn't offer to make a throw for. you're not selfish at all! in fact you sound like you're one of those people that just can't say no. say no girlfriend!

[ImperfectMe]

Honestly, I wouldn't feel obligated to do it, but if I WANTED to do it, I would drop her an email with a link to some yarn sites and tell her to have some yarn shipped to you so you can get started on it. You can be nice and say, "I really want this to be just how you like it, so feel free to check out these yarns and have some sent to me or drop by and pick some up from a store and get them to me so I can start.

 

Your time and talent is a gift all itself, let her pay the price for the yarn.

 

As for her bf being your ex, ha! You're more of a woman than I! Although I would bet he'll think of YOU when they're under YOUR blanket!

[everkutz]

I pretty much agree with everyone else. Your time is valuable. Yarn costs money. The very least any "friend" could do is to buy the yarn! If she was a true friend she would pay you for your time too! I'd have to tell my demanding friend what she could do with her demands!!

 

I had a somewhat similar situation today. We had a retirement party at our office today. I've been working there for just 3 months so I decided to make and decorate the cake for the party to show off my cake decorating skills! (I've not had any formal training on cake decorating, just self-taught, but my cakes look GOOD and taste GREAT and I get many compliments on them!) Besides, store bought cakes just aren't very tasty! Within a few minutes after I displayed my beach-themed cake on the counter at work, one of the other employees asked me if I would make the cake for a baby shower she was giving! No offer to pay me for my skills! She did offer to purchase the ingredients, but that was it! It takes me several hours to bake and decorate my cakes, plus clean-up afterwards, and yet I was supposed to make this coworker a cake for the shower she was giving?? Nope, I'm not making this cake for her! Do I feel guilty? Nope, not at all. This gal has no idea how much time and energy goes in to making and decorating a cake!!

 

Sorry for my ramble! To put it in a few words......JUST SAY NO!

[Kiirs]

everkutz, that's awful...I am continually amazed by the rudness/thoughtlessness/selfishness of people all around. The other day I was driving down the street with my three small children and we all gasped in shock as we saw three teenagers, two girls and a boy, with big cups of soda they'd just gotten from a gas station and some other food. One kid finished hers and just tossed it on the ground, like it was nothing. It took up half the sidewalk square.

 

That's just an example of the complete lack of disrespect so many people have. Anyway, good for you for saying no!! People need to learn some lessons. (Incidentally, I'd love to have some of your cake recipes...they sound yummy!)

 

[Aelita]

Yes I agree you are not selfish at all. I had made two baby sets a while back fr a woman at my ex-job who is having twin grandbabies(sadly the baby girl was strangled by her umbilical cord) in May. Well she asked me to make her the sets but she couldn't pay that much. I asked how much could she pay and she said ten dollars and I said for that I'll make the sweater and a hat then she moved it up to fifteen dollars for each set so I said okay. Well I used RHSS yarns in boy and girl colors. I made the star blankets, sweaters, hats, and booties. I washed them all and they came out so soft so my thing is if they are not willing to pay or pay a decent amount, either don't make it or use what yarn you can afford which is RHSS for me. I do have tons of good expensive yarns but I use those for ppl who pay me for what I make them. The ex boyfriend thing I don't blame you one bit.

[Grammie Essa]

I like crochet commuter's idea, use your scrap yarn, or pick our some red heart. Or, you could check out the Good Will store or Salvation Army and see what crochet blankees they may have, !!!!!

[bettycrackpot]

first off, let me say thank you! i have very few friends (besides ya'll) as i have just moved to this area. and so havent really had anyone to bounce things off of. so thanks for being friendly:ghug ya'll rock!

he and i were split for a year or so when they got together, so its not like she "stole" him or anything.

 

i did offer to teach her how, and she said no, quite vehemently. apparently she doesnt think shes old enough..... (she 23) cause i at 25, well, im granny.. i guess. i have decided to just (oh so conviently) "forget" and let it slip from my aged brain.... if she says something again, ill tell her to pick up yarn. although i do like the goodwill blanket idea, cause she wont take anything used...not even hand-me-downs for her 2 yr old. i do think part of it is because i am a SAHM, she doesnt think i am busy all day long. but i have a list a mile long of other things i am doing for nicer people, that actually appreciate my handicraft. like my mommy. and ive started on christmas gifts. so thank you all so very much. and i am going to take the yarn that i did buy (yeah, i bought it already....but it was YARN.....i was in the zone) and make something nice for me. since i never do that.

[mythunderbird]

Everyone is being so nice...so I'll be nasty.

 

I propose that you make her a afghan out of left over yarn you have (no cost for materials) and make sure the colors clash with every room in her house. You can just say "Oh, I thought your living room was a completely different color." And if she continues to protest, you can pull the guilt trip on her "I can't believe I spent all this time and put so much love into this blanket and you hate it!" Tears would be a nice touch, too.

 

And I would almost guarantee you'd never get another obnoxious blanket demand from her.

oh you are good, sounds lile something i would say:devil:devil:devil

[mythunderbird]

. and ive started on christmas gifts. so thank you all so very much. and i am going to take the yarn that i did buy (yeah, i bought it already....but it was YARN.....i was in the zone) and make something nice for me. since i never do that.

when you finish making your own gift you could show her and say isn;t this nice:devil:devil:devil:devil

[countingsts]

I would go with my gut instinct because it's usually the right one. she did not offer to pay so that leaves you a loop do whatever you want. just don' t be too tacky in color;)

[Auntie Kellie]

Good choice Betty. :cheer

 

You may not have a lot of friends where you live now, but you got plenty here at the 'Ville . Once the warm weather is back again, you'll find it easier to make new friends as you take the kids out to enjoy the weather (I'm assuming they're young enough to enjoy the park still). I've made a few friends when I first moved to Niagara Falls by taking my niece and nephew out to play before my youngest was born.

 

I can't wait to see what you make for yourself with the yarn you bought for her. It is so nice when you can finally catch a moment to make yourself something instead of for everyone else.

 

Hugs and Cookies

Auntie K

[lhasaapsolady]

Since she asked for it but didn't offer to pay for the yarn, I'd go with the RHSS.

[amdm]

I am so glad to read that you have decided to make something for yourself, and not for your demanding friend. I am always irritated by people who think that because I can crochet and they can't I should count myself privileged to make them what they want, in colours/materials of their choice, at my expense. I always offer to teach them, and since they were expecting it free, and are too lazy to learn, that lets me out. Hand-made gifts cost time, money, and skill, and should only be made for those who truly deserve a special gift.

[Trinket]

I don't really think that your choice to use RHSS as opposed to a more expensive yarn is selfish. Actually, I think it's rather prudent.

 

I see, also, that you have decided not to make something for her? I don't see anything wrong with that choice, either.

[mizduck]

If I were Santa, I wouldn't even leave her a lump of coal in her stocking!

[smg55039]

Personally, if someone demands I make them something and doesn't offer to at least compensate supplies, they are obligated to take whatever you give them WHENEVER you give it to them. You've done them charity, they can curl up in something handmade and be happy about it.

[mathwizard]

Hello!

I don't think it is selfish. In fact I wouldn't make her anything. Gifts are from the heart and not a demand. Do what you think is best. I make gifts with love and since I am a perfectionist they are made with a lot of love!!!!

By they way what is RHSS yarn?

Mathwizard

[secretstasher]

tell her to get out of it. or tell her to get you the wool and take your time. I have friends who ask me to make stuff but in a round about way they say something like "oooh that looks so nice" and I end up giving it to them whatever I am making. But if one demanded I would say "um no time sorry I am too busy with orders other people have asked me to make them things" or I can make it for you but you will have to wait and leave it a few months and hope they forget.

[leesespieces]

YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!

 

here's a story of appreciation i think would go along with betty's dilemma: when my best friend of about 5 years was pregnant, i got excited and planned all this stuff to make for her baby. i told her about most of it, like cute little outfits, a blanket, etc. she seemed so nonchalant about all of it that i didn't even bother. my mom made her a pretty mint green baby blanket for the baby and i doubt she even uses it.

 

i have this friend on myspace that i've only emailed back and forth with, we've never actually hung out or anything, but we consider each other friends... she just found out she was pregnant and right after i congratulated her, the first thing she said was, "when i find out whether it's a boy or a girl will you make me a baby blanket?!" i was flattered because unlike my "best friend," this girl looked at pictures of what i've made and loved them.

 

i just don't understand people sometimes. :/

[Ruthie629]

Not Selfish At All

 

Hi Betty: First of all, I would be telling her where to put the hook. I would not classify her as a friend, a true friend does not go out with an ex, and I dont care if you have been apart 1 year or 5 just very tacky, this type of relationship puts a strain on your friendship. It is wrong, or maybe I fell off another planet.

Make items for your kids, at least you know they will be happy prancing around with it, and they will tell everyone my mom made it for me.

 

Just my humble opinion.