Is It Only Me?

[Ramblinlady]

I just have a question for those of you who make items for gifts for family and friends.

 

If you're really busy making a large item, or something that takes a long time to make, like an afghan or sweater or such, and that person (I'm talking about an adult here) suddenly really upsets you in some way. . . do you have a hard time continuing to work on their gift until things between you and them are straightened out?

 

I find I have to put their project aside for a little bit and work on something else, cause I just can't focus on working on the the thing I'm making for them.

 

Is there anyone else out there like this, or am I just weird???

[boksie]

I think it is only natural that you feel that way. There are a few people I no longer make gifts for.

[Tampa Doll]

Well, I guess you could say that. My sister lost out on a terrific gift, as she seriously made me mad, so the pattern and yarn got put away.

This is natural to do that. The best is to put the project down and pick up something else.

[Wrennie]

It's not just you. You just cant crochet with anger in your heart.

[nicolep]

I made my brother a crochet flag afghan for Christmas one year. All I had left to do was sew the stars on. We got into a huge fight in October. It has been three years (we never stopped talking or anything) and I still haven't finished that afghan. I doubt I ever will.

[tmpinsnty]

me too! i have someone in my life that i have crochet block with. mainly because in my heart i don't feel she would truely appreciate whatever i made her. makes it hard to devote my energy, time and money on her.

[hypermama]

oh ABSOLUTELY!

 

my brother's wife was mean and nasty (you can only use the 'i'm pregnant' excuse for so much) and ticked me off. so I put all the baby boy projects away.

 

I did end up finishing, but I gave them to my brtoher and not her (she's got meaner after baby was born)

[funnymom8]

well glad to see I'm not alone. I crocheted a nice shawl for my dil and bought an afghan (new) with plans to make it bigger for her and she left my son now:( So now I have a nice shawl and not sure what will happen to the afghan, it'll go in the "future gifts" box. Since we don't know her plans, but I do think she's not attending a family christmas.

[Ramblinlady]

Thank you all so very much for the responses. I don't feel nearly so bad now.

 

I have a close friend whom I've known for several years and while our friendship is long standing, she can be intensely moody. At the same time I have several long term projects going for her. One a large all-in-one crocheted aran afghan and another is a large and very detailed Xstitch. When she gets into one of her negative moods and takes it out on me, I can't make myself work on her projects at all until we work things out. Eventually we do, but in the meantime her projects sit idle.

 

And the bad thing is, I'm the sort of person who can only work on a project when I'm "in the mood" to do it. So then even if we're back on speaking terms, I may just simply not be "in the mood" to do it, whether we're going along well or not. hahaha I can't seem to win.

[Katieallen311815]

aww, that's a shame. I thankfully haven't run into this problem, but I sympathize with all you that have....I think putting it on the back back burner would be my solution too.

[thepunkrockinchick]

I had been making an afghan for a friend, who I had only been friends with for several months, for a wedding gift. Basically, she used me and when she no longer needed my help she found any excuse she could to be rid of me. It hurt me and made me very angry, so I put the afghan away for later and for someone else. I just recently took it out and I am going to donate it to charity. I think it would make someone in a nursing home much happier than it could have ever made her.

[LI Roe]

It is only natural to feel that way. When you put your heart and soul into a beautiful handmand gift and you are treated poorly, for whatever reason, it's not worth it to give it when you know it won't be appreciated.

 

I have learned who to give a handmade gift to and who will never get one. Only once did I never see the afghan I had made for my husbands' nephew years ago. His mom (my SIL) loved everything I made and even asked me to make a particular afghan and then two Christmas pillows for a Chinese Auction. I later found out she was determined to win the afghan and she did, her friend won the pillows. I told her, she should have just asked me to make one for her. That made me feel good.

 

And last year, I made a ripple afghan for one of the guys that I have gotten to know through the volunteer FD that my boyfriend is involved with. He and his girlfriend had moved in together and I wanted to give them something. They eventually broke up, she absconded not only with my afghan but even the dishes his sister had given then as well as much of the furnture. He asked me the other day, would I make him another one??? I was so surprised but happy that he thought enough of me and my work to ask for one. Of course, I said yes and asked him what colors (I had based the first one on their color scheme), he said whatever I wanted would be fine with him. So that is another project and one that I know will be appreciated.

 

LI Roe

[RoseRed]

Yup. Me too.

 

Taking this thought to an entirely different level also - I don't want to leave that anger behind in my work either.

 

When I find myself having a hard time picking a project up I'll think about why that is and it usually turns out to be something in need of working out.

[eurolyons]

I would like to think that because most, if not all of us not only take our crocheting seriously, we also make most, if not all things out of love. If there has been a huge fight, or even a disappoint, there's like a "love" disconnect then. Until the matter is resolved, it really is hard to work on a project the is a gift to a loved one if there is a problem between you. Sometimes it doesn't have to be a fight, it might also be that a loved one isn't all that close to you to begin with. Case in point. I have a younger sister who just gave birth to her first son. Our age difference is large and we did not grow up together. We have different outlooks on life. I wanted to make her something for my new nephew, but I've got to admit, it was a real struggle to make that item. I worried incessantly that she wouldn't like the item, or even if she said she did that she was just putting on a front and then years later I'd find out that she gave the item away. Which would just crush me, regardless of how close we are or not. Normally when I make a baby anything it really doesn't take me all that long to complete the project...this took about 5 MONTHS! Whereas with my sister in law who asked me with only a week's notice if I could make a pair of mary jane baby booties, I had those suckers done in a heartbeat...

 

Now, as it turned out, I got the item finished 24 hours before my nephew was born and gave it to my sister and I hope I'm not wrong, but she LOVED it. She had sincere joy on her face. Big hugs and everything. And there was real love and connection between us for once.

 

It's extremely hard to make something for someone if they are family and there's tension...and I think that's because in many cases, families have a lot more power over each other than nearly anyone else...it is easier to make something for a total stranger sometimes.

[SunburnedHook]

I think this works both ways. I'm currently making a blanket for my boyfriend's parents for Christmas. I never felt like his mom really liked me much and because of that, I don't like her much either. But while working on the blanket (and not having much interaction with her since we're several states away now), I find myself thinking much more kindly about her and thinking about positive things about her that I would have trouble thinking of otherwise. I was making the blanket out of love for my boyfriend, and it managed to spread to his mother.

[eurolyons]

I think this works both ways. I'm currently making a blanket for my boyfriend's parents for Christmas. I never felt like his mom really liked me much and because of that, I don't like her much either. But while working on the blanket (and not having much interaction with her since we're several states away now), I find myself thinking much more kindly about her and thinking about positive things about her that I would have trouble thinking of otherwise. I was making the blanket out of love for my boyfriend, and it managed to spread to his mother.

 

Amen.

[Scorpio59]

I own a beautiful Navajo afghan that I was making for an ex - boyfriend. I just decided one day that he didn't deserve it so I continued working on it (for me!)

[gdenesse]

The older I get, I tend to only make more intricate gifts for my Mom, or my daughter. For baby gifts I only make booties, no afghans. I save the baby afghans for my future grandchildren. One day a little baby will be smothered with afghans.

[mandymae]

I'm glad I saw this post--I actually had a tremendous falling-out with my grandmother today and I have a HUGE afghan in progress for her. I'm starting to think that it will look lovely on my bed.

[CollieGrl64]

I have not run across this yet but I am sure if/when I do I will put it aside and may or may not finish it.

[crocheting turtle]

No, you are not weird. I've had to put away a project for my stepmother until the anger died down. I believe that it happens to many of us, and it's just natural. Put away the project and work on something that makes you feel happy and good.

[Elvee]

This has happened to me, too. My favorite (Then!!) nephew was marrying a girl I had the misfortune to work with and see every day. She borrowed a bunch of my books--Gooseberry Patch cook books and a Spirit of Christmas book that I was actually making Christmas stockings for my grandkids out of.

 

I found out the hard way when she "borrows" something she considers it hers. I asked and asked for the books back, finally went to her house when David was there and he gave me what he could find. Not the book I really needed, though. She had lent that book to someone else!

 

She told me she would have given my books back to me "When I bought my own" lol--like that would ever happen. Anyway, I finally got my book back, too late that year to finish my projects. She quit speaking to me and I wasn't invited to the wedding.

 

I was making them a fisherman type afghan that I gave to my daughter's then finance for Christmas (even though he was Jewish). I made up my mind to give Alicia's David the afghan so I switched Dave's in my mind. He still uses and loves this afghan even though the have been split up for a very long time and she has gone on to marry and have 3 lovely children with a really great guy. If they split, I have already told her I am keeping Sebastian!

 

Anyway, He is the only nephew that didn't get a wedding afghan, and I love his 3 girls but they never stay with me like all the other kids do. His wife is bi-polar, half the time doesn't take her meds and uses that as an excuse to act anyway she pleases. Ugh. My poor sister having that as a daughter-in-law.

 

Every family has at least ONE!!!! It was her lose, not mine.

 

[crochetaholic74]

i think we all do it, its hard to put love into something when you dont feel it. I have family that have put gifts i have made for babies AWAY and never use them, it hurts me because i put all that time and love into something to not be used. ESPECIALLY after i asked if they would use it!

 

I dont think people realize the time and love and patience that go into things, and when your heart is not in it, it is REALLY hard to continue making things for people.