Crochet and Grief?

[tobybob]

Bigs hugs to you It's never easy to lose a love one even if we are expecting it. I have lost several people in my life, but the two who I was the closest to my dad and my aunt were my most painful ones and the hardest ones to get over. My dad died when I was 14, it's been 37 years and some days are easier than others. Do what you have to do to take care of yourself, but don't forget to take care of yourself.

[bgs]

I am so sorry for your loss. :hug:hug

[CrochetLiving]

My heartfelt sympathy to you. You are at a very tender moment in your emotions. We are here for you.

[Elle]

My most sincere condolences and bunches of hugs to you, Aslheigh. :hug:hug

 

Your grandpa will always love you, remember that. Also remember that just because he isn't there with you in the flesh doesn't mean that he is gone. Talk to him like he was right beside you. He's there with you. He will always live as long as you keep him alive in your heart.

 

As far as your religion goes, people have got to realize that that is something that is very private and personal. Religion is not "one size fits all". What works for and helps some people doesn't work for or help others. You have to go with what brings you peace and comfort, not what someone else SAYS should bring you peace and comfort. My email is always open if you want to "talk".

 

Elle

[grannyannie]

Sending you big hugs in your time of sorrow. As everyone has said, what you are going thru is normal. We all grieve at our own pace. Just be sure to take care of yourself at this time. It may be very difficult to eat or drink, but take in a little something here and there. You don't want to get dehydrated. I've lost too many loved ones in my life to count and I miss each of them dearly to this day, but the pain does get easier. It does help that I do talk to them when I need to, especially my grandparent, whom I was very close to. I believe that their physical bodies leave, but their spirit lives on. We can keep them alive in out hearts.

[RoseRed]

That's pretty close to how I felt when my Grandmother died. We sere so close that it was more like losing a Mom than a Grandmother. 19 is still young and the first time we lose someone close to us is the hardest. you'll get thru it - I promise. It may not feel like it but you will.

 

After a long drawn out illness, most people find passing on to be a relief to the endless suffering. As much as it hurts inside and as empty as you feel - it will ease up. Getting thru the funeral is the first step. I really don't recommend tranq's - they just postpone the grief process.

 

I also agree that finishing the blanket for your Grandfather is a really good idea. It doesn't have to be full size. Turn it into a prayer blanket. Put all your prayers and hopes for his afterlife into the stitches. Put your last goodbyes into the stitches. Then you can let him go wrapped in your love.

 

If you need to talk - pm me.

[dragonswing]

So sorry for your loss. It takes awhile to fully grieve and it is different for each person. Why not finish your afghan and give it to your grandmother as a memorial to him??

[Kiirs]

Hi Ashleigh,

I am so sorry for your loss. My little sister died at age five, 13 years ago. I can empathize with how much it hurts and it seems like you will never be happy again.

 

I live in SLC so if you want to meet up, I'd love to be a shoulder for you to cry on if you need, or someone to listen. PM me if there's anything I can do.

[JennyBunny]

I'm just up the road in Clearfield myself, too, if you need more than one hug or shoulder.

[ashleighraew]

Wow, thank you to everyone for the overwhelming sympathy and compassion. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate it. It's a great help. I talked to my mom about the possibility of me finishing the afghan and putting it in the casket with my grandpa, and she said my grandma doesn't want anything in with him. They didn't want any flowers, nothing, nor a big funeral.

 

So, I may extend the afghan through the rest of this ball of yarn and give it to my grandmother as a prayer shawl.

 

My heart is still absolutely breaking, but I feel a lot better today than I did yesterday because I slept really hard last night. I have to admit, I gave in to a tranq.... . I just really needed some sleep. I hadn't slept since I found out, and was starting to see things, lol. My energy is renewed today, and I may pick up that afghan and bring it with me to the super bowl party I'm going to tonight and try to get more of it finished.

 

Stitcher, you should not be jealous. Grief from the loss of a grandparent is SO hard! Before this, the only person I know who's died is one of our family friends that we weren't particularly close with. It's hard to cope with that, but wow, I never expected to cry as much as I have or feel like I've lost so much.

 

Aelita, from me on your grandmother. I was expecting to crochet all day and all night the past two days, but I just couldn't. It was so hard to look at the projects I was working on without crying. There were a couple I was working on for my grandpa, and one I was working on for my grandma. I may finish them all up to give myself some closure, and give them to my grandma.

 

Losing my grandfather really has been like losing my dad. I really haven't had a relationship with my dad because he's been dodging all over the place, and I don't really know him. But, my grandpa has always been there for me. He's been the greatest man in my life.

 

I remember the last time he ended up in the hospital was about 5 days after my birthday, so around December 20. We rushed up there to see him, because he's been suffering for about the past 18 months, having strokes, heart attacks, etc. He seemed to be totally unresponsive when we first walked in, just staring at the ceiling, but the second he saw me, his face just lit right up and he grabbed my hand and just shook it. It was so nice to see that light in his eyes again. We went with him up to his hospital room once he was finally admitted, and he grabbed my hand again and tried to mouth "I love you". I hugged him and told him I did too, and I would come up to see him again as soon as I could. Unfortunately, that was the last time I saw him. I feel like I missed something, feel like I didn't say that one last thing.

[bjc1050]

So sorry for your loss. Like some others here, I never got the chance to know either of my grandfathers. You are fortunate to have had such a great relationship. It may help you to look at some photos of your grandfather...especially if you are in them with him. This should help you to remember the wonderful times you had together and smile...and to cry as much as you need to.

 

Beverly

[pat54]

I am so sorry for your loss and I'm sending you a hug and prayers.

[jimbo]

The first loss of a close relative is a terrible experience, as you well know. And i wish i could tell you that it gets easier. It doesn't. But what does help a great deal is cherishing good memories and realizing that you were blessed with this person for the time that you did have with them.

As to your work... I can tell you from experience that the things your make with your lost loved one in your heart, will become some of your most cherished things. So I suggest that you continue and work on your project at times that you are thinking of your grampa and know that he would be honored and proud of what you are doing.

Its also a great comfort to know there are others who care and you certainly have that in this Village.

[umme yusuf]

So sorry for your loss. My deepest sympathies for you.

[TheLadyWind]

*many hugs* I am sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.

[Mom's Crochet]

((((((Ashleigh)))))) My deepest sympathy....

[cdschlea]

Those of us who were lucky enough to have phenomenal grandparents received a gift beyond any other. You got that gift, too, apparently.

 

There's a box in my attic with my name on it. When my grandmother--quite possibly the most amazing woman who ever lived, in my humble opinion--started to feel herself failing, she packed up her unfinished crochet projects and put them in that box. She put a note in that I'm supposed to finish them for her because she couldn't.

 

It's been almost 7 years since she left them for me. I still can't open the box without dissolving, so they aren't done yet. But they will be someday.

 

Meanwhile, I'm teaching my daughter the crochet that my grandmother taught me. I'm hoping someday I'll have grandkids I can teach while I spoil.

 

I am so sorry that you have this loss. But what you have gained by having him in your life is so much greater than the pain you have right now.

[OzRebel]

The others have all said what I would have to say. Take care of yourself and know it does get easier but you'll never forget your grandpa or fill that place in your heart.

[KimberlyInHawaii]

Take all the 'me' time you need. Sometimes your strenghth is in your tears........

 

This is true... Hang in there, hun.

[shazzeth]

I'm so sorry for your loss

Try and pick up your hook...it's a fantastic therapy. I've found this myself. I suffer from chronic anxiety and depression and I find that it really helps me. I know that it's nothing like grief, but I can relate in some ways. Finishing a piece makes me feel proud.

Why not try and make something as a tribute to your Grandfather?

[Ellie 13]

Prayers and :hug in your time of need.

Ellie 13

[trin]

(((hug))) this kind of loss is hard, after 15 years I still miss my grandmothers, sometimes terribly. But the grief does fade.

 

Crafts and art including crochet can be great therapy when you are ready...

 

You are also really really noticing how your friends/local community has abandoned you, and that's adding insult to injury. They should be ashamed of themselves.

 

So here's a hug, and some virtual cookies...

[ashleighraew]

Thanks everyone so much. The ache has finally started to throb down, instead of being a sharp ache. I finally feel a little more whole. The loss is becoming a lot easier to bear. I'm sure I'll get that last bit of closure once the burial is over and done with, and then it's back to normal life.

 

I got the opportunity last night to go to a super bowl party, and had tons of fun. I actually managed to stay awake through the whole thing, instead of falling asleep at the end of the 3rd quarter like past years. I think it helped knowing that my grandpa's team was playing. It's a bummer that they didn't win, but still, that was an awesome game, and a great party.

 

Thank you all again! I really appreciate your support through this!

[AutumnWindsong]

Merry Meet,

 

The first loss is always hard. I'd like to say the 20th loss is easier, but that would be a lie. The important thing now, is not only to focus on the loss...focus on what he gave you in life. Focus on the laughter and love. Look for a sign from him. That sounds kind of weird, but be open to the world around you. Cry, because you need to. Anger will come...maybe not right now...but that's another step. As far as his afghan; I wouldn't focus on that right now. Later I'd think about finishing it, and taking it to someone at a home who has no one and needs something. Not telling you what to do here, but saying what I would do. Pick up your hook if you want to crochet, and work on a small project. Crochet flowers maybe. Those are awesome...and they will last for years at his grave...where real ones pass too quickly. As the others above me said, I and they are here for you. If you need us, let us know.

 

Blessed Be.

[yarnjeannie]

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. My grandparents had all passed away by the time I was 6 years old. My mother passed away about 15 years ago, and my dad died 2 1/2 weeks ago, the day before my birthday.

 

My husband and I had a vacation planned for the end of January - it was in the works for the last 10 months. We had no travel insurance, and my brothers and sisters said that I should still go on the trip. We left for a cruise 1 week after my dad's funeral. I felt so bad going - I really thought I should be home with my siblings. I took yarn and a crochet hook with me on our trip, but I basically crocheted and frogged, crocheted and frogged - I really didn't even have a specific project in mind. It was busy work. I also had taken thread and beads to make crocheted rosaries. I did get a few of those finished, even though I had hoped to finish a dozen or so for my sister's church bazaar.

 

The odd thing is that I mentioned to one of our table companions that I was making crocheted rosaries. She said that she was given one a few years ago when she went through a rough time, health-wise. She was a very nice person, kind and thoughful, and I felt compelled to give her one of my completed rosaries and wished her continued good health. She broke down in tears and hugged me, thanking me. It turns out she had recently suffered a loss of her own. I felt like there was a reason to be on that cruise after all.