Ultimatum - What to do??

[LittleJadeFrog]

DH and I were out to dinner the other night and the conversation came up about my crochet. He supports me wholeheartedly but LOVES to rib me about everything I make. I think we were talking about the blisters on my fingers (stupid banana ). DH said that I should stop crocheting until the blisters heal. What is he crazy!!!! This close to DDs birthday and Christmas!! I said I couldn't because (see above). Anyway we started back and forth ~ I could, I couldn't...so forth. Finally he said "If you can quit crocheting for 2 months, I will quit smoking." Well DEAL!!! (after new year anyway) So I said that if I do that he will have to quit at the same time. He said no AFTER my 2 months he will quit! I said no deal because if I have to quit crocheting for 2 months then he can't hold up his end (like it will be easy for me) then I will be very upset. So you see how the discussion went from there. I think he was just pulling my leg but I am willing to do it just to have him quit smoking!

 

If I can get him to actually do it should I:

a) do the 2 months time and hope he follows through

- or -

b) insist that he quits with me!!

 

Whatcha think?

[MadCityCrochet]

I think your instincts are correct...make him quit with you! That way if he falls off the wagon, so can you! His bad habit will be MUCH harder to quit (probably) than yours, but as least your habit isn't AS bad for your health. In fact it is very good for your MENTAL health...

 

Sara

[Redheart]

This is a bad time of year to be giving stuff up. How about a compromise of both of you quitting Jan. 1 as a New Year resolution? I would give up crochet as a way to get a hubby to quit smoking. Just make sure you don't have to give up knitting, sewing, puzzling, reading or any other hobbies!

[crazycrochet]

No question, make him quit with you.

[Aggie May]

:thinkThe big difference between the two vices is, yours is not life-threatening.

:eekYou will not die a ghastly death from blisters on your fingers, you husband might from smoking.

 

It should be you making the rules because you will be the one looking after him when he is sick, in a few years time.

 

Men have an uncanny habit of turning what we do into a problem while not facing their own.

 

If I was you, I would tell him to give up smoking for two months then you will find a new way to crochet which does not give you blisters.

 

You can change your method, he needs to STOP NOW!!!!!

 

He may have started off joking but I think you need to turn it into a serious matter and get him off the tobacco.

 

Hope this strategy is useful to you.

 

Have fun.

Colleen.

PS, I can help you learn to crochet without getting blisters, if you need me to.

[Tampa Doll]

You know, he may be using this as an excuse to quit. It could be an insentive. Try suggesting it start after the holidays like Redheart said. This way, you both start out clean and together. It is always easier to do something as 2 instead of 1.

By the way, make sure you cover those blisters. They are no joke. I had a friend who had blisters get infected and almost ended up in the hospital. Don't take them for granted.

[cjansen]

no question have him quit with you. just make sure the rules are you can restart crocheting, but he can't restart smoking!

[jenksie]

I definitely think you should quit together. Not to be underhanded or anything. But if you are willing to give up crocheting, you can still knit while he is quitting the cancer sticks! Personally I have to switch between the two crafts because they each hurt my hands differently if I do either too long. So if you were knitting those blisters would likely heal (although you may get different ones.)

 

Good luck either way!

[Chiscrochetcrazy]

There is no way in you know where I would trust him to quit after you took your 2 month break from crocheting You tell him you'll do it together or you won't do it at all Good Luck by the way & take care of the blisters

[eurolyons]

I wouldn't make the deal AT ALL...and I'll tell you why...

 

In regards to smoking...the person who smokes should only quit smoking when they really want to...not because it's part of a "deal" that chances are would end up in failure...it feels too much like a set up..."she wouldn't make a day without crocheting, so I'll never have to stop smoking..." Too many deals like this get made between husbands and wives and usually it always sounds like a great deal, but in the end, even when one had definately held up their end of the bargain, the other will continually find loop holes so they don't have to give up anything...

 

Your husband should give up smoking because of his health, and the health of his family and friends, but he should not being making bargains or deals or putting conditions of giving up smoking...that's my personal opinion.

 

Don't give up something that is so much a part of you just to see him give up smoking...that's not a sacrifice, that's selling your soul to the devil. Truly...

 

So no, nada.

 

However, depending on how bad your blisters are, I do think it is important to take care of the blisters and let them heal...I know it's the holiday season, but your health is important to. I don't want to think that with every stitch you take you're in any kind of pain (even minor pain) because of the blisters...but do that for you, not because you want your husband to quit smoking.

[Mittymoo]

Agree with eurolyons; its a no deal situation. He is trying to make you give up something that is not life-threatening and gives you pleasure. HE should be giving up smoking WITHOUT the big deal on your crocheting. He has nothing to lose by giving up smoking (in fact, he might even gain something - good health, for example!); you have HEAPS to lose by giving up crocheting (your sanity for starters!!!).

I do know what the pressure is like though. I have a smoker in the family and I hate it. But, despite the anti-smoking ads on the TV here in Australia at the moment, he still continues to smoke!

Jenny

[purlwise]

He needs to quit with you!!!!!!!! LOL, that way in one falls of the wagon, they other can too! I'm a smoker and I think it would be easier to quit smoking!! Definitely at the same time!

[appy_lover]

It worked for me...so far.

I made a "deal" with DH. Quit chew and he could have lasix surgery on his eyes. He fussed and fumed, but after the lasix he quit. It has been since July with no slip ups that I know of. I think he knows it will be harder to quit again if he restarts.

 

I also made sure that I called every member of his family and told all of our friends that he was quitting per our deal. This was just some added pressure.

 

If he fails I will just hand him the dr. bill each month to come out of his pocket instead of the joint "bill" money.

 

Maybe it wasn't the right way to get it done, but when he agreed to it I made sure I held up my end of the bargin.

[LittleJadeFrog]

Well just to let you know the "blisters" are healed. I have never gotten them before. It was just from the ity bity banana I made for DS. But thanks for the concern. I soaked my hands in epsom salt which I do every so often and they feel much better.

 

My quitting crocheting ~ only for 2 months mind you ~ was a joke for him because he said that I couldn't do it. True! But I would do ANYTHING to support his wanting to quit, which I truely believe that was his way of saying it was time. He knows what crocheting does for me. It is my sanity. He would never want to take that away from me (it IS my only craft). I have been crocheting long before we met. Thing is that I quit smoking shortly after we met only to increase my time crocheting. Something to do with my hands. He has no hobbies. No other interests. I think if he quits and I do with him we might be able to spend more time away from the house finding something for him to do or even all of us to do together. My kids (2) want him to quit too. He doesn't smoke in the house or car when they are around. But they know.

 

Also the other thing is after this conversation we had, we found out that a co-worker who has been in the hospital was just diagnosed with lung cancer. They spent their nights standing around smoking together (security guards). Now I think the inpact might be enough.

 

He is out of town for a week and when he returns we will talk again. Thanks for all the advice and ideas.

[requin]

I definitely agree that you should quit together. And after the holidays because:

1. I'm sure you have holiday projects that you need to finish.

2. I'm sure there will be some stress over the holidays that will make it more difficult for him to quit.

 

If this is the incentive he needs to help motivate him, then 2 months of no crochet will definitely be worth it!

[RoseRed]

hmmmmm - so if you quit crocheting for 2 months and he quits smoking completely - are you allowed to go back to crocheting? and I'm just trying to imagine 2 cranky 'quitters' under the same roof. I know what I'm like when I try to quit - most people around me beg me to go get smokes.

[CrochettingMama]

I think if he really wants to quit smoking he will whether you stop crocheting or not!!!

But, to be safe quit at the same time!!

I quit smoking on a December 14, so it can be done.

[LittleJadeFrog]

I quit smoking on a December 14, so it can be done.

Congrats! My mom quit after 33 yrs and she kepps the day fresh in her mind. It has been 6 yrs and she celebrates every year!

[Mom2PBJ]

But after the two months and you get to crochet again, do you think he will want to smoke again?

[Angeleyz14]

I have to agree with eurolyons on this one.

your side from the way it sounds is to only quit for 2 months...he needs to quit for life. If he isn't ready it won't happen. And unfortunately it might take a heart attack or some other health issue to make him quit(my grandfather didn't give up his cigars till he had a heart attack and had to have angioplasty...he's been clean for over 15 years and doing great at 80).

Besides you need something to help you keep your sanity while he is miserable from withdrawl;).

Make sure you take care of those blisters though...stopping crocheting for a couple of days to give them a little time to heal is better than risking an infection or worse.

[Cherilynn]

I would totally make him quit at the same time as you... cuz what if he can't do it, or cheats or just breaks and smokes... then guess what that means... YOU'RE 2 MONTHS ARE UP lol... If he can't make it 2 months then you dont' have to either!

[LittleJadeFrog]

Unfortuntely smking rarely causes heart attacks in 25 yr olds and I am not willing to wait that long. Everyone keeps saying...he's young it should be easy. Not if you started smoking at 11. At one point he was a 2 pk a day smoker. Now at least he ONLY smokes 1. He doesn't drive much (1 car family) so I used to pick up his cigs on the way home. Now I refuse to. He has to walk there if we are not already out.

 

We work at a retirement facility that has a nursing home. We see the effects every day. What smoking does to people is horrible. That is #1 reason I quit. I witnessed 1st hand. I took care of those people. I told him the horror stories. Now he sees it too.

 

And yes the deal would have been: me 2 months - him life. I will make out all the way around! just have to get him to agree to it. I think after 2 months he will start to feel better and might see that it's better for him.

[amdm]

Best of luck to both of you. You need to find a way to crochet that will not hurt your hands, and he needs to stop smoking forever.

[mizduck]

No question, make him quit with you.

Ditto!

[OzRebel]

Unfortuntely smking rarely causes heart attacks in 25 yr olds and I am not willing to wait that long. Everyone keeps saying...he's young it should be easy. Not if you started smoking at 11. At one point he was a 2 pk a day smoker. Now at least he ONLY smokes 1. He doesn't drive much (1 car family) so I used to pick up his cigs on the way home. Now I refuse to. He has to walk there if we are not already out.

Well, smoking is a HUGE risk factor for strokes! Take it from me, I'm a RN on a stroke unit at a highly rated facility and one of the biggest factors in young people having strokes is smoking. We see people in their 30s and 40s all too often.