Crochet and Grief?

[ashleighraew]

Just yesterday, I had my grandfather die at the age of 78, and today, I just can't bring myself to pick up a crochet hook and yarn. I can't seem to do anything.

 

Grief has overtaken every part of me, and everything reminds me, somehow, of a memory of my grandpa. I come to Crochetville, hoping to get some support and compassion, and I can't reach out to the community here. Many of my friends have tossed me overboard at a recent announcement of me leaving my religion for reason and logic, and my family is grieving in their own ways.

 

I just miss my grandpa so bad, and can't stop thinking of him. It was by no means a sudden death, he has been suffering for the past 18 months with various different conditions and problems, but it still feels sudden to me. I just feel as though I didn't say goodbye enough to him, or tell him I love him enough. I feel so empty. I know he's asleep now though, getting the best sleep a man could ever get, and that gives me some peace.

 

This is the first family member I've ever lost in my lifetime, and I've never felt grief this intense....

[passionsgirl22]

i felt the same way when my dad died he was only 58 yrs old it will be 2 yrs in october

[passionsgirl22]

if there is anything that i can do please let me know

[grandmalolly]

You have my sympathy and support. I am so sorry for your loss. I understand how you must feel, and yes, it's completely normal not to feel like doing anything, or not being able to do anything, right now. You are still in shock, and it's ok to be numb. The grief changes as time passes, and isn't quite as raw. I'm sending you a big hug, honey, and will keep you in my thoughts as you get through this.

[ashleighraew]

Thank you both passion and lolly. Your support is greatly appreciated. I really do feel like an enormous raw wound right now. Everything hurts so bad. My sweet, sweet DBF has been offering to bring me all kind of gourmet foods, chocolates, fine candies, and I just can't stomach anything. I've been sitting here all day eating cheese whiz and crackers, and had two jolly ranchers. I can't eat, sleep, anything, without crying. I know this is going to hurt until we have his burial.

 

All I need right now is some sort of a distraction. I attempted to pick up an afghan and cried when I realized it was one I was intending on finishing for him to have while he was going through hospice care. I put it back down and just cried and cried. For the sake of my mother and grandmother, I've been trying to be strong, but I just can't anymore. I need some me time to cry.

[grandmalolly]

Take all the 'me' time you need. Sometimes your strenghth is in your tears........

[contrary.crocheter]

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your grandpa. It is so hard to get used to living without someone that you love and it takes time.

When my dad died very suddenly, I was so busy being there for my mom and sisters that I didn't take the time I really needed to grieve myself and it eventually caught up with me. Allow yourself the time that you need. I can tell that you loved your grandpa deeply and it is natural that you will grieve for him just as deeply.

[Priszm]

Thank you both passion and lolly. Your support is greatly appreciated. I really do feel like an enormous raw wound right now. Everything hurts so bad. My sweet, sweet DBF has been offering to bring me all kind of gourmet foods, chocolates, fine candies, and I just can't stomach anything. I've been sitting here all day eating cheese whiz and crackers, and had two jolly ranchers. I can't eat, sleep, anything, without crying. I know this is going to hurt until we have his burial.

 

All I need right now is some sort of a distraction. I attempted to pick up an afghan and cried when I realized it was one I was intending on finishing for him to have while he was going through hospice care. I put it back down and just cried and cried. For the sake of my mother and grandmother, I've been trying to be strong, but I just can't anymore. I need some me time to cry.

 

 

I'm very sorry for your loss. Why not finish off what you have and still give it to your grandfather, include it in the coffin so that a physical piece of your love will always be with him? I know you don't want to hear this and won't believe this right now, but it will get easier. There is no time frame for when and the grief will never completely go away. And it's okay to laugh during this very painful time too. Don't feel guilty over it, you're just remembering the light moments of his life.

[crochetqueen]

Please accept my deepest sympathy. It's ok to cry, I cried for almost 6 months when my Dad died. I know it's difficult but try not to be so hard on yourself. Feel free to email me if you want to. Right now just make sure to drink plenty of water, getting dehydrated which I did do, is not fun. If you have a bookstore near you, try to go in and browse thru the books on grief and I only suggest that because I thought for sure I was a weirdo loosing my mind (ok fine I am a weirdo)!!!! with all the things I was doing. Here is a hug for you.

[nana_k]

Ashleigh, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. The way you are feeling right now is perfectly normal. The grief will ease some with time. It's a difficult thing to deal with such a loss but you will get through it, even though it may seem impossible right now. You mentioned needing a distraction but not being able to crochet. I'm wondering if there might be some small thing you know your grandpa would have liked that you could sit down and crochet, something you could have buried with him. I lost a loved one last summer and it helped me to be able to do that. Please know that you will be in my thoughts. Sending lots of hugs...

[JennyBunny]

A huge hug to you on your loss. It will slowly get easier. If you can finish the blanket now, it might help, but don't beat yourself up if you can't do it right away. Let others help you if you can, they may need to do something to work through their own grief.

[judypudy]

Ashleigh, you hang in there girl. you will feel better in time. but for now, cry ALL you want..don't let anyone tell you NOT to cry. crying will release some pressure from INSIDE you. you know you can talk to any of us here. i think we all know what it is like to hurt inside.

 

judy

[Empress Busy Bee]

I just want to add a

[carovan]

Everything that you are feeling is completely normal. The things that you do or don't do are also completely normal. There is no "right" way to grieve. It doesn't matter how long your grandpa was ill, you still are never prepared for the time when he is taken from you. You say that you are struggling with your religion, but I still like to believe that our loved ones are looking over us and trying to soothe our pain when they leave this earth. If you feel like talking to him, do so. It may help. Like everyone else has said, take all the time you need to grieve, it really will get better. Your dbf is a sweetheart for sticking by you and trying to make you feel better.

[Warrior Maiden]

A huge hug from me Ashleigh. I'm so sorry onyour loss, but as tomorrow will be 13 years since my grandmother passed away, I can tell you, it does get easier with time. It will never go completely away, but it will get easier.

[Dorothy]

Prayers are being said for you and your Family

I know it is hard but just be thankful that your GrandFather is not hurting any more

[cgd]

I'm sorry for your loss, and I agree with the others that feeling this way is completely normal.

[eurolyons]

I am so sorry for your loss...

[darski]

I am sorry that you have this to deal with.

 

It is very hard to lose anyone you love. Do whatever you have to do to get through this. I have this theory that anything that gets you alive into the next moment is a good thing.

 

Major hugs for you and if you need to talk grief or religion, you can PM me.

 

:hug :hug

 

[the stitcher]

i read your post and feel the need to reach out to you and give you this *hug* ! in a way i am jealous of you. both of my grandfathers died before i was born so i never got the chance to have all the memories of them like you are experiencing right now. (i hope that came out the right way) it's hard to lose someone we love and i can understand the feeling of not wanting to do anything. take your time, take care of yourself and the daily hurt you feel will be replaced by the good stuff again. perhaps when you are feeling up to it you can post a story of the two of you for us to read, a good memory that puts a smile on your face and heart.

[champygirl]

Sorry for your loss.

[alibra]

My deepest sympathies on your loss, give yourself some time to grieve, your hook will still be there. I found it comforting to crochet, but your loss is still new, my prayers are with you...

[Shebop]

I am so sorry for your loss. I will pray that in time you will find some peace and acceptance. Be sure to take time for yourself and do what feels right to you, crying, grieving, talking, whatever helps!

[jmccrochet]

Ashleigh, I think what everyone else says pretty much sums up what I would say. I just wanted to get on here and give you a big hug because I can only imagine what you're going through with your loss and alienation because of your religious struggles. If you don't feel like crocheting don't, if you do, do. I buried both my parents before I was 25 (I'm now 36), and it was hard, but, like others have said, it becomes less difficult as time goes on. I still miss my folks very much, but I cherish what each one left me spiritually and in helping shape the person I've become (material things mean nothing when thinking of them).

 

Joyce

[Aelita]

Sorry to hear about your loss, I myself just lost my grandmother on the 26th of January and the only thing I could do was crochet all day and all night, though I couldn't do anything else like eat or sleep. We all grieve differently. I loss my dad going on 11 years ago when I was 10 and I still cry about it. I had just learned to crochet back then and did not pick up another hook until two years ago when I was 19. So we all do things in a different way when we lose a loved one. You are in my prayers and here is a big hug from me:hug.