Advice needed

[SmoothFox]

I work with an Attorney who is very shy and doesn't really talk at work unless he is asked a specific question. A few years ago his wife was pregnant, they waited a period of time and then announced she was pregnant and then she lost the baby. (not sure how long after they announced it as it was before I started working there)

 

Now the word has passed around the office that his wife is pregnant again and they are keeping quiet about it. I think someone in the office said the baby was due in May.

 

At what point is it usually safe for someone to inquire about her pregnancy? Or is it not polite to ask before he brings it up? Is there a general type rule of thumb? After a certain point that it is less likely to lose a baby?

 

I was wanting to make a baby blanket and find out if they know the sex or the color scheme of the room but don't want to come right out and ask.

I need your advice.

 

Donna

[magiccrochetfan]

Well, personally, i would not ask about it at all. I'd wait until when and if he brings it up. since he's not a big socializer within the office to begin with, i would respect his privacy. If I wanted to make a blanket now, i'd make it in cream or ivory which will go with anything.

[Gege]

I agree with magiccrochetfan- if he hasn't brought it up to you personally, don't mention it to him. Babies/pregnancies are very personal subjects to many people and, considering he seems like a very private man, this subject is verboten until he brings it up. Also, unless you know him very well, which it seems like you might not, you may seem like a creeper making a baby blanket for him. Just a thought.

[SmoothFox]

You're right. I guess I will keep my mouth shut on the subject.

 

Thanks for the advice.

 

Donna

[RoseRed]

I think the advice was correct. They probably don't want to go thru having to tell everyone that they lost a baby again if, God forbid, they do.

 

How long does it take for you to make a baby blanket? If you're fast you could whip one up in a weekend after it's born if you wanted to.

 

Sometimes our best intentions (like wanting to ask - I know I would want to also) get us into trouble. At least mine do sometimes.

[Knit Happens]

Since it doesn't take too terribly long, usually, to work up a baby blanket, I'd wait until after the birth and give it when it is finished.

[cgd]

Good advice given already, and I agree. Whip up a baby blanket in a gender-neutral color, which won't take long, and you'll have it. If, heaven forbid, they lose this baby, you can gift someone else with the blanket.

[Lady_of_Roses]

If I had the time, I'd probably make a baby blanket for each gender. You typically can't have too many baby blankets ready to go! Then when you do find out, you've got your blankie already and don't have to worry about rushing to finish one.

[JoBug]

I agree with the advice to not bring it up. now ME, I would make up a blanket anyways, yellow is ALWAYS a great color, and ya know, if it turns out bad, SOMEONE will need it or want it along the lines, I ALWAYS have a baby blanket on hand for gifting. OR your local pregnancy crisis center may take gift like that, ours does, in case you wanted to make it, and ended up with it. K, I could go on and on, my meds...lol

[head2toepets2go]

I would follow the advice of the other posters (they're so wise!) - but if you'd like to do something extra-special, I made a blanket for a co-workers daughter who was having major surgery that had the celestial angel border on it (the edging looks like angels) .... because who doesn't need a few extra angels floating around? It helps put anxious parents at ease a little bit. Anyways it's just a suggestion, it was a free pattern from somewhere online ... somewhere.

 

Fran

[SmoothFox]

You are all very wise!

 

Donna

[montymonty]

could you make a blanket in white or yellow..then wait to hear the official word? That way you will be ready:)

[darski]

I would make a blanket in white and yellow and then when you hear the baby is born, you could make a matching hat in white and yellow with either pink or blue added.

[HappyOldCro]

I agree with the others. I would do one in white or Ecru and then add a border or maybe some appliques or cross stitch design in the colors appropriate to baby/room decor once the info is made public.

[JillD]

I agree with everyone else to have a blanket ready to go but not to make any inquiries.

 

Regarding your general question regarding miscarriages, there is no "safe" point in the pregnancy, but miscarriages happen for different reasons and the time of the miscarriage can provide some guidance as to the reason.

 

If the miscarriage is in the first trimester, it is generally because there is something wrong with the baby. A single first-trimester miscarriage is not seen as indicative of a "problem" with the ability to carry a pregnancy but rather just a random event of nature. Nonetheless, such a loss could make the parents nervous about announcing a subsequent pregnancy.

 

If the miscarriage happens in the second or third trimester, there is greater concern that the reason for the miscarriage could be related to the mother's body's ability to carry the pregnancy and thus greater concern about future pregnancies. (I went to school with a woman who suffered multiple miscarriages at the exact same point in the second trimester; it was as if her body rejected the baby once it reached a certain point in the pregnancy; absolutely heartbreaking but they eventually had a child).

 

Anyway, this is perhaps more info than you wanted regarding miscarriages, but it is probably something useful to know.

[Yarnluver]

I agree with not asking but you can make the blanket ahead, how about a variegated yarn? Will be fine for either sex! Or as someone said yellow, that's the color people used the most when I was growing up and sonograms were only a dream. I like lavender too, but a delicate white with a 'ruffly' border can be beautiful indeed.

[jojo9]

Hi agree with everyone else... Doesn't any of your co-workers know about his wife pregnancy ? If not, don't ask him directly, just be friendly, say, ask how he is...

 

I don't think it is too personal to give a baby afghan to your boss's baby... when I had my son 2 years ago a worker where my husband works gave him a nice handmade photo album for the baby... she was not even in his department... But I did appreciate it so much, I send her a small thank you card.

 

good luck

[Feederofthepack]

I'd make something but wait to hear for sure. I made a blanket for my neighbor who I just know casually. She had a miscarriage last time so I've been waiting to notice signs of a baby. she was due in Nov. and I never saw a sign or evidence of a baby. When their first son was born they had a little yard sign. I can't see them entering or leaving the house so I still don't know!

[wendyb532]

I had lost several babies due to miscarriages and one stillbirth before my son was born. After losing my first baby I never told anyone until after I was showing or after the first trimester. With my son ( and unfortunatly, the only child I was able to have after losing 6) we wouldn't even set up the baby's room until my 9th month and didn't have a shower until after he was born. I would suggest you make something in a neutral color and save it until after the baby is born or unless the lawyer mentions the pregnancy again.

 

wendyb532

[jissy]

I only wanted to say hello, (((((((((((((((wendy))))))))))))))))),hugs. Prayers for you and your dh!!

 

I agree with everyone else. Personally i would only do a white theme for purity, but agian that is just me.

 

I was blessed with pregnancies and 4 babies that are healthy. I have Graves Disease but have it in remission and am blessed and thankful for that as well. THe girls are right. Every pregnancy is different and until that baby is in her arms and she is home safely I would keep to yourself and make what you wish for that baby to be.

 

Maybe you can make it a prayer afghan. It's like a prayer shawl but an afghan. It will mean the world to him when he finds out you made it but will be speechless knowing it was done in prayer. Just a thought.

[Twinsmom]

I had 3 miscarriages before my twins. So I would say wait for her to announce the pregnancy just to be sure.

 

You could do what I did before I knew what my sister-in-law was having. I made the white squares in a blanket and then once I knew it was a boy, I made the blue squares.