A really weird situation..

[sorefingers]

Okay so.. this is a bit of a story.

 

Back in April, a girlfriend of mine talked me into make some Jayne Cobb hats. One was for a charity at a conference she attends, one was to be sold at that conference and the other was for her along with a matching scarf and mitts.

 

I had them made and everything arrived on time for May. My friend told me that the charity hat did sell but was vague on how much and the other did not. I've been trying to get the hat back since.

 

So we recently had a falling out. You could say I got tired of the whole "poor me, I'm a victim and there's nothing I can do" attitude. Basically I heard enough whining and drew my line. She can call me when she grows up. (if anyone thinks this is very callous.. well it is sort of. I'm ill with a life threatening disorder. Stress is not good for me. She was stressing me out and didn't even ask how I'm doing for a year.) Anyways I had to threaten her with small claims court to get the hat back.

 

My hubby lives in the same city as she does so he just took her for lunch and she handed it over. With a little surprise in it.

 

She sent back the specially made hat, scarf and mitt set that I had made for her! Now I'm kinda puzzled. I didn't ask for it. I made is specially for her. The scarf is even designed for her neck problems!

 

I keep trying to puzzle out why she would sent it back. Is this petty or am I just nuts and don't see it?

 

And now what do I do with this set? Anyone know a Serenity fan that would love a set?

 

So please someone try to make some sense of this for me.. because I am truly confused.

 

Sore

[Miss Crochet]

Somebody told me once that you had to "periodically cut the deadwood from your life". The 'deadwood' means people who drain your time, your energy, your mental resources. You unconsciously class them as friends, but when you examine their relationship to you objectively, you realise that they are using you as a crutch - basically, they're not interested in you at all, only how you can help/support them and further their needs. This person sounds like a classic case of deadwood - chop her out of your life. Because believe me: she will attach herself to another victim immediately and proceed to use them. People like this are as hard as nails, despite their whines and protests. They'll outlive us all.

 

As for her returning your scarf set: yes, it's just pettiness. She just wanted to twist the knife and hurt your feelings. Don't let her: be glad you have your lovely work back, and look for someone else to gift them to. If you two ever reconcile (ONLY on your terms), don't feel obliged to explain what you did: she didn't want the gift, you gave it to someone who did.

 

Good for you, detaching yourself from her!

[grannytme]

Miss crochet said it all!!!!

[codymikki]

Or as someone once labeled them, "energy vampires". Who needs them. Don't give this person any more of your concern. Miss Crochet is on the mark. BTDT.

[Real Deal]

There's nothing wrong with you asking for the hat to be returned if it didn't go to charity. But, her sending back the set you made her is just plain mean and is meant to hurt your feelings. She rejects your gift, therefore rejects you.

[mellybelly]

to you...sounds like your 'friend' is just working on her Emmy nomination as 'victim' by trying to make you feel bad. Don't fall for it - Miss Crochet nailed it on the head. She'll move on to the next crutch she can find. Let THEM deal with it! You have to take care of YOU (and if she were a real friend, she would be of more help)!

[happy stitcher]

She returned the set you made her out of spite. Since you insisted on getting the other hat back, she gave it all back. Sounds like her way of saying she's through with you, too. I'd just leave her alone if it were me. I know people like that, and they're definitely a drain. They take more than they give and always make the other person out to be the bad guy.

Move on and count yourself lucky to be done with her.

I'd give the set she returned to charity.

[Darsa]

Okay, slightly off topic here! My husband is a HUGE Serenity fan, and I'd LOVE to be able to make him a Jayne hat! Where did you find a pattern for such a thing? Or did you just wing it?

 

And to you, because you need friends like us, not friends like that

[Cliffnote]

I am so sorry to hear of your troubles. Maybe she thought that you wanted the set back since you were asking for the hat? I also had a friend that I had to cut ties with because she always played the victim. No matter when I talked to her it was always the same, and the only time she did call me was when she wanted something. I hope everything works out for you, but if she cant consider your feelings and is giving you stress, its not worth it for your health.

[froggy]

Jayne Cobb's Family Hat

 

Jayne Cobb Hat | Crochet Me

[lhasaapsolady]

She is spiteful, and even though you care about her, she's not worth the energy to think about. If and when she grows up, then she'll realize how special a person you are. Until then forget about her.

[Empress Busy Bee]

You just cut her out of your life, maybe she doesn't want any reminders. Maybe it was petty on her part but I kind of don't blame her. I'm not taking her side because I don't know her side. I really don't know yours.

I've been in her position where my best friend cut me out of her life without any warning and no I wan't an 'energy vampire'. I know she was going to through a lot of personal stuff including health things but instead of leaning on me and talking to me about it, she dumped. Having things from her around me was painful reminder.

Maybe your friend could have donated the items else where, or just tossed them in the trash. Maybe she actually knew the work you put into them thought you'd like them back. I really don't know.

If you feel she's spiteful or a drain on you, or whatever; then let it go and don't worry about it.

Just my thoughts.

[stitchgirl]

From what you've described it sounds like your friend may be somewhat insensitive in never asking how you're doing and she probably should have just returned the other hat promptly herself. But I must say if someone threatened me with small claims court over an item, a hat, I would be inclined to think that their beef with me was much larger and went much deeper than that. Hence, probably why she returned the set meant for her. I think you should just let it go because stressing more on it will only have more ill effects for you. There are times when it just doesn't pay to have things the way we think are right.

[EMedley]

I am in a very very similar situation with my former best friend of 18+ years. I couldn't take her anymore, and I guess frankly I was sick of being in a fake relationship. I def agree, she did it to tick you off. Don't let it get to you or she will feel better. I wouldn't hesitate to give it away to someone who will truly appreciate it no matter what. Shoot, I still have ex bfs that say they use the afghans/scarfs I made them in the past.

[ArielManx]

Since you'd already threatened her with small claims court over the one hat, she might have thought she better give everything back. Or maybe your falling out hurt her more than she's letting on and it was painful for her to have the set you'd made for her. None of us can be sure what her reasoning was. I honestly wouldn't worry about it a minute more.

 

People are weird when it comes to gifts given in a relationship that's ended. When I split with my college boyfriend, he wanted back every gift he and his parents had ever given me - which I felt cheapened the whole relationship. I didn't want back anything I'd given him because I give gifts unconditionally. Everyone is different.

[RusticOkie]

I'm sorry that you had to go through this but you did the right thing. I cut ties with a friend recently (well a year ago now lol) because she was that way. Expected me to do everything for her didn't do or say anything nice for me, etc. Life is too short to deal with people like this. I'm sure you'll find someone who will love the set you made.

[sorefingers]

Thank you all so much for both your support and your perspectives. I won't be contacting her again, so it is a done deal for my part.

 

I guess I will never really know why exactly she sent her items back. I will just have to let that one go.

 

I thought about giving them to the charity again, but I think it's too rude. It would be like rubbing salt in the wound to give them her set for charity. I will have to find a different one I think. The Dr. Who scarf is a bit different as it was already promised to them. I do have obligations to fulfill there.

 

I am one of those that when I give a gift, I give it. I don't expect nor want it back no matter the circumstances. It was made for them. Hence why I was so baffled.

 

I do feel better though. I set my boundaries and am enforcing them. I really don't need anyone that selfish around. It's just not healthy for me. I have a responsibility to take care of myself. I have children who would like me to become a grandma someday.

 

As for the small claims court, it was the ONLY way to get the hat back. Trust me I have tried everything. I'm VERY RELIVED that I didn't have to take that route. It would have sucked.

 

Anyways, anyone know of a good sci-fi charity that would want a Jayne Cobb set?

 

Sore

[nss]

I love this group!!!

:yesSo much wisdom.

[Lady_of_Roses]

Honestly, if my friend had threatened me with small claims court, I'd have returned anything at all that they had gifted to me at the same time as well. Simply to remove any reminders, as well as the fact that I'd think that they'd be asking for it back next.

 

In any case, I wouldn't worry too much on it. Just find someone else who will love the set and gift it again.