I'm feeling so sad for my son.....

[texasredhead]

My 24 year old son got married in July, 3 months ago, and his wife has left him!! She says she wasn't ready for marriage, it was her idea, but she wants to party and spend money with her girlfriends. Since the newlyweds are now paying for their own car insurance and health insurance there isn't money left to go out and spend it like when they were living together for the past year. He is devistated, and says that she has left him with all of the expenses and he can't pay his rent in November. I can't help much financially either, because I am paying for my daughter to live at her college. I am so devistated that this has happened to my wonderful son. I haven't told anyone because my family sent a lot of wedding gifts and this is just so horrible to have to tell them about. Has this happened to any of you? How did you cope? :cry

[SHERYL]

's your son's way ~ just be there for him, you are both in my thoughts and prayers.

[hayhook]

I don't know what to say, but I'm sorry that you're having to go through this. Hugs and prayers for you and your son. My son graduated from college in May, got married in June and had to take a couple of summer classes. He finished those in August and just found a job. I really wanted him to find a job and get on his feet before he got married, but he wouldn't listen to me. I'm worried that will be a problem.

[darski]

It may not be much comfort but he is really a very lucky young man. He has been spared the many years of grief that this woman would have brought. He now knows her true character and he will be better equipped for the rest of his life.

 

lots of :hug to you. It is very difficult for everyone just now. Time to pick up your and just pray a whole big bunch.

[kazily]

I can't be much help, my sons aren't grown ups on their own yet, but I think being open to talk to them would mean a lot when they are going through a painful experience. And I'll always let them know they have a home to come if they need to. At the same time though, I would want to give them strength to be independent though, giving them confidence in them self to move forward.

[vonnie]

I also haven't been through this, but I think just being there for him and listening to him...don't take sides, she might come back and he might take her back and if that happens and you have "bashed her" it could come back and be a problem....JMHO

 

Also since you can't help pay the rent, is there a chance he was looking to move back home for a while?? Was he hinting to that??

 

Prayers for all of you that things work out.....

[sheryljak]

I have a 24 year old (step) son. He is planning on marrying soon. His father and I really don't think he's ready. He and his fiance both burn thru money like there's no tomorrow. We have helped them out financially on occassion.

 

We have tried to discuss finacial planning and budgets with them to no avail. It's really hard to watch but there's not much we can do. We don't want to have them coming to us for money every month or two.

 

I do hope things work out for your son. Maybe a valuable lesson was learned. Do you think he may be able to find a room mate?

 

Sheryl

[texasredhead]

I also haven't been through this, but I think just being there for him and listening to him...don't take sides, she might come back and he might take her back and if that happens and you have "bashed her" it could come back and be a problem....JMHO

 

Also since you can't help pay the rent, is there a chance he was looking to move back home for a while?? Was he hinting to that??

 

Prayers for all of you that things work out.....

 

 

If he breaks his lease, it will cost $2300!! He has a friend who can move into his 2 bedroom apartment with him, but he can't move in until he gives notice at his place which will be December before he can move in.

[funkyreporter]

ever heard the term "tuition in the school of hard knocks"

 

i feel really bad for your son and i can only think back to how many of us thought we were ready and had found true love when we were really much too young to be embarking on the committment and dedication of marriage.... or those of us who had children at far too young an age...

 

so look at the bright side - no kids yet, right? so as sad as this is, he'll get through it and be stronger for it, and as someone else mentioned, at least this didn't happen after years of grief and also, at least she had the decency to say she wanted to go out and party and such and didn't just start fooling around behind his back...

 

as far as the financial situation, if they get a divorce perhaps half the debts will be assigned to her (that's how it is in my state - community property and community debts) and he may have to take a second job or something to get out of this, but he'll survive. he's lucky to have such a loving mom that is there for him.

[catheryn]

My husband and I went through this same type of situation just within the last 2 years. His son got married, and the week before the 1st anniversary she asked for a divorce. Same reasons....too young, should have waited a little while longer, yada yada yada.They were living in another state while he was finishing school, and she moved out during his last 4 weeks before finals. It was very hard for him, still is. He finally got out of his funk, finished school and now is working. He still maintains a relationship, by phone, with her and I think this is making his recovery even harder. The more he tries to move on, the more he steps backwards. All we can be is moral support for him.

Best of luck to ya'll....I know how hard this is. The only think I cannot fix for my children is their broken hearts and those are the worst hurts there are!

[Empress Busy Bee]

I know how you're feeling.

[zeropixie]

I feel your pain:hug My brother has been trying for a year to save his marrige to no avail, his wife moved out three months after they married for the same reasons (not enough money for her liking). We want to swoop in a make things right but we know that we can't this is something that he has to do on his own and love him when it's over. My hope is that by January he will make up his mind and start a new year with a new life.

I will be praying for you and your family.

[RoseRed]

Can he grab a part time job until his friend moves in?

[arachne]

It's hard being a mom when you see a train wreck coming and you can't stop it. My 24-yo son went through something similar with a former (thank goodness) girlfriend. He finished his degree and is back home with me, but it's going to take awhile for him to deal with the financial issue. While it's hard now, it will get better. Hang in there. As someone above said, it's better that he got out of the situation now rather than have years of misery ahead.

[texasredhead]

Can he grab a part time job until his friend moves in?

 

He goes to school and works full time. No time left!! He does work on cars a bit if he has time. He is planning on selling her rings and wedding dress if he can.

[The_Virginia_Hooker]

Two year sago i went through a breakup. And even though it wasn't marriage, i loved him, and the pain was physical, couldn't eat, lost weight, had to take time off from work, etc. And aside from having friends to lean on, my biggest help was my dad (i'm close to my dad). He listened, he talked me through it, gave me encouragement when i just wanted to bury myself under an afghan, even though we live 3 hours apart. Even though i was 28, i felt like a little girl who needed her Daddy. And he was there for me.

 

Even if you can't help financially, just being there for him to lean onemotionally is no small thing:)

[renegade]

I haven't dealt with a problem like this, but I'm so sorry for your son! How awful for him. I hope the best for him.

[purlwise]

I'm so sorry to hear about your son. Something like this happened to my brother also. The woman he married had two young children and frankly was a little screwy to begin with, but he came home the week before Christmas with a Christmas tree and she had left with everything and the kids. I felt so badly for him.

 

I had to break a lease once, and was up front with the rental office with what had happened and they reduced the amount I owed to a more reasonable amount. Will they apply the security deposit to the fee he would owe for breaking the lease? Can he move into a cheaper apartment on the same complex, like a studio apartment? Can advertise for a roommate like at the grocery store or library?

[minwifeof4boys]

I am so sorry... despite his broken heart and financial problems, it is better he finds out now instead of awhile form now... My heart aches for him Give him a big hug from all of us

[RoseRed]

He goes to school and works full time. No time left!! He does work on cars a bit if he has time. He is planning on selling her rings and wedding dress if he can.

 

Please make sure she has given them up or back before he sells them. Technically - they're a gift - they're hers.

 

I remember those days of school and work. I pray that everything works out as smoothly as possible for him.

[trin]

He goes to school and works full time. No time left!! He does work on cars a bit if he has time. He is planning on selling her rings and wedding dress if he can.

 

OH Do NOT do that... if he sells anything that might be construed as "hers" even if he paid for it, it looks bad for him at the divorce OR she can sue him for it.

 

(Haven't we all heard stories about one spouse or the other getting thrown out, or beat up and in the shelter, and when they get access to the home or apartment the soon to be ex has sold or thrown out all their stuff. You don't want there to be any way for him to look like the bad guy in this. )

 

Money might be tight, but those things are NOT considered his to decide to sell, even if she's taken off and left them there.

 

 

Better it's happened now, rather then after kids, dog & mortgage...

[losingmymind2]

If your son is upfront with the rental office about being unable to pay the full rent for November, and asks if they will let him catch up over the following month or two, perhaps they will work with him. It will cost them less than it would to take him to court for eviction for nonpayment of rent. He may have to eat less expensively for a month or two, brownbag it for lunch, or suspend cable service for a bit, but hopefully it will work out to the advantage of both landlord and your son.

 

As for the breakup of his marriage, I'm sure he's heartbroken now, but at least there are no children involved, causing years of pain for everyone in both families.

[texasredhead]

OH Do NOT do that... if he sells anything that might be construed as "hers" even if he paid for it, it looks bad for him at the divorce OR she can sue him for it.

 

(Haven't we all heard stories about one spouse or the other getting thrown out, or beat up and in the shelter, and when they get access to the home or apartment the soon to be ex has sold or thrown out all their stuff. You don't want there to be any way for him to look like the bad guy in this. )

 

Money might be tight, but those things are NOT considered his to decide to sell, even if she's taken off and left them there.

 

 

Better it's happened now, rather then after kids, dog & mortgage...

No problem here. She gave him the rings and her 2 wedding gowns to sell to get some money for their bills. I don't know if they will sell since there are 100 wedding gowns on Craigs list here right now. I think she just doesn't care at this point. She's not even talking to her parents who loves my son. They are very upset with her too.

[trin]

No problem here. She gave him the rings and her 2 wedding gowns to sell to get some money for their bills. I don't know if they will sell since there are 100 wedding gowns on Craigs list here right now. I think she just doesn't care at this point. She's not even talking to her parents who loves my son. They are very upset with her too.

 

Try Ebay for the gowns and the rings... (since she gave directions to sell them) it's really important to get good photos of them, and to describe them well (play them up). If they know the designer names, put that in the title of the item... "Vera Wong, Bella, Wedding Gown" will sell better than "Wedding Gown" for example. Start the auction during prime time on the weekend, so it will end at prime time on say "Saturday" ...

 

With some luck, it'll sell for more than she expects it too. (People are hunting for deals on Ebay, and with something from a big name designer are more likely to over bid.)

[01buckler15]

My cousin had his wife leave him after several years of marriage and three kids later! She left him everything but her cloths and jewelry. She ran off, got new party cloths and breast implants. She was going through the whole "I missed out on partying" thing. I still feel so bad for him! I don't think the kids see their mother much, if at all.

 

I know that's not exactly what your son is going through, but it's just a little story about how it could be worse. It's a good thing it happened sooner rather than later.

 

:hug to you and your son.