What to do, what to do....

[funnymom8]

I am sure that many have gone thru this, I just need to say it, get it off my chest, and maybe get advice....... Every christmas I make and give crocheted or knit dishtowels and or dishrags to my adult kids. A few years ago I found out that one daughter in law threw them out instead of washing them I was so surprised, that she didn't want to wash them!! (they were icky:/) Well I just found out that another daughter in law doesn't have any dishtowels, at all, so where did the ones I made go?? I feel discouraged rather than hurt. Well Christmas is coming, should I make them another set or skip it? We're on a strict budget and it helps to give home made gifts. Geeesh, I don't get it; even when I was in my twenties, I knew that if someone made me something, it was valuable due to the time and materials put in it. Sometimes I don't "get" people......thanks for reading.

[FrLopLady]

is there something they would use? a hat or scarf? I certainly wouldn't make them towels or dish rags again.

 

Maybe a $5 starbucks card

[curlysue]

It is really hard when folks don't appreciate your efforts. I certainly understand budget constraints. I think a small gift card sounds like a good idea!

[Charis]

Yikes! That's too bad! I don't think I'd do towels unless your DIL who doesn't have towels wants some. I think you could make them something else pretty easily. Or you could have a chat with your sons and see what's going on with those silly wives

[kraftynkrazy]

I had a similar thing happen last Christmas with my son and dil. I spent months (and a couple hundred dollars) making them a queen sized afghan for their bed and a matching baby blanket for the baby they were about to have. It was beautiful!!! I gave it to them at Christmas. By June or July it was thrown on their floor, filthy, being used as a rug. The baby is 9 months old and I have never even seen his blanket used. I wanted to make blankets for each of the kids and grandkids so they would have something of me if anything should happen to me, but now I feel like all my efforts were such a waste.

 

I can definitely sympathize with your situation, just don't know how to advise you as I can't decide how to proceed myself.

[lil_mama06]

Oh my gosh. I don't understand that either. Maybe get them some bubble bath or something..Or a meat and cheese gift.

[RoseRed]

Reminds me of the story my Mom used to tell me about when she went to her brother's house to visit. His wife was letting the dog sleep on the baby's baptism gown for his bed in the corner.

 

I wouldn't continue to make dishtowels for them. I would also include washing instructions with anything you decide to give them in the future.

[katyallen815]

aw so sad, another idea would be a cute set of christmas coasters, or a pretty simple flat bottomed tote, (tutlelvr's is a great pattern!) Honestly, I don't know what is worse, I have a friend that keeps whatever i make for her, in a cedar chest, cause she doesn't want it to get dirty, or stretched or used in any way, knowing what time and material I put into it, oh well, huh! I have always been carefull about giving handmade goodies, I try to make sure they would really use it..but as you see, we all have boo boos. lol

[ReniC]

I'm so sorry you had to endure this hurt. Sometimes family, especially some in-laws, do not think about the hurt they might be causing another.

Ask before making anything, if they would like something in particular and what colors. If the do not want anything handmade, then don't, with the explanation you told us. Or just make a Christmas ornament for their tree each year. It's not the size of the gift or what it is, it's still the thought that counts. Maybe some need to be reminded.

And if that doesn't make you feel any better, well..... you can adopt me and crochet for me for Christmas! I'd be so proud if someone hand made me something as a gift.

[purples]

What about crocheting them some Christmas ornaments for the tree? I wouldn't go through the trouble of making something the absolutely refuse to use. Ornaments take little yarn, but often lots of work -- so maybe or maybe not.

 

What about offering them "Free Babysitting Coupons" or "A Free Homemade Dinner Coupon" instead?

[FrLopLady]

:clap:clap Mee tooo meee tooo!

And if that doesn't make you feel any better, well..... you can adopt me and crochet for me for Christmas! I'd be so proud if someone hand made me something as a gift.

 

My sister made each of us sisters (3 of us, 4 sisters total) an afghan. Mine is a very pretty brown marled color..and I do not do brown. So it is up in my friends apartment as she loves it! My sister doesn't come visit so I'm safe there. But, even though I do not use it I LOVED the sentiment. I have considered making a bunch of dish cloths and bringing them to my family Christmas get together and just saying grab what appeals to you! If someone doesn't want one they don't have to take one. We don't do a gift exchange anymore (to many of us) but I thought that might be a nice idea.

[Charis]

I totally agree with what the last couple ladies have said. Check with them first if they want anything handmade. Try to be pleasant about it though. There's a situation with my in-laws right now between my MIL and SIL very similar to this one (more to do with heirlooms than homemade gifts) and its causing stress and conflict on the family as a whole...

 

Some people just aren't into homemade stuff I guess... Its sad to hear some of these stories but we do the best we can to try to spread our joy of crafting and some times it works, sometimes it doesn't.

 

You could always make something and donate it to people who will use it and say that you made a donation in your DIL's name... don't know how well that would go over though in your family.

 

Good Luck!!

[funnymom8]

Ahhh, I love the idea of christmas ornaments and that's prob what I'll do; along with sewn potholders to match; so they only have to use them once a year and hope they will save them!!!

 

I already babysit every month, so I don't have to give coupons for that! lol off to look for freebie ornaments to make!

[Finnbar]

Anytime I make something as a gift (after finding out their colors) I provide washing instructions along with a note asking that 1. they actually use the item and 2. if they don't like it for any reason to please either return it to me or pass it along to a hospital, charity, put in a fundraising auction, or just give it to someone that likes it and will use it. I know we all don't have the same taste. I assure them I will have no hard feelings and I don't. I'd much rather know that something I made is being used and loved by someone.

[LI Roe]

Anytime I make something as a gift (after finding out their colors) I provide washing instructions along with a note asking that 1. they actually use the item and 2. if they don't like it for any reason to please either return it to me or pass it along to a hospital, charity, put in a fundraising auction, or just give it to someone that likes it and will use it. I know we all don't have the same taste. I assure them I will have no hard feelings and I don't. I'd much rather know that something I made is being used and loved by someone.

 

I think that is a good idea, hopefully they will keep your gifts but if not, if they do what you ask, then you know it has gone to a loving home, no matter it is (home or gift).

 

I have only had one occasion where a gift I made for my husbands nephew never seen again (after he moved from his college dorm to his grandmothers house to save money) and chalked it up to experience.was Yet his mom loved handmade items so much that one year she asked me to make some items for her fire departments chinese auction. What I didn't know is that the afghan she specifically asked me to make (was one I had made my mother-in-law) she really wanted for herself and actually won it at the auction. I told her later, she should have just asked me to make her one. And the heart pillow set I also made was won by her friend who really wanted them too.

 

You never know how someone will react to a handmade gift. But I love all the suggestions that everyone has.

 

LI Roe

[kraftynkrazy]

I spent several weeks making a 3sub for the wonderful couple we rent our home from as a Christmas gift. The thing was HUGE and sooooo heavy. I was afraid they would hide it away or possibly give it away, but a couple of months later when I went to their house it was out being used as their bedcover. I was so pleased!!! I guess you just never know...

[ratdog]

I would not make any more dish cloths.

Maybe they would prefer a set of placemats? Coasters?

Or ornaments for the tree.

[Charis]

Anytime I make something as a gift (after finding out their colors) I provide washing instructions along with a note asking that 1. they actually use the item and 2. if they don't like it for any reason to please either return it to me or pass it along to a hospital, charity, put in a fundraising auction, or just give it to someone that likes it and will use it. I know we all don't have the same taste. I assure them I will have no hard feelings and I don't. I'd much rather know that something I made is being used and loved by someone.

 

That's a great idea! I think I'll use that in future. Thanks for sharing!

 

 

Have fun with the ornaments, Funnymom!

[papersmiles]

That certainly is a disappointing discovery but sadly not all that unusual (as others have testified to). But, I am so proud of you for giving from your heart and your hands.

 

I am VERY particular in selecting individuals who will receive my handmade gifts. Only one of my in-laws will ever receive anything handmade from me again. The others simply don't appreciate nor want "HOMEMADE" gifts. However, I have a number of friends and neighbors who use and totally GET the value of hand crafted gifts and I love making things for them. I do try to always to give laundering instructions and generally make a copy of the yarn wrapper.

 

As for alternate gift ideas, I would agree that a nice but frugal gift card would be a good choice.

 

Oh, and .....psssst.... I am definitely putting my name in the hat for any of your handmade gifts that may need a loving home.....smiling and looking hopeful.

 

Hugs,

Barbara

[craftconnie1]

give them a card saying a donation has been made in their name. donate an item to your favorite charity,....my gifts were left in mud, given to dogs, regifted to MY close friends, sold at a lawn sale for next to nothing ... well you get the drift. I usually give these people dollar store soap or lotion. give your time, yarn and creativity to someone who actually deserves your work

[Je-Rel Drood]

I just can't believe that someone would THROW THEM AWAY. I mean, they're cloth! If she's afraid of germs, then why use them in the first place?! As for the other DIL not having any, I can sadly understand where that would come from. In my house the discloths like to run away with the socks, which is why we buy the economy packs from Walmart.

 

And on the other side of the coin, when I found out my Bestie would never use any dish towels I made her, only display them, I stopped making them for her and switched to sweaters for her daughter. I understand both sides. Not agreeing, just seeing their point of view.

[Real Deal]

Your daughter in law threw away your dishcloths and / or towels because they got icky? OK, ickiness is washable. What did she do, wipe up dog poo?

 

So, she can't run hot water in the kitchen sink, and throw them in there separate from the clothes, with a little detergent and maybe bleach? Wow, that's so hard.

 

And the other daughter in law can't find hers. She just can't find any. Uh-huh. They're at the landfill.

 

Well, it's their loss. Don't ever make more for them. They don't want them, which is really too bad, because I was absolutely smitten with the first handmade cloth I used! Now I make them, use them and give cloths as gifts all the time. Perhaps they think the cloths are too "old fashioned".

 

My father always thought handmade meant cheap or junky, until I made him a warm brown acrylic scarf that matched his leather "bomber" jacket. So you never know about people.

 

Perhaps your daughters in law would prefer impersonal $10 WalMart gift cards.

[GypsumStitch]

I would be so mad! I wouldn't make them anything! I'd send a nice happy holidays card and call it done.