Crochet, Divorce, and a Very, Very Bad MIL

[RoseRed]

Oh - I like that!!!!!!!!! Once they're a GIFT from you I doubt she'd still want them.

 

I would call up your husband, maintain a very nice, pleasant voice and state, "It seems that I left several of my crochet doily books at the house. SINCE i know HOW MUCH your mother enjoys making doilies and the patterns in the books. If she would like to keep them, then I will GIFT them to her. May she have many happy hours of crocheting from them."

 

It specifically calls HER on having them w/o directly saying "YOU STOLE THEM!!" it lets her suspect that you are a much better person that she is since you "gifted them to her out of genuine caring for her enjoyment (cough cough). it makes her OBLIGATED to you (she will feel like it anyway, hehe) and is basically a metaphorical "knife in the back" for all she put you through and every time she uses 1 of the books....wwwweeeelllllll.... that knife will get twisted deeper and deeper. (yes, i have an evil mind at times)

 

It will also free you up emotionally because you will be releasing them to her, instead of feeling they were taken from you.

 

just my .02's worth

Sandy

[lusmom]

hey if you di a web search for the one and only doily you get a list that's bigger than celtwich. of course all the celtwich ones are there too but trust me its huge

[Feederofthepack]

Say maybe some of the ladies here that do doilies crochet maybe some can RAK you with some that they wont want or use and you can begin to build your collection..

Lilllibet

 

 

That's what I was thinking! Make an RAOK list and see what comes to you!

[kookaloo_starr]

I know it's not the same as having your books back but there are so many patterns on the 'net you could doily everything in sight without having to talk to the ex or his Mum again.

 

http://ketutar.wordpress.com/2007/07/11/doilies-2/ has LOADS

[MaryPat]

That is awful. I would tell your kids "50 cents for every book successfully brought back home" !

 

 

This sounds exactly like something I would do!

 

 

Seriously, I have some extra Crochet Magic and doily pamphlets. PM me with an address and I'll send some on to you. You deserve them

[auntbubbels]

Sher - I have some sitting around here that I can send to you. Can you also let me know which ones you are looking for that are your favorites :hug

 

 

I am waiting and waiting for the PO to send me some envelopes, once they do, I will send you some books

[CrochettingMama]

Some people are just mean.

I wouldn't get the kiddos involved either.

[Elle]

The next time you're over there dropping off or picking your kids up, just come out and ask her "Are you through with those doily books you borrowed from me? Or should I just get replacements?" I wouldn't let her think I was angry about it, but I absolutely would let her know that you are aware of what happened to the books.

 

She obviously took them to spite you, and if you don't say anything to her, she won't know if you even realize they're missing. But if you let her know that you know perfectly well what happened to the books, but that you're not angry about it, that will probably cheese her off more than if you act angry about them, because you know she did it to get a rise out of you.

 

I definitely wouldn't involve the kids, though, because whatever animosity exists between you and your ex and his family shouldn't involve the kids, they're only going to end up caught in the middle instead of having two families to love them now instead of one.

[Mom w/a Motif]

I have a PK "Absolutely Gorgeous Doilies' book that I have never used and I doubt I ever will. I can send it to you. I agree with everything everyone has said.... don't even let her know you are mad, but 'kill her with kindness' like eyrthmother1 said.

 

Tina

[bert]

so sorry about your books. but there are all kinds of free doily patterns on the web. I have extra books and if you will email me your address i'll send them to you.. bert:hook

[hockeymomcrochets]

my husband has the same thoughts as a previous poster (sorry, i can't remember after reading more afterwards) but the nicer you are the worse they feel. took years for him to figure it out but it does work.

 

next time you speak with your ex when dropping the kids off just nicely say, "i was going through my crochet stuff and i noticed that i must have left behind some of the doily pattern booklets. if you find them can you get them to me, but first ask your mom if she would like them because i have other projects to do and i know she likes doilies so she can have them if she likes. i'd rather see them used."

 

this way he is telling her and saying how nice you were through the words and then she won't want them probably. even if she keeps them she'll be the miserable one.

 

definately don't get the kids involved. my MIL did that and it just made for horrible life for the kids. my in-laws acted up over things for our wedding and they were divorced 16 years and both remarried with children at the time!

[Notuswind]

I don't plan on involving the kids, my ex did enough of that during the divorce and still continues to use them as "pawns" when necessary and I simply think its revolting. Asking for them directly isn't an option either. There are other things my ex MIL "hid" from me while I was packing too, which my ex husband told the lawyers I removed from the house. I honestly am so disgusted by her actions that I don't even want to give her the time of day. She can keep the books at this point. I was just really angry that she'd stoop to such a low level. I truly envy those who have had civil divorces because the high school game playing ones completely suck - especially when you're not even the one playing! My kids have ALWAYS come first and been the most important things in my life. The books that are gone just aren't worth the hassle of trying to get back. There's already enough stress in our lives without adding more to it.

 

Thank you all who offered to send me some patterns. It was so unexpected and generous of all of you. I'm sure in time that I can rebuild my collection somehow. Whether it be through RAOKs, Ebay, yard sales, etc...I'm so grateful that I could post my rant here and have so many people who don't even really know me, respond, care, and offer so much. I am deeply touched and thankful to be a part of such a great web family. :manyheart:hug:manyheart:hug

[RoseRed]

I understand - my ex played the games too.

 

Did you tell the lawyers he was lying. I know it turns into he said/she said after a while. Keep track (and write down) everytime he involves the kids as pawns. AFter a while of it adding up sometimes the courts will pay attention to it.

[LizGrayson]

Having worked as a divorce paralegal for two years, I can understand and empathize with you. It's sad to see something you've invested so much of your life in (and 13 years is a long time for a marriage these days) and something you've put so much emotional involvement in go so wrong. My heart goes out to you.

 

I think you just need to distance yourself from that witch and find time to heal. Crochet books can be replaced but your health can't. It would be more detrimental to your children to let this stress still eat away at you.

 

Needless to say, I'm immensely greatful that I live 500+ miles from my mother-in-law. I can only imagine how awful she must have been to you.

 

Hugs,

LG

[teapot]

Hi. Thought I would put in my two cents!

I am so sorry for what you are going through.

If I still had a house key I would go in when they were out and go through the house myself to look for the books.

Probably not the best plan but it was a thought.

Mayby some day you will get the stuff back unexpectedly!!!!!

Teapot:think

[Shellymoo]

Hi

No advise....but lots of : :hug :hughug

Best of Luck xxx

[sandra2469]

I wasn't going to respond to this - because you've gotten lots of great suggestions so far - but I felt the need to let you know that it's got to be incredibly frustrating to be the one person out of this triangle who is facing a new start with a grown-up attitude. I commend you for that.

 

I wouldn't think twice about them, even though I know it's hard to do. You can definitely replace them - and the more grown-up you are about it, the more likely you'll replace them at greater bargains than before & even add more lovely ones to your collection as time goes on.

 

(((HUGS)))

[mythunderbird]

i was serious when i said i had some i really don't mind sharing with you let me know if there is any special ones you want and if i have it and don;t need it will gift it to you i have a few i want to keep but have lots of older ones too please let us know so we can help:hug:hug:hug

[Notuswind]

i was serious when i said i had some i really don't mind sharing with you let me know if there is any special ones you want and if i have it and don;t need it will gift it to you i have a few i want to keep but have lots of older ones too please let us know so we can help:hug:hug:hug

 

 

Thanks again for all your support and advice everyone. I had tons of patterns of all different kinds. Crinoline ladies, filet, pineapples, you name it, I probably had it.

[armywifetx]

dont have much advise but hope things work out

[hockeymomcrochets]

 

Needless to say, I'm immensely greatful that I live 500+ miles from my mother-in-law.

 

I have 2! I can send one about 250 miles from you?

 

One of mine lives 10 minutes away and the other 40. We don't see them often but needless to say it's not the "other mother" let alone "accepting" people I ever thought I'd be in a family with. That's why I tend to go out of my way to be accepting and understanding of my son's girlfriends.

[hockeymomcrochets]

I didn't realize there was bad blood even with your ex- and he is using the kids. I totally agree with a previous poster and keep a good log of things. My SIL even used to keep a recorder in her pocket when her ex- pick their dd up or dropped her off b/c he always made comments and started and the lawyer had them transcribed for her and they did come into play when my brother needed to move for his job and the ex- wasn't going to give permission.

 

once his step daughter graduated college she asked him to adopt her and he did. : so there is a new life out there for you and the kids and kids are smart, they see, know and remember. move on and we're here for you.

[eurolyons]

I agree with everyone who says to just replace the books as you can. I know if this were to happen to me, yeah, I'd be upset and rightfully so, but in the cold light of day, I know I would not want to have to interact with this woman again under any circumstances...she could have the books and I'd just go replace them as I could...I'd let it go. I would force myself to let those books go. Believe me, crochet is my life...it is, but if I can collect the stash of patterns I have now, I can collect them again. As long as no one can take my ability to crochet away, I'm still ahead of the game.

 

Hugs and good luck to you. Been down that divorce path myself, although mine wasn't really a nasty divorce (the marriage was, but not the divorce per se...) still divorce is hard, no matter what the circumstances.

 

I most certainly would not triangulate the situation by involving the kids, after all, that woman is still their grandmother.

[TriciaPaLynn]

Let the books go. Let your marriage go. Let the MIL go. They are no longer a part of your life. Concentrate on your kids and moving forward. Be strong. We all know you can.

 

While you are re-establishing your collection of doily patterns I would be happy to pass along some books that I have but don't need. (I am not really a thread person.) If you send me a private message with your address I will happily send you some patterns!

 

Take care,

Tricia

[mythunderbird]

Thanks again for all your support and advice everyone. I had tons of patterns of all different kinds. Crinoline ladies, filet, pineapples, you name it, I probably had it.

pm me your addy please payday will send you some of mine:hug:hug:hug