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Not doing so well today...sorry - venting...

shuttlebuggy

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shuttlebuggy Mentor

shuttlebuggy

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Having a difficult time - My dad is now in the hospital and things don't look to good - he has cancer that is spread and now has lost so much weight and is coming nearer and nearer to the end...this is sooo hard as he has used me as his example (we even did the Relay for Life Survivors Lap :pink

together this past fall) for hope as I am a Breast Cancer Survivor of 5 yrs.

We have never nor would we ever take away his hopes...:flower

Both he & Mom are together in a nursing home nearby and that would normally make things a little easier but she has Parkinson's Disease that is advanced and accompanied by dementia -

So last eve in the middle of me trying to figure out by phone whether he should go to the hospital -- Mom was trying to talk over him about the fact she did not want to spend even one more night at the nursing home but wanted to come home...:(

This was soooo hard as they never did any planning for their living arrangements and refused to live in an inlaw apt when we offered -- they lived in complete denial of the disease that made my mom more and more immobile and needy for care UNTIL a year and a half ago Dad had a "stomachache" called us at 4 AM and wanted to go to the hosp and get it checked (he hates doctors so that was our clue something was up!)

He was there ALL day and necessitated emergency surg just to keep him alive as his belly became huge quickly from a large tumor that had finally blocked his intestines...needless to say there was massive spread of the cancer.:eek

Now we were facing head on - all the issues he had not dealt with at all (with the exception of having his will, and funeral arrangements paid) - but all his finances and care AS WELL AS Mom's had to be broached immediately.

My little family attempted to do home care and just for Mom - with all her needs it took 2 of us and even then we would find her almost falling or suddenly out on the porch teetering around, having hallucinations and delusions nightly -- it was a circus most times and when we stopped to take a breath she would attempt to get up (almost falling) and assign us more things to do!!!!!!!!!!:faint

My Dad certainly did more than he ever said - and I think wore himself to a frazzle and unfortunately now has a major terminal illness!:sigh

We called upon homecare for help - they were only just so helpful -- it is not "seamless" care like most seniors figure -- it can be unreliable and some sadly are untrustworthy workers (not all but some). So the line share still was ours to deal with -- add to this mix that we had to get our dd launched to Ohio for college and make several trips out there from CT!

Life was crazy!:sweat

Finally my db stepped in and said it was madness to keep this up and especially in light of getting my Dad home after a few weeks - they both require HUGE care - maybe just maybe we could have kept it up with just Mom but to have 2 !!!! I just couldn't do it....:help

Last night when we left him his color had improved a little and his breathing but we are headed back in today --- now what does this have to do with crochet????????????

It is one of the ONLY things that kept me sane :( ---- in the car on the way - at the hospital waiting - and then at home in order to tone down at 3 am and get a little sleep. I am still doing squares for the Warm Up America drive at my library.

I tell you I clung to that hook and it's a wonder my hand didn't fall off - but I really don't know how I could deal with all this stress and emotion without it...:ladybug

So sorry this is lengthy -- but I needed a bit of a vent with all we've been contending with and ask if you might send good thoughts and prayers this way if you can :remember so we can all hold together here.

Eternally grateful to you all....:heart A heartfelt thankyou...

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niqita Grand Master

niqita

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:hug :hug :hug My prayers are with you and your family I know it is alot to handle but hang in there you will get through it just hold on tight to your hook! And spend what time you can with your parents! Life is too short.
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Tiga Collaborator

Tiga

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What a tough time.

 

A friend of mine is dealing with very similar issues. Her brother has quit his job, broken up with his long time girlfriend and moved back in with the parents. Her father is back and forth to the hospital constantly, and now has brought MRSA into the mix.

 

She can't go see them now, b/c her daughter has an immune disease, and HER whole family got the MRSA and it took months to get them all over it.

 

It's just too much to try to take care of your parents like that.

 

Thankfully, my mother, brother and I have already discussed what to do, and mom has long term care insurance.

 

Dad, on the other hand, doesn't think he'll ever die or get sick. Sigh.

 

Hang in there, and thank goodness you have crochet to help you keep your sanity.

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chrissyf Proficient

chrissyf

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all I canb say shuttlebuggy is my thoughts and prayers are with you. You are already a strong person to have tried to care for Mom at home. It is right for them to have been somewhere that can offer them the care they need. My best wishse and :hug :hug :hug for you and your family.

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catsncrochet Enthusiast

catsncrochet

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So sorry to hear about your dad. Cancer is a horrible thing. My dad and his dad (grandpa) died from it. My fur baby (who was 8) I found out had it at the end of August and ended up deciding to put her down as opposed to her having to go through chemo 2-3 times a week. :( It still breaks my heart that I had to make that decision.

 

All I can say is spend as much time with him as you can. He knows you love him and that in itself is a huge comfort, I'm sure.

 

Just know that there are us who care and are sending :hug s your way.

 

Aimee

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loopy1 Proficient

loopy1

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Shuttlebuggy, my heart and prayers go out to you and your family. It lifted me up to read that you and your dad did the Relay for Life Survivors Lap together...that's a great memory you'll always have as I'm sure you have plenty more.

 

Don't apologize for how long your post was. Like you said, you needed to vent and we have such wonderful members who will support you with prayers. It doesn't matter we don't know each other; We can pray for you all because God knows you and your family very intimately, right? He knows all your needs, your hurts and joys. Also, it's always easier to pour out everything to people we don't know.

 

I know it's an extremely unimaginably tough time you all are going through but take God's hand. He's right there for you to hold on to and He will hold you up! All this is hard to understand but He's there with your mom and dad, too.

 

With love and prayers,

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grmanoble Rookie

grmanoble

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I know how you must be feeling, because I have been where you are now. It is so very hard to accept and deal with. My mom and dad are in a better place and free of all pain now. Mom passed away peacefully last October from severe Dementia, and now I am seeing the same signs with my husband. My prayers go out to you and yours in this very trying time. God Bless you, and know He will give you no more than you can handle.

Sharon

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Daisy Experienced

Daisy

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Prayers and hugs are sent your way! :manyheart:hug:manyheart:hug:manyheart:hug

I know what you are going through as I have been in the same situation myself. It's a nightmare to say the least! It's a very rough and tough road to walk. Try and keep your sanity...the best you can. Crochet away... and then some more....it is a great stress reliever...but don't forget to take care of yourself either. Make sure you eat well, and get plenty of rest for yourself. :hug

Best of wishes,

Daisy

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snugsmontreal Enthusiast

snugsmontreal

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you sound like you need a vacation! it always seems like god has a way of taking literally that term that which does not kill us....

 

but you always know you have all our support here at the ville, every family goes through illness/hard times at some point no one is immune thats the facts of life. hope everything goes smoothly and easily for everyone involved.

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redbird51 Enthusiast

redbird51

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my sister and i help look after our parents now, too, but no where near to the extent that you're doing. please know that you're doing the best that you can to honor your parents. but remember that you have to honor yourself, too. please take care of yourself and your immediate family.

my prayers and kind thoughts are with you.

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Auntie Kellie Contributor

Auntie Kellie

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:hug My thoughts are with you and your family. Just be strong and remember we'll be here whenever you need to let off steam or need a virtual shoulder to cry on. If crocheting helps releave the stress you are under, then by all means, go for it. Don't feel guilty about taking time to lose yourself amongst the yarn.

 

Hugs and Cookies

Auntie K

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dwiggicb Collaborator

dwiggicb

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I am so very sorry about your parents. My dad had a major stroke last year and was in a nursing home for a month or so. Mom in the meantime just started slowly getting dementia worse. That dementia stuff is really exasperating, isn't it? Also, the nursing home thing is horrible, too. Dad sent off every alarm in the building while he was there, because he was determined to get out! It's very tough dealing with all these issues with aging parents.

 

Cynthia:hug

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nucki Collaborator

nucki

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I wish I had some sage words of wisdom to impart to you, but as I've never had to deal with this sort of thing, I'm totally without words.

 

I can, however, say that you have all of my positive thoughts coming your way. From what you've said, we can see that it's been hard, but I'd be willing to bet it's more than 10 times harder than what it sounds like.

 

:hug :hug :hug :hug to you and your entire family. I will hope for the best.

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