Danger, Will Robinson! Steam venting ahead!

[dennymare]

Wow, I'm speechless:eek even with everything that was going on with her and the baby there really is no excuse for such bad behavior. All I can say is you handled it better than I could have.

 

Mary

[seagull1993]

>> and she opens the packages and looks at the blankets with all the enthusiasm that she might have shown used toilet paper, announces that her baby doesn't use blankets, tosses blankets, boxes and torn wrapping paper aside, and proceeds to ignore them for the rest of our visit. <<

 

Tacky! And the perfect example of a real "momzilla". You were much more gracious about it than I would have been.

[Rosesandtea]

She may be just a rude person, but she may also be bordering on something beyond "simple" post-partum depression (not to be confused with the baby blues) -- postpartum psychosis which is much worse. Either one is a serious problem though.

 

It sounds like her reaction may have surprised Joe; would he have asked you to come over if he knew his wife was usually rude like that?

 

I think you did OK to suggest giving the blankets to a charity if they really weren't going to be used. I still wonder if she might be having some real problems though.

[carrieanne]

Wow...I am sending you a Hug. And I am sorry you were treated this way. This lady sounds as if she has NO MANNERS. I guess I was taught that even if you didnt like or care for something, you SMILE, and say Thank you. It was a gift, for Heavens sake! I just dont get some people!

[DesertCrocheter]

I agree, new mom was rude. But I don't think Miss Manners would approve of you asking for the blankets back or telling them to donate the blankets to a charity if they don't want them. Gifts are gifts, and no matter how rude the recipient was, you just have to chalk it up to their rudeness, their hormones, their insecurities, etc. and let it be. Asking for it back is just repaying rudeness with the same. Be gracious and assume it's her hormones or bad breeding. Remember that your rudeness will affect your relationship with your freind. Because frankly, no man is going to pick sticking up for a friend over siding with his wife, even if he knows the wife is wrong. Joe probably appreciated the blankets, and since he is your friend, that's the important part. Patty

[pkock]

I had a similar experience with my mother in law. I hadn't been crocheting very long, DH and I had just gotten married, and I wanted to make her something very special. She was wheelchair-bound and used lots of blankets to cover her legs, some of which were really pathetic and worn out. I asked what color she liked, learned a new pattern that was pretty involved, and crocheted like mad to make it in time for Christmas, perfect dimensions for her lap, not too big and unwieldy like a normal sized blanket. It turned out well.

 

She opens it up, says, "oh, a blanket. I've got plenty of those," and tosses it onto a chair.

 

My jaw dropped, as did DH's, since this was NOT the reaction we'd expected. She liked me well enough, and there had been no animosity between us. My SIL helpfully piped up, "Mom, Pam MADE it." So my MIL looks it over again for a second, says, "oh, uh-huh. My sister knits too."

 

DH assured me that of course my MIL did like it, was appreciative, just was probably overwhelmed by having us all over. My FIL understood my hurt, though, and generally made sure she had that afghan on her lap every time we visited, for a while.

 

Still, it was a long time before I crocheted anything for a gift.

[jacqui]

I unfortunately have had a number of similar experiences and my own mother and sisters were the worst. I won't go into it and depress anyone else but needless to say i'm very wary about making things for people as gifts because of this. I try to make real sure the person is into homemade gifts and what colours they like whether they want a particular type of article before i go to all the effort. I still make mistakes though. Brother in law remarried after losing 1st wife to cancer so i asked questions about his new love what she liked, hobbies if she would like a nice afghan as a welcome to the family gift as i wasn't going to the wedding.What colors she liked etc. Anyway the long and the short of it is she hated it and wouldn't even speak to me on the phone and i said if they didn't like it sell it or give it away. They never have made any effort to contact us since which breaks my hubby's heart cause its his brother. Anyway i figure its their loss in the long run and i just have to give my stuff to charity or sell it. Its not a nice experience though. I really empathise:hug :hug You are bigger than they will ever be and you would never do that to anyone so love yourself you intentions were pure. It only diminishes them in the longrun. Jacqui in Oz

[Tapanga]

I have had some pretty good responses to gifts I have made. Mostly scarves and hats. But I just made a baby blanket for my niece who is due for twins in November. I got the "Oh thats nice" and she put it away. I am still trying to finish the second one for the boy. Not as excited as I was with the first.

On the other hand, my MIL (who dislikes me) showed me a blanket she was making me. I cried. I have never gotten a gift that was handmade before. I felt so special because I know she thought of me with every stitch. She was probably cursing me with every stitch too, but oh well. Oddly enough, that was almost 4 months ago and I have not gotten the blanket. Hmmm..

[eurolyons]

I am so sorry that happened to you...you were treated rudely. Now, if I understand correctly from the original post, though, the baby has some health issues and right or wrong, the wife might just be overwhelmed by it all and just didn't even think about being gracious. Still, she was rude. Someone suggested to talk to Joe and see if the blankets are being used and if they aren't then suggest that they be passed on to a charity. I think that's a good idea.

 

I would be very hurt too. You did this from the goodness of your heart and it was rejected outright with no thought to how you would feel about that. I had a similar thing happen when I made an afghan for my mom once...

 

The best thing to do in the long run is be gracious...vent here, but be gracious to the wife. And don't make another thing for her...

 

Very unfortunate...and I'm so sorry that happened to you.

[eurolyons]

Gifts are gifts, and no matter how rude the recipient was, you just have to chalk it up to their rudeness, their hormones, their insecurities, etc. and let it be. Asking for it back is just repaying rudeness with the same. Be gracious and assume it's her hormones or bad breeding. Remember that your rudeness will affect your relationship with your freind.

 

The above is a good point, but I did read that you did talk to Joe again and made the suggestion about the charity...if he's uncomfortable about what happened, he was probably very embarrassed by what happened in the first place, yet at the same time, conflicted because he is the husband and father...

 

I've been reading some of the rest of this thread and while yes, there are some people that truly cannot appreciate a handmade gift (one of my sisters can be a bit of a snob about this, but I think when her son starts bringing home more hand made stuff from school, she might soften a bit more...last year she did accept a filet crochet hummingbird wall hanging, although I think she's probably got it in a cupboard now...) most of the time I've had great success with my gifts...

 

Another on-line friend responding to something I said about the Renuzit commericial with the crochet lady, said that she thought if people could see the stuff I made, they'd change their mind about crochet...which is a very nice compliment indeed.

 

It's not always an easy call. Sometimes I get the weirdest gifts because people think if I like one thing of whatever, I'll like anything of the same...like cats for instance...I get lots of cat gifts...most are great, some are questionable...but I strive to be gracious about the gifts, no matter what they are, no matter what the person's motivation might have been. Yes, sometimes the gift isn't given from the heart but of obligation...still I can be the example of how I want others to treat me...

 

Don't let this situation stop you from crocheting gifts...you never know who will most appreciate your work and your heart...

[Qmare]

My heart goes out to you. I hope that Joe's wife is really not an evil person all the time!

 

I've gotten the same reaction before (from my SIL) and vowed never to make her anything again... so, when she got married, my husband (who told me if I even thought about making her something after the way she treated me last time) and I bought her a really pretty (we thought) sugar and creamer set made my Mosier glass (about $75) and packaged it up with a set of kithen linens. About a month after the wedding, not having heard even a simple thank you, I finally asked her if they'd ever gotten around to opening their wedding gifts. She said "yeah, but what the heck were you thinking - what are those things you got us? We expected something you made but we have no idea what we're supposed to do with those wierd glass things"... I offered to take them back (I'd happily use them LOL) but decided to send her links to the glass manufacturer... once she saw how much they cost, all of a sudden, they were "cool" in her eyes.

 

There's no accounting for some people... I've learned that some people are better off with gift certificates - no matter how hard it is for us crafty people to buy them!

 

Sorry you had to experience this... it really sucks! I know if it had been me, your thoughtfulness would have brought tears to my eyes!

[eurolyons]

Quiltymare, I like that you sent her links to the glass manufacturer...and she saw how much money you put out on her behalf...gift giving (especially for weddings) can be a real tricky thing...

[craftybutterfly]

I don't think that should excuse rudeness at all and I would have asked for them back right on the spot to give to someone who would appreciate them, but that was the idea that came to mind. Who would say their baby doesn't use blankets unless there was some reason, however misguided...

 

I would talk to the husband and try to see what the problem was.

 

I agree that's what I would have done. I'd have just asked for them right back. And the excuse about not using blankets sounds to me like a quickie/not-thought-out excuse from someone who doesn't appreciate hand made items, as someone else said. a baby can only use what the parents cover them up with, they don't have much choice in the matter. In other words, "mom" doesn't want to use it. we can understand what she's been through, but that's NO excuse for being totally rude. I don't think I'd talk to her again, I'd talk to Joe. Tell him how you feel and that if its all the same to them, you'd like to have them back so YOU can donate them. With her attitude, who's to say she won't just pitch them in the trash, and they'll never get to one who could use them AND appreciate them. And I have to disagree that asking for them back would also be rude. Maybe, just maybe, if mom is asked to return them, maybe that will make her stop and think about how she reacted. If it changes her attitude, then that's a good thing.

 

I see you did talk to Joe, that's good. I'm quite sure he mentioned it to her so at least she's aware that her actions and attitude hurt you, maybe it will keep her from being that way again. Who knows. i've learned that some folks are just natural born jack-a&&'s, and there's not much one can do to change them.

[Chrome Kitty]

Wow! I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I think you handled it appropriately. It makes me so sad to read all the other stories too about how your made-with-love gifts weren't accepted for the treasures they are. I've always been a mushy-heart for home made things. When I was little, I wished our family had the money to buy me all the cool clothes the rich girls had, but I knew we didn't so I never asked for them. Then my mom started making clothes for me that looked better than anything you'd find in a store. She'd always tell me not to tell anyone she made them, but I'd tell everyone who'd listen because I was so proud of her. To this day, I could name every outfit she made me, in fact I think I saved all of them. If it had all been store bought, it wouldn't have meant nearly as much. It made me appreciate the love and time and thoughtfulness that goes into a gift made just for you. But it also makes me an annoying person to shop for because when people ask what I want for Christmas or a birthday, I'll ask them to write me a poem or bake their favorite cookies. Most people would rather just buy something. And yes, when I hear Dolly Parton sing about her coat of many colors it makes me cry every time.

[Qmare]

She'd always tell me not to tell anyone she made them, but I'd tell everyone who'd listen because I was so proud of her.

 

Good for you, Chrome Kitty! I bet you made your momma proud!

 

I, too, prefer homemade over purchased gifts and endeavor to make most of the gifts that I give. I am blessed that my kids treasure what I have made for them. I hope that if you have kids, they have your gentle and appreciative heart!

 

[PaganBaby69]

Hi, I wouldn't take what happened personally. When I make a handmade gift, I know I'm taking a risk in giving it because not everyone likes handmade, they want a BRAND NAME. But especially if the baby can't have blankies, she may have been expecting something else. Your timing wasn't right. Who knows, maybe yours wasn't the first afghan she rejected. Perhaps with time, the blankets will be put to use. Gifts are for the receiver to do what she wants with it. You make it with love and let it go. I wouldn't even mention it or try to get the gift returned. Just chalk it up and move on.

 

Once my niece said she knew why I liked to give stuff I made. I said why? She said because you don't like to spend money! Not true! Time is money!

 

PaganBaby69

[mythunderbird]

personally lani i would have said something to the effect, that if she could not use them that i will take them back and get something else for the child, then i would get a savings bond for the child as that is not something mom could take back or spend. how rude she was. i hope that your friend had a talk with her,. i would not have been as nice as you i am afraid:blush hope that he tells her how rude she was, but don't count on it. i know he is not going to put you above his wife, not should he, but he should say something i would hope. but let it go and i would make sure that the next time you make something, i would ask ahead of time how they felt about handmade items made with love. i am sorry lani you had to go through that with that rude person. :angry here is a :hug for you.

[pkock]

Just a thought - maybe the baby "didn't use blankets" because she'd been told by a doctor not to use fluffy blankets. Newborns, esp. those with health problems, really shouldn't use anything but the thinnest wraps because SIDS is a concern.

 

My 1st baby was on the small side - 5 lbs. 7 oz., and even though she didn't have any serious health concerns I was terrified. I'd crocheted her a baby blanket myself, as well as had several baby quilts and was quite sad I couldn't use them to snuggle her. With a first baby, especially in those first days, it's hard to see beyond the present moment and know that in a few months the baby will be big and sturdy, and those big fluffy quilts and crocheted blankets will come in handy if only to spread on the floor for baby to play upon!

 

Yes, she was rude. But I have a feeling that she will appreciate the gift more once she recognizes its value.

[seagull1993]

>> Once my niece said she knew why I liked to give stuff I made. I said why? She said because you don't like to spend money! <<

 

Boy oh boy -- it is evident that she has never seen the actual prices of some of the nice soft yarns that a lot of us use on those blankets and such. The average baby blanket I make usually takes a minimum of 5 or more skeins and each of those average $3.00 or more dollars apiece! :-D

[pampsmom]

I agree! She was terribly rude! You are a much nicer person than I am. But instead of talking to Joe, I would call her and talk to her. Joe probably feels really bad about the way his wife behaved and you would be putting him in the middle of a situation he really has no control over. So I would prepare myself a little speech and go straight to the source of your problem and bypass Joe. That way, he can say he knew nothing about it since he has to live with the rude thing! lol!

[crochetingfool]

Don't dwell on it. Move forward. There are lots of reasons the wife could be like this. I wouldn't worry about it. You were being nice and if she's that way she's that way...nothing you can do about it. I feel sorry for women like that. They really lose out on quite a bit in life.

[PaganBaby69]

Hi Seagull, You're right! I know it's easier to buy a gift and get it over with, but buying yarn and sitting down with my hook, gives ME satisfaction. I know my nieces and sisters still have every single thing I made over the years, even if they think I'm a cheapskate! I hope one day the stuff gets passed down to their kids. It probaly will since none of them crochet.

 

PaganBaby69