Danger, Will Robinson! Steam venting ahead!

[dhaunae]

So, an acquaintance of mine recently had a baby. Don't know his wife at all, hadn't ever met her, but I liked Joe and knew how excited he was so as always I made a baby blanket for the new arrival. The baby arrived and unfortunately had problems which almost immediately necessitated major surgery -- I couldn't do anything and felt helpless, Joe was torn apart by it all, so yeah, I made another baby blanket. It was kind of like if I'm making a blanket, nothing bad can happen. And it didn't ... baby Ryan sailed through his surgery, went home after a couple of weeks, and is thriving although he'll face more surgery in the future. So here we get to the subject of my vent.

 

Ryan is now at home and doing well, so at Joe's invitation I went with a mutual friend to his home to meet his wife and let him show off his baby (who is adorable, btw!). I took the afghans I made, all wrapped up, since this was the first time I've gotten to see the baby and Joe wanted me to give them directly to his wife. I give them to her ... and she opens the packages and looks at the blankets with all the enthusiasm that she might have shown used toilet paper, announces that her baby doesn't use blankets, tosses blankets, boxes and torn wrapping paper aside, and proceeds to ignore them for the rest of our visit. No thank you, no oh-that's-nice, no visible pleasure at all. Our mutual friend started babbling, Joe changed the subject, that was the end of it.

 

Nothing like this has ever happened to me before. Ever. I didn't know how to react so I just ignored it, but it's been bugging me ever since. I'm torn between being angry and being hurt and feeling guilty that I would feel angry or hurt; I mean, I don't make gifts to gain approval or praise, I make them from the heart, so I shouldn't feel upset about this, right? But I do. I'm wondering whether I should quietly tell Joe that if they don't want the blankets I would appreciate it if they would donate them to a charity in baby Ryan's name, but I don't know whether I should do that or just chalk this up as one of those things. What would you do?

[buggaboosmommy]

Wow..that's a hard one I would talk with Joe. Maybe his wife was having a bad day? I don't know, but that was rude of her. I mean how hard is it to say thank you? Even if she didn't use them, at least thank the person that spent their time and money to create something special for their child! Wow. I was just tell Joe that you enjoyed meeting his wife and seeing the baby, but you felt hurt that she didn't like the gift. Then ask him, if the blankets aren't being used, can they pass them on to a charity or another baby?

Good luck

Donna

[Alosha]

I'm speechless!!! Truly, I am.

Don't feel guilty for feeling angry, you were treated very rudely. And, as you say, it was a gift from the heart & as such should be treated as such. I think suggesting they be donated in the baby's name is a lovely thought.

Alosha

[kellyv]

Ok so what does she use instead of blankets??? Let me guess she wraps the baby in what... paper??? I never heard of that before, but I too would be upset:( . And yes your right to feel upset!! Its not about approval or anything like that but when you give from the heart and its not appreciated it hurts. Its like saying the thought and time that went into it are not of any value at all. If it was me I would tell my friend to donate the blankets if they are not going to be used. That way I know they would be put to good use. Sorry your effort and good thoughts were not appreciated

[AidanM]

Jeez, you reacted better than I would have. That is horribly rude of her! I don't understand these people who can look at things that have been made for them or their child and feel nothing but disdain. I probably would've yanked them right out of her lap and said "Fine! I'll just donate them to someone who will appreciate them!"

 

You have every right to be upset and feel angry! What she did was terribly disrespectful. I would talk to Joe or her if I were you and tell them what you told us - that you made them from the heart, and that you're hurt that your time and caring would be tossed aside so casually.

[MarvieN]

Ya know, there is just no excuse for rudeness. I'm speechless! I agree, you can talk to Joe privately and let him know that the blankets would be appreciated at the hospital or a homeless shelter if they won't be using them. You could also mention that hours of work went into them and you'd just really like to see them used by *someone*

 

That comment aout not using blankets gets me, I too wonder just what they use??

[The Shrone]

I had something similar happen once with my in-laws. I made all of the women a doily. Only one of them said thank you and actually displayed it in her home. So I vowed not to make the non-appreciating ones anything ever again.

 

Depending on how well your relationship with Joe can handle this type of confrontation---some relationships can't, and it all depends on how much you value your friendship with him---you can bring up to him how you feel about his wife's reaction or not, but I don't think it would be out of line to ask for the blankets to be donated if she isn't going to use them. I just hope that your friendship with him is strong enough to withstand you saying something.

 

It sounds like his wife's emotions are running high because of the birth and subsequent operations. I would hope her rudeness was do to hormonal surges and the stress of the operations and not her true self.

 

People can act strange, and sometimes it just is baffling why they react they way that they do. It's hard not to take something like that personally, but remember it is more of a reflection about her and who she is.

 

Good luck with all of this. It is saddening when you encounter someone who dismisses a handmade item---but I know that some people *hate* handmade things, and maybe she is one of them. I hope this all turns out with a good outcome.

 

~ Lori

[kariholtz]

Maybe she felt threatened? Here she's just had a baby and has had a rough go with the baby and her husband brings a lady over for introductions who has handmade lovely (I'm sure they were) blankets for her child...

 

I don't think that should excuse rudeness at all and I would have asked for them back right on the spot to give to someone who would appreciate them, but that was the idea that came to mind. Who would say their baby doesn't use blankets unless there was some reason, however misguided...

 

I would talk to the husband and try to see what the problem was.

[sunshine1977]

My first thought was along the lines of Kari's...I think some women feel very threatened when their husband's have female friends through work or whatever, and I am sure the postpartum hormonal changes added to that feeling...but that is still no excuse to be rude to your face, Lani!! I think I would say something to my friend like "You guys really don't use blankets on baby Ryan??", and let the conversation evolve from there and see what HE says...They may not be using blankets right now at the end of summer, but I can't imagine not using blankets this fall and winter!! It is aweful that some people can be so rude, especially when you make something from the heart!

 

Laurie:hook

[hollier2002]

I would have just asked for them back and that would have been that. I would have said, "You don't use blankets??? Then may I have them back so I can give them to someone who does?" She seems like the type of person that nothing will ever be good enough for her baby, know what I mean?

[Julie]

I don't have any other advice to give, I think talking to your friend about it is the best way to go. It would have been great however, to just respond to her at the time, "Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize you don't use blankets for the baby. Let me just take those right on out of here then so they won't get in your way." Then yank 'em back and take them right out to the car.

 

No, I wouldn't have done it either, I hate confrontations of any sort. But darn, that could have been fun too.

[dhaunae]

Thank you, all of you, for your advice and support. Since you don't think it's inappropriate I'll talk to Joe; I'm not going to say that I think his wife was terminally rude and she hurt my feelings, after all this is the mother of his child and the woman he's in love with, but I am going to tell him that if they won't be using the blankets I would be very happy if they were donated. And if I'd thought about it at the time I probably would have said something along the lines that some of you suggested and just picked the blankets up and taken them with me; I honestly just was so stunned that I was at a loss for words and couldn't decide HOW to react. Rare for me! Kari, I thought about what you suggest but I can't imagine she felt threatened by me personally; she and Joe are very much younger than I am so I wouldn't think that would be it. Maybe she's just threatened by any "outside" friends Joe has; maybe it's post-partum depression, or maybe she's just super stressed with the normal new baby lack of sleep compounded by Ryan having been so ill.

 

At any rate I'm not going to obsess over it; I'll speak to Joe in the next couple of days and then let it go And thank you all again!!

[AidanM]

You're welcome sweetie!

[sjkmaurice]

Then yank 'em back and take them right out to the car.

 

That would have been my first thought.

[Lucki721]

My MIL and one of my SIL's are like that, they are so thankless! I made MIL a fun fur scarf (sandstone and Microspun mocha mix) and turned out quite nice. I got a snarl and a ho hum 'that's nice' and that's it. Granted that they are the in laws and I don't get along with them too well. My husband is sort of the same way, doesn't care about homemade items and I actually have not made him anything.

 

I'm sorry that happened to you! I would not know what to think either, put on the spot like that.

[faithpa76]

Oh, Lani!! What a horribly rude reaction! I think your idea to ask them to donate it is probably the best option, if you think your friendship can handle it.

 

A lot of parents aren't using blankets nowadays because of the risk of suffocation - the funny thing is, "they" are also saying that if you are going to use a blanket, your best option is either a cotton woven blanket or (get this!) a handmade knitted or crocheted blanket, because they breathe and have "holes". However - that does not excuse that reaction. Whatever happened to a simple "thank you" for the thought and gift, just on general principles?

 

I'm steaming for you, lol. BTW I liked Lori's response - maybe hormones are playing in there too - I know I said some things after one or another of my kidlets was born that I regretted (oh man how badly am I butchering the English language??).

 

[tweety256]

So, an acquaintance of mine recently had a baby. Don't know his wife at all, hadn't ever met her, but I liked Joe and knew how excited he was so as always I made a baby blanket for the new arrival. The baby arrived and unfortunately had problems which almost immediately necessitated major surgery -- I couldn't do anything and felt helpless, Joe was torn apart by it all, so yeah, I made another baby blanket. It was kind of like if I'm making a blanket, nothing bad can happen. And it didn't ... baby Ryan sailed through his surgery, went home after a couple of weeks, and is thriving although he'll face more surgery in the future. So here we get to the subject of my vent.

 

Ryan is now at home and doing well, so at Joe's invitation I went with a mutual friend to his home to meet his wife and let him show off his baby (who is adorable, btw!). I took the afghans I made, all wrapped up, since this was the first time I've gotten to see the baby and Joe wanted me to give them directly to his wife. I give them to her ... and she opens the packages and looks at the blankets with all the enthusiasm that she might have shown used toilet paper, announces that her baby doesn't use blankets, tosses blankets, boxes and torn wrapping paper aside, and proceeds to ignore them for the rest of our visit. No thank you, no oh-that's-nice, no visible pleasure at all. Our mutual friend started babbling, Joe changed the subject, that was the end of it.

 

Nothing like this has ever happened to me before. Ever. I didn't know how to react so I just ignored it, but it's been bugging me ever since. I'm torn between being angry and being hurt and feeling guilty that I would feel angry or hurt; I mean, I don't make gifts to gain approval or praise, I make them from the heart, so I shouldn't feel upset about this, right? But I do. I'm wondering whether I should quietly tell Joe that if they don't want the blankets I would appreciate it if they would donate them to a charity in baby Ryan's name, but I don't know whether I should do that or just chalk this up as one of those things. What would you do?

 

 

 

I feel you pain. I made some items for my sister and her hubby for Christmas one year and never of them said thank you ar acted like they like the items. I put a lot of time into the items and thought that they would be very useful. But nooooo. So I just am not EVER going to make anything for them again. I hate when people don't at lease thank you for your hard work. I believe that a handmade gift can be better than a bought gift. Anyone can buy you a present from a store but not everyone can make u a unique item from hand.

[crochettreasures]

Not to beat a dead horse here but as I was reading this a thought popped into my mind - I didn't have quite the same experience here but I made a baby blanket for a friend and due to all the stuff happening in my life - just gave it to her the other day. I kept mentioning that I had something for he daught and I think she just thought I was forgetinng. So I brought in the blanket and gave it to her - it took her about 5 minutes before she realized I made it. She thought it was something I bought. After she gave me a big hug and said - I didn't realize this was something hand made (I usually package hand mide items with tags that say they are hand made). Could it be that this person just thought they were purchased gifts and not hand made? That does not however justify the rudeness in any way, shape, or form. It was just something that I thought of.

[Empress Busy Bee]

Ok so what does she use instead of blankets???

 

That comment aout not using blankets gets me, I too wonder just what they use??

 

Some parents don't use blankets at all, as said, for fear of suffication. Many baby books don't recommend them either.

So they go with warmer jammies or the wearable type blankets, like these:

 

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B0000BX8KU/qid=1127143756/sr=1-31/ref=sr_1_31/104-7345040-5442315?v=glance&s=baby

 

I do think she was extreamly rude though. Maybe she didn't realize you'd made them. Or maybe they've had SIDs in their family and it was painful for her. Still it was rude.

I agree, I'd have asked for them back. I don't know what I'd do now though.

[deedum]

I'm thinking she has a case of post-partum depression! That, combined with the stress of having an ill newborn... I wouldn't take it personally at all.

[Tampa Doll]

Believe it or not, so people do not appreciate {quote} handmade things {unquote}.

 

They do not understand that something handmade is worth more than something with a designer label.

 

I am not taking her side, as I too would of snatched the blankets out of her hands. Unfortunately, this is what we have to put up with.

 

I would talk to your friend, and explain to him, that is they did not want or like the blankets, you will donate them in the baby's name to a charity and leave it at that.

[divaborn]

There is no excuse for rudeness, lack of social graces, tact or simple manners! Where was she raised? A barn???? I fully understand that her hormones might have been off the chain but come on! Even if she was uncomfortable w/her husband inviting other women into her home (to see a newborn) - that's between them!

 

If it were me, I would have asked her for the blanket back on the spot, without hesitation!!!!!! After that, the visit would have been cut real short!

 

I would speak with the husband privately, let him know that you were offended, hurt and upset by the whole exchange and since they don't use or plan to use blankets for the baby (go figure!), you would really appreciate the blanket back so you could give it to someone who needs and/or will use it in good health.

 

The gall of some people!

[earthwhisper]

I agree that some people do not appreciate things that are handmade or don't realize the work that is put into it. I know someone who has absolutely no hobbies and cannot even fathom the time, creativity, and heart that is put into a handmade item. I would just shrug it off and don't make her anything else.

[Chiscrochetcrazy]

I'm sorry there's no excuse for that unless you had walked up and said that's an ugly baby and you are a b***h to her There's just no reason for that and that would be the end of my trying to be friends with her. If she's so sensitive that she was threatened in some way I wouldn't want to deal with her. I'd ask her hubby for them back, say you'd like to give them to a hospital for a child in need or something.I'm really shocked:eek that a grown woman would act like that:eek

[dhaunae]

She definitely knew I had made them ... Joe actually told her as she was opening the packages, and afterwards showed me some of the stuff she makes (she scrapbooks and makes shadowboxes). I don't know what her issue was, honestly, or care at this point I've asked Joe to donate the blankets to a charity if they aren't going to use them; he was obviously very uncomfortable about what had happened and I'm not going to bring it up again.

 

I did get an interesting email late last night from the mutual friend who had gone with me, though; she apologized to me for what had happened and said, and I quote:

Actually, I was tempted to take the blankets myself. I was appalled by her

lack of any reaction at all. She didn't even touch the second blanket, even

as much as unfolding it.

At least I know for sure I wasn't overreacting or imagining things.