Teaching help for badly scared students

[Becky Morgan]

I've taught numerous crafts for many years, but now I'm stumped.

 

I have a group of knitting students who all seem to be TERRIFIED. I mean literally shaky, in tears, scared to death of making a mistake...and I'm about the least frightening, least my-way-or-the-highway person you'll ever meet.

 

I'm supposed to teach another class on the 23rd. It's a very simple preemie hat knitted on double-pointed needles, because that's what they wanted to learn. I looked around for patterns, but decided to make a really plain, really simple one. They're already frightened.

 

If any of you were really nervous starting out, was there anything an instructor said or did that made you feel better? I hate to see them so scared when they should be having fun.

[Granny Square]

Tell them it's just yarn, they're not taking a chisel to a diamond. Mistakes can be corrected and learned from. Do not fear the Frog (ugh, I had to unravel that row, but now I know how to avoid that mistake next time).

[Daisy]

Perhaps they need to feel that this is a light-fun class. That laughing is okay, especially if they make a mistake.....it's totally okay. There is no failing, only learning....it's what friends do when they get-together. No one should feel terrified. Perhaps telling them about your own fears and mistakes, in a light joking way, will help to calm them..... and laugh with them

[Elle]

Tell them it's just yarn, they're not taking a chisel to a diamond. Mistakes can be corrected and learned from. Do not fear the Frog (ugh, I had to unravel that row, but now I know how to avoid that mistake next time).

 

"Don't fear the frog". I love it! That's really such a good motto!

 

With the couple of people that I have more or less introduced to crochet (one went off on a toot and crocheted giant granny squares for a year straight, one never ended up actually touching a hook), I told them "it's not a tattoo! If you mess it up, you can pull it out and do it again. A HUNDRED TIMES if you have to until it looks the way you want it to look. You can't hurt yarn!"

 

If something made me THAT afraid, I think I'd find something else to do for a hobby. Crocheting and knitting are supposed to relax you, not scare you and make you cry!

[Needle Arts]

When you said double pointed needles, my first thought was are you using four and doing it in the round? If so, I'd put end stoppers on two of the needles and let them try the "regular" needles and work a flat piece for a little until they go more comfortable; then take the "stoppers off" and move the stitches to the additional needles and let them work in the round.

 

When I taught my daughter to knit we used a very bulky yarn and chop sticks which she was fascinated by. She's just mastered eating with chop sticks. I found them very difficult to work with but she'd laugh and just keep trying.

[ratdog]

Share stories with them of your first attempts at knitting.

 

A like the "Don't Fear the Frog" get a little frog mascot for the class!

[Becky Morgan]

Darlene--yes, DPNs, because that's what they wanted to learn. They all know how to knit on straight needles, and they managed to make a hat last year on circulars (I didn't teach that, but I guess it took them many weeks and a lot of tears and stressed-out illness to get done.) It's very hard for them to understand the concept of "knit the ribbing on straights and then join"--that had one of them hyperventilating, and I'm not kidding--so I plan to have them start ribbing on the DPNs to begin with. They *should* be able to--they all know how to do ribbing, and they've all made the adult-sized hat--but I can't get my hopes up. I've considered casting on and knitting the first two or three rows for all of them. It might not teach them as much, but if it can cut down on some of the misery, fear and stress I'll do it.

 

Yes, they're all adult women. I'm 51 and would guess they're all within ten years of me in either direction. The shop owner crochets, but doesn't knit very much, and I do both, so she asked me to do this. I kid you not--when I asked them to cast on six stitches for the Christmas ornament and knit two stitches with each needle, one started crying, one started to shake, and one must have ripped out that first row twenty times.

 

I keep thinking how much courage it must take for them to try at all if they're that frightened, and I wonder what else is wrong in their lives that they're afraid of.

[cm4bleenmb64]

I love the 'don't fear the frog' idea. Perhaps you could make up some kind of game? Give prizes for frogging? lol Have you tried just chatting with them? Maybe finding out a little bit more about them would help to give you some perspective.

 

Are you sure they aren't some special needs group? I can't imagine why they should be having such difficulties, especially as they are apparently not total newbies. I'm not sure I'd want them around sharp and pointy objects if they get that stressed out!

[AuntChar]

wow...i can't believe anyone could be that stressed and scared about knitting, especially at their ages!!! i do like the suggestion of just chatting with them...it might help them relax a little. i don't know what to suggest myself other than stressing that its ok to make mistakes because they're easy to fix! you'll have to let us know how the next class goes. good luck!

[NikiG]

When I was in a sewing class...the very first project I made was a skirt...and she told me to make it how I think it should look, and this is just a practice project...like when you make pancakes...you always throw out the first one...she told me to always keep my first project so I can see how much better I got with each one...you can tell them that this project is meant to learn from and your suppose to make mistakes so you can learn...

 

I still have that first skirt I ever made about 12 years ago... :o)

I also have the first scarf I ever knitted...

Hope this helps...

[Miss Crochet]

I'm VERY familiar with your problem, albeit in a different way. You've just got one of those classes with a weird dynamic: I've often found that a group of people can be instantly affected by the attitudes of only one or two. I've had perfect pleasantly classes literally turn into a nightmare overnight by the addition of one or two aggressive, negative, resentful people. Their attitude spreads like a virus and the whole class, without knowing why themselves, turns nasty.

 

The lady who started crying instantly reminded me of my MIL, who is a woman constantly under pressure: she cannot fail. She cannot be less than perfect. Anything that she cannot understand or master immediately frustrates her beyond words. She's doing a language course and has already bought the teacher's book with the answers, so she can pre-correct her answers before class - she's terrified of having something wrong and being shown up in front of the others.

 

Now, if you have one or two women like this in your class, you can be sure that their hysteria will affect the others. And I'm sorry to say this, but my experience as a teacher has been that this kind of hysteria - nervousness, panic, over-sensitivity, over-reaction - is more common in all-women groups than mixed groups or all-men groups, and it only takes one or two strong characters to make it feel like everyone in the group is acting this way. You'll have to nip it in the bud, and like the others have said, address it kindly but FIRMLY: point out that reacting this way doesn't make the learning process easier, that they have to relax and learn to love the frog! And say - in an oh-so-nice and sweet way - that if knitting is such a source of stress and frustration for them, maybe they ought to try something else? DPNs are surely not worth a stomach ulcer!

 

(PS: Did they have a bad experience with a previous teacher? Maybe they're just scarred, not scared!)

[losingmymind2]

Make sure they have an easy to frog yarn to work with, so they don't get frustrated like we do trying to frog mohair or homespun or boucle yarns. Have them make up a swatch, frog it, and do it again, just so they learn there is no shame in meeting the frog.

[Carol]

My sister is a quilter (and a knitter and a crocheter). She said quilters have a tradition of leaving a mistake in everything they make. She says a quilt without a mistake can only bring bad luck. It's made me feel better about mistakes!

[cris]

I think there is some great feedback here. It is possible that you have a few bad apples spoiling the bunch - getting several scared individuals in one class is a long shot, but not entirely impossible.

 

You could tell them "well, at least its not algebra" (I was a math major, people HATE math and panic at the simple thought of having to do a problem in front of others).

 

I like the idea of a frog mascot.

 

You have to be patient, perhaps start them out with something easier? I know you said they chose the hat, but maybe its more important that they feel comfortable than making something like a preemie hat. Tell them that.

 

I don't know if giving a reward to people is a good idea simply because those who are falling behind the leaderboard may feel even more overwhelmed that they aren't getting it as fast. Maybe just bring in something for all, tell a story, share your own experiences, or play some relaxing music. Don't be afraid to take their mistake to lead you to your own "wow, I did that last week" .. even if its not true.

 

There are a ton of theories as to why people do this when it comes to learning something new or complicated but I won't bore you with that - but it is human nature to baulk so don't take it personal, just try to make it as relaxing and enjoyable as possible.

[Becky Morgan]

Thanks for the suggestions so far, everyone!

 

As I said earlier, they aren't really beginners--they've been knitting on straight needles for a year and circulars for six months, and they meet for a long session every Friday evening. Bamboo needles are what they're used to, so they're using Clover bamboo DPNs and plain light-colored baby yarn, nothing bumpy or furry or hard to handle. They knit very, very, VERY tight, as you'd expect, but their work is smooth and even and generally looks nice. There's no question they should be able to handle a plain baby hat, especially since they've made essentially the same thing for adults.

 

Frogging...oh no no nooooooooooooooo, I don't want to encourage them to frog! Frogging is their curse. "I think I could possibly might have made a mistake ten rows back--RRRRIPPP!" before I can even lunge over to see why she's ripping back again. "Oh, no, that looks crooked RRRIPPP!" ...uh, you hadn't finished the round yet, and of course it looks...oh, never mind, you're casting on again, and crying again. I need to make them STOP frogging and learn that (1) mistakes can be fixed and that (2) they aren't tragic. I'm serious: one woman got halfway through an ornament, up to round 15 or so, thought she might have dropped a stitch on row 12, and tore the whole thing out faster than I could get around the coffee table to show her how to pick the stitch up. She started over five or six times--I lost count--and I finally picked up her needles when she went to the bathroom, knitted all of the increase rows and begged her not to frog it again, just finish it no matter what. She wasn't happy because she was convinced she was "ruining it" in some unspecified way, and she sniffled and shook until she cast off, and she was ready to frog it again, but I was able to get it from her, stuff it and fasten it off before she left so she would have at least one finished item to take home.

 

I'm starting to think they *should* knit with fun fur, because they wouldn't be able to imagine they see mistakes where there are none. They also want to try felting. I can imagine trying to explain that as long as something has roughly the right general shape and is kind of the right pre-felted size, it's unlikely that anyone will ever be able to find a mistake even if it's glaring.

 

There's one calm student in the bunch. The rest are all frightened to death of everything. I've had other students like Miss Crochet's MIL, but one at a time, not a whole group. As for honoring mistakes, as it were, I always take my first quilt to quilting classes. When I was learning, I was intimidated by the few pieces we had of my grandma's perfect quilting (that grandma died before I was born, and my other grandma didn't quilt) and just knew mine would never look like hers. As I tell students "No matter what, I guarantee you can make one look better than this, because I didn't know what the heck I was doing!" No matter what I'm teaching, I want my students to laugh and enjoy themselves and leave smiling, and up to now, they always have. This bunch just stumps me.

[craftconnie1]

I have taught children/ when they have made a mistake such as a dropped stitch we tied the lose stitch with a bow.....actually we called it a kiss.....especially needed on preemie hats I tend to suggest that my students use the three foot rule....if you don't notice the error from three feet away it most likely won't matter....a couple of extra rows for instance or purling instead of knitting.....simply tell them they are now a designer!

[magiccrochetfan]

Becky , you're a brave woman to take on this class! I can't imagine spending an hour with a group who are all (except one) so easily upset. It must be a very strange feeling for you, and the calm person, to be surrounded by so much anxiety.

[AutumnWindsong]

Personally, BEFORE I went on trying to teach this class how to make this hat, I'd teach them how to pick up a dropped stitch. Get straight needles and some spare thread, show them how to deliberately drop a stitch, go further, then pick up the dropped one. You said that some of them knit very tightly, and I'd work on trying to help them learn to loosen the stitches and not be so tight. At that point, they would probably be ok with learning how to use DPN's. But, that's just me. Good luck.

[champygirl]

May be make a few examples that have mistakes in them and show them out to fix it. Or a couple examples of how the hat or project might look at different at stages of the pattern. Maybe remind them to check their work befor moving on to the next rnd or row? I don't knit so I don't know if any of these will help.

 

You must have a lot of patience to be able to teach:yes, I really admire that. I think I would of gone crazy if I was in that situation. I wish you plenty of good luck. :clover :clover :clover

[merkity]

you know - i just thought of something rather out there....totally random but who knows.

 

have they ever done a project in a round ...i was thinking make them start jthe project and pass it to the next person after so many rows.

 

then continue for x rows and pass it along...

 

so that they are not the only one responsible for the work and becuase of the different knitting styles its guaranteed to come out at least a little funny looking....

 

also there would have to be a rule about frogging - since that seems to be an issue - something about no frogging as its part of the adventure...the next peson could try to pick up or decrease to fix it?

 

i don't know, just seems like it might help change the focus a tad.

[Becky Morgan]

Oh, I did show them how to pick up a dropped stitch, fix a missed increase and untwist a twisted stitch. I also explained that knitting doesn't always look completely even and that a trip through the laundry will even out almost all small differences. It didn't help--one perceived mistake and it was neck-deep in the frog pond every time. You know, I think Merkity has an idea there...it would take an enormous amount of emphasis on this next paragraph, though.

 

I think I'm going to have to lay down the law right up front (what's it going to do , upset them?)--NO, ABSOLUTELY NO, FROGGING. The minute they want to tear it out, they MUST hand it over and keep their hands off it until I see the perceived problem, period, or class will be over on the spot. I can't see enabling them to spend another three hours endlessly ripping and weeping.

[magiccrochetfan]

that is an interesting idea. I think most of us are a lot more forgiving of "mistakes" in others' work than our own.

[Tampa Doll]

My sister is a quilter (and a knitter and a crocheter). She said quilters have a tradition of leaving a mistake in everything they make. She says a quilt without a mistake can only bring bad luck. It's made me feel better about mistakes!

 

This is what I was going to say. My Mother always told me, that you always make a mistake in your crocheting or knitting, that way your soul is not trapped in your piece. She believed that you leave a little piece of yourself in everything you make.

I think the Native Americans do this also.

[crochetbydiana]

Oh, I did show them how to pick up a dropped stitch, fix a missed increase and untwist a twisted stitch. I also explained that knitting doesn't always look completely even and that a trip through the laundry will even out almost all small differences. It didn't help--one perceived mistake and it was neck-deep in the frog pond every time. You know, I think Merkity has an idea there...it would take an enormous amount of emphasis on this next paragraph, though.

 

I think I'm going to have to lay down the law right up front (what's it going to do , upset them?)--NO, ABSOLUTELY NO, FROGGING. The minute they want to tear it out, they MUST hand it over and keep their hands off it until I see the perceived problem, period, or class will be over on the spot. I can't see enabling them to spend another three hours endlessly ripping and weeping.

 

Oh my! You have much more patience than I. I agree set the rules and stop this endless frogging scenario. I couldn't teach a bunch of weiners like that, I'd explode.

[crochetrenee]

When I encounter such students in my crochet classes, I remind them, "This is supposed to be fun; it's just a hook and a string, so relax and have fun!"