Pressured to Crochet Gifts

[inmy7thhvn]

Oh I know just what you are saying! Why do people think we would want to crochet something for someone we barely even know? I like the idea of saying to those who want something- sure but you will have to foot the bill! HAHA Genius! That would most likely make them back off. I crochet from the heart, for people I know will like and use the finished product! I've learned over time who likes and who prefers not to get handmade items. I only crochet for people I love, whom I know will appreciate it. That is the fun of it in my opinion! Boy I didn't know so many of us had this problem.

[purlwise]

The only thing I ever had people ask me to make for them was when fun fur first came out and everyone was making fun fur scarves or boas. But I guess I was lucky they offered to pay me for them!

[livedinalaska]

People always ask me to "make one for me or so-and-so." I always say "I'm not for hire." Right now my main focus is to make items for our furture adopted child.

[bnhall]

My problem is my family. I'm super close to my mom, my grandma and my great aunt. If I make something for one of them, I have to have one for all of them or someone gets their feelings hurt. Now that I'm married, I have the in-laws, too. My MIL, grandma-in-law and stepmom-in-law. Hence the making of six 8-pocket totes for Christmas, plus three afghans. I'm straight obligation crocheting until Dec. 26...then I'm making a ton of stuff for me!

[catlyn]

I usually (in the past anyway) experienced the opposite...but I do have friends that like what I do and tell me they'd like me to make something...I don't mind...because they are friends.

 

I don't really like it if someone asks through someone else to ask me to make them something...they need to ask me themselves...

 

What I will do though is ask my friends if they are serious...because sometimes they just are giving me a compliment and back off because they don't me to feel pressured into making something for them.

 

A hat is something that is so fast for me to make it would be an afterthought...no problem. Anything more than that and I'd have to think about it.

 

But no, I don't really feel pressured except from my mom. And only because she can't just let me make something for her and leave it at that...she's got to micromanage what I do. I asked her if she wanted a pair of socks (as she was admiring mine that are one color, one stitch, in sock yarn,) and she said yes and when I asked what color, she said she wanted Fair Isle...thanks mom...she probably wants them in a Fair Isle pattern with 10 colors...I haven't made them yet...

 

I used to make her things all the time until she gave away one thing 2 hours after receiving it and just about threw in the trash a couple of other things simple because she was mad at me...yeah right, like I want to make things for her now...

 

If the person did not ask you directly, before you spend the time making that hat, contact that person and verify that she or he really wants a hat.

 

 

I have made gifts for my mother before, or bought certain things for her, and I was noticing that they were getting relegated to the storage shed.

So I quit making her anything.

 

Now I buy her something that can be used up.........like a nice smelling candle. She can use that and throw away the container when it's finished.

I had to do my daughterinlaw the same way.

 

People just don't realize what kind of work and time goes in on these hand made projects. I'm beginning to think that the hard work and the items would be more appreciated and do more good to make things for charity, like Hats for the Homeless, or Infants in Need.

[Carol]

A coincidence: Right after I read this thread yesterday, my sister called. She crochets, knits and is an award-winning quilter. She said she'd just received a phone call from a friend of an acquaintance who said, "I heard you sew?" My sister said, "My stomach always drops when people say things like this to me. It means they want something." My sister didn't even know this person and isn't even really friends with the acquaintance, but word got around that my sister quilts, and this stranger wanted her to make her some pillows for her.

 

My sister agreed, only because she found out the woman had cross-stitched some pillow tops and wanted the pillows for a charity auction.

 

But, yes, my stomach drops, too, in cases like this. I was at a party two weeks ago and wore a wrap that I'd made. I was already making one for a friend at the party (who paid me for the thread), but now her sister wants one. My friend said, "Well, the thread is $35. Then there's the labor..." That was the end of that. Thing is, I really took a chance she'd cough up the money, and I really didn't want to make another one.

 

Most of the time, tho, I have the opposite problem: Making something for someone who doesn't appreciate it. So I don't make anything for anyone anymore unless they ask me to, or I know for a fact they love crochet.

[shuttlebuggy]

I get like this at Christmas with my crocheted towels - I have a list of those who want them that is a mile long!!! I have had to tell a friend of mine who wants them but is able to do her own - that she may have to take the pattern she requested of mine and do her own! LOLOLOL:lol

But when I get the pile of towels each Fall to start in time for Dec 25th I always feel like kicking myself as to why I don't just do these year round!!! But you know how that is???

[Titus2woman]

I remember reading this when it was first posted~I had crocheted my first dishcloth. Now I've made another dishcloth and some granny squares, and I do have a friend that clapped her hands and said, "This means gifts!" LOL! As I was showing her the yarns I got for dishcloths (which are for Christmas gifts), she made sure to tell me which was her colors. She was disappointed though that I wouldn't use the wool I got for a soaker, as it is her colors. I was pretty shocked! I will do her dishcloth in her colors now that I know~I was going to do one for her anyway, but my original plan was to do all green/white/red. She made sure to tell me that they don't use green in their Christmas decorations! LOL! (((((HUGS))))) sandi

[teffy]

I know it happens to me. And a lot of people want to learn how to crochet, not understanding that within a day they could be making hats and afghans and everything it's taken me a few years of basics to learn how to do. I guess it's like that with anything, the more you do the better you get.

 

It's also frustrating when a lot of people you know happen to be pregnant at the same time. lol. Because then you have to decide who to make baby blankets for and who gets left out. Currently 5 of my close friends/people I work with are pregnant and due before Christmas! There's no way I could make all those in time. But I try anyway.

[trin]

I guess I'm lucky, I don't have a big family... (no inlaws for example, not particularly close to my cousins... which is a bit sad...) But my skills make my holiday presents for my family rather easy. I know my sister will see something I make and say "oooh for my birthday/the holidays I'd like one of THOSE." whereas shopping for her is really difficult.

 

Among my friends, & in general, I identify myself as an artist, so if someone I barely know, or one of their friends wants something, they get a business card with the addy for my etsy shop... Dear friends get the occasional surprise or gift of something I've made JUST for them.

 

Though one thing I've noticed over the years, is if someone is a Doctor, a Lawyer or works for the government, people in the neighborhood, at parties, at church or wherever will try to get free advice/guidance/services from you too...

[EmEyeAaay]

Wow, this is right up my alley right now! My mom was fairly discouraging when I started crocheting again, and it was always "When do you have the time to take care of my grandkids if all you're ever doing is crocheting?" types of questions, or just statements that most crocheted things are ugly, whatever, she hurts my feelings sometimes, but I've gotten to the point where I'm just used to her passive agressive/downright meanness.

 

Anyway, when I started making up my own amigurumi's then she'd say "oh, why didn't you make it for me, I want one of those" though last year when I was still re-learning crochet and spent forever making her a whale for her Christmas gift she kind of just blew it off and it was just sitting in her room with a box that she put other junk in. I don't know why I don't ever learn! Maybe it's just my need for approval that I keep trying with her, but it drives me crazy at the same time. The little flower girl I just made she'd said she wanted while I was still making her, she even told me the kind of hair to do, and then after I gave it to her she asked "why'd you do the hair this way? It doesn't look like a little girl anymore":thair Now she wants my strawberry girl because that's the costume that she made for me that won in a pageant when I was 5, and immediately after saying how much she wants it or that I should make her another one she told me how messed up some my french knots were:bang She had also said last week that I should just make up a bunch of my dolls and she'd take them to her old office and sell them for $5 or $10 but she didn't know if anyone would be willing to pay that much! I seriously don't know what goes through her mind sometimes, and I told her she could go right ahead and try it herself!

 

My middle sister seemed to inherit this critical & greedy gene from her though, every time I make something she tells me that I could make it for her too, or she's sees something and emails me with the picture or shows me the magazine and says "you can make that for me", really - what the heck? I already get along with my other sister so much better, but I don't know why she thinks I'd want to waste my time and $ since she never offers to pay for anything on something for her.

 

No one ever wants to learn, but they want me to make them tons of stuff, and guilt me about not spending enough time with my kids (and I'm a SAHM!).

 

Okay, enough venting, thanks for listening!

[Julia from NorCal]

My goodness what a thread I started. I'm glad it's been such a thought provoking topic. Keep it going. Vent away!

I still have not made the original item I was pressured to make.

Instead I'm hiding out with my other WIPS. :lurk

Round Ripples.

We'll just see how long they take.

Promise that it'll be done by :ctreeat the very, very latest.

[livedinalaska]

I have had to tell a friend of mine who wants them but is able to do her own - that she may have to take the pattern she requested of mine and do her own! LOLOLOL:lol

 

I finally started giving patterns out and telling people "I'm not for hire." Making things for everyone who "has to have one of those" keeps me from making all the stuff I WANT to make! There are very few things that I come across that I want to make in countless numbers and my crochet time is way too precious!

 

Slight vent there... thank you!

[CrisKad]

This just recently happened to me. One of my co-workers had a baby in September and she and I are very good friends, so I made her loads of stuff.

 

Another co-worker is having a baby this month, but she is in another department and I never talk to her. Somehow I got invited to her baby shower, but no one else in my department was invited! It was obvious I only got invited because she expected crochet gifts like I had made for my close co-worker.

 

So, I didn't crochet anything. I got her a store-bought gift. I'm not about to get manipulated into making something for someone.

[shuttlebuggy]

I finally started giving patterns out and telling people "I'm not for hire." Making things for everyone who "has to have one of those" keeps me from making all the stuff I WANT to make! There are very few things that I come across that I want to make in countless numbers and my crochet time is way too precious!

 

Slight vent there... thank you!

 

I have just got to get better at this as I have one friend in particular who get the "gimmies" with just about anything she sees me pull out to work on and it is getting just downright irritating!!! Sorry for my vent as well - it's just that she gets a bit demanding and it gets hard to take!

[Momcrochets]

Making things for everyone who "has to have one of those" keeps me from making all the stuff I WANT to make! There are very few things that I come across that I want to make in countless numbers and my crochet time is way too precious!

 

Slight vent there... thank you!

 

aint-it-the-truth!

[catlyn]

I have just got to get better at this as I have one friend in particular who get the "gimmies" with just about anything she sees me pull out to work on and it is getting just downright irritating!!! Sorry for my vent as well - it's just that she gets a bit demanding and it gets hard to take!

 

Give her a "learn to crochet" book for Christmas.

Maybe she would take the hint.

 

[shuttlebuggy]

Give her a "learn to crochet" book for Christmas.

Maybe she would take the hint.

 

 

:lol :lol You know I DID teach her to crochet - so that won't work - problem is she resists learning to read patterns. I mean it makes no sense, she saw my copies of Crochet Today magazine and marked all kinds of patterns she wants to make from them and I copied them for her - but she doesn't like to read patterns at all and gets stuck in a "one stitch" rut with straight dc all the time or grannies. So I am thinking on getting her a "how to" book on reading patterns.

[Knit Happens]

I have an idea. The next time someone (like a not-so-close coworker or a friend of a friend) solicits me to make something for them, I'm going to reply with "sure...and what will you be making for me???" I think that's only fair.

[shuttlebuggy]

You guys are full of great ideas --- too funny! I guess we should be so bold as to ask right?

[hooked2]

When someone asks me to make something for them, I tell them - with a - to "please get in line after the other folks I'm making things for!" Then I deliberately move the conversation on to another topic!

 

It's difficult I know, but folks can only take advantage of you if you let them. And it took me many 30 years to learn that ()!

[Carol]

:lol :lol You know I DID teach her to crochet - so that won't work - problem is she resists learning to read patterns. ...she doesn't like to read patterns at all and gets stuck in a "one stitch" rut with straight dc all the time or grannies. ....

 

I have a friend just like that, and I'm currently making her a shawl because she won't learn to read patterns. All she ever does is straight dc. Hmm....I didn't even realize that until I read your post. Well, I'll finish this shawl for her, but next time she asks, I think I'm going to remind her that she already knows how to crochet.

[shuttlebuggy]

I know Carol! This post really makes you think! It's not that we can't crochet things for those who already know how because sometimes they appreciate it the most - NOTE: I said sometimes;) , other times they seem to rely on us to make them things they would like to make themselves but are seemingly "closed" to stepping out and taking their craft to another level and learn new things.

I am sure we all have done this but it is the repeated requests or "gimmies" as I call 'em that make you "catch on"!

[zeropixie]

I am not shy about saying NO if the project is to big or time consuming. My family and friends have seen me work on different things so they know how much time some items take and they rarely ask. If they do it's usualy for christmas or birthday and they do it well in advance although my brother likes to shave his head bald so I gave him a open ended invitation to ask for hats.

[happy stitcher]

I have an idea. The next time someone (like a not-so-close coworker or a friend of a friend) solicits me to make something for them, I'm going to reply with "sure...and what will you be making for me???" I think that's only fair.

 

I like this response!!

 

Sometimes family asks me for something that's beyond my means financially, and I always tell them that I wouldn't be able to afford buying the yarn for that project. Sometimes they want it bad enough that they'll pay for the yarn, and othertimes they let it drop. I don't mind making most things that my family wants - if I can afford them. I always tell them that they'll get it when I get it done, though. And they know I can't just work on one project at a time. I need some instant gratification from small projects now and then! I used to only make things for other people, but now I make sure that at least one of my on-going projects is for me. That way I get something every now and then, too!