Our House Part One (go to Part Two for posting)

[peachykeencrochet]

Yay! Mom got me more white yarn so I can continue to work on my quilt-ghan! Yay!

[busy-bee-lmt]

Good morning, everyone. It's foggy here so far today. But not cold. Not sure what it's going to do later on. Kim has another doctor appointment this afternoon and an appointment to get her hair cut after that so the afternoon is going to be ultra busy.

 

Jude

So sorry you are under the weather again,and hope it will soon right itself. Hit the doc in the morning if you have to,so you can feel better . No sense in suffering needlessly .

 

Joanne

I have always been curious ,so if you dont mind, could I ask you, or anyone else who wants to chime in :

 

Do you think living together before marriage makes it easier to decide if you are making the right decision ? I have had friends tell me that things sre "different" before they have the marriage papers in hand, that the guy changes .

 

I have no clue either way ,since I got married and stepped in with both feet . I think EVERY relationship probably has an adjustment period ,whether marriage is in the picture or not . Just guessing here .

 

I don't hear of very many people who move in together,and not eventually marry on down the road somewhere .

 

So, I guess i'm just asking out of curiousity ....do any of you think that living together first is more of a "guarantee",so to speak,that things will work out ok, or do you think that it doesnt make things any different ?

 

If you dont want to answer, you dont have to... I'm not really asking to sound nosey, it's just something I always wondered .

After my divorce I said that I would live with someone before marrying again. And in fact I did. It didn't take long to figure out that this was NOT meant to be and we split up before things could get ugly. I'm glad I did it.

Here's my doily, (finally) its not blocked or starched.

That's beautiful, Cindy! :clap

 

I'll have to think about today's question for a while.

[judianne]

Good morning, peeps!

 

Here's my doily, (finally) its not blocked or starched.

It looks good - and unstarched, too! You work with thread a lot better than you think you do!

Hmmm... how about 50lbs of weight loss! I'll take 35 of it now and keep 15 in reserve should I slip a little in the future.

:rofl:rofl:rofl

Hi ladies

Another one that has me stumped,so I need to think on it a bit .

 

If you could have any place in the world all to yourself for 24 hours, where would it be ?

Hmmmm....I know!

A huge book store...with a coffee shop and bathroom attached:lol

 

Yay! Mom got me more white yarn so I can continue to work on my quilt-ghan! Yay!

:clapfor mom!

[judianne]

Good morning, everyone. It's foggy here so far today. But not cold. Not sure what it's going to do later on. Kim has another doctor appointment this afternoon and an appointment to get her hair cut after that so the afternoon is going to be ultra busy.

 

 

After my divorce I said that I would live with someone before marrying again. And in fact I did. It didn't take long to figure out that this was NOT meant to be and we split up before things could get ugly. I'm glad I did it.

 

That's beautiful, Cindy! :clap

 

I'll have to think about today's question for a while.

I hope today goes smoothly for you and Kim....

[judianne]

I'm about halfway feeling better this morning...the only thing that could help this is a powerful pain pill, which I don't have since this issue hasn't come up in a long time.

If the pain continues to fade away as I expect it will, I'll be good...but you can be sure my next doctor visit will see me asking for something to have on hand "just in case".

Last night, Hubby, my tea-totaler (sp?), asked me if alcohol might help...and of course I don't have any in the house. I'm thinking having some brandy on hand - for emergencies - might be a better idea than pills.

 

Have a good day, my friends.

 

Off to the food store this morning. BBL.

[marpan79]

Good morning ladies

 

Nothing to report this morning. I was going to start the baby blanket last night that I picked up the yarn for and started a square to the pattern I was going to use, but decided I didn't like it so now I need to find a new pattern

 

Cindy - Very nice doily

 

Judy - I hope you feel better today I usually try to keep some rock-n-rye around for when I start to get a cold, horrible stuff, but works well for me.

 

Julie - Anywhere for 24 hours to myself? Hmmm....that's tough, it might be a long time for me to be alone in any one place I guess in a new office in Pitt setting up shop since that would help with my future. OR if I'm aloud to take my family and nephews.....Disney World! I'd love to see their faces light up at everything there But, I wouldn't want to be there by myself I like Judy's answer about the book store, but if I had to pay for what I wanted at the end of the 24 hours, I anticipate big trouble

 

Linda - don't forget to stop and breathe during the day I hope the dr appt and hair cut go smoothly for you.

[Faile]

Julie - As far as your question about living together before marriage, it can both help spot some problems and create other problems. It will help to weed out some losers who think that they no longer need to be on their best behavior since they've "caught" you. Unfortunately it also blurs the line between single and married. There tends to be a shift in expectations when you get married that isn't always as evident if you've been living together. This can cause a lot of problems if one or both parties don't realize that it's happened and handle it appropriately.

[LovinThis32]

~~Morning my girls!~~

[judianne]

Hi again, to everyone I missed this morning...

 

Marisa, I saw that rock-n-rye (I think it was, anyway) next to the blackberry brandy (which I bought). I got the small bottle to see if it's worth it...

 

The pain is still there, but not nearly as bad, so I may not need any help to get through it tonight. And tonight is book club - something fun to look forward to .

[JulieKay]

Hi guys

Thanks for the responses on living together/marriage . It's nice to find out what others think regarding certain issues. Just curious !

 

Linda

hope your busy day goes ok for you .

 

Jude

Hope you are feeling better today . Want me to go pick you up some good old fashioned ROTGUT from Hillbilly Village ? If you drank enough of it, you'd probably forget what state you live in !

 

Peaches

Glad your got your white yarn .

 

Faile

Really good answer !

 

Marisa

Yea, Disney would be fun ,but not without any other people--that'd be a little creepy feeling !

 

Hey my buddy Kiyo !

 

 

Well, I think I finally figured out where I'd wanna be turned loose for 24 hours all by myself .

I think I'd choose either the White House, or the Smithsonian ,or the building they keep the excess White House furniture and bric-a-brac that other Presidents have used in the past .

 

I LOVE looking at really antique items ,photos ,etc ..... We went to the White House back when I was a teen,and they still allowed tours through it,but only of certain areas. I am nosey, I would have liked to go upstairs to see if Nixon's bed was made, or still messed up,and if they still had leftover dishes and food sitting on the counters .

 

I'd like to lay down on Lincoln's bed, just to say I DID .... I think the SPIRITS left inside that building would be louder than a roomful of people.. would love to just hear the echoes of all the people who have been there before .

 

SO,that is my pick ....24 hours alone in the White House ,with no one asking me where I was going, no one following me in black suits, talking into their earphones,no one TASER GUNNING me for being in there illegally,and no one getting angry if I reached my arm into a case with Mary Lincoln's dress in it, just to feel the fabric of it .

 

If I was in the smithsonian,I'd also like to touch Jackie Kennedy's dress she wore the day her husband was shot -- so much EMOTION in that one piece of clothing. I would like to pick George Washington's false teeth out and CLACK them together, just to see how well they might have worked for him .

 

Doggone, I could probably ask for 24 DAYS and not be done .

[BaseballMom18]

Good Morning from rainy Northern Cal! It has been pouring non-stop all night, think I might need a boat soon! Nothing like the storms some of you had to deal with but sure does make for going places difficult. Have the house to myself for a few hours this morning so I was able to get most of my chores done in peace and quiet.

 

Julie- LOVE the questions! As far as living together before marriage, I truly believe that it can help but not always. I lived with my first husband for a year before we got married and although we were married for 18 years, I still didn't know everything I should have about him and his family. My bf and I have lived together for a couple of years now and I know EVERYTHING about him! I am in no hurry to get married again though. 24 hours alone anywhere? I would love to stay in a castle in Ireland and see what it was like! Spirits and all.

 

Judy-Hope you're feeling better today!

Cindy-your doily is gorgeous!

Linda-hope you get a chance to relax for a few minutes!

Peaches- Aren't moms great sometimes!!!!

Kiyo-good morning!

 

 

:hugTo everyone-have a great day!

[LovinThis32]

Mama Jules-----I think you got me thinkin'........... that I'm in my prime and I'm gonna finish my doily and my man is goin' to want to turn around and go back home as soon as he gets here cuz' he's scared, and.........................lol I don't know what we are going to do but I need to see him soon!!!! :0)

[LovinThis32]

TRISH!!! where you been girlie??

[LovinThis32]

Also.......JULIE----can I just say O.M.G about your family growing up. YIIIIIIKES!!! I think I would of ran away. I am so sorry. You sound as though it made you a strong person though. Maybe sometimes in good ways and sometimes in bad ways. Dang. I think coming from parents who used to fight and got divorced after 21 yrs. was bad. I will take that anyday, their fighting wasn't that bad.

[eurolyons]

Hmmm... how about 50lbs of weight loss! I'll take 35 of it now and keep 15 in reserve should I slip a little in the future.

 

Good one!

[BaseballMom18]

TRISH!!! where you been girlie??

 

Trying to stay out of trouble! No, really just trying to get caught up on all my crochet projects, taking care of my kids, working...you know the same as everyone! Would love to take a vacation ALONE for a couple of weeks- no tv, cell phone , just me, my yarn and my kindle! Won't happen but it is nice to dream!

[LovinThis32]

I hear ya, TOTALLY! You want a job like mine???? my cell phone is 24 hrs!!!!

[JulieKay]

Hi Trish

Great to see you ,and I am glad you guys are enjoying the questions. I like doing things like this too . When I used to be in charge of our family reunion, we did questionnaires occasionally ,just because our extended family is so big and we all only met up one weekend per year,so it was hard to get to know everyone well .

You brought up another MARRIAGE question,that I will list a bit later . Thanks !

 

 

Hey Kiyo

I certainly hope I didn't say anything that made you change your mind about your boyfriend. If you guys have a plan to get married and you both wanna do it, then go for it ! Not my business in any way . I think you are a great person and very funny, so I want you to be happy ,so whatever makes you happy sounds great to me.

 

And my sister DID run away many times .She was more rebellious than I was. I was the older and always tried to do what was right ,and now I am suffering greatly because of it . I never even realized what was happening to me ,but it has really messed me up in a lot of ways. I only hope to live long enough to get my head on straight . I think I would come across to some people as strong. That is what I TRY to be, but not sure I can fool all the people all the time .

[JulieKay]

OK --another marriage question :

 

Once ,many years ago, I heard a guy ask his engaged friend how he got along with his fiance's FAMILY ?

He said you don't marry the girl, you marry the FAMILY .

 

 

What are your thoughts on THAT ? How big a part does the FAMILY play on the success of the marriage ?

 

* Let me just add ,as a rule , in my experience with the majority of people I know,they have one or the other . They have a wonderful spouse and lousy inlaws, or a lousy spouse,and wonderful inlaws. I can't think of many people who are lucky and get both things to be good together .

[Skysmom]

Happy Thursday, everyone. I've been home all day and back in the Spring cleaning mode I was in about a month ago.

 

Cindy ~ Your doily is gorgeous! What size thread and hook did you use?

 

Judy ~ So sorry you're in pain. Feel better soon and enjoy your book club tonight!

 

Linda ~ Oh my, your quilt is going to be stunning. Those fabrics are beautiful! I hope all goes well with Kim's appointments this afternoon.

 

Marisa ~ A baby ghan and a knitted sweater - Can't wait for pictures.

 

Faile ~ Hi! I absolutely love your idea of keeping 15# in reserve! Can I borrow those? That's about what I need to get rid of.

 

Peaches ~ Yay for more white yarn! How many little squares have you made so far? I really like making them and they're such a great take-a-long project.

 

Julie ~ Love your questions for us! To wander around the White House or Smithsonian alone would be so cool...I'd probably think someone was watching me from all those old pictures, though.

 

I didn't "run away" from home exactly. I had two best friends in Junior High who always wanted me to stay with them. Their parents loved me and (looking back) probably knew that my mom was a tyrant towards me. More than once I locked myself in the upstairs bath - truly afraid of her!

 

Hi to Trish, Kiyo, Joanne, Cheeria and all my House friends.

[Skysmom]

As for the 24 hour question - I actually don't want to be totally alone. Can I take Gracie and Luke along?

[Faile]

When it comes to marrying the family, it really depends a lot on the person you are marrying and their family. If they are very interconnected and do a lot together, then you'd be well advised to make sure you get along with them. On the other hand if they have little to no contact with their family then it will probably make little difference whether or not you get along with the family. So basically, the more contact you're likely to have with the family the more important it is that you can get along with them.

[LovinThis32]

No change in heart Julie, you're ok ( I was trying to hint that I'M READY for him to be here!!) Where we don't get to see each other much it's time!

 

Your question of 24 hours-----I'd like to be in Bora Bora in a bungaloo over the ocean.

 

Marriage----I'm on the fence with this- My X- husband--- I had crappy and crappy lol. I tried to treat his family well, they were pigs, Still are. Takes everything I have to even talk to them nice. His mom was a beast, wasn't too bad to start but spiraled out of control, she's lucky I didn't poke her in the eye. i am a VERY family oriented person, get along with almost everyone, love to have fun, kind of the life of a party type. My X-boyfriend---had a HUGE family, I had an enjoyable time when i was visiting them in Arkansas- thought all was well. Then HE chose his family (brothers, sisters, neices, nephews, etc. ) and pushed me away. Which was wrong in my eyes. I tried to be included in everything but was told it was up to me to include myself (I didn't get it) shouldn't they include me too, BEGINNING WITH HIM???? Funny thing........he gets it now and regrets as well. Sorry Charlie, you snooze you lose! My current man- he's in it with me, could care less about the rest of the family. Oooooook I say!

Do I know where I would like to be with all of it, yes, is there really a "PERFECT" setting?

[eurolyons]

OK --another marriage question :

 

Once ,many years ago, I heard a guy ask his engaged friend how he got along with his fiance's FAMILY ?

He said you don't marry the girl, you marry the FAMILY .

 

 

What are your thoughts on THAT ? How big a part does the FAMILY play on the success of the marriage ?

 

* Let me just add ,as a rule , in my experience with the majority of people I know,they have one or the other . They have a wonderful spouse and lousy inlaws, or a lousy spouse,and wonderful inlaws. I can't think of many people who are lucky and get both things to be good together .

 

Hmmmm...*rubbing hands together* Before I met Hub-E, my sister and I were talking about how our mother didn't like any of the guys we went out with...didn't matter who they were...and during that time, it would get discouraging on a number of levels. We had heard from various sectors that if you and the guy were happy and in love, blah, blah, blah, that's all that mattered. But I can tell you from personal experience that with my first marriage, there was a growing sense of isolation as time went on, my family, not liking how my then husband was treating me (and visa versa) they distanced themselves from me. Towards the end of the marriage and into the divorce, my sisters and my mom kept saying that it wasn't that they didn't like ex, but that they didn't think he was right for me. Now, understand, it wasn't like they were also trying to be a wedge between us, we were doing fine on that score all by ourselves. But ex did say at one point during the divorce that one of the reasons he wanted to part ways was the feeling that I was too dependent on my mom's opinion...and maybe I was...but I can tell you that that was pot calling kettle black, because this came from a man who didn't make any decision about anything major unless he first ran it past his mom before even talking to me. But whatever.

 

My personal belief is this: If one thinks that marriage is only between the bride and groom, they are selling themselves short (regardless of family dynamics) because really you are marrying two families together, especially if you plan on having children...those children will have the DNA of both families for one thing.

 

For myself though, regardless of my own family dynamics, family is important. That was clear during my marriage to ex when my family grew more distant...it made life harder for me. It made life harder for them too.

 

When I was about to start getting serious with Hub-E, I was concerned because he was my landlord, what if we failed, I'd lose my home (because I rented the top floor apartment from him...so I went to my mom for real advice and at the time, she said that maybe it wouldn't be a good idea to hook up with him...and I basically agreed with her, but God had other plans.

 

When we did get together for reals and she met him in person about a month later, it was magic...she adores him...(a first...) and yes, while the first few years, every time I talked to her on the phone she kept expecting me to complain about him (the other shoe dropping) I kept saying that everything was effortless...so on his own, he has indirectly earned her love and trust too.

 

My sisters and I will claim that mom says she wants us happy, but is jealous of what we have, and I still believe that to be true half the time, but I can also say with a straight face and believe to be true that she really does want us to be happy. The alternative was not pretty ever.

 

One good thing I'll say about my ex though is that I did and still do get along with his family. I am still family to them. That's nice. I do get along with my in laws, but I have to say that it's really a good thing that they are in the middle of the country. Not because I don't like them, but I think there would be more family politics if we all lived closer. It's also a good thing that my mom and my sisters are 800 miles from me, for the same reason...but I have my father and that side of the family here and I can only handle that the drama from some branches of that family just so far...but the important members of that family in my world accept Hub-E as family, no questions asked...

 

So back when my sister and I had the discussion about boyfriends and family, she started off by saying that family didn't matter, but I went on to explain why I thought it did...it is easier on everyone if family likes and accepts the boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse and visa versa. But it is a two way street and it requires real respect.

 

Starting with the couple in question, if they don't respect each other (or even themselves) it's awfully hard for the families to practice respect towards them.

 

One of the things I noticed about Hub-E is that he may not like everything his parents do (especially in regards to money) but he respects them...there is a standing weekly phone date, no matter where we are. Period, end of discussion. My mom gets nuts if I call more than once every two months...but email is helping both of us on that score.

 

Loyalty is a value we both respect...while I've gone on and on about how I was treated by my family or even my ex, I'm still loyal to them, I still love them, because at the end of the day, it's the right thing to do and I can't help myself...

 

Same with Hub-E towards his family.

 

I've gone with one or two guys that had horrid family relations, and even with a guy or two who's parents absolutely did not like me and I could never understand why on an emotional level. I wasn't a drug addict or alcoholic or a serial killer...but it may simply have been that "no girl was good enough for their son..." or that they could see right from the start that we were not right for each other as marriage and parental material.

 

Family is important and totally worth examining when one is looking for a potential spouse...DNA, how the person was raised, what their value system is all about, how they view their families, and a host of other things.

 

We laugh watching Everyone Loves Raymond, but I know I couldn't deal with having even my own mom living across the street from me and barging in at all hours like Marie and Frank do with Raymond, however, there is something to be said that bottomline, they do love their boys...just maybe a little too much at times.

 

Looking forward to seeing what everyone else writes.

[eurolyons]

OK --another marriage question :

 

Once ,many years ago, I heard a guy ask his engaged friend how he got along with his fiance's FAMILY ?

He said you don't marry the girl, you marry the FAMILY .

 

 

What are your thoughts on THAT ? How big a part does the FAMILY play on the success of the marriage ?

 

* Let me just add ,as a rule , in my experience with the majority of people I know,they have one or the other . They have a wonderful spouse and lousy inlaws, or a lousy spouse,and wonderful inlaws. I can't think of many people who are lucky and get both things to be good together .

 

 

Well you do now...me and Hub-E...we're all still flawed, but we're good to each other, try to be good to our families and they actually try to be good to us. I do agree, it does seem to be one or the other and it does seem like a rarity to have all parties be at least on civil terms...but they do exist.

 

I wanted to add too, that respect thing I was talking about in my earlier post, before Hub-E and I got super serious, that first time he met my mom, she did probably what she should have done with ex, and that was ask him what his intentions were with me...she liked his answer...that helped a great deal...that and I talked to her again before then and told her my own intentions with him once we couldn't deny we were more than attracted to each other.

 

I think one of the reasons that she had a much easier time with us getting together is that we both treated her with respect as the parent and told her our intentions, asked for advice and blessing (something I didn't do with her regarding ex...)

 

I think when a couple tells their parentals, "We're getting married whether you like it or not" that immediately puts the parentals on the defensive...

 

I'm not saying that the parentals have a right to step in and damage their kids' relationships...again for me, it's all about respect.

 

If I were dating today I'd be looking at how well the guy interacts with his family...if he's complaining about how he was raised, I'd be asking, "Is he just complaining or has he learned to grow past that bad childhood and made something better out of his life..." It wouldn't be a deal breaker if he and his parentals weren't talking, if he had severed all ties...I mean things happen...but what would be important to me is how he treats people in general, how he treats animals...if he wasn't treated well as a child, did he use that as an excuse to be abusive or to say to himself, "No, I will not be that way with anyone else..." Yeah it would be sad to me if he had no relationship with his parentals and other family members, but part of loving yourself is to recognize when something is toxic and take care of yourself...sometimes families are incredibly toxic. There was a reason why I lived so far apart from my late grandmother.

 

I keep thinking of other things...

 

As far as determining success and health of marriage...I think it still comes down to the couple in question...if they haven't done their homework, if they haven't learned from their past, if they haven't taken responsibility as adults on how to be good adults, the marriage will have problems regardless of how close or not close the families are. I do think that if the couple is on a good foundation just between the pair of them, then having the support of family (along with being social and having some good traditions, etc...) that will just enhance the marriage...if they are on a shaky foundation, even if the family is good, then the marriage still might fail, but it might take longer to come to an end. (Like my first marriage did...)

 

I liked what my mother in law said when talking about the beginning of her marriage to my father in law, who was career military. When they got married, within a heartbeat he was stationed to West Point, NY and that's where Hub-E was born. For the next 20 years they bounced around the continental US, and also Japan and Alaska...but making yearly visits home to Illinois. My MIL said that as hard as it was to be away from family, it was absolutely the right thing to do for them...because had they been home in those early years, they might not have survived the marriage because of the family politics at that time. The physical separation of family by hundreds and sometimes thousands of miles forced them to cling to each other and grow together and learn to deal with the slings and arrows of married life. I can totally relate after living in Germany for 9 years with Hub-E and being thousands of miles away from family...it was absolutely the best thing for us. It was that kind of exercise that will either make or break you and fortunately for us, it made us. And it also helped us when we had to be apart for a year and a half...

 

I think that's all...I love these questions Julie...