I feel like I'm being petty

[Mandys76]

I feel for you, I really do.

 

Perhaps thank you wasn't enough because you got such a gushing response from the other person and it whacked out your perspective a bit?

 

But I can understand you're point.

 

Perhaps it is like someone else said...perhaps the mommy is to afraid to use the items for fear of spoiling them? I know when I recieve a home-made gift I like to keep it somewhere special, but not use it in case I ruin it.

[Lady_of_Roses]

When it comes to store-bought gifts, usually just a thank you is sufficient to make me happy. But if it's something very special I looked for a long time to find, or spent hours and hours making for them, I'd like to know if they actually like the item. Especially with hand-crafted items, I want to know if I'm wasting my time.

 

I've made it clear to my family that if they don't like something, they have to say something or they will continue to receive whatever it is. Be it a food, item, whatever. Sure we've ruffled each others feelings from time to time, but we never have to worry that we're getting a fake "Thanks, I love it!"

[theworm]

You know, I've been thinking about this because I really do think it's my problem. I have some little relatives that hubby and I have sent gifts to. We mailed birthday presents, Christmas presents and Easter baskets, and never got even an acknowledgement that they were received. I don't blame the kids - I blame the parents. Kids need to be taught to say thank you.

 

From the time my nephew could hold a pencil, my sister would write a thank you note for gifts and let him scribble on it. He learned that you say thank you and now that he's older, he always writes a short note or calls me right away to say thank you. It's sweet.

 

 

When I get a gift I try to say thank you right away, and I like to say more than "thanks". If I get a gift in the mail, I'll call or write and send a thank you specifically for that item and make it personal - why I like it, how it's perfect, etc.

 

Maybe I just think that there is a sincere way of saying thank you and an insensere way - and yeah - thats my problem.

 

I'll continue to make things and give gifts, but I would like to find out whether a store bought gift would be prefered. Whenever I give something - whether I invest time, money or both, I want it to be well received and liked. If handmade gifts aren't preferred, I'll purchase things.

 

Part of this is my problem and my expectations.

Another part of it is just manners.

[sjkmaurice]

My problem with "Thank you" is my mother! Our grandmother usually gave us age-inappropriate gifts that were often tacky and my mother always instructed us to smile and say "This is nice, thank you!" Then when we got home, we'd give it away. So if someone says to me, "Thank you" and I never see the gift on them or in use, I imagine it is because they are being polite but didn't like the gift.

[juliegoller]

I haver some people who absolutly LOVE my crocheted gifts, then there are others who have the opinion that no matter how well made they are tacky and even a bit of a joke. My brother is one of these I never make his kids anything as he won't let them wear "that crocheted crap" anyway. That's just the way it is and not much we can do about it. The only thing I have given him lately is a Bee Teddy Bear that his 3 year old ASKED for. When I said, "see your son has good taste" His reply was that he was too young to know better. And yes we were raised in the same home!!! lol juliegoller

[carrie_dyer]

I don't know if anyones responseis the same as mine so I am sorry.

 

I made something for a baby in my family and actually said something to my aunt because the baby never wore the hat even though she loved it. Come to find out the baby was allergic to the yarn. She wore it for like an hour and her skin broke out. my aunt didnt want to tell me because she didn't know how i would react. anyway thought i would share

[Chiscrochetcrazy]

I don't think you're being petty at all It's funny my hubby said he gets mad because I make our grandaughter things and he says he's never seen her wear any of the things or have a blanket or anything that I've made her. After he pointed it out to me I got irritated too The fact is we never see the baby so I send things to her. I'll continue to make things for her because I want to & someday she'll appreciate them even if her mother doesn't.

[tiggerhale]

With my first two kids, a friend in the church made this jumper and sent it w/a onesie to go under. For my son (1st child) it was a beautiful blue color. We had him baptised in it. I sent a photo to her. She remarked that she'd been making that outfit for YEARS and that was the first time anyone sent her a photo of someone in it.

 

Well, for child #2, daughter, the one she sent was WHITE! I'm sorry to report that Claire never wore it. For some strange reason, I was terrified of getting it stained. I do have both of them saved for each of my children for their children.

 

For child #3, she sent a jacket - I love it. But Avery's not worn it either. It's not that I'm not grateful, however, my child is LARGE and by the time the sweater was in season, my child was not in SIZE! Yikes! However, it is still a cherished item and no doubt will go into Avery's stash of saved items.

 

I've made items for folks and I have to say, minus my Avery's baptism dress, I don't think I've seen any photos of my gifts on their recipients. Does that stop me? Absolutely not...because perhaps they had some of the same issues I did/do...also because I LOVE doing it!

[Lady_of_Roses]

I made something for a baby in my family and actually said something to my aunt because the baby never wore the hat even though she loved it. Come to find out the baby was allergic to the yarn. She wore it for like an hour and her skin broke out. my aunt didnt want to tell me because she didn't know how i would react. anyway thought i would share

 

 

An allergy is a perfect example of when people need to own up to the creators of gifts made with love. Can you imagine if you kept sending her stuff yearly made of this yarn the baby is allergic to, simply because she didn't tell you? I know I'd be awfully upset at the waste of time, money and effort if it continued for a long time.

[funkyreporter]

I haven't read through the entire thread so perhaps someone suggested this, BUT you might try responding to one of the many e-mails that are sent of the baby wearing other clothes about how much you'd love to see pictures of the baby in the items you've made and also ask nicely if she's getting any use out of them.

 

When I had my first child (at 18) I was gifted some lovely crochet items (I was not a crocheter at that point in my life) and I DIDN'T use them because I was afraid to ruin them! What if the baby spit up on it and stained it? I loved the outfits and saved them but I don't think I put them on once... can you imagine? By the time I had the second baby (a girl) I was then comfortable with yarn and used the beautiful crocheted items I received knowing I could wash them;) !

 

Good luck and I hope you get to feeling appreciated:hug

[nana5boys]

I also know how you feel. I've made baby blankets and I rarely see them using them. Only a few couple that I've actually seen that they use it. The're was a family member who for her son I had made her a light blue granny sq. and he it was his security blanket. A yr. or so later I saw it and it was all torn up and unraveling and I made him a new one, but he didn't want the new one. Same with my girlfriends granddaug., I made one and she still has it and won't use any other one that was made for her. And she's 6 yrs. old. Yet again I made my goddaug.'s baby one for a girl(we're still waiting she's overdue) and looked in the closet and was nowhere to be found. Oh well, but I still feel hurt.

 

jaye

[laralou]

I totally get you. I painted a beautiful one of a kind banner for my cousin's baby when he was born. I delivered it to their house and left it for them. When her dd was born, I did the same and recieved thank you's and pictures. This time I got nothing. Not even an acknowledgement. I didn't want a thank you note even. Just a call or an email letting me know she got it and liked it. I waited two weeks and finally called. Needless to say I haven't made anything else for them in a while. I finally decided to crochet her dd's gift for her birthday and regardless of whether not it is appreciated, I will enjoy making something beautiful and giving something that can't be bought. I do it for me, not for the recipient. I do try to make something they will like, but bottom line, I do it for my own enjoyment and if they can't appreciate it, then maybe they can pass it on to someone who does.

[yarndiva]

Dear Frustrated Hooker,

 

One of the many important lessons I learned when dealing with the in-laws and extended family is this:

 

"Don't do it for the 'Thank You'"

 

I cannot explain to you how this little piece of wisdom has released me from the craziness that almost always happens when I do things for other people.

 

Just do it, pat yourself on the back, and move on.

 

This also applies to other areas of our lives.

 

Besides, I know Someone who will ultimately thank You anyways!

 

May all your crocheted gifts be well received,

Beth

[just me]

When I gift a handcrafted item to someone, I will ask for a photo of the recipient wearing or using the item "for my own scrapbook". Most people comply happily. Occasionally I get a thank you but no photo, even when I know they are using the gift. I think that they may think of you when they use it, but don't always think to take a picture and send it along.

 

When you give a gift, you might want to mention that you keep a scrapbook or photo album of the children you have made items for wearing those things and you would love to have so-and-so's picture included. Since you say you get a lot of photos of baby #2, you might ask the mom if she'd mind sending a photo of her gorgeous babe in one of the outfits you made -- it might be a "DOH!!!" moment for her.

[jewel]

When my sister-in-law was expecting I made her a quilt and a crocheted baby blanket. Unfortunately the only pictures I received were from my mother-in-law because I asked about them. I asked recently if she uses them, since he is almost one now and my mother-in-law says all the time. Everyone is different and although I would love to know from her how much she appreciates them, I just have to realize that she doesn't think like that and the fact that she is getting use out of them is all that matters. I hope you find out if she is using them.

[daisycrochet]

I would have to agree. You're not being petty at all. You simply would like to see what you worked so hard on in use. It's quite normal to feel that way. I know i have in the past, but with blankets I once made. I would have to say that the next time you want to get the baby a gift, to buy something for her instead. Maybe that will bring up the subject of what you made in the past, kinda opening the door for the reason why you haven't seen the pictures of your work being worn. No worries though. I'm sure there are plenty out there that enjoy hand made items.

 

Dear frustrated hooker:

 

You are not being petty- the greatest rule of crochet is that people who don't appreciate it don't deserve it. If the mom doesn't use it, the baby isn't going to benefit either. I'm sure a lovely store-bought item will be just as appreciated.

 

That said, it is possible that they do use this items, but don't take special photos- I've known folks who take hundreds of different baby photos, but send the same dozen or so "perfect" looking ones out to everyone.

 

However, maybe handmade isn't the mom's style. If she doesn't gush, it probably isn't her thing, and she might consider homemade a lovely novelty for a newborn but not an everyday useful item. Feel free to buy her something and save your crocheting efforts for where they are appreciated the most.

 

If you feel the need for approval, you have mine fully.

 

Supportively yours,

 

Phoenix

[jmccrochet]

I made an afghan for co-workers when they adopted a little girl. After the shower, I received a thank you note that said it would be treasured and it was kept in her room as an infant but I wondered if it would ever be used. Then, when they got pregnant a year and a half later, I just knew I had to make their baby a blanket. So, I crocheted him an afghan but it wasn't ready before he was born. At his baptism, I noted his blankie was a crocheted afghan and I told the mom that I was sorry I hadn't finished mine. SHe commented that she felt mine would be made with more love. Recently I visited at bed time and noticed the oldest child was sleeping with my afghan and that made me feel great. I can understand your concern. It's so tough to know whether people are trying to keep things as heirlooms, or if they'll be used. I recently had a great-nephew born and made him an afghan. His mother told my sis that she would be honored to bring her child home in my afghan and it's on the rocker in his nursery. I don't make clothes, but really wish someone would've made me a blankie or a quilt when I was a child. I finally have one I made myself. Sometimes you can tell whether folks or sincere and sometimes you can't. Short of an out and out "don't make me anything" I don't know how to avoid it. I made Christmas scarves and people were raving (showing them off, etc.). Families and people can be so tough to read

 

Joyce

[theworm]

The very first baby blanket I made went to an on-line friend. It was a simple blanket with a very pretty edging and I sent her a matching hat and booties. She loved them, and cried and immediately sent me an e-mail thank you and later a snail-mail note.

 

She told me then that the blanket was going in the baby's hope chest so that she would always have it. She didn't want to use it and ruin it, but when she went into labor she made her husband go back into the house to get the hat that I made because she didn't want the baby in the plain hospital hat. The first photo of the baby that was sent to all her friends and family were in the hat that I made.

I later sent her some crocheted MaryJane shoes and got not just a picture but lots of comments about the compliments she gets.

I don't mind at all that she doesn't use the blanket because I know she appreciated the gift.

 

My niece called on Christmas day to thank me for the gifts and for the baby's blanket. We'll see if I get any thank you from the other baby's mom.

[useratl]

Here's a twist from my holiday weekend . . . having a family that for decades now has watched me crochet and knit . . . I made myself a pretty killer shawl last year and offered one to mother; not interested. Showed up with a cool new scarf that no one took notice of. Still, I offered to make something by request. No takers.

 

I was 'included' in the invitation of sister's colleagues to dinner at their house. The woman was a wonderful artsy, non-corporate type, who has a studio with dyed & spun yarn, and other various UFO's I was privy to admire. At the end of the evening, she offered me a particular shawl she'd made, and of course, I was ecstatic and completely floored. I'd just met the woman, but I guess our artsyness caused us to hit it off.

 

When I got home, my NotSoDear Mother is ASKING me for this shawl I was just presented with and I'm pretty sure if it wouldn't have led to jail time, I'd have hauled off and popped her. I totally refused, but offered to make a replica.

 

My needlework's not good enough, but let a fuss be made by the masses about someone else's?

 

I am the same person who some years back watched the gift of a baby afghan stay in the bag in which it was delivered and never even be looked at or touched . . . yeah, great fun.

 

You guys are NOT being petty, and never mind cutting so much slack on these ungrateful ones!

[mva5493]

I have a few things I would like to add to this thread:

 

first, I have only been crocheting for a little while and so far my "gifts" have been to my own children, so I am not sure how my other things will be recieved, but I have been making "handmade" gifts for several years. My first serious hobby was plastic canvas I made for my nephew (he was around 5 at the time) a playset ( it was two pieces of canvas stitched together with handles, it had a road complete with dotted white lines down the center, and airport terminal, a large and small hanger, a house and a garage) it was designed for "micro machines" but my nephew played with both those and hot wheels with this playset. He loved it and played with it so much that over the next several years I "fixed" it for him by first replacing the buildings, and then eventually replacing the "road" several times. It went over so well that I made 4 more for his cousins. I think it just depends on the person receiving the gift. That one was very well loved. My sister showed that gift and a few other to a lot of people over the years. My nephew is 19 now and the last "fix" is still among his belongings, he plans to pass it down when he has children of his own.

 

 

At the same time, I have made gifts that have ended up never being seen again, I really think it helps to know the person you are choosing to share your gift with.

[Elvee]

Dear Worm,

 

Atleast you got a thank you! I made two afghans for my step-granddaughter's new baby and never heard a thing except her brother said she liked them.

 

I wasn't happy that she had no manners and can't atleast pick up the phone. I will never make her another thing. Their dad is thoughtless like that and I think they weren't raised right.

 

I went back to work at Longaberger as a basketmaker and finished those afghans with my sore fingers from weaving. Let alone the fact that my wrist would go numb because the crochet is a different set of motions than weaving baskets.

 

I never posted photos because I was so upset over her thoughtlessness. I regret the hours I spent making these for her.

 

So, atleast you had a thank you.....

 

Lorry

[mythunderbird]

i don't think your being petty at all wormie. at least though you got a thank you. i sent my nephew and his new wife a beatiful heart baby afghan a well as a beautiful christening dress and the most adorable sweater set. and i have yet to hear one word at all, not a thank you not a we got the package(which i know they did, i had tracking on it) and i am kind of peeved about it myself, yet i know if they had another baby i would still send something. now it might not be hand made as all of this was:devil:devil:devil:devil,but i am sad anyways. i know his mom raised him better than that. thanks for letting me rant:yes:yes:yes

[theworm]

haven't gotten an aknowledgement of the Christmas gifts yet. Already got a phone and e-mail thank you And a photo from mommy #1. Mommy #2 has not yet told us that she even received the baby gift or the gifts for her and hubby. I'm holding off judgement since a mailed thank you would take a bit longer, but hubby reminded me that she and hubby never thanked us for the holiday gifts we sent last year.

 

Hubby is done - he said no more gifts. I told him that we will continue to send for the baby and for any siblings that might be in the future, but no more gifts for adults that can't say thank you or at least let us know that the gift arrived (we know that they arrived because we sent all the extended family in one box as they celebrated together).

[theworm]

I started to get worried that mommy #2 hadn't received the package that I sent. The baby's great-grandma confirmed that the blanket did arrive. I think I'm starting to feel less petty. Maybe they like handmade gifts - maybe they don't. Maybe they use them, maybe they don't. They're just rude. Whether or not you like something, I think it is only polite to acknowledge that a gift has been received. Whatever.

[Lady_of_Roses]

I don't think I'd be making anymore gifts for that family until I knew that the gifts were actually getting used. Lovingly created hand-made gifts are worth a thank you at least!