feeling rather unappriciated

[kiwikitti]

I like making things for people. I don't know why I almost never make anything for myself but, generally, it is for other people. And everything I make takes a lot of time and patience and really love since I wouldn't put in so much work staring at patterns and colors and such. I've made several really nice things (at least I think so and those I have asked when they were finished) for my fiancee's parents. One of which is hanging on the wall (a really simple printed counted cross-stitch). So, I thought with how they displayed that item that they actually liked my things. I made his mother a year or so later a pillow of all sc in blue and yellow. This thing took many hours since it was my first "own design" (wasn't that complicated really...) but I was really proud of it and it actually looks rather nice. I have recently found it on the floor under a pile of stuff they just pulled from their room, covered in cat fur. Sitting there mainly forgotten adn abandoned. Another thing I created was a pillowcase set of printed cross stitch on the edges. (This thing really took forever to make, but I love cross stitch so I didn't mind and it turned out looking rather nice. Maybe not as nice as you would see in stores, I suppose, but nice. I know I would definitely have kept it and I am highly critical of my work.) Anyway, when I was grabbing some yarn recently from a room that's basically just for storage now, I found it folded up, just how I gave it to them and again covered in cat fur. Hadn't even been washed. (I didn't have access to a washing machine when I gave it to them and the pattern was still slightly visible underneath the thread.)

 

It makes me start to wonder if they really liked or appreciated all the work that I had done. Yes, I suppose you can get much better things in a store, but most of those things aren't made for a certain person. Honestly, it just really hurts. So many hours I spent making those things. (I actually ended up poking a hole in my air mattress when I worked on the pillowcases. I forgot it was an air mattress and just stuck it in there like I use to with regular mattresses... oops! So, I spend two months having to refill that thing every other day specifically because of my dedication in making something for someone else.)

 

Seeing those things just kind of tossed aside is making me really want to stop making the afghans I was making them for Christmas. At least I know I would appreciate them or I can give one to my father who I know actually likes what I make, even if it is more on the simple side. (I made him a slightly similar pillow with yarn I had leftover and I found it on his bed when I moved in for a short period of time, a couple years AFTER I had made it.)

 

I am just really torn on what to do now. When I made scarves last Christmas, I saw his mom and dad use them but the other things just tossed aside and forgotten about. I'm just so torn.

 

It feels petty not to make them these things for this year because of those other items tossed aside. But it also seems fully justified that I should make sure those who actually enjoy the fruits of my labor should get them instead.

 

I just don't know what to do. It hurts a lot to see them on the ground. (I plan on rescuing them when my fiancee and I get an apartment and putting them to good use. After all, if they are just tossed aside like that, it makes me doubt if they even remember they have them. Or care that they do...) I can accept that you might not want home made goods and such but if that's the case then I want to know. It just means less work for me to deal with ideas and such for people and more time to spend on things that I know will be loved by others.

[WendyLee]

Try not to get to upset. I know it is frustrating to put all that work into something to later find it isn't appreciated. What you need to do is look at what you are giving. Is it something the person you are giving it to will like or is it something you like? It may be absolutely beautiful but not fit into that persons decorating theme or style.

 

A few years back I made a wedding ring quilt afghan. It was beautiful. It was yellow for the main color. The person I gave it to loved it but it is not a color for them. The same is true of a quilt my dh's grandmother made. It is oranges. Totally doesn't fit anywhere in my home. So it is stored in a box. Sad I know but it just doesn't work.

 

It is something I had to figure out myself. I got so upset because I put all that work into a project for someone and then I never saw it again. When I started making sure I knew color schemes and styles I started seeing things around the houses!

[auntel]

WendyLee has a good point.

 

I know I was taught to always thank the person giving the gift. There were

times when I didn't like that gift, but "good manners" always prevailed.

 

Different people have different tastes. I distinctly remember turning 13,

and getting a pair of turquoise knee socks with furry raccoons at the

ankles from my aunt. Yes, I thanked her. No, I never wore them.

 

You know they liked the scarves - you could always fall back on that

fact and make them. Or, you could crochet the afghan in front of them,

and ask,"Is this something you would use? Do you like the colors?" That

way, perhaps, they'll tell you "Yes, the colors would look great in my

bedroom" or "No, we don't really do much with turquiose afghans with

a raccoon motif around here."

 

I know it hurts when people don't appreciate your thoughtfulness,

especially when you've created the items yourself.

[CLLinda]

 

I know it hurts when people don't appreciate your thoughtfulness,

especially when you've created the items yourself.

 

Yes it does hurt when something that took so much work is not used by the receiver. I would take other's advice and just ask them if it's something they could use.

 

Or maybe find another receiver. Or keep it yourself, this way you know how it's used. Some people just have no idea how much it takes to make an afghan or other project. And who really wants their prized gift sitting on a shelf, not used?

 

Good luck.

[Thia]

One thing I am learning is that people who craft appreciate crafts more than people who don't craft. I am using the word craft generally, as in people who work with their hands. And I am not saying this is everyone, just generally. So far, the only thing I've made without consulting the receiver first was for an old woman in a nursing home. I had a wip and she needed it (lapghan), so I finished it and gave it. She loved it.

[Mittymoo]

Kiwikitti, don't feel too bad!! Its as Thia said; people who craft appreciate craft more than people who don't craft!! Find another outlet for your hard work; if you have to get the future in-laws a present, buy them something!! They obviously don't appreciate the time and effort you put into your gifts. It may be the same old story; "your son's your son until he takes a wife; your daughter's your daughter for the whole of her life."

[redbird51]

i also believe people who craft things appreciate hand made items more. they understand that it's the thought and time put into the gift. i give baby ghans mostly. there have been several babies in our church - their grandmom's are my age & i've known the girls most of their lives - and they seem to be appreciated. i've had a request or too, also. but i mainly give to a charity for childrens hospitals. i just like to work with my hands and make something nice and pretty. i give it away because it makes me feel good knowing someone can really use it. please don't get discouraged about their treatment of your lovingly made gifts, they just don't get it. buy them a plain gift and give your things to someone who will enjoy them.

[rane]

It's hard not to have hurt feelings, I know. It takes two seconds to pick out any old piece of junk from a store but the time, effort and love that go into a handmade/homemade item is priceless. I commend you for wanting to share this with your STB in-laws.

 

Both my mum and I love to crochet but neither of us likes to have a lot of things hanging on the wall or sitting around on shelves. We both despise knick-knacks in general and it's really awkward when someone gives us something that doesn't serve any real purpose other than to sit around and collect dust.

 

If you love to make things, find people who want and appreciate your work. You mentioned giving a lapghan to a resident in a nursing home and I'm sure there are others who would appreciate it. You could donate baby hats for hospitals, afghans, mittens and scarves to homeless shelters or shelters for women and children who have had to flee from domestic abuse...the list is endless.

 

Don't be discouraged! It's just a matter of finding the right people who appreciate your work.

[cristin~FL]

I've done the same thing over and over with my step daughter.

I was making a bunch of scarves for Christmas one year. She picked one of them up and commented how pretty it was. I wrapped it up and gave her that scarf. She wore it once. Same with a shirt I was wearing (that I bought). She commented on liking the style. I bought her a green one (she has beautiful green eyes) and again, she wore it once. I made her something else, but I can't recall what it is at the moment.....I guess I got over the hurt. I figured out that she was just commenting to be "nice".

Some people, as others have said here, just don't know the time and love poured into a special project. I enjoy giving gifts as surprises. Sometimes, I've learned, I should ask more questions before I start. Wrong color, wrong style, etc -- I've made those mistakes.

[PBLKNP]

If you want appreciation, I've found that donating to charities to be the best bet. They are extremely grateful at Project Linus whenever I drop off blankets, and it makes me feel good, knowing that they are going to people who will really want and need them.

 

As far as making presents for friends or relatives, nowadays I usually try to see what they'd like. One idea might be to actually take them shopping for the specific yarn they might like for whatever you're planning to make. I have one good friend whom I was planning to make something for. Come to find out, she really wants a scarf--in brown (who knew?). She went on the describe the type of yarn she might like, which sounded like some varigated color scheme, so I'm definitely going to take her shopping to be sure!

[LittleJadeFrog]

Mom and I have discussed this very thing MANY times. I agree that crafters appriciate crafts. I have 2 kids and my DS has 3 kids. When Mom makes things for the kids DS and I have different reactions. I tell Mom how much the kids love and play with everything. DS never ever says she recieved it. Then when Mom goes to visit...everything is in the basement on the floor. She gets upset....I would too, but she continues to make things and send them...she says they are her grandbabies and maybe when they are older THEY will learn to appriciate things.

[shuttlebuggy]

That's what I do now - only gift to those who really like or use my creations...

I have a little Christmas towel story to share - I traditionally make about 12 sets of 2 towels each for those on my gift list - they are holiday patterned with crocheted tops. I also search for the perfect button to use on each set - most times the buttons can cost more that the towel - but I love really nice holiday buttons.

So one spring day I was at the home of one of the recipients and by her telephone I see little odds and ends and notice one of the buttons laying there...I assumed it fell off in the wash and she was going to sew it back on. When I asked about it, she goes - "No - it didn't fall off, I actually take apart your towels and take off all the crochet part and use just the towel - so don't bother making those for me anymore cuz I don't use towels that way with a top thing on them over a drawer handle - I use regular kitchen towels". I was SO HURT - she could have just said nothing - but she had to tell about ripping out my work on them - unbelievable!

So I took her at her word and the very next year and every year since - I make her 2 daughters (who ask by request for them!!! And use them like crazy!) BUT I do no make any for her.

The funny thing is about 2 yrs back she and her hubby decided to go full time RVing and I was in her motorhome and noticed a crochet top towel hanging from one of the drawers in there!!!! It was not one of mine - SHE had made it - I guess she had found out how handy they really are!

[shuttlebuggy]

Oh and a quick "PS" to the story - when her daughters "Ooooo" and "Ahhhh" over the different towels each year - she has a look on her face like "Where's mine???" as she opens a "Non-towel" gift from me. But I say nothing, cuz I won't go there again...

[Empress Busy Bee]

You don't know they're not appriciated. You said the one thing is hanging and they used the scarfs.

Some people aren't pillow people. I have several beautiful accent pillows that match my bedding. I love them. They spend 97 % of the time off the bed. It's a pain to put them on the bed every day and take them off at night.

How they treated the pillow and cases is not nice. However do you fuss about their other things? Things they bought or things you bought for them? Even though you put time and effort into those gifts, they are not theirs to do what they want with. You have to let it go the second you give them away.

Be sure you're giving something they will want/like and not just something you think they'll like. Too many people do that. Gift giving is about them, not you.

Lots of people who don't craft appriciate crafting.

[texasredhead]

I love to make things for other people as well, but one thing I have learned is that if my things are not appreciated by the person, then I will not make things for them in the future. I think this is true in your case. Don't make things for them if they are going to end up in a cat hair pile!! Just give them a gift card for $25 and that is that. Don't waste your time. I crochet and gift to charity most of the time. It is so satisfying to give things that are truly wanted. YOu are just going to get upset everytime you give things to your family that they don't appreciate. You can change this around yourself.

[hookdonU]

I think you would have better luck if you were to involve them in the process, since it seems that surprising them with the items doesn't appear to have worked well. Look around the homes and find an accent color, ask what they need, etc. I don't have many handy friends who make me home decor (I would love it though) but my friends know that my home is very victorian and pastels rule except in my craft room and my kitchen, which are done in Mary Engelbreit, which is very bright and cheery.

[iamnichole]

some people are more sentimental than others. my mom still has this stupid ratty pillow on her bed that i made her in 11th grade home ec. my dad will keep any junk i give him. my sister in law is an amazing artist and she painted her father a portrait of him and he turned it down because he just didnt like the way it looked.

maybe ask your parent in laws if they just dont like what you give them. maybe they just dont have a use for it.

[kiwikitti]

You know, I can actually accept that maybe they don't go with the decor. (Although, I live with them for the time being... how I found the items... and they don't really have a decor plan... but whatever.) I can ever accept the fact that maybe she doesn't like that type of gift. (Keep in mind... no more pillow cases with edging on them. check!) I think what just hurt the most was how I found them. It was kind of a sharp blow to the system.

 

I think this year I might just get store bought gifts. (I know what they would like rather well, at least this year.) Give me some time to kind of cool down from seeing those items that way. Besides, that fuzzy blanket (it's made out of boucle and it's super soft) needs me!

[Addey]

See! A blessing in disguise. You were going to give away a perfectly beautiful blanket that wanted to be yours, and now it will be.

I almost had this same issue. When DH and I were at his parents' back in January for a family funeral, FIL saw me working on another afghan (I was working on a different one our Christmas visit) and then caught me checking out a bably blanket laid on top of a diaper bag at the end of a pew. He said "so when are you going to make me one?" He was half joking, but I knew that's what I had to make him, and one for MIL for their birthdays in October.

I had picked out some yarn that I thought might go with their living room, but wasn't 100% happy about it. (I figured I would make one for myself with it if I didn't like it for them....) When I got home and showed DH, he said no to the colors. He suggested crimson and cream or navy and gold for his dad. DUH, of course, OU or Navy. Silly me. He told his parents what I was doing (I was going to let it be a total surprise, but I guess he figured he should say something to them...) I then get word that MIL wants "pinks and purples". OK. I hadn't thought much about hers, but had been thinking country blue and red, since that goes with the living room... Now I know the blankets I'm making them will be doubly appreciated, not just because I made them, but because they'll be in colors they want.

(My own mom and gram on the other hand, I know them so well, that I don't feel nervous about choosing projects for them...)

[Hookmaster]

At least you know that the Cat likes what you make, animals love crocheted or knitted anything. So if you give something crocheted and you find it covered with cat fur, you know it was loved.

[Mittymoo]

At least you know that the Cat likes what you make, animals love crocheted or knitted anything. So if you give something crocheted and you find it covered with cat fur, you know it was loved.

 

Yes, and the cat is probably more important to them than anything!! I know mine is!!!!

[nikki]

I sat here and read everyone's responses and while I do generally agree kitti has every right to feel as hurt as she does. How many people actually have throws or lapghans that match all decor? I know that not one of mine do but I still love them. What's at the root here is selfish people who don't appreciate the hard work put into homemade things. Two Christmas' ago I made my niece's ponchos, checked and double checked with my sister about the colors etc. They have never ONCE worn them. I asked the girls about it and they said my sister told them she didn't want them ruined. That's a load of hooey. She's Miss Fashionista with what they wear and it was too homemade looking. I was so hurt but it wasn't the first or last time since my younger sister did the same thing with a blanket I made. Whined and complained she wanted it when I was working on it, gave it to her and have I seen it since? You got it, never. The only people who really appreciate what I make are my parents and my husband and daughter, so that's who I craft for. The rest of them can get something manufactered in China or Taiwan.

 

kitti, I know how you feel and don't blame yourself or decor etc. simple manners would have never let this happen.

[Empress Busy Bee]

What's at the root here is selfish people who don't appreciate the hard work put into homemade things.

Actually you really don't know unless you've talked to them and they told you.

I try to match my throws to my 'decor'. I have one afghan that was actually a present to me. My feelings were so hurt over that thing I can't even tell you. It's made in colors I hate and don't match anything I own. I know the person who gave it to me knows what colors I like and what color my couch was. She had one made for my sister and my mom. My mom's was her favorite colors and mom loves hers. I felt like either this person wanted it to be colors I didn't like, or just didn't care.

You can say I'm selfish if you want. I happen to think the gift giver in my case was the selfish one.

If the pillow was found at the bottom of a pile of clothes or whatever, it seems there might be other issues going on here and it's not about the pillow or cases.

Just my opinion.

[cgd]

I too only try to give crafted things to people who I know will appreciate them. If I'm going to take the time to make an afghan, I will first ask the intended recipient if they'd like one, and if so, what colors, and might even show them an example of what I had in mind. I do this with caps and scarves too, not so much with dishcloths.

 

I know it hurts though, since you spent all that time and put the thought into it. Decor and taste are just so subjective. I know that you'll find someone who will appreciate your talent and hard work!

[trin]

... and then there is "it's just to nice to use for everyday..."

 

My paternal grandma spent much of her childhood and youth in deep poverty, and often in a war zone. (Came to the US in her teens.) So she was often overwhelmed by something she considered "too nice". Which would get put away for "a special event" and maybe never seen again... When we were clearing out her estate we came across table linens and such still in the original packaging, or with gift cards with dates from the 1930's... (all getting good use and love now amongst not only my household but with my cousins' as well.)