Heartbroken

[chichiwawa]

I made a double wedding ring quiltghan for my cousin and her husband. It took me a really long time to make it. I gave it to her about 6 months ago as a 1st anniversary gift. When I gave it to her, she was super excited and told me that she loved it, they would use it, yada yada. Imagine my horror this weekend when I stopped by her house. The afghan is being used to cover a chair that according to her is "stained". Okay, I can kind of understand that, new furniture is expensive and they have young kids. But then the dog decided to "nest". It dug at the afghan until it found a comfortable spot and laid down. She then told me "Oh, he does that all the time, isn't it cute?" Am I wrong to be upset? I know that once you give a gift you have no control over how it is used, but this was really heartbreaking!

[TonkaMama]

I feel your pain...really. But look on the bright side, the beautiful gift you gave them is being looked at and used every single day (unlike a crystal bowl or some other gift that is pulled out of a cupboard to be used once or twice a year). They probably think of you every single day when they look at the quiltgan; I think that is a pretty wonderful thing!

[mclendon1]

I understand your pain, but I do agree with TonkaMama. the recipent was thrilled with the gift, is using it on a daily basis.

 

Not saying I wouldn't be upset; mixed emotions.

[Arlinka]

I don't agree... I would be hurt to the bone if I made something for someone and it was treated poorly, so to say. I wouldn't be so upset if it was used in the bedroom on a chair or at the foot of their bed, or even in one of the kid's rooms, but to have it used to cover a stain and the dog use it more than anyone else..... nope... I'd be hurt.

[megsdaboss]

I really do feel your pain.... I made my mother a heirloom ghan, tok me sooooo very long to finish it, and it was one of the first ghans i had made that was not a baby one... :cheerI gave it to her for her birthday...She put it away in a trunk not to be used, until that christmas, when my dad bought her a puggle. Imagine my surprise to come home to visit and here is the blanket i made her....In the dog cage:eek I cried when i got home.

 

Now for me, I realize now that this dog is my mom's baby...she dresses it, requests crocheted clothes for it, and lets it sleep with her. The blanket wasn't ruined, which I take credit for my craftmansip (and you should to if this dog really digs into the blanket and is all cozy) The gift is being used for something they love, and cherish, so the gift you gave must be loved and cherished too

[Katieallen311815]

Hi, my two cents worth!

I'm with the hurt feelings! Something similar happened to me once as well so i can and do sympathize with you. I had made a sister in law a beautiful afghan in her favorite hues of green, one of the very first full sized ones I had tackled up to that point.I was ever so proud of it! She too, was thrilled, or so i thought, but when I visited just a month or two later, while walking to the back door to knock, what did i catch a glimpse of? The afghan! NO, couldn't be! Left outside? For the entire winter? And stuffed ito a basement window well! Moreover, it was Stuck to the ice as spring was just starting the thaw! I probably did gasp audibly, and felt the blood rush from my cheeks, leaving a pale white pasty look of horror plastered on my face! Hoping against hope to compose myself before she answered the door, i stole another look!

 

From what I could see, it was in tatters, and stained to almost the point of NOT recognizing it at all! I too felt a sense of loss, and betrayal, and blatant disregard and un-appreciation for all that work. I vowed then and there, she would never be a recipient of anything hand crafted with love again, she would get a token gift off the shelves of then Woolworths!

 

Grrrr. Moral of the story is. I got over it, and by the way, for the flip side, ha ha. the same year, I had made one for my mother in law as well for Christmas which to the day she died, which was only a couple of years ago, she displayed proudly thrown over the back of her antigue sofa, in the "sitting room" that strangely enough, no one was ever allowed to sit in as this is where she kept her most treasured possessions!!

So, go figure, it all evens out, and works out in the end, and if it hasn't worked out yet, it ain't the end!!! Move on, make mental notes, accept, forgive, learn from the experience! I imagine most if not all avid crocheters that have regularly gifted freinds and family with their creations, have a like story to tell as well! But we shall overcome, and "Stitch On " fellows hookers, in the name of our craft, and remember CROCHET RULES!

[Tampa Doll]

Luckly I am far enough away from my family, that I do not see what they do with what I make, when I make something.

I have seen what I made, thrown in a corner, stuffed in a toy box and just plainly ignored where ever it is thrown.

I know it hurts, but you have to learn to ignore what happens and vow never to make them anything again.

 

I have heard stories of afghans being nailed up to cover windows in a garage, to being used to sop up water around a water heater.

 

What gets me is that, if the article had a fancy label on it, it would be treated like a precious heirloom.

 

Sunday we got a call from my SIL who was at a family picnic in NJ and they all got on to say Hi. We were unable to make it, anyway, my DH was told by many, that Carol, (my SIL) has been showing off the doll I made her for Christmas last year. She is so thrilled with it.

 

So it depends on the person how you article is treated and I only have one thing to say. If they don't appreciate it, don't make them anything else.

[Katieallen311815]

wow tampa doll! You need to post those stories in the thread I just made, What is your Crochet Horror story! lol Those blew me away! water heater towel?? Curtains in the garage? Im laughing much too hard right now, thankyou for that!

[stitchgirl]

I have to say that I would not be thinking that it's used every day and they cherish it, but at the same time my advice is try not to be hurt, although I probably would be too. I know one thing, they'd never get another afghan out of me, especially a quiltghan - there's a ton of work in one of them. Hope you feel better.

[Quesandra]

I would be hurt as well. While they are using it, it would be nice if they were using it in a better fashion.... I feel your pain..

[magiccrochetfan]

I don't think this is such a bad story. Like others have said, it is being used, they see it every day, they seem to appreciate it. I am not a person who treats pets as family members myself, but i understand that a lot of people really do look at their pets this way. Ideally the ghan would be given a place of honor on their bed (esp. if the dog does not sleep on the bed ), treated gently and never allowed to become soiled or tugged at. But for most people that is not reality; our homes are very well lived-in and things do get some rough use.

 

I try to give gifts with the idea that if the person thanks me and expresses appreciation, that's all i can expect. what they do with it after that is really not something i can worry about, or I'll get ulcers

[cat3crazy]

I would be very hurt also. I've done quilting and the double wedding ring is not an easy pattern. Perhaps your cousin does not understand the amount of time and effort that went into making the quilt. Maybe you should take her to a store that specializes in quilting and let them tell her what goes into making a double wedding ring quilt or you can just let it go and not give her anything of such value again.

stepping down now.

[chichiwawa]

Thanks everyone. I feel somewhat better. I'm not so hurt about the way it's being used as much as it was her nonchalant attitude. I know that if I were the giftee instead of the gifter, I would treat it better but like others have said, at least it's being used. I just wish she had hidden it while I visited! It is just that initial shock and horror that something I spent months on and was so proud of is now essentially a dog bed. Live and learn. And boy have I learned!

[Katieallen311815]

Yarn?? what yarn?? Ohhhhhhhhhh that yarn,um humm! hey, just noticed, we're telling yarns about yarn,lol how fitting,and no pun initially intended,however a pleasant surprise! ha ha.

[warmfuzzies]

I'm 56 years (young! LOL) and the older I get, the more I realize how little I know. It's humbling; but there are some things I'll NEVER figure out. Part of me would be thrilled to pieces to see one of my "labors of love" (crocheted gifts) proudly displayed in a loved one's living room to be seen and used EVERY day. Another part of me would CRINGE as I watched the dog dig into all those stitches I worked so hard to complete. But, having said all that, I think I'd be even more hurt/upset/distressed if I ever found out my gift was hidden away in a closet and NEVER used or appreciated.

 

After crocheting for years and giving away HUNDREDS of afghans, hats, scarves, baby items, etc. I've come to the conclusion that some people will "ooh and aah" over your work and truly APPRECIATE what you've given them, and others have NO CLUE about the time, attention, and love that goes in to a hand-crafted gift. That's just the way it is, like many things in life. I LOVE to crochet, and I'll keep it up (God willing) for the rest of my life; it's a blessing for me, and one I love to share with my family and friends.

 

Juli from Texas

[RoseRed]

I would not have kept my mouth shut. I would've explained that it is only made from yarn after all and that allowing the dog to dig into it will eventually ruin it. Then I would've went on to mention the amount of work that went into it and the amount of work that goes into fixing it.

 

Me being me - I probably would've asked her if would even be out if the chair wasn't stained.

 

Why don't you make a round ripple for the dog so he has his own blanket to dig into? All my dogs have their own little ghans.

[BreenyBeanie]

that some people will "ooh and aah" over your work and truly APPRECIATE what you've given them, and others have NO CLUE about the time, attention, and love that goes in to a hand-crafted gift.

Juli from Texas

 

 

Why don't you make a round ripple for the dog so he has his own blanket to dig into? All my dogs have their own little ghans.

 

 

These two ladies have very good points!

People really don't have a clue in the world about the time, (which is priceless) and love that goes into a hand made item. I always say that "hand made is heart made". I'd rather have 2 popcicle sticks glued together by a child that was proud of his accomplishment than any store bought knick knack.

 

And maybe if you see this friend again you can offer that dog it's own blankie. Tell her you would like to the dog something 'more appropriate'.

 

I have to raise my hand for the hurt crowd. I think I would have cried.

[eurolyons]

That's a hard one...it is being used and you know I've made myself really nice afghans and my cats use them as do I...but if you had expectations of her using it only to snuggle in with her husband, then you might be setting yourself up to be disappointed.

 

It's not a matter of whether you're wrong to be upset or she's wrong to let the dog sleep on it (on the chair) both of you have a right to feel and be who you are...

 

I think I'd be more upset if it was tucked away for "special" and special never shows up (which honestly, sometimes I think that can be code for, "I hate it, but don't want to hurt her feelings, but this thing is never gonna see the light of day..." not always, but sometimes) or if it was being dragged through the mud in total disrespect...but the fact that she is using it on a chair and it's being used every.single.day by the family (and the dog) I'd swallow my hurt and look on this as the "bright side..." And one other thing, at least she didn't give it away to someone else (which has happened to me...)

 

She does appreciate the afghan or she wouldn't be using it on the chair.

[eurolyons]

Hi, my two cents worth!

I'm with the hurt feelings! Something similar happened to me once as well so i can and do sympathize with you. I had made a sister in law a beautiful afghan in her favorite hues of green, one of the very first full sized ones I had tackled up to that point.I was ever so proud of it! She too, was thrilled, or so i thought, but when I visited just a month or two later, while walking to the back door to knock, what did i catch a glimpse of? The afghan! NO, couldn't be! Left outside? For the entire winter? And stuffed ito a basement window well! Moreover, it was Stuck to the ice as spring was just starting the thaw! I probably did gasp audibly, and felt the blood rush from my cheeks, leaving a pale white pasty look of horror plastered on my face! Hoping against hope to compose myself before she answered the door, i stole another look!

 

From what I could see, it was in tatters, and stained to almost the point of NOT recognizing it at all! I too felt a sense of loss, and betrayal, and blatant disregard and un-appreciation for all that work. I vowed then and there, she would never be a recipient of anything hand crafted with love again, she would get a token gift off the shelves of then Woolworths!

 

Grrrr. Moral of the story is. I got over it, and by the way, for the flip side, ha ha. the same year, I had made one for my mother in law as well for Christmas which to the day she died, which was only a couple of years ago, she displayed proudly thrown over the back of her antigue sofa, in the "sitting room" that strangely enough, no one was ever allowed to sit in as this is where she kept her most treasured possessions!!

So, go figure, it all evens out, and works out in the end, and if it hasn't worked out yet, it ain't the end!!! Move on, make mental notes, accept, forgive, learn from the experience! I imagine most if not all avid crocheters that have regularly gifted freinds and family with their creations, have a like story to tell as well! But we shall overcome, and "Stitch On " fellows hookers, in the name of our craft, and remember CROCHET RULES!

 

There is a big difference in my opinion to what happened here above and what happened in the original post...the above here, the recipent had TOTAL disregard for the handmade item and the original post, well, she just saw her hard work being used as a dog bed and nothing more...and that wasn't entirely true. Sure, I'd cringe if I saw the dog digging at the stitches, but I'd be trying hard to see the positive...the recipient loves the afghan enough to use it EVERY.SINGLE.DAY...

 

I do like the idea of making the dog it's own afghan, but I'd be careful with how you poised to give it to the dog...there's still a potential of hurting the recipient's feelings, even if that's not your intentions...

 

Pun intended here, I'd let sleeping dogs lie...to many people their pets are their children and have every right to the same things as the rest of the family...I don't allow my cats to get on the tables or counters, but my sister does...I have made her crocheted items and they are so not used as to their original intention, every single one of them have been left where she opened them (and sincerely loved every one of them) because one the cats found it and slept on it and that was that...and I'm fine with it...better that than to find out they were given away, dragged in the mud, or tossed in a closet and forgotten.

[crochet_king21]

the same thing happened to me:( i made a doily that took me 3 months to complete!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and they jst let it sit there and get coffe stains on it and then threw it away 3 months later because the thread wasnt washable and they didnt want a stained up mess on there coffe table any more:cry:cry and all my work was gone in a moments notice i almost cried! but i got over it and i feel your pain, i do! but if u feel so strongly about it maybe you could ask them to use it diffrently or you could make them a seat cover so they dont use your quiltghan as a dog blanket and a seat cover

[chichiwawa]

I've decided to look on the "bright side". While it may not be used as it was intended, at least it is being used. Even if she didn't love it, her dog sure does! I'll just avert my eyes next time I am over there!

[RoseRed]

I would still explain the amount of work repairing it is going to take if the dog continues to dig into it.

 

I'm glad you're feeling better about the whole thing.

[Kbear]

I only give crochet things to my friends when they ask for something. If I'm working on something and when it is done, OH, I like that I wish I could take that home.

So if you don't ask for something you don't get any crocheted things from me.

I finished up a handbag over the weekend. As I was working on my Mom kept saying I like that, I wonder if I can take that home. So when it was done, I gave it to her.

 

I learned over the holiday, I gave potholders to a friend, and she didn't know what they were or how to use them. So now she get cookies.

[shannie_nae]

I don't see the problem here. When I make afghans for myself I expect my dog to use them. Yes, my dogs do lay in them, dig in them and enjoy them as much as I do. I expect the people that are given them to do the same thing. If it bothers you that much I would explain how the digging could ruin the stitching. They may not have realized that. I wouldn't worry about it too much. It is being used and admired.

[flyinghigh]

i understand being hurt. I spent so much time matching yarn perfectly to a friend's new winter coat (from a picture on the internet, btw) and made a scarf in a zigzag type pattern (which was the first time I attempted such a thing) and did I ever see her wear it? Nope. I doubt she even still has it. That's pretty much when I vowed to not make things for people unless they pay for the yarn.

 

Except for my sister's wedding afghan, which I have a feeling will be stained with food/juice from her kids, covered in dog hair and perhaps dirt dragged in by the dogs... I try to avoid thinking about it.. but oh well I guess. She's new to crocheting so maybe she'll keep an appreciation for it when she sees it (if it ever gets finished.. ha).