Ugly yarn help

[funkyreporter]

Okay. Always one to want to try something new ~ and thinking I might being doing something moderately helpful (that I would benefit from) ~ I bought quite a bit of yarn (about $50 worth) from a not-to-be-named source on eBay. It is advertized as 'bleached recycled raw silk yarn' something-or-another. I have owned garments made of raw silk and thought I knew what raw silk was.

 

Well, well. This stuff is apparently made from what they sweep up off the floor when making other garments in Nepal (they said something to that effect) and the ladies spin it into yarn. So far, so good. So it arrives and I must say this is quite the ugliest yarn I have ever seen. I was going to tea dye it, but it is already the color of uck. It is coarse and gritty, thick and thin, really spun tight so you have to find a way to dangle it literally about every two feet or it starts winding up on itself. I did a swatch about 25 chains long (had to use an N hook, even though parts of it 'skinny-down' to thread size) and then turned it and did a double crochet, chain one, skip a stitch, double crochet thing. It looks suspiciously like a fishnet... and not in a good way. Like a ropey, been dragging behind the boat, got barnacles on it fishnet.

 

I have quite a bit of this stuff - I think over 1,000 yards, maybe 2,000 - two bags. Any suggestions on what to do with this stuff? It comes with a disclaimer that due to the 'delicate nature of the yarn' (yeah, right) it should not be made into a garment that is to be 'worn roughly'. So an actual fishnet is apparently out of the question.

 

I will await the pattern suggestions to come flooding in...

 

 

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As requested, the traveling Yugly itinerary as of page 64, compiled by mommy Shelle!:

Okay, here's the list of Aunties. Please let me know if I've left anyone out. Or if you want to be added to the list.

1. pplcrochets *

2. xmaystarx *

3. melissacrochets *

4. andip470 *

5. tlisley *current home*

6. Kathome

7. sakurasaku

8. Ladycrochets

9. squish52

10. LadyKindred

11. lisaizme

12. uh-oh I forgot to write down the 'ville name, but it's Anna N. (PM me)

13. anu_paradox

14. hischildsindi

[Shelleden]

Thanks for that. That cheered me up a little.....

[funkyreporter]

HE'S HERE!!!!!!!!

 

FUG'S ARRIVED!

I arrived home to the most horrific, terrifying scene! Fug had arrived with the noon mail and my husband brought him in (poor unsuspecting man). It's like he KNEW!!!! (not hubby) - my Booger Beige Fug KNEW HE WAS HOME!!!! So he chewed through the side of the box and when I got home he had DEAD-BOLTED the doors! I always phone ahead when I'm my way home (to give hubby and the teens time to stash the dope and women before I arrive) but NOBODY answered.... strange? Yup. Considering we have a home phone and FIVE cell phones! (yes every member of the house has their own line - sick, huh?)

So I break in through the back door and EVERYBODY'S GONE!!!!! And Fug is sitting there belching bolts! He had unlocked the cages that were containing the rest of the Fug yarn and it had TAKEN over the house! The place is destroyed - way worse than when I let both teens have two friends on a sleep over at the same time - placed looked like a whip-cream covered brothel!

About Fug. What can I say? Shelle, Shelle, Shelle. Shelle. What do you call that stitch? Did you invent it? OH, I don't know where to start! Okay. Thank you for packing the snacks to tide 'ole Fugly over during the trip. He ate everything - the rusted pointy tack, the long rusty screw, the heavy duty bolt and the Ol Roy dog biscuit (you are so thoughtful) He also attempted to eat the Himalayan recycled yarn sample, but seems to have hacked it back up, the the bubble wrap looked like it was a pleasant snack, as well as the post-it notes!

As is often said in cyber-land THE PICTURES JUST DON'T DO IT JUSTICE! Fug cannot just be viewed, Fug must be experienced! I cannot identify some of the fibers (using the term loosely) that comprise Fug, though I do see a portion of a BLUE RUBBERBAND (nice touch) and I'm pretty sure I see some of that tacky Christmas garland in there that seem to make up Fug's single eye! His nose is orange and purple and green and boogery - and wide. And that mouth! Those teeth - they are like rotton plums - sort of the color of this post!.

Oh OH OH NO Fug COME BACK HERE FUG...

I gotta run...

[Shelleden]

I had just checked the USPS site, and saw that the eagle had landed. Then I got on C-ville to post the good news, but you're way ahead of me Paulette. Gee, I feel terrible that he caused so much chaos in your house! (are the hubby, kids, and cat okay?) Yep, that's Fug alright. You described him perfectly. And would you believe the facial features were totally coincidental? He looks like he's winking all the time. Actually, he lost one eye in a bar-room fight with a cat. I can't believe he only had one dog biscuit left. I guess he ate the rusty motorcycle chains, the lug nuts, and the SOS pads, since you didn't mention those items. I truly think with a little TLC, he'll settle in quite nicely, and you'll have a Fug to be proud of. We'll be looking forward to a Fug Family Portrait soon. I'm so glad he arrived in time to go with you to see Ah Leah this weekend. That is IF he behaves the rest of the week and gets to go. If he gets too unruly, spank him with some knitting needles. He's afraid of 'em. If you just pick one up, he'll straighten right up. Well, good luck. Oh, and be sure to leave a night-light on - he's afraid of the dark. If he gets scared, he runs around in circles singing "Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!" Nightie-night Fuggie-wuggie. Mama loves you. :bheart

[Shaylen]

Poor Fugly is tramatized for life..ripped from his birth moms arms and sent to where there are teens all over with phones ringing,long hanging scarves,not to mention a crazy lady that breaks in back doors...dope..women..

 

Poor..Poor Little Innocent Fugly..

 

Where is the Fugly Protective Serves When Needed.

[Shelleden]

:rofl :rofl that's a good one!

[kathome]

Ok - WHERE'S PAULETTE? Not a word since 4/11 when she went chasing off after Fug. Has anyone phoned Ah Leah? What about the LA police?

 

Geeze - I'm worried!

[Shelleden]

Ok - WHERE'S PAULETTE? Not a word since 4/11 when she went chasing off after Fug. Has anyone phoned Ah Leah? What about the LA police?

 

Geeze - I'm worried!

OMG!!! You don't suppose she became a Fugly snack, do you?!?!?!

[Shaylen]

Poor..Poor Fugly..i mean PAULETTE .

 

I was afraid it would come to this when poor fugly was so tramatized,I have a feeling he may be eating his way back to his birth mom..yep..hes allmost there Shell.

 

Poor PAULETTE..forever in our hearts.....

[funkyreporter]

First off, Fug is fine, so call off Fug Protective Services, please! Yeah, living with teens isn't easy, but nobody said love was supposed to be easy. Fug will learn valuable lessons about *strange* human behaviour. The kids are gona help set up Fug with his own MySpace! Cool, huh! And Todd has him listening to Motley Crew and Tara is exposing him to hormonal mood swings! DH is teaching him to use power tools, and then in the evenings Fug and I curl up and crochet and watch crime shows on TV!

 

Shelle, I think I figured out why Fug is afraid of knitting needles 'cause he's also afraid of crochet hooks. He thinks I'm STABBING little Fuglettes! It's cool, though. I just blindfold him! Works like a charm

 

 

 

 

As to why you haven't heard from me in a few days.

Everbody say "TRAUMA"? Together now: "TRAUMA"

Trauma is what happens when a mommy goes to see her daughter up at a university. I cry when I see her, I cry when I leave. Also, traveling is traumatic to me. I hate to leave the house - except for work. I'm comfortable around the criminals at work, but otherwise I like to stay home. Oh, and I like to go to Michael's and buy yarn. And thrift stores and yard sales...

 

Anyway, we drove the five hours up to Merced and I crocheted most of the way (made a cute pair of wrist warmers). Really had a great time seeing Ah Leah and she gave us a tour of the campus even though her teenage brother insisted upon wearing a plastic beige hula skirt and a fake coconut plastic bra. The shocking thing was that nobody gave him a second look except he got a couple of hoots and hollars from some construction workers doing work on the campus... go figure.

 

We went out to eat a lot (a favorite pasttime) and saw Scary Movie 4 which I highly recommend if you want to see a completely stupid movie (we laughed our butts off)!

 

Ang gave me a coffee cup that says "Merced Mom" (cried again) and also informed me that she is switching to another university in the fall... she can talk about that more if she chooses to.

 

So I know this was supposed to be about Fug, but just wanted to let you know Fug is not to blame for my absense - I just didn't bring a computer on vacation with me.

 

There's no place like home

There's no place like home

There's no place like home!

 

And Fug says, "Yo, what's happening!" *hanging out with teens, ya know*

[xmaystarx]

Glad to hear fug is ok and you made it back from your mini-vaca ok Paulette. Ah Leah made a good choice with the coffee mug, when I was in college I gave my mom a "Clark mom" sweatshirt, 4 years later now she's decided to lose a bunch of weight and it's too big now!!

 

Let us know when Fug gets his myspace, I will definately add him as a friend. (I can use as many friends as possible on that thing)

[kathome]

Whew Thanks for letting us know that you are safe. I was up last night worrying and also wondering how your disappearance would be explained. After all, this whole scenario is, let's face it, somewhat bizarre. Fug DID accompany you - yes? But now wait, if your son wore the ever popular plastic beige hula skirt and fake coconut plastic bra, then please tell us, please, what did Fug wear?

 

BTW - I noticed that there is no mention of the CAT.

[funkyreporter]

Uh, the cat ran away. For real.

 

Fug out-shined Todd in the hula skirt - priceless!

 

Shelle, we need to talk. Fug threw up last night. Isn't running a temperature or anything, but he chucked up a couple tacks... does he not like tacks? I really need to get with Jimbo for some of that barbed wire, 'cause I think he's losing weight too...

 

Did you hear? I'm gonna let Binky Bear live inside Fugly! It will be a kangaroo type thing!

 

Ah, work calls!

[Shelleden]

Fugly's not sick - do not panic. They throw up regularly. Usually just the small stuff like tacks & safety pins. It cleans their esophagus. If they didn't throw up regularly, they wouldn't be able to eat. Don't worry, it's perfectly normal. I shoulda told ya sooner. Sorry. Let's see, I don't think there's anything else to warn you about. It's so nice that you're getting a pet for Fugly. He'll love that!

[melissacrochets]

Uh, the cat ran away. For real.

 

Fug out-shined Todd in the hula skirt - priceless!

 

Shelle, we need to talk. Fug threw up last night. Isn't running a temperature or anything, but he chucked up a couple tacks... does he not like tacks? I really need to get with Jimbo for some of that barbed wire, 'cause I think he's losing weight too...

 

Did you hear? I'm gonna let Binky Bear live inside Fugly! It will be a kangaroo type thing!

 

Ah, work calls!

Makes me sad that the cat ran away.

[funkyreporter]

I know it seems bad that the cat ran away, but it really isn't. He was a VERY mean cat, and my hubby and daughter kept threatening to take him to the pound and I know what his fate would have been there. He is living down the street now - he was always an outside cat - and he only liked me! I'm okay with it, and he's okay. I guess I could say he moved rather than ran away!

[melissacrochets]

 

I know it seems bad that the cat ran away, but it really isn't. He was a VERY mean cat, and my hubby and daughter kept threatening to take him to the pound and I know what his fate would have been there. He is living down the street now - he was always an outside cat - and he only liked me! I'm okay with it, and he's okay. I guess I could say he moved rather than ran away!

[funkyreporter]

I was surprised to see my Fugly yarn thread up again! And then to see it was in regard to the cat being okay, and that he actually moved... I do feel bad about it - everyone else in the house HATED that cat (and he HATED everyone in the house) except he liked me and Ah Leah (who doesn't live here anymore either 'cause she's at college)... She and I fed him from when he was an abandon kitten in the bush by by our front door. He was still goopy from being born when Ah Leah untangled him from the bush but mom was nowhere to be found. We fed him KMR (kitty milk replacement *duh* - I didn't know it existed either) and it seemed like things were going pretty good... this was about four years ago. Maybe his mom knew something we didn't know, but he turned out to have the most hateful disposition I've ever seen. He hissed at things that weren't there, he'd just wait for you to walk by and attack... He'd try to attack me, but I just refused to be intimidated and I think animals pick up on that... He's doing good now.

 

As for Fugly... he's a REALLY cool companion! He hangs out by my crochet stuff and makes a strange noise if he thinks someone's gonna mess with my stuff... and would you believe he gets really upset when I have to frog something! Isn't that bizarre? He whimpers and curls up in a little ball... (Shelle, did Fug have a bad experience involving frogging when he was with you - we need to help him face it and work through the traumas of his early years - talk to me!)

 

Otherwise he's a good Fug. He ate my plastic hooks (don't care - I like wood) and seems to be keeping them down! Now that I understand the up-chucking is part of his normal digestive cycle I'm getting used to it - kinda like a baby, ya know!

 

Okay. Seven pages of the 'ville that I haven't seen yet (that pesky day job kept me busy!)

[Shelleden]

Ta-da! Announcing the newest member of the Fugly family! Meet Digger, the Dermatophite! This is #3 in the series. Isn't he cute?

 

"Digger" the Dermatophite

 

Digger next to his brother Pismuckle

[tlisley]

Shelle,

Those Fug's keep getting better looking all the time!! Before you know it EVERYONE will want one!! Are you going to post the pattern soon??

[Shelleden]

Shelle,

Those Fug's keep getting better looking all the time!! Before you know it EVERYONE will want one!! Are you going to post the pattern soon??

Ok, miss smartie pants - you just won you a free hank of fugly yarn! PAULETTE! Get her address!!!! Just kidding - I really will write the pattern if you want it. But you have to find the fugliest yarn - Jo Ann Sensations has several that qualify. (I mean that in a nice way). I found some really yukky colors & textures today to use for #4 in the series. It's gonna be a humdinger!

[funkyreporter]

Ta-da! Announcing the newest member of the Fugly family! Meet Digger, the Dermatophite! This is #3 in the series. Isn't he cute?

 

"Digger" the Dermatophite

 

Digger next to his brother Pismuckle

 

 

Now that's what a FUG is all about! That is a true work of art, Shelle! Absolutely beautiful! You are a genius... truley gifted! And the two together... priceless! These things are gonna be val-u-ble some day. Really. I mean it... honest...

[funkyreporter]

Ok, miss smartie pants - you just won you a free hank of fugly yarn! PAULETTE! Get her address!!!! Just kidding - I really will write the pattern if you want it. But you have to find the fugliest yarn - Jo Ann Sensations has several that qualify. (I mean that in a nice way). I found some really yukky colors & textures today to use for #4 in the series. It's gonna be a humdinger!

 

OH, no no no no... You are NOT using JoAnn Sensations. You PM me your address right now and I'll get a Fugly yarn -- ... what would you call it, Shelle? Not a skein, not a hank... ah, I got it -- The Fugly yarn BLOB will be on it's way... you must experience the full essence of Fugly yarn. While your'e waiting for it to arrive gather a few other things you'll need... old rubber bands, discarded drinking straws, discarded pieces of frayed fabrics... a flak jacket, an iron crochet hook (I think this is one of those situations where 'guage doesn't matter')....

 

*tap tap tap* I'm waitING

[Shelleden]

Now that's what a FUG is all about! That is a true work of art, Shelle! Absolutely beautiful! You are a genius... truley gifted! And the two together... priceless! These things are gonna be val-u-ble some day. Really. I mean it... honest...

 

You bet they are!!! I'm just waiting for the orders to start pouring in. I've warned my mailman of what to expect. He advised me to install a King-size mailbox to accommodate the volume of envelopes with all those orders & checks inside! I've opened a new Swiss bank account to handle my riches. Yes, I'll be living the good life soon - lying on a beach in the French Riviera where I'll have my peeps bringing me pina coladas, and fetching my yarn & hooks. Heck I'll even hire some people to finish some of my WIPs!! It's going to be a wonderful life! Yup!

 

 

 

 

 

[tlisley]

From Roget's thesaurus: skein

 

noun

1. <LI class=yedthesauruslist>Something that is intricately and often bewilderingly complex:

cat's cradle, entanglement, jungle, knot, labyrinth, maze, mesh (often used in plural), morass, snarl 2, tangle, web. See simple
Something that suggests the continuousness of a fine continuous filament: strand, thread. See continue

 

BTW, as soon as the Wish List has a coordinator #1 on my list is a fugly basket! If I get really adventurous I'll just ask for the pattern and a "Snarl" of fug and attempt it myself! I think it will be kept amused harassing my children!!

[Shelleden]

Hey, I like the new name - snarl - cause it's not really a skein, and it's not really a hank. Snarl is the perfect word for it. And I'm sure Paulette will agree. I never thought to check the wish list. There might be some Fugly wishes in there already! It just never occured to me.