Ugly yarn help

[funkyreporter]

Okay. Always one to want to try something new ~ and thinking I might being doing something moderately helpful (that I would benefit from) ~ I bought quite a bit of yarn (about $50 worth) from a not-to-be-named source on eBay. It is advertized as 'bleached recycled raw silk yarn' something-or-another. I have owned garments made of raw silk and thought I knew what raw silk was.

 

Well, well. This stuff is apparently made from what they sweep up off the floor when making other garments in Nepal (they said something to that effect) and the ladies spin it into yarn. So far, so good. So it arrives and I must say this is quite the ugliest yarn I have ever seen. I was going to tea dye it, but it is already the color of uck. It is coarse and gritty, thick and thin, really spun tight so you have to find a way to dangle it literally about every two feet or it starts winding up on itself. I did a swatch about 25 chains long (had to use an N hook, even though parts of it 'skinny-down' to thread size) and then turned it and did a double crochet, chain one, skip a stitch, double crochet thing. It looks suspiciously like a fishnet... and not in a good way. Like a ropey, been dragging behind the boat, got barnacles on it fishnet.

 

I have quite a bit of this stuff - I think over 1,000 yards, maybe 2,000 - two bags. Any suggestions on what to do with this stuff? It comes with a disclaimer that due to the 'delicate nature of the yarn' (yeah, right) it should not be made into a garment that is to be 'worn roughly'. So an actual fishnet is apparently out of the question.

 

I will await the pattern suggestions to come flooding in...

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

As requested, the traveling Yugly itinerary as of page 64, compiled by mommy Shelle!:

Okay, here's the list of Aunties. Please let me know if I've left anyone out. Or if you want to be added to the list.

1. pplcrochets *

2. xmaystarx *

3. melissacrochets *

4. andip470 *

5. tlisley *current home*

6. Kathome

7. sakurasaku

8. Ladycrochets

9. squish52

10. LadyKindred

11. lisaizme

12. uh-oh I forgot to write down the 'ville name, but it's Anna N. (PM me)

13. anu_paradox

14. hischildsindi

[funkyreporter]

So, Andi, interested in a skein of Fugly yarn? We can work something out here... you know, with hte Lion Brand on sale in your end of the planet, and I got the Fugly... just an idea.

[andip470]

cozy woobies for the fugly offspring?

fugly booties

baby blankies for the naked mos

I think I have the perfect combination.........

fuzzy/fuggly dice to hang from the rearview mirror in colors to coordinate with tire cover & floor mats. I have the Aqua Disco freebie, to keep the same texture of the other Land Rover accesories. What color is the truck?

Bring it on:)

Does the handcuffed, chair tossing, innocent until proven guilty, party get any extra perks for the skill and dexterity required for this feat which should be a category in the guiness book? I might like to start practicing.

[Hello Again]

Ok, I'm returning today to catch up with the Fugly Yarn Thread and I must say that I have never seen an photo that filled me with such a curious mixture of Horror, Admiration, and yes, unadulterated Joy as those of the Fugly Purse and Sea Anemone/Loch Ness Monster Sporran.

 

I am speechless. I feel I am witnessing a historic moment in crochet history. and yet:manyheart

[funkyreporter]

cozy woobies for the fugly offspring?

fugly booties

baby blankies for the naked mos

 

I think I have the perfect combination.........

 

fuzzy/fuggly dice to hang from the rearview mirror in colors to coordinate with tire cover & floor mats. I have the Aqua Disco freebie, to keep the same texture of the other Land Rover accesories. What color is the truck?

 

Bring it on:)

 

Does the handcuffed, chair tossing, innocent until proven guilty, party get any extra perks for the skill and dexterity required for this feat which should be a category in the guiness book? I might like to start practicing.

 

Wow - my truck is going to be so coordinated I may be cited by the vehicle fashion police! The truck is eggshell (yeah, dumb color name). So matching Fugly dice... hmm, I can find some ridiculous looking buttons the size of half-dollars to use as the dots on the dice... yeah, I'm feeling it. Yet somehow I feel there is nothing I could ever create to equal that monstrosity... um, I mean that gorgeous basket thing that Shelle made! Truly an unmatched work of genius! I am so proud right now, so touched, that my eyes are tearing up... oh, wait. That's just the fumes from the Fugly passing gas. Never mind.

And yes, to answer your inquiry, our highly skilled and dexterious 'clients' do get extra perks when they demonstrate their skills in court. They get to wear pretty orange suits instead of the boring blue that the general population wears; they get to be segregated from the other custody guests in their own private cage - I mean room; they get a lovely belt made of chain and it has a clever set-up which has their hands

actually handcuffed to their waist (also known as waist chain shackles) and they get a fetching little ankle shackle set-up.... not to be insensitive, but there is honestly not too many things more annoying than a person with ankle shackles and a nervous foot, just rattling their chain - jingle jingle jingle.... aagghhhh!

[barbn77]

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the First, the Original, the One and Only, **FUGLY BASKET **

 

 

***********

Ta-da!!

 

 

 

As you can see, it is a very versatile piece and can be used in numerous ways - as a pen holder, a crochet hook holder, a gift bag....It also makes a nice pop-can holder. The possiblities are endless, not to mention the sheer enjoyment you get from gazing at it. Makes a great conversation piece, too! Get your orders in Ladies and Gents. This is a limited edition. And no, this one is not for sale. Sorry. It's for my best ex-friend, Paulette . It will be making the trip to California in the morning. And don't worry Paulette, it's completely tamed and house-broken now.

Alrighty then, any more challenges?

 

 

 

OMG Shelle, i'm laughing so hard i'm crying:rofl :rofl and being 31 wks. preggo it HURTS to laugh this hard!!

[Shaylen]

Ok i must be wierd becouse i think he is just to cute...i love him and i want to start the bidding at $30.00...now im going to have to go find me some fugly yarn..so i can hug him and squeeze him...

 

You guys are to funny.

 

Shelle...i think you should go into makeing them to sell to the world so us crocheters can take over the world...just think of the power these little guys could give us if we train them right!!

 

[crochetmama]

...my eyes are tearing up... oh, wait. That's just the fumes from the Fugly passing gas. Never mind..

 

I told you not to let it near the Kool Aid!

[funkyreporter]

Ok i must be wierd becouse i think he is just to cute...i love him and i want to start the bidding at $30.00...now im going to have to go find me some fugly yarn..so i can hug him and squeeze him...

 

You guys are to funny.

 

Shelle...i think you should go into makeing them to sell to the world so us crocheters can take over the world...just think of the power these little guys could give us if we train them right!!

 

 

Shaylen - PM me your address and I'll send you a blob of this stuff if you feel inclined to have your knuckles scraped, have a spare tire iron for hooking, and are not afraid to risk the lives of any small animals or children in your home. I will need proof of medical insurance and also you must sign a waiver releasing me of liability... HazMat suit recommended but not required; eye protection is a must. Also, keep in mind that it must be quarantined from other yarns... I've managed to somewhat 'tame' it by tossing it rusted bolts to gnaw on and but will only be able to include a few days' supply (being born pregnant this stuff multiplies at an alarming rate)

[Shelleden]

Ok i must be wierd becouse i think he is just to cute...i love him and i want to start the bidding at $30.00...now im going to have to go find me some fugly yarn..so i can hug him and squeeze him...

 

You guys are to funny.

 

Shelle...i think you should go into makeing them to sell to the world so us crocheters can take over the world...just think of the power these little guys could give us if we train them right!!

 

 

Will you be my marketing assistant? I told Paulette if we market these right, we could be millionaires by this time next year! If you do a good job, you might qualify for a free Fugly Basket. (If you meet the sales quota)

[Shelleden]

I solved the chair issue by buying a balance ball chair for my "cube" at work. Actually I have back issues and it helps when I'm ON THE BALL at work:lol (the family has added this action to their list as well) I'm becoming an exhibit, people from other departments are coming to gawk at the chair. One lady on my floor, brings tour groups twice a day.

 

I work in a customer service call center for a financial institution and folks can get downright cranky about their money. It is the bank's fault that they "forgot" to make a deposit or record a check (is that what that register thingy is for?) We should know that they moved two years ago and did not get their statements and therefore cannot possibly be responsible for the fact that their account is overdrawn since there was NO WAY they are going to pay the "insignifigant" funds charges. We are going to write a book and start a support group for customer service professionals.

 

My mom called to tell me that our local Hancock Fabrics is closing and all yarn is 30% off. They only carry Lion Brand. I went last week and bought $90 worth. Stopped again last nite and bought the rest of the baby homespun (22skeins) Thought I'd be slick and leave it in the van. Don't you know that DH used my van this morning to drive the girls to school????

 

Uh-oh!! I don't think the "Oh, I've had that for a while" excuse is going to work now that you've left it in the van. In the sacks. With the receipt! Let's just hope & pray he doesn't notice it.

[Shelleden]

OMG! Did you pee yourself laughing when you were making that? Is that your free skein of Mr. Brown Bernat Disco on the back? Now I know what to do with mine! I've been waiting for the perfect pattern to come along to highlight the divine texture of that stuff. It's a perfect pairing with the fugly yarn. I can just imagine how that multi-purpose container feels with the abrasive raw silk floor scrapings and the plastic garland-like texture of the Disco. If it were mine, I'd cuddle with it at bedtime. After taking another look at it, I realize it is cute in a wierd way. It's like certain boys we've all met that you know are so wrong for you and will hurt you, but there's just something about them you can't resist . . .

It's sorta like looking at a train wreck. You know it's awful, but you can't help but look! Yes, that's the poo brown Disco (now I know why they had to give it away, well, I won't fall for that again!) That's actually Fugly's hair. I was going to trim it, but I thought he was kinda sexy like that. I had so much fun making him, I can't wait to make another! Each one is going to be totally different - unique. Unique up on him & bash him with a ball-bat. Now I just cracked myself up with that one! Thank Goodness for Depends!

[funkyreporter]

G'morning, All!

 

Allow me to set the scene: Clock goes off at 6:30 and gives hubby and I just a few minutes of 'pillow talk' before we start waking up the brats... I mean kids. He says, "Good morning, Gorgeous." (come on, work with me here, people) strokes my hair, and says in his deep sexy voice, "Shelle isn't really sending that thing here is she?" The violin music in my head screaches to a stop.

 

"uh, yeah. She made it for me. I'm gonna put it by my crochet chair and put my overpriced fancy crochet hooks in it."

 

"Oh, God. Well is she gonna ship it in a lead container? Could you at least ask her to nuke it (our term for microwave oven) before she sends it? We need to find out if it's watertight or waterproof to 200 feet" *what are you gonna do, take it diving with you? you freak.* "Oh, skeet shooting," he says! PULL! BAM! PULL! BAM!

 

Oh, and the whining and moaning and groaning continued until I finally said, "Honey, would you make my coffee?" Yeah, he makes my coffee - cool, huh? And he doesn't even drink coffee!

 

And he continues, "What happened to the front of it? Is that supposed to be there? Is it solid? And is the back supposed to be that way?"

 

"Oh, SHUT UP!!!! It's animal, vegetable and mineral. What you see is what you get! Nothing happened to the front of it! It's simulating Kool-Aid because we can't actually give it Kool-Aid or it turns more viscous. Yes, it's coming here and you're just gonna have to deal with it."

 

"But what about me and the kids? and the cat?"

 

"What about you and the kids. And you don't even like the cat and the cat doesn't like you! It's scratched everyone in the house and hisses at thigns that aren't there. Deal with it, Bucko. Fugly is coming here and there is NOTHING you can do about it."

Ah, ain't life grand!...

 

to be continued...

[Lady_of_Roses]

I must say, the fugly container is uhh.. quite a piece of work.

 

There's a lot of colors on it. I'm kind of wondering which part of the container is actually made up from the fugly silk?

[sakurasaku]

That's actually Fugly's hair. I was going to trim it, but I thought he was kinda sexy like that. I had so much fun making him, I can't wait to make another! Each one is going to be totally different - unique. Unique up on him & bash him with a ball-bat. Now I just cracked myself up with that one! Thank Goodness for Depends!

 

Since you asked me how many I would like to order... Actually, someone suggested making fuzzy dice with it and I am kind of ...well...digging that idea. I think they will be totally kitsch in a sorta cool kind of way. I could put them in my car and my, what a conversation piece they will be.

[funkyreporter]

I must say, the fugly container is uhh.. quite a piece of work.

 

There's a lot of colors on it. I'm kind of wondering which part of the container is actually made up from the fugly silk?

 

The Fugly silk is the white part - but don't be fooled by its lustrous sheen - it was just posing for the camera!

 

Picture the texture of a petrified rag left out for about six months behind the garage - you know, the kind that is completely stiff and has crud imbedded in it...

[flybabytina]

BTW, does everybody know that Michael's has Lion Homespun on sale for $3.67 a skein this week? I filled up the back of the Land Rover with about 20 skeins. Told hubby I was going to Michael's but only came in with one bag of Wool-ease and he says, "Oh, honey, you did really good..." Yeah. I did really good. Now I gotta slip the other 20 skeins in when he's not here... dang it.

 

At my local A.C Moore, they have Mill Ends of Homespun, 3 skeins in a bag, $3.75 per bag. So that's $1.25 PER skein!!!!

 

Tina

 

Now back to the Fugly discussion

[funkyreporter]

OH, Dear. Just what I was afraid of. I got an e-mail from Shelle and she sent the Fugly. No, that's not what I was afraid of; this is what I was afraid of: Shelle and the Fugly have bonded!!!!! And the series of pictures she sent were heartbreaking... Fugly hiding in the corner, Fugly running away, throwing a tantrum, and then in the box... back out of the box. I feel really bad. And she sounded so sad in the e-mail. She packed it a little lunch of rusty nuts and bolts, but you know, a mother can tell these things. She's hurting. Honestly, I think she's delirious because she's looking for more Fugly yarn and coming up with cute little names for it. We gotta pull together, people, for one of our own!

 

Oh, and if you're looking in the Introduce Yourself section, say hello to my daughter Ah Leah, who just joined the 'ville today! She lives 250 miles away from me at the University but I call her during Spanish class pretty much every morning to tell her what's going on at the 'ville, so I guess she joined so she wouldn't get kicked out of class.... and, no, turning her cell phone off isn't an option...

[Shelleden]

Well, it's pretty sad and quiet here in Rushville, Indiana tonight, folks. Yes, the Fugly Basket is en route to California. However, Paulette has graciously offered to share custody of him with me, which is extremely civil of her. Him being made partly of mohair, well it would really be the best thing for him - (you know what's coming, don't you?) I mean, as you know, 'kids' don't always do well being separated from one of their parents. nyuck-nyuck (I borrowed that stale joke from a friend out in California). At the risk of boring some of my dear C-ville buddies, I would like to share a few last photos of Fugly, if you'll allow me.....It was funny, yet so sad, too. He had really gotten attached to me. No, I don't just mean his teeth attached to my leg either. He's all tame & sweet now. Maybe the Kool-aid did it, I don't know. All I know is, he's a different kid now (there I go again with the goat/mohair/kid thing). It seems like right after he ate my poor little terrycloth mouse, he's a changed Fug. I just hope he'll stay sweet and nice when he gets to the west coast. Oh! I almost forgot - some good news here - a "Girlie Fugly" is on the horizon! And after that, cousins will emerge from the dark recesses of the yarn shop. Isn't that exciting?! There soon will be all kinds of Fugli. No two alike! And each one will have a little surprise material crocheted right in. Might be string, might be grapevine, who knows? It will certainly be unexpected. I wonder if Paulette will find the surprise material? We'll see....

I'm going to try to shrink these pics so they won't take up too much room.... They are: 1.Fugly gets put in the box 2.Fugly jumps out of the box 3.Fugly runs away 4.Fugly hides in the corner 5.Fugly lays down kicking and screaming 6.Fugly shaking his head 7.Fugly shaking his head the other way. (Hint: if you look at the pics in rapid succession, you'll almost see the action. scroll back and forth from 6 to 7 for the full effect) In the end, he cooperated - of course I had to bribe him with Kool-aid and nuts & bolts - nice and rusty like he likes them. Fugly, Fugly, Fugly, where are you right now? I miss you little fella. Call me....

I hope you enjoyed these pics of this little monster! I'm gonna miss the little guy. (like a toothache!)

[Shelleden]

Ok i must be wierd becouse i think he is just to cute...i love him and i want to start the bidding at $30.00...now im going to have to go find me some fugly yarn..so i can hug him and squeeze him...

 

You guys are to funny.

 

Shelle...i think you should go into makeing them to sell to the world so us crocheters can take over the world...just think of the power these little guys could give us if we train them right!!

 

Today California! Tomorrow the world!! p.s. 30 bucks! do I hear 31?

[Ah Leah]

See mom, THIS is why we don't let you buy stuff.

 

THIS is why you aren't allowed in target unaccompanied

THIS is why we tried to hide the wonders of ebay from you for so long

THIS is why we don't let you make friends

THIS is why the ENTIRE house is decorated by Dennis

and THIS is why I don't let you buy me stuff

 

Because you get stuff like... that. And you make friends with people who send you thinks like that. And, and, and...

 

*shakes head*

 

And you better be sending YOUR OWN DAUGHTER a skein of that yarn. I'll make you SOMETHING.

[RachelG]

Paulette, I think we ought to ban you from ebay forevermore.

 

Unless you keep wanting to hear about liquid squirting out noses because we were laughing so hard while drinking something.

[Shelleden]

Uh-0h! Guess what Rachel's getting in the mail.........(said in a sing-song voice)

[RachelG]

Not happening. Nope. Uh-uh. No thanks!

[Shelleden]

Whatever you do, do NOT let her have your address!!! I repeat, do NOT let her have your address!!! (Love ya Paulette:devil )

[RachelG]

Whatever you do, do NOT let her have your address!!! I repeat, do NOT let her have your address!!! (Love ya Paulette:devil )

 

Don't worry, I don't think there's anyway she could get it unless my sister sees this post and decides that I need some as a joke.