Our House Part Two

[JulieKay]

Jude

Thanks for the advice regarding Cam. I knew he'd begin asking sooner or later. It breaks my heart .Lots of emotion about it ,since it is our son who has done this to Cam .

Most days I am just angry .Other days I wonder how he can live with himself knowing he has a son who needs him .

Anyhow, sorry about pulling my post. I have just been thinking a lot about it after last weekend and thought I'd post for advice. Then I thought maybe I shuldn't come on and dump it on you guys,so that's why my post is missing .

Thanks for answering and for your advice .It's just a difficult situation which I cannot see improving anytime soon . I have such a worry that Cam will begin making bad decisions in his life as he gets older ,possibly rebelling because of all this .

I guess all we can do is be the same people and give him the same place to come that he has always come to .

Thanks again ,and sorry to you and everyone else for coming in and dumping my problems on you all . I really dont have anyone else to talk to .

[Gardener]

Julie, we are your friends and listening is what friends do. Our friendship is no less real than our real life friendships. So no need to apologize.

[Gardener]

For anyone who has a Kindle, I downloaded this free book today, and read it this afternoon.

 

Fillmore Saves the Day

 

 

It's kind of a modern day Jeeves and Wooster type of story. On the Amazon Kindle boards I read that another of the series will be free next week.

 

It is really funny and a quick read and it's free at the moment. Amazon's free books don't always stay free for long though so make sure you check the price if it appeals to you.

[Skysmom]

Julie, we are your friends and listening is what friends do. Our friendship is no less real than our real life friendships. So no need to apologize.

Cindy said it so well...and I know we all feel the same way.

[busy-bee-lmt]

Jude

Thanks for the advice regarding Cam. I knew he'd begin asking sooner or later. It breaks my heart .Lots of emotion about it ,since it is our son who has done this to Cam .

Most days I am just angry .Other days I wonder how he can live with himself knowing he has a son who needs him .

Anyhow, sorry about pulling my post. I have just been thinking a lot about it after last weekend and thought I'd post for advice. Then I thought maybe I shuldn't come on and dump it on you guys,so that's why my post is missing .

Thanks for answering and for your advice .It's just a difficult situation which I cannot see improving anytime soon . I have such a worry that Cam will begin making bad decisions in his life as he gets older ,possibly rebelling because of all this .

I guess all we can do is be the same people and give him the same place to come that he has always come to .

Thanks again ,and sorry to you and everyone else for coming in and dumping my problems on you all . I really dont have anyone else to talk to .

Julie, you pulled the post before I saw it, but I think I've pieced together the gist of it from what the others said. 1) It is totally normal and natural for Cam to feel that way. Most, or at least lots, of kids where the parents have split up feel that it was their fault at some point in the process. 2) It is also totally true that it isn't their fault. It's the adult's decision for whatever reason. Self-centeredness. Immaturity. Incompatibility with their spouse. Inability to cope with what life has handed them. And I include myself in this. My spouse and I had irreconcilable differences that had absolutely nothing to do with our children. It was better for all concerned that we no longer live together, not easy, but better. The fact that Cam's dad came back into his life and left again makes the matter that much harder for Cam. He has to deal with the loss twice, which is heart-breaking for him. Talking to a child councilor or children's support group might be a couple of things to look into to help him cope. Finding out that he is not alone in having these feelings can release a lot of stress and pressure.

 

We love you. Of course it's appropriate to vent here and ask for suggestions and support. We all seem to at one time or another. That's what true friends are for. :hug

[Skysmom]

Marisa ~ Sending out letters is a wonderful idea! Stay warm and safe in that snow.

 

Linda ~ Oh my - 5 blocks! Maybe some of us will have yarn you need!? Just let us know.

 

Julie ~ I've always loved reading about your reunions and the fun things you think of. And I love the idea of using bright colors!

[marpan79]

Jules...the first thing that hit me about Cam is that he thinks HE did something to make his dad leave. I've heard that's a common thought. If you could convince him that often adults make bad decisions and it has nothing whatsoever to do with ANYONE else. It's just that a person's feelings and thoughts make them decide to do something that doesn't make sense. We don't know why his dad chose to leave, but it's NOT CAM's fault, because his dad was only thinking about himself and no one else.

 

My own opinion...I hope it helps a little. He's so blessed to have you - and Steph needs to know it's a situation that has to be talked about....his crying jag was a call for help.

 

 

Those zip packs of antibiotics are wonder drugs:yes

 

So, I'm sitting here wondering 'where is the post that Judy is replying to and how in the world did I miss it? '

 

Jude

Thanks for the advice regarding Cam. I knew he'd begin asking sooner or later. It breaks my heart .Lots of emotion about it ,since it is our son who has done this to Cam .

Most days I am just angry .Other days I wonder how he can live with himself knowing he has a son who needs him .

Anyhow, sorry about pulling my post. I have just been thinking a lot about it after last weekend and thought I'd post for advice. Then I thought maybe I shuldn't come on and dump it on you guys,so that's why my post is missing .

Thanks for answering and for your advice .It's just a difficult situation which I cannot see improving anytime soon . I have such a worry that Cam will begin making bad decisions in his life as he gets older ,possibly rebelling because of all this .

I guess all we can do is be the same people and give him the same place to come that he has always come to .

Thanks again ,and sorry to you and everyone else for coming in and dumping my problems on you all . I really dont have anyone else to talk to .

 

Then my question is answered......

 

Julie, we are your friends and listening is what friends do. Our friendship is no less real than our real life friendships. So no need to apologize.

 

and I couldn't say it better myself nor agree more

 

Julie - I, fortunately, have not had to deal with this myself and I count my blessings on a daily basis. It is very common for Cam to feel the way he is and I think Linda's idea about counseling is a good one. It's hard to make a child understand that this is not his fault, especially when it's happened twice now. Keep reminding him just how much everyone loves him. I would venture to say that his father does love him as well, he just doesn't know how to accept the responsibility of being a father. I'm thinking it's best to phrase things in such a way so that he can see the blame falls on his father because of himself and not Cam. (Did that come out right?)

 

We are ALWAYS here for you so I don't want to hear you talking like that again young lady!!! When you need advice, ASK! When you have advice, GIVE IT! We love you

[luvtocrochet757]

Julie,

 

We might be cyber-friends...but we're friends nevertheless. We all have our ups and downs and everybody needs somebody. The love that flows in here is so great...there is never a need to apologize for needing a friend.

[judianne]

We're here anytime, Jules!!:manyheart

 

 

For anyone who has a Kindle, I downloaded this free book today, and read it this afternoon.

 

Fillmore Saves the Day

 

 

It's kind of a modern day Jeeves and Wooster type of story. On the Amazon Kindle boards I read that another of the series will be free next week.

 

It is really funny and a quick read and it's free at the moment. Amazon's free books don't always stay free for long though so make sure you check the price if it appeals to you.

Thanks for the link, Cindy!

[Gardener]

You're welcome, Judy. I thought it was a fun nonsense sort of read. It seemed quite short, although on Amazon it says it's 194 pages.

[imanurse55]

Wow- did I miss alot! I got home from my conference around 8:00 and couldn't believe it was snowing in NJ!! Thankfully, not sticking to the roads! It was a very chock-full of information conference and my poor brain is full of so much information!

 

Julie- I, also did not see the post, and thought as I was reading through the posts, how did I miss that one?? Then I saw the answer! Like so many others have said, we are friends here- through the good times, the bad times, the happy times, the sad and troubling times!

My daughters had a rough time when I got divorced- and their school had "group" where they would meet once a week. They have told me since that they were very glad that they had someplace to talk about their feelings and to find out that they weren't alone- that their were other kids going through the same thing and that most of all , the divorce was not because of them and had nothing to do with them!

 

Mary- Glad DH is on antibiotics--gotta love the z-packs!!

 

Linda- Good luck with the afghan repair- and like Mary said, maybe some of us have a color that you can use if you don't have it!

 

Faille- So happy that you like the spinning. I can 'hear' the excitement in your voice--and know you can't wait till yours arrives!

 

Val- Have good trip to AL!

 

Cindy, Judy and Marisa, Tab, Marlene- hi!!!!

 

I'm kind of beat, so I think I'm going to call it an early night!!

[imanurse55]

Good morning!

 

Faille-:yay for the new spindle arriving!! It looks like you are going to have lots of fun learning this new craft!!!! Enjoy!!!!

 

Just looked at the clock:eek so I'd better get moving!

 

Have a wonderful day everyone!

[sunflowermom1972]

Good morning everyone! Its Thursday!!Have a great one!!

[busy-bee-lmt]

Good morning. We've got mostly sunshine today. Rosie and Carol came over yesterday afternoon and visited with Kim and I for about an hour. We talked about quilting, puppies, and whatever. Kim was animated and alert throughout.

 

 

My spindle actually arrived today!!! Of course I had to sit down and try it as soon as I got a chance. I wasted a bit of fiber getting started, but it was just a small portion of the sample that came with the spindle! I haven't even begun to dip in to the fiber I actually purchased! It's such a delight to work with and spins so beautifully.

 

I'm currently spinning some nice lace weight yarn out of Bombyx Silk Noil. It's really nice and soft and a bit funky because of the noils. Quite fun really. Once I get closer to filling the spindle, I'll have to figure out if I'm going to ply it to more of the same or one of the other fun fibers I have to play with.

 

 

Now I just need to resist ordering another spindle or two. For a little while at least. A few days. Oh who am I kidding, I'll be ordering another as soon as I see one with colors that I can't resist.

 

Have fun!

 

This afghan is being more challening than expected just because of the color of the yarns in it. I found the yarn that matches the off-white squares on the third try and have those crocheted. I found a green that isn't an exact match but that comes really close. I also found a brown with red tones that's a match. The only color that I can't come close on is a lightish beige with pink tones. I really don't think that's made any more. I'm going to try my beige and see how it looks, then we'll see.

 

I may well have a similar problem with the afghan my grandmother made my son, but it's more recent (1980s), so maybe not.

 

Over halfway through the week. Have a great day!

[judianne]

'morning, peeps!

 

My spindle actually arrived today!!! Of course I had to sit down and try it as soon as I got a chance. I wasted a bit of fiber getting started, but it was just a small portion of the sample that came with the spindle! I haven't even begun to dip in to the fiber I actually purchased! It's such a delight to work with and spins so beautifully.

 

I'm currently spinning some nice lace weight yarn out of Bombyx Silk Noil. It's really nice and soft and a bit funky because of the noils. Quite fun really. Once I get closer to filling the spindle, I'll have to figure out if I'm going to ply it to more of the same or one of the other fun fibers I have to play with.

 

 

Now I just need to resist ordering another spindle or two. For a little while at least. A few days. Oh who am I kidding, I'll be ordering another as soon as I see one with colors that I can't resist.

 

Have fun!! It's wonderful learning a new craft...unless you run out of room to store all the stuff that goes with it:lol:lol:lol

 

Good morning everyone! Its Thursday!!Have a great one!!

You, too, Amy!

[judianne]

Linda, what terrific news, hearing that Kim is doing so well:manyheart

...and that's great you're able to match the colors...give a shout if you get stuck and maybe someone can help out from their stash.

 

I have a huge pile of laundry waiting for me...how 2 people can generate so much is beyond me...

But maybe the amount of fur, dander and dog slobber the 2 dogs produce has something to do with it:lol:lol:lol:lol

 

Later, gators!

[busy-bee-lmt]

Okay, here are pictures of what I'm working on. It's a BIG afghan. This is on John and Kim's queen-sized bed. The next picture shows three of the squares. The ones below and to the left of the off white one both are damaged and need replacing at least partially. The dark brown center block also needs a minor fix as one end has come undone on the last row.

 

 

Just the off white one needs replacing here and in the last picture it's a minor fix of the yan that binds them together not the squares themselves.

[JulieKay]

Thanks ladies

To all of you who stepped in,gave advice or support. I guess sometimes I wish I knew what to do about this,but in the same breath, it''s embarassing to have a son who has done this.

Bottom line is he never wanted to be married or be a parent ,so he turned tail and ran before the ink was dry on the divorce papers.

Cam really doesn't have a lot of memories of the time when his parents were still together,which is probably good, because things were bad from day one,and only got worse .

What he does remember is his dad coming back and making promises to him ,then sneaking back out of town and not even telling Cam he was leaving . Cam was a mess for a long time after that .

It's just hard to know what to say . I think he is old enough now to be told that his dad wasn't ready to be a parent because he has a lot of problems he needs to get figured out . I told Cam it isn't his fault ,or his mom's . Our son has actually been lowdown enough to tell Cam that "If your mom stops making me mad, I'll be your dad" . Steph agrees to go along with that story,but I think it's a REALLY bad idea,because Cam may blame her someday because he didnt have his dad in his life .

Such a mess ....

Thanks for the input on it. I know I shouldnt discuss stuff of this personal a nature in here,but I honestly don't have anyone else to turn to .

Sam is burnt out on it ,sick of it, and doesnt even want to mention it ,so you guys are the ones who get it all dumped in here .

Thanks for listening .

[JulieKay]

Faile

You sound very excited with your new "toy ". I hope it brings you lots of enjoyment .

 

Linda

Those afghan photos are gorgeous. WOW,and HUGE . So glad Kim is doing so well too .

 

Cindy

Thanks for the link for the kindle book. I missed out on the free day,but may just splurge and spend 2.99 on it . I see it has another part too, did you read part 1 or 2 ?

[foofoophyl]

Hi, housemates! Maybe I don't talk much, but I've been busy. Here are two finished ghans that have been in the works for a long time. The baby blanket is Chris Simon's cabled hearts - it needs one more set of hearts and another contrast band before it is finished. Then I'll be ready to start the Bernat CAL.

 

Hope you all have an uneventful day. :hug:hug

[Skysmom]

Hi House!

 

Faile ~ Yay for your spindle arriving. Enjoy!

 

Linda ~ The afghan is gorgeous! I'll bet no one will ever notice the repair work. Great news that Kim is doing so well.

 

Phyllis ~ You have been busy! Beautiful afghans - your work is lovely. I printed the cabled hearts pattern quite a while ago, but haven't started one yet...seeing yours makes me want to start!

 

 

I have a huge pile of laundry waiting for me...how 2 people can generate so much is beyond me...

But maybe the amount of fur, dander and dog slobber the 2 dogs produce has something to do with it:lol:lol:lol:lol

 

Sounds just like us.

[JulieKay]

Faile

Thanks for the suggestions. You're right, I dont want to lie to Cam. I guess I wanted to wait until he was old enough to start asking ,then decide how to approach it. I really don't think wee little kids should have all this stuff laid on them at an early age. Wait til they are old enough to think about it and have questions, then answer them . I wasn't lying to him about his dad having problems. He definitely does, just from the little bit of contact Steph has had with him . She knows things that I don't ,but just from what she tells me, it's REALLY bad ,so yea, he has DEFINITELY got problems that prevent him from being a good parent. I aactually think it might be best if he does stay away . That doesn't sound very nice, but if he were here , it'd be so much worse for everyone involved .( mostly Cam) ,because Cam still hopes his dad will suddenly come back and be a great dad,but the rest of us know better . All he'd do is bring a LOT of trouble with him .

 

 

 

Phyllis

You HAVE been busy. Beautiful work .

[luvtocrochet757]

Joanne - Thanks, I'm excited about spendng an entire weekend at home...Sweet Home Alabama. I'm glad you're back...missed you! Have a great day.

 

Faile - I'm glad you received your new toy. Have fun!

 

Linda - That afghan is huge and beautiful. I don't think anyone will notice a slight difference. It's good news that Kim is mending so well.

 

Phyllis - Nice ghans! I'm doing the Bernat CAL also...first timer.

 

Julie - Everything will be alright. You'll make the right decisions!

 

Mary, Marissa, Amy, Judy & Marlene...Have a good day!

[sunflowermom1972]

Hi, housemates! Maybe I don't talk much, but I've been busy. Here are two finished ghans that have been in the works for a long time. The baby blanket is Chris Simon's cabled hearts - it needs one more set of hearts and another contrast band before it is finished. Then I'll be ready to start the Bernat CAL.

 

Hope you all have an uneventful day. :hug:hug

Great job!!

[marpan79]

Good afternoon ladies

 

I'm just getting to the office and the days almost over I did laundry before heading out this morning. I needed to do the sheets in the spare room since Maryann will be arriving tomorrow so of course I did mine too Then had the 2 beds to make after. I stopped at a mailbox along my route and put the first 100 in there for mailing. The rest still needs to be put together yet, but I figured no sense waiting for them all to be done to send them. I should finish the rest between today and tomorrow morning

 

Joanne - Glad to hear the coference went well, now you need to give your brain a little break

 

Faile - I'm so excited for you that your spindle got in yesterday....so, how much have you done already?

 

Linda - The ghan is gorgeous and like the others said, let us know which colors your having trouble with and maybe we can help out.

 

Phyllis - Great ghans I love them all and I think I'm going to have to go look for the cabled heart pattern

 

Julie - I agree with Faile that Cam should know the truth. Better to get it over with and let him deal with it in his own way now since the truth always comes out eventually. Then he'll have to deal with not only the truth, but also that everyone lied about it I think letting his mom take the fall will end up giving Cam undo resentment toward her.

 

And as for being embarassed by your son :hug You've done a great job raising him and you are not responsible for his decisions Reminds me of my brother (in a different caliper) We all wonder about my brother and the things he does and was raised in the same environment as my sister and I, but yet he's completely different, just doesn't 'see' alot of things and seems to think everyone owes him everything . He's definitely embarassed my mom his fair share and she really takes it to heart

 

I can go on for days complaining about him and the things he does, but we'll just let that go for now

 

to the rest of the house