Why are we our own worst critics?

[orangetulipgarden]

I have felt that when I make something myself, I can't be objective about it. One minute I think it is really good, and the next minute I see all its faults. But I can look at some one else's work and see the good work, the great color choice and the creative talent that went into it.

 

Glenda

 

I agree.

 

My reaction to the original question was that since we were there when each stitch was made, we know the piece very well and are bound to see its flaws and know what it took to make the final product. It's the whole thing about familiarity breeding contempt (not that we hate our works, but as an example) I don't think it's much deeper than that. At least, that's how it is for me.

[Auntie Kellie]

My Mom use to say that you should never make anything perfect, cause it will trap part of your soul in it. Hey, she was Irish what can I say.

I'm part Scottish so I can relate. If I find I've followed a pattern exactly without mistake, I'll usually purposely miss or add a stitch in the border. When I was growing up, I was somewhat of a book nerd and read a lot about old customs and superstitions of older countries/races. The Celts weren't the only one with this superstition. The Native Americans used to believe if you made something perfect, the Spirits would be angered and bring trouble for the tribe.

 

While I was growing up (and still to this day), I've wanted to be a published writer. My stepmom and my dad used to say I would never be able to do it. I don't know if it was because they thought I lacked talent or because they wanted me to prove I could do it but to this day I still keep trying to prove them wrong. I just need to finish my novel and get it submitted. They were completely different when it came to me learning to crochet. They liked everything I have made so far. Some parents are just odd I guess.

 

I think the only time I'm nervous about showing off my crocheted pieces of art is when I'm trying something new or designing something myself. I'm not good at pulling my ideas out of my head and making them look the same. I used to draw clothes I always wanted to make for myself (crocheted and sewn) yet they never looked like what I was thinking about.

 

Hugs and Cookies

Auntie K

[ANGELICRUTH]

I'm irish --- I had never heard that saying but I like it. Mostly because I have NEVER been able to make anything perfect!! The gods must really liike me cause I usually have several mess ups in my FO's.

 

Serously tho' I have never posted my pictures here or anywhere because I always see all the flaws in my work so I think everyone else will too. All of you ladies and gentlemen here are really wonderful! you all are so encourging and always show love in all your comments ---- don't be surprised if I suddenly show off my work!! It's not as good as most of ya'lls but I think its pretty good.

 

One thing I've lerned the hard way is that a person has to be real careful what they say to some people. If I show too much confidence in any part of my life there is always someone there who will get angry and try to harm me. I guess that sounds wierd but its just been my experiance.

 

Well I'm running on ---hugs ---Ruth:hug

[Empress Busy Bee]

How are these comments conceited? What am I missing?

Like I said, "to me". I don't know how to explain it really. I guess it just feels weird having someone presuming and telling me what to enjoy/like.

Again, just my opinion.

 

[rina]

Here's a cross-cultural perspective. I'm Asian American and I grew up in Korea until I was 9 and then came here. Back in Korea and in my family, it's considered rude to boast about oneself. If you present something, you're supposed to be humble about it. People do praise you, but the polite thing is to deny it to a point. It's not that you actually feel that the compliment is not true, or that people don't recognize the value of your work--there's a difference between humility and low self esteem, and Korean culture is very individualistic. It's just custom. Then I found here, as a teenager, that people would get irritated with me if I didn't accept compliments because it looked like I was fishing for more validation.

 

I think there are real psychological self esteem issues at work with the issue the thread author raised. But also this (American) culture is all about competition and specifically rewards people who promote themselves, which in other countries might be considered arrogant and anti-social. And those (especially as women) who don't fit that mold are put at a disadvantage. This is definitely the case in academia (I'm a grad student). I think the ability to verbally praise oneself is less important than how we feel about ourselves and our accomplishments.

[JoBug]

I read through this post and every reply, I read so much of myself in these replies. In MANY MANY aspects. We are all artists in our own way. EVEN if we are crocheting someone elses designs, there is a part of our hearts in it. I know when I crochet something, I want to do the artist who created it justice, oh how I would hate for someone to think "oh my gosh, look what she did with my design!!! Ruined it!!"

But most importantly I read of the reaching out for aproval, from our mothers, our husbands, past abuse. I myself have lived too much of all the above in one lifetime that one person should have to endure. As I age, however, I realize that all that, the bad and the good, has turned me into who I am today, tommorow and next year, and that is what gives me the WILL to crochet, the "escape" if you will, but to use the time making something beautiful, that I can be proud of. Oh yes, I want others aproval, maybe more than anyone, BUT, deep down, I can know I did the best I could on my projects, because if I didn't TRUST ME, it got frogged or thrown out...lol...

I think it is normal and good to reach out to our peers for approval, acceptance, after all, we do it in every other aspect of our lives, don't we..

so, I am long winded...lol

BUT I also have to say, I have NEVER seen anyones work here that I myself wouldn't be proud to own and display, and I have been SO blessed to recieve wonderful works from you ladies, through RAOK's, swaps, begging, lol... WHO here wouldn't LOVE to recieve ANYTHING another Villager has made here?

[mustang lady]

I agree with just about everything that has been said here. I am my worst critic because like my husband said I want everything to come out perfect. I never had much self-confidence when I was growing up. I felt like people were always making fun of whatever I did. I guess that could be part of the reason why I am so hard on myself. Just the other day I crocheted a bonnet and booties and sold them.. The lady that bought them said she was never worried about how they would look because I always do excellent work. That made me feel good, but I had my doubts because I felt like they were not my best.

Everyone here at the forum has been very helpful to me and has helped me gain some self confidence. Before joining this forum I never would have tried anything new because I didn't think that I could do it, but seeing and reading things on this forum has helped me get over this problem. Like my husband always tells me, don't listne to other people, do what makes you happy.

[sonnets_and_stitches]

With me, it's just that I'm new and that my crochet reflects that lack of skill! I love compliments when they're true, and abhor them when they're false. I'm the last thing from a perfectionist (anyone who sees my house or car would know that in a New York minute), but that doesn't mean I want my work to always look like a newbie's work. If I'm pointing out flaws in my own work, that's because I'm looking for ways/ideas to either capitalize it (how could I use that funky stitch delibrately in my next project), or ways to avoid it in the future.

 

With eyes open ~ Joy

[catheryn]

Mary Jo...I have always had issues with self-esteem and until recently, it especially showed up in my lack of confidence in the work I created. I always was a perfectionist in my work, whether it be crochet, cross stitch, or crossword puzzles. But no matter how hard I tried to do perfect work, I never was able to feel it was good enough. That is one of the reasons I have never entered any of my work into a juried competition. But things changed a little while ago.....I found Crochetville and this wonderful group of thoughtful and loving people. About the same time I joined here, I read a story about the middle eastern people that weave the beautiful rugs we all love. Into each perfect work of art they weave, they purposely make a mistake ...according to their religious beliefs nothing is perfect less it comes from the Hand of God. This kinda set me back for a moment....who in the heck was I to try and be perfect in everything? Now when I make a tiny mistake that no one knows is there but me......there it stays. A reminder that we will never be perfect, but we can be the best we can be!

I have learned as I get older that the old adage "It's the thought that counts" really is true. The work may not be perfect, but the love that goes into each stitch is pure and real and important.