feeling rather unappriciated

[rae-dean]

well that is crummy.i know how it feels. i think it is alot what everyone says.i know i made my mom a ripple afghan.my first and it was so hard for me to do. i made it big and it was very perfect.imagen when i went to visit her and it was tossed in the back of her station wagon...on the dirty back floor.all i can say is crafter know the work that goes into this stuff.i would rather have a craft made for me than anything.i think someone who has no clue that u worked on these items day and nite and say my afghan was maybe like 1thousands of stitches...it is hard to understand.my mom never did a craft in her life.soo i figure i will enjoy making and learning new things and don't sweat it after that.hugs and don't worry. your work is lovely i am sure. it is people...not knowing.hugs rae-dean

[parisjem]

Dear kiwikitti,

You are missing a wonderful opportunity to form a great relationship with your future mother-in-law and father-in-law. Put aside your bruised feelings (we all understand) and take up your hair-remover brush. Whip those things back into shape! Take care of the other things in that pile too. Look for other "piles" of things that they don't have the time or the energy to cope with and help them out by doing what needs doing. You are living in their house and I presume that you are cooking and cleaning and doing laundry. Go one step further and ASK, "How can I help you today?". Invest in your future by helping each day.

 

Respecting the things that your partner values is a part of respecting him/her. The same goes for your new family. Gently teach your new family. Demonstrate your respect for your things. Also show respect for the things that they value. They may not understand crocheting but they can learn that it is something that you value, and therefore your crocheting is something that they should treat with respect.

 

Hugs & empathy,

 

Parisjem

[Vreni]

Its a bummer --know how you feel made a heart afgan (one with 300 squares) later found out the cat chewed a hole in it and was tossed in the garage---a relative yet--so I dont make things for anyone that doesnt take care of it--Honestly strangers seem to appreciate things more

 

Forget it -keep on making crafts!!!!!

and Smile

Vreni

[lisalu]

Try not to let it get you down... this happens to ALL crocheters/knitters/cross stitchers, etc.

 

My SIL complained one time that she spent literally MONTHS cross stitching a Precious Moments nativity scene for her Dad and Stepmom and never saw it again after she gave it to them. Although her hours of work were commendable and done out of love, to be brutally honest not that many people are as enchanted with Precious Moments as she is. It is a personal thing (although I think they might respected the spirit of the gift and found some place to put it.)

 

I am not putting down your intentions or crochet in general (I do it myself) but you have to go into your project knowing that everyone's taste is not your own. Some people find anything hand crocheted/knitted to be "frumpy". Well I can understand that and I refuse to be offended by it. I make what I like for me! Before I make something for someone else I ALWAYS, and I mean ALWAYS, have them choose the pattern and yarn. If they aren't excited about it from the get-go then I don't bother. Giving someone something that you have spent many long hours making by hand always runs the risk of them feeling awkward ("Just what I always wanted, another pink and purple afghan!") and you feeling unappreciated by the less than enthusiastic reception.

 

I have a very labor intensive thread crochet bedspread that my grandmother made years ago - it must have taken her months of work. But although I love crochet a thread crocheted bedspread is a little too much for me. On the other hand, she has added crocheted edging to linens and given them to everyone in the family for gifts our entire lives. Every single one of us treasures these and use them every day. I love seeing the hand crocheted edgings and thinking of her. So there ARE things you can do that will be appreciated by your recipients....don't give up! Meanwhile do what you like, show them what you are working on, and get their feedback so that next time you make them something it will be something they will really love and use.

[kamikazemommy]

I had a similar experience- a macrame planter crammed into a linen closet while some really cheesy ceramics my cousins had made were prominently displayed- hurt me at the age of 16. But, I've come to realize that I lived 700 miles away and my cousins were in their house daily. Grams was forgetful- she was gonna bring it out when I arrived. Anyway, I've learned to choose projects very carefully- use, colors, personal taste. On a brighter note, my aunt still displays & uses a potholder I made her the same year!

 

-shel

[rae-dean]

well-i recently bought a tossed table cloth.maybe the person passed away-tossed to the 2nd hand store. it is thread and it is beautiful and it is huge.it was 4$.it was tossed in a bag and i did not know it was full of holes.mofits-torn apart and old thread. i am re-storing it. so for those who don't respect and love the art of crochet and enjoy getting handmade things-i am enjoying re-furbishing this old tablecloth.it was not cared for.i will re-do it and that makes me feel wonderful.i see pretty afghans tossed to the 2nd hand store. and i never can figure out why. i look them over and think them lovely.i make up stories about them in trying to figure why these are here. if i see crocheted potholders i like-i grab them from the 2nd hand stores.to enjoy others handiwork.i feel i am saving them. hugs rae-dean http://groups.msn.com/ChunkyMonkeyCrochet

[weenah]

that sounds so awful! i limit my handmade gifts to people who appreciate them. no use wasting my time and money on someone who doesn't like such things in the first place! or, (and shamefully my favorite) i make things for myself, or my daughter. for my friends that also crochet or knit i usually use a more expensive yarn.

[lisalu]

I just want to make one more observation here....ya'll tell me if anyone else has noticed this. When someone makes a QUILT it is like the end of the earth. People "ooh and aah" over it, hang it on a quilt rack and it instantly acquires heirloom status. (I don't do quilting, btw!)

 

Okay, not to take anything away from quilts but come on....what makes them more special than a hand crocheted/knitted blanket? I like quilts, but you can't drape them over your couch and curl up in them on a cool evening and then toss in the wash if you spill coffee on it. They aren't something you can wear like the crocheted/knitted hats, sweaters, mittens, etc. How come people think quilts are the "ooh la, la" while turning up their nose at the work we do? (and how come quilt magazines outnumber crochet/knitting magazines 10 to 1 at the newsstands?)

[kamikazemommy]

Hmmm...maybe quilting is seen as more labor intensive and sort of an "old world art". I don't know. I'm partial to crochet myself- have a quilt rack adorned with all the wonderful blankets my grams & I made together while I was growing up- those are MY heirlooms!

 

-shel

[HappyOldCro]

I have had made many home made gifts in my 50+ years of crafting. I have made everything from crochet to quilts to crewel, embroidery, and painting.

I have seen some treated badly, and others packed away and never used. But there are many more that were loved and carefully treated with respect.

It is not the gift you gave, but the knowledge of the people you gave it to.

I have a daughter in law (who came from an uncrafty family that bought everything) state that she thought that home made stuff didn't require much thought or effort, because you just sat at home and did it. She had no idea of how much time or effort went into making these things. She has since changed her view, once she saw the work in progress and the time it takes.

As for the Quilt versus Afghan thing, Quilts have always been a symbol of antiquity. And having done both, I have to admit that they are harder and more time consuming. (As well as requiring more space and dedicated time, you can't just do a little, shove it in a basket and go back to it later or take it all with you when you travel.) Also through the years, afghans and other wool creations (no artificial threads or yarns back then) were destroyed and deteriorated with use. Quilts stood the test of time.

I guess it really boils down to the user, like nice textured upholstery, leave it open to use versus plastic slip covers. As for me I would rather see them used, even if a little carelessly, rather than packed away unseen.

You are an artist, and once the art is sold, you cannot tell the buyer where to put it, or how to care for it.

Your compensation and reward lies in; 1- Satisfaction of a job well done,

2-Support of friends and family who will oooh and aaah always

3-Knowledge that you have created a piece of art that will last long after the people who do not appreciate it do (How many pieces are purchased at garage sales, and treated with admiration and respect despite the abuse it originally received?). and 4-Your Cro sisters know what you are going through and will always support you....

Keep up the good work, and hold your head high....

[lisalu]

I agree that quilts are works of art and I admire the skill and time that goes into creating them. I realize that the original purpose for quilting was a practical one. Our foremother's never threw anything away. Clothing was mended, patched and made over as many times as possible before hitting the scrap bag. Then it saw its last incarnation in the form of the quilt which turned various odds and ends of fabric into a useful item to keep the family warm on cold winter nights. It also preserved family memories in the various pieces of clothing that ended up in them.

 

Today of course that is very different. Quilts are mostly made for artistic expression. Maybe out of scraps saved for that purpose but also out of fabric purchased with a scheme in mind. And they are as often as not "displayed" rather than used. So what you have is a large piece of artwork that takes up a good bit of room (unless you are actually using it on your bed.)

 

While a quilt makes a great gift, how much more wonderful is it to receive something you can actually use on a daily basis such as a crocheted or knitted afghan. They are durable enough for every day use and can be easily laundered but they are not so "valuable" that you fear to use them. They are meant to be used until they are worn out. There is nothing a crocheter would rather see than her afghan "loved to death"! (Ditto sweaters, hats, mittens, etc.)

 

Some people will love receiving handmade gifts, others will always think of them as "second rate". But if we craft because we love the process, and pick and choose our recipients carefully, we should get a lot of satisfaction out of creating for ourselves and others.

[alchemyfyr]

I would recommend giving people some patterns or magazines you have and letting them pick out what they would like and what colors it should be. Then you can make it for them for a gift. This way you know it is exactly what they would like and use.

 

Also, if you find that people aren't using the gifts, maybe you could ask that they be donated.

[suzidemars]

I totally understand how you would feel upset... I would too... but maybe they aren't using them because they ARE handmade and special.... I mean they don't want them to get used and repeatedly washed and worn out? I have a set of cross-stitched cloth table napkins my Grandma made, (I love to stitch also) but I never ever use them because I don't want all her hard work being ruined with food and washing. Just a thought.

[suzidemars]

But then again I also don't keep the napkins in a pile in my junk room full of cat hair. However my life is so crazy I may have set them there to find them a home and forgot about it for a few months? Not because I didn't care, but because I live in a zoo!

[Jenilynn60]

I fully understand and sympathize with your situation. There have been several times that I have made things for nieces, nephews, brothers, sisters, etc. and have seen them ending up either unused or abused by the person(s) they were given to. Like so many others here, I have come to the conclusion that there are just some people who really don't understand or care about the time, effort, energy, and love put into this kind of work and I have come to the decision that any gift I give them will be of a less personal nature.

 

Another thing I have had to teach myself is that when I give a gift, it is no longer mine - I give it because I want to and it gives me pleasure to have created it and (hopefully) pleasure to the person who receives it. What they do with it after they get it is completely up to them, but I have really had to learn to let go of things after I have given them away. They may appreciate the thoughtfulness of the gift, but don't have a use or liking for the gift itself.

[ErinLindsey]

I've made two afghans for my boyfriend. I was at his house sunday, and he's got both afghans sitting on two chairs in front of his tv. He apparently sits on the afghans while he watches tv, and the afghans are starting to look seriously stretched.

 

I have to bite my tongue and staple my lips closed everytime I see them like that. I know he actually uses them in the wintertime, but to see them getting all stretched out from being sat on just makes me want to stab him with my sewing scissors. But, I'm not going to correct him on the proper care and usage of crocheted afghans...I know he uses them, and I know he thought it was so cool that I'd make him something like that (one afghan is a scrap rectangle granny afghan, and the other one is an American flag afghan) So, I'm not going to kvetch about how he's caring for them...I can always make him new ones if something happens to the two he has now.

 

On the other hand tho...one of my best friends has received about a dozen afghans from me. Last time I visited her (she lives in another state) I didnt see any of the afghans I've made but two, one was in the guest room I slept in (slept under it actually), and the other one was in the dog crate, in pieces, where the dog had had puppies. (aaaiiieeeeeee!!! )

 

And the one in multiple pieces was the most recent afghan I had made for them at the time (last one I made for them too) and it was the one that was the largest and had taken the most time for me to make. I dont think it had been even 6 months since I had sent it to them. argh!!! I dont think I'll be sending them any more afghans.

 

I'm not sure why I'm giving my boyfriend more leeway for how he treats something I made for him... (well, it's probably because he's my boyfriend, and he's a very good boyfriend...and my first boyfriend too...) But I dont give the same leeway to my friend...probably because I know just about all the afghans I've given her are no longer used, or they're in a landfill somewhere. She got a lot more afghans from me, and they didnt last more than a few years in her possession, and she didnt seem at all embarassed that I saw one of my afghans in pieces in a puppy crate not 6 months after I irritated both of my carpal tunnels trying to get it done before Xmas.

[lisalu]

I'm just curious, but why have you given your friend a dozen afghans? Did she ask you to make all those? That is a lot of afghans for one person's home.

 

Also, LET YOUR BOYFRIEND ENJOY HIS AFGHANS! Let him "love them to death" however he wants. If he sees you fussing about how he is using them, then the next thing you know you will find that he puts the stuff you give him in a closet so he won't "mess it up". And believe me, you'd rather see them in a prominent place in his home, even if he is sitting on them, than put up in a closet somewhere. If it bugs you too much to see them being sat on, maybe when you visit you can quietly fold them up and drape them over the back of the chair (hint, hint) but otherwise I'd just let him be.

 

I'm assuming you are a younger person, and since I'm probably your Mom's age I'll tell you that life's too short to stress over this. You made something for your boyfriend out of love so just be glad he has the afghans in his favorite place in his home and uses them every day. THAT is what is important.....really!

[LovelyLovely]

First, here is a hug!

(*try not to take it personally)

 

Try to forgive them for not treating your gifts as the special creations that they are! <-for your own well-being

Try to understand your reasons for giving them things which take sooo long to make

& which require lots of time & energy.

I would make more for your Dad (he clearly treasures your gifts)

 

AND-

***take the same amount of time you put into those gifts

*& make something beautiful for YOU!

[jessicathegranny]

I also feel it is very frustrating to see something that you have put a lot of time, money and love into just laying around or not being used as it's purpose. I know it is different because I am a crafter myself but if someone were to make me something, I would look at it with a little more apprication as if I were to get something just off the shelp. Appreciative of everything of course. I try and only give gifts that I have to put thought into and of course any crafter has to put a ton of thought into any gift that is given.

[ErinLindsey]

I'm just curious, but why have you given your friend a dozen afghans? Did she ask you to make all those? That is a lot of afghans for one person's home.

 

Also, LET YOUR BOYFRIEND ENJOY HIS AFGHANS! Let him "love them to death" however he wants. If he sees you fussing about how he is using them, then the next thing you know you will find that he puts the stuff you give him in a closet so he won't "mess it up". And believe me, you'd rather see them in a prominent place in his home, even if he is sitting on them, than put up in a closet somewhere. If it bugs you too much to see them being sat on, maybe when you visit you can quietly fold them up and drape them over the back of the chair (hint, hint) but otherwise I'd just let him be.

 

I'm assuming you are a younger person, and since I'm probably your Mom's age I'll tell you that life's too short to stress over this. You made something for your boyfriend out of love so just be glad he has the afghans in his favorite place in his home and uses them every day. THAT is what is important.....really!

 

I'm 38... So, not exactly that young anymore.

 

 

I'm letting my boyfriend do whatever he wants with the afghans, since he's my first actual boyfriend (I've had a very sheltered and boring life) If he wants another afghan, I'll make him one.

 

My friend that I sent a lot of afghans to had several children (4) and I used to like to send her afghans for the kids when they were little (oldest is now 18 and youngest is, I think, 13) I dont think I ever got a thank you from her or most of her kids...her youngest did actually write me a thank you note (without being prodded to) so she might be the only one that I'd make something for now. But, I havent been in contact with my friend since at least May, and before that it was last November that I talked to her, so I think we're both kind of moving away from being the close friends we once were.

[Reenev]

All I can say is that I feel your pain.

 

I have had some similar situations. Some people are so materialistic today. If it doesn't come from a sweatshop in China and sold in a store they don't seem to care.

 

After about 3 years I had a request for a couple items from a family member that didn't have much use for homemade items. So maybe there's hope that they'll come around. One thing is when you work on something in front of them and talk about who it is for and how much so and so loves different things then....

[lisalu]

Erin:

Okay, I'm not your Mom's age! (Sorry the "first boyfriend" thing kinda threw me. Good for you for holding out for Mr. Right!)

 

That's amazing that one of your friends kids wrote you a thank you note. I would continue to bless her with gifts for sure. I'm sure your boyfriend appreciates what you gave him too. Since I have four sons, I am used to the different ways men "appreciate" things so that is why I don't find your boyfriend's way of using your afghan to be appalling.