Wanted to post in chartity thread but haven't been here long enough...

[Jakswalk]

How do you get spouses to understand that we're not just sitting on our rears crocheting to avoid housework?

 

I have been donating hats to a local hospital for 2 years now. My mother was diagnosed with brain cancer in December 2004. She started chemo on New Year's Eve that year.

 

Obviously I needed something to do while we were at the hospital so I crocheted. After a while I figured I could make hats and leave them there every time we were there. She went in every 2 weeks.

 

Mom finished her treatments in June of 2005 and has been cancer free for a year and a half. We go back every 3 months for her checkups and I try to drop off another stash of hats.

 

When I was pregnant last year and since the baby has been born, I haven't been able to do as many. Now the baby is older so I have been crocheting like crazy to get a stash to drop off. I have 9 but really want 20. I'm delivering this Friday though so I don't think I'll get there.

 

Either way, sometimes I feel like my dh thinks I'm screwing around to avoid housework. He gets irritated even though he knows I'm not doing it for me. I just don't get it sometimes.

[mizduck]

I'd tell him straight up! Guys have a hard time understanding such things. Just make it as clear as possible that this is a matter close to your heart. For your sanity and sense of worth, you crochet. Does he help with housework? ARRGGHH! I can't put into words what I'm thinking, so I'll just leave you with....

[theworm]

This is your way of giving back to others. You're mom survived a fight with cancer and you want to give to others who are fighting. That's a beautiful thing that you're doing.

 

Now if ya'll can't walk across the living room without falling over because things are such a mess, then maybe you need some balance, but you just keep doing what you're doing. My husband is so supportive of my charity work. I hope that soon yours will be as well.

[ChayaSar]

My hubby is good so long as the house is "normal" level clean. Doesn't have to be "Oprah is coming to dinner clean" , but clean. I would agree with The Worm, balance is important. I personally will only clean for 15 minutes at a time. 15 solid minutes can accomplish a lot, and do that 4 times a day. It's hard with kids, I have 3, sometimes I feel like "why bother at all" but I do it in small doses.

 

Is there a particular section of the house your hubby likes spotless at all times?? If there is one real peeve area of his, maybe just try always having that one part done, then maybe he'll calm down.

 

:hug

[Jakswalk]

You know what I think it is? I think he just gets irritated with the way the living room looks. That's a good point Jadyn!

 

Miz - He normally does help with quite a bit...cooking, dishes and laundry. That's why I was so surprised that he seemed annoyed; plus, he's always been supportive before.

 

Worm - Good point. I think you and Jadyn hit it on the head. If I can keep the living room clean (and maybe the kitchen bar functional) he'll be happy.

[nucki]

Now see... I have a hubby who literally wouldn't care if we were living in 3 feet of clutter. You should see our bedroom - "his" domain - compared to the rest of the house. *I'M* the one that can't relax if the house isn't to MY comfort level of clean.

 

But, having said that... my hubby doesn't understand my crochet obsession. Well, up to a point. He's an artist, and a computer geek, and he does fly-tying. So he understands the hobby aspect of it. But he doesn't understand how it makes me feel.

 

I think part of the problem is that you haven't spelled it out for him. "I feel the need to do this because of X, Y, and Z. It's my way of giving back when they've done so much for my mother." He's a MAN, honey - he needs it spelled out for him, syllable by syllable.

 

Question, though: how old are your girls? I ask because mine are 11, 9, 6, and 4. They ALL help clean, except the 11 year old - but she's got an excuse. She's autistic and doesn't understand the CONCEPT! I do the major stuff - vacuuming and the like - but THEY clean up THEIR mess. If they've got toys laying around, THEY pick them up. If they've made a mess from dinner (we have a small house and have to eat in the living room), they clean up the majority of that, too. I strongly believe in teaching children to help clean after themselves - it gives them good self-reliance skills when they get older (and I'm speaking from my own experience here). Not to mention it makes our jobs as mothers just a little bit easier!

 

Just something to consider!

[sammimag]

Another thing to consider, especially since you had a new babe. He may want some time with you and he is feeling jealous about the time you spend crocheting.

 

Some men have trouble saying exactly what they want. So you can try giving him some more attention. See if he relaxes a bit. If it still comes up I think it's important to share why it's important to you. and that you are very willing to figure out how to get what you need and what he needs too.

[nucki]

Some men have trouble saying exactly what they want.

Good point!!!

 

Women have had a long history of reportedly expecting men to read our minds and know what we're thinking and feeling... but I've noticed that more MEN are that way than WOMEN!! (My own hubby is TERRIBLE at that! He ALWAYS assumes I just "know" what he means or what he wants!)

 

It could be that he's using the housework as an excuse. He doesn't want to say "I want some of your attention," so he picks on the first thing that comes to mind.

 

It's a definite possibility, anyway.

[mizduck]

This is a toughie, jaks. I'm with Sami. It maybe a cry for attention. Yet Jadyn and Worm are right as well, maybe it's balance. Guys are just soooo hard to figure out sometimes! (And they say women are tough!) It is very strange that it's all of a sudden though...I'm for you.

[heart]

For a little while dh seemed aggrivated at times, but I found out later that he just wanted to spend time together. Now everything's good!

 

BTW...I think it is a great way to bless others, and it comes from a time in your life, that makes it so very special! Good for you!

[chrissyf]

My DH and I have an agreement,finally after almost 7 years together, I can crochet as much as I want/need to as long as we are in the same room together for most of that time. So I crochet while he downloads music for his DJ business, I crochet while he chats with our friends on the internet, I crochet while he watches wrestling, football and NASCAR adn the kids do all the housework, of course ours are 16, 11 and 9 so it is a bit easier to delegate the chores. The rest of that agreement is that I do some housework on Saturday and go to the laundry amt on Sunday, that is almost two hours of crochet time for me and DD while we wait. There is a way to balance things you just have to find the compromise. Good luck and:hug

Chrissy