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Have you made someone something that is unappreciated

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I made an afghan for my DIL once, because she asked me to.

It was a mauve color. I thought it was beautiful and turned out nice.

I've seen it thrown on her floor, with people walking on it.

She has also decided she didn't like it because it had holes in it and

she felt it wasn't warm enough.

Back when I was into sewing, for crafting, I made my mother a set of

decorative pillows for Christmas. That was when you could buy those panels of different things to make, at Walmart. One had hearts on it and the other was a basket design.

I handstitched around the designs, backed them with the matching material,

put zippers in the back so they could be removed and washed, put a beautiful ruffle around them.

Can you guess where they ended up? In a closet. She NEVER used them. I made them probably 20 years ago.

I finally told her a few weeks ago just to let me have them back since she was never going to use them. She let me have them. {And it didn't take her 30 seconds to jump up and go get them. I guess she was glad to get them out of the closet and out of her way.}

She said she never used pillows on the sofa anyway. And guess what was lying on the sofa the very minute she said that? A big old huge ugly bight lime green thing, she had made and sewed up.

 

Here's another story of something I gave my mother.

We had been to a place where they had alot of craft stores and she saw a little doll that looks like it's bent over "in prayer".

She wanted the doll but said she didn't have a little stool or chair for it to lay over on.

So I said I would give her a little wooden stool I had made, in my woodcrafting days, that would be just perfect for the little doll to lay over on.

Well, she kept the doll and the stool in her living room for about a month, then it got sent to the bedroom under the sewing machine where nobody could see it, and the doll wasn't even on the stool anymore.

I don't know where the doll was, but the stool was in the corner under the sewing machine.

So that let me know not to give her anymore of my woodcrafting items I had made.

 

I will never make my DIL or my mother anything ever again. Never. Been there, done that, and ain't doing it again.

Edited by catlyn

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Oh, please don't be sad about that. I would take that as an honor. My mom and dad would do something just like that. They would keep it all wrapped up and protected because it was to be cherished, not used up. My dad kept two things (that I'm sure of) over the years that I gave him. One he used on a daily basis until it was worn to the nub and the other I found in his keepsake wallet all folded up. Be honored!:hug

 

anna

 

But I can see the poster's side of it, too. If she had found the coin purse in her grandmother's purse, well worn, and used from everyday use, keeping her coins in it. .....

I can see where that would have made her feel loved. Just to think....that grandmother ACTUALLY used what I made her.

And again..............it would become a treasure, for the granddaughter.

It's just sad that people don't use things that are made for them.

I love handmade items. I think they are so homey. I make stuff for myself all the time, but I long ago quit making things to give away. I'm sorry but my time is worth more than spending it on something to give to someone and it just be hidden away in a closet. However, I DO want to get into charity work someday or maybe something for children...newborn babies or ill children in the hospital. Maybe cancer patients or something of that nature.

If I'm going to make it and give it away it may as well be to someone who would possibly use and appreciate it.

I feel that what I make for charity would possibly be appreciated there.

Edited by catlyn

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I have just recently made the decision that I will never make/crochet stuff for people I know.

 

I have had too many disappointments lately to give anyone the benefit of the doubt. My gift is from God and I will only give back to "the least" of His. It says much about our world I think.

 

Two and a half years later, I am still waiting for a thank you for a beautiful ghan that I made as a wedding present. :grumpy That should have been my "shot across the bow"; the light bulb that goes off in your head.

 

But then maybe I just need a better class of family and friends :rofl

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My Aunt asked me for a hat and scarf set for her and one for my cousin. It has been over a month and she still hasn't shown up to get them. Every time I talk to her she says that she will pick them up the next time she is in the area. The sad thing is that she goes to see my Grandpa a few times a week and she has to drive past my house to get to his house and she has been to see my Uncle who lives next door to me. At least I know that my cousin wants her set, she has e-mailed me and asked when she can have it and she doesn't know why her mom hasn't come to get them. I am just going to mail my cousin her set and donate my Aunt's set.

 

I do have to admit that when I first started crocheting I made some hideous things that I gave to my mom. She has never used them but she put them all away in what she calls her treasure box. I know she will never use them and that doesn't bother me but she kept them just because I made them for her and that makes me happy. (seriously though, the first pair of slippers that I ever made were the ugliest things that you have ever seen :rofl they didn't even look like slippers)

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...been there done that too many times for it to hurt any more, but ... surprise surprise it still hurts when someone does not acknowledge a lovingly, painstakingly , finger-achingly made gift. now im just grateful for the ones that ARE sincerely grateful. one lives... one learns ! :)

 

 

lucy

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I also have a wonderful aunt who is 80 makes handmade quilts she made one for a couple for the wedding present which was a full size blanket all done by hand. And was told they don't give out thank you notes heck she was not even thank in person. I have a lighthouse picture she made and it is beautiful to me and I appreciate the work she put into it all cut out applique. She was afraid I would not like and told her that was the most wonderful gift I ever received. Now for another story of a new friend I made here I had sent her one of my original patterns and she and she said she wanted to send me something so I was waited until the mailman came there was a big box of goodies for crocheting I could not believe it. So when I sent her a thank you note I was also said I was sending her something too. I had some yarn and books that I thought she would like but, then I slip one other thing in the box a 52" round ripple that I had made made. I got the greatest thank you from her and was told I was the first person that ever made her an afghan and I made her cry. So one person may not appreciate something hand made then there is a new friend who's day was made brighter. And for me I felt 10 feet tall and very proud that I shared something of myself and a new special friend.

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I think it's important when giving a gift, whether handmade or not, to know that the place it is coming from- your heart- puts a positive energy out into the world, whether the recipient appreciates it or not. It's probably important also to make note to self- no thank yous from that quarter- but to celebrate the impulse, the talent, the time that was spent by you in manifesting love in your crocheting. I think the Beatles had it right- And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.

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I'm very careful about making items for friends/family. Everybody has there own tastes, colors, likes/dislikes, etc. I have found instead of "surprises" asking what they want or might like.

 

Recently, I was disappointed by a Thank you card from PRR/OB. I sent a box of items. Hats, booties, kimono wrap sweaters, baby coccoons and ??memory gone. The thank you note thanked me for the wool booties I sent as the weather was getting colder. I told hubby it felt like a slap, been better no thank you card then to acknowledge wool booties and nothing else. Sadly, my desire to make items and send there is gone.

 

OTOH, I received a gracious thank from my local NIN.

 

kay sara sara (sp) whatever will be, will be.......smile

 

Update 9:32pm

red,red,red.....embarassment

I now, have to eat my assumptions! Today dh brought in the mail...there was a thank you note from PRR-OB. I very lovely, handwritten note stating how much my items (and listed) were appreciated and already in use with the latest arrivals.

Sigh, apparently the other thank you note was for a smaller package sent ?Late August/September. sigh

 

Now, I feel like making the little ones more, knowing my love is needed and appreciated. smile Plus, I will tell them to save the money and skip the cards. This last one is all I needed to know, I can make a difference. Diana

Edited by crochetbydiana
addendum

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Two and a half years later, I am still waiting for a thank you for a beautiful ghan that I made as a wedding present. :grumpy
And a "Thank You" is all I ever want in return for the handcrafted gifts that I give -a simple acknowledgment that it was received and that they are aware of who gave it. After that, I give freely, with absolutely no strings or terms-of-use attached. The person can cherish it or share it, show it or stow it; I don't care, for it's no longer mine. If, on the other hand, they disregard our relationship and treat me discourteously and with disrespect, well, that's what matters to me for those are the tears most difficult to mend....

 

So, put me on the other side of the fence with this one, that while my appropriately designed afghan may be a color-match made in heaven for their living room, it's their room and their decor, and I can't presume to know what they should want on display there. Therefore, I stick with giving gifts that are made to be stowed in a drawer, be it slippers, hats, scarves or the like. Beyond that, it's strictly "made to order", for the most part, from my hook to anyone's home. :shrug

 

P.S. Love this discussion and reading everyone's take on giving. That's what's great about this community, that we can share our thoughts, hopes and desires like this. :hug

 

Hope everyone's Thursday's off to a good start - Make it a great one!

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I made my aunt a scarf once, and I was very proud of it, but I have never seen her wear it at all, on the other hand, I made a cousin a stroller blanket and I got the sweetest thank you note in the mail from my uncle and his wife thanking me for the wonderful blanket and how they love handmade things. Now they're having another baby and I know just what to give them as a gift :)

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Someone not using something doesn't bother me, but being disrespectful does. Not thanking someone or acknowledging a gift whether store bought or handmade, is extremely disrespectful.

 

I'm 28 years old and my mom would still whoop my rear if I was anything less than sincere and appreciative. It wouldn't matter if I had 10 of what I was given. I was to say, "I love it. Thank you so much." and never let the person think I didn't love it.

 

Not once have a taken a gift back. Not once have I told someone I couldn't use something. It's rude and a slap in the face, in my opinion. There are people who want to be told if something can't be used, but it makes me feel bad when someone does it to me so I'm not going to do it to someone else.

 

My friend leaving the afghan on the floor, collecting dust right in front of my face is disrespectful. I don't need to see the item being used or on display, but I do need to be treated with love from family and friends.

 

Some of the things I hear, I cannot believe their mother would allow such behavior!

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*sigh* I wish like CRAZY that there were more crafy people in my family. I have never ever recieved a handmade anything from anyone in my family with the sole exception of my nana, who died a LOOONG time ago, so the mittens and hat I got are long gone. :(

 

I wish people realized how lucky they are that there are people willing to spend so much time on something for them specifically.

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Yes, this is Karen again. I had what I thought was my best friend, I made her and all her family afghans. When she got what is wanted from me, she started making up things as why I couldn't come over to her place anymore.

 

That and other things I find out later that I was just beening used.

But I'm still making things for people hoping that they will be appricated?

 

We still have to BELIVE that there is still good and nice people out there, people that will appricate things that is made for them alone.

 

Things sometimes are hard for me to make(I have eye problems and O R) but I still have to just keep crocheting along.

 

Now it helps me so much because I lost my best friend (my scooter), It keeps me busy so that I not sit and think about him all the time. I do miss him so much.

 

So keep crocheting/knitting etc. God knows that we put are love and grace in everything we make!!!!!!!!

 

God Bless

Karen

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Posting this separate along with addendum cause I don't want others to be deterred in sharing their lovelies with the babies at PRR-OB.

 

Update 9:32pm

 

red,red,red.....embarassment

 

I now, have to eat my assumptions! Today dh brought in the mail...there was a thank you note from PRR-OB. I very lovely, handwritten note stating how much my items (and listed) were appreciated and already in use with the latest arrivals.

 

Sigh, apparently the other thank you note was for a smaller package sent ?Late August/September. sigh

 

Now, I feel like making the little ones more, knowing my love is needed and appreciated. smile Plus, I will tell them to save the money and skip the cards. This last one is all I needed to know, I can make a difference. Diana

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In my family handmade gifts have always been a staple, for Christmas birthdays, everything. I can't imagine having been so rude as too not be more than happy that someone spent their time to make me something. I even take photos of the item and send it to the person who made it if we are not close enough that they will see it being used. People should realize what matters is not the gift but that someone cared enough about you to make it.

 

I recently made two sweaters for a woman who was having twins while her husband is oversees, and last week I got a very nice thank you card, it was so sweet, she said that she was going to have her boys wear the gifts I made home from the hospital.

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I was raised that if the gift you were given wasn't quite right, you found a way to use it rather than returning it.

 

The best "thank you note" I've gotten was a picture from my nephew of stuffing his face with the brownies and wearing his hat. His comment was that a picture was worth a thousand words!

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A year ago September I made my best frieind's adult daughter a Shawler for her birthday. It's gorgeous, her mother loved it and wanted it, she told me to make another one for her daughter because that one was so pretty in the color I chose, which was Lion Brand Color Waves in the Purple Vista colorway. It was a pain in the neck to crochet because Color Waves has the texture of part boucle and part homespun, but it's so soft and cozy when it's finished that it's worth the trouble of working with it.

 

I gave her the gift and she said that she really liked it, she thanked me and gave me a hug. That was 13 months ago. I see the girl every day and not ONCE in those 13 months has she worn the Shawler! I keep waiting to see her wearing it, but no such luck. I just have vowed to never make her another wearable. I've made her afghans that I know she uses, and I've made several dresses for her youngest daughter, who is now four, and she wore all of them until she could no longer squeeze into them, but for some reason, she chose to just not wear her Shawler. I'm of half a mind to either ask for it back so *I* can wear it, or to take it back to give to her mother. I KNOW she'd wear it because she wanted it right from the get-go!

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Yes, I have...within 2 hours after I gave the present to the person, they gave it away...that was over 15 years ago and I'm still hurt and slightly bitter about it.

 

I cut a lot of people a lot of slack...most people I do things for like what I make and give them...a few are less than enthused and that's okay too...we can't please everyone...but what happened in the above situation was my own mother and when she told me about what she had done, her unforgivable remark was, "Next time let me pick the colors..." She was the only person I had actually gone out and spent money on the yarn to make the project...everyone else I was trying to use up what I had and I was all but dead broke at the time. Ironically, everyone else, including my own sister, who still has the afghan I made her 15 years later, loved theirs.

 

As far as the coworker who still has the project in a bag, I wouldn't take it back...there could be a million reasons why she hasn't taken it home yet...the only way I would take back something is if the person was outright rude about the project/gift...if they flat out had no manners and demeaned the gift and me...then I'd take it back...but if someone just had left the project at work...well that's their prorogative...

 

One thing that keeps my sanity with this particular subject is to remember that when we do ANYTHING, it should be because we want to do it in the first place...we should not be expecting thanks or gratitude or appreciation, although it's always great to get...the minute we expect that thanks, or gratitude or appreciation, that's when we will be disappointed..

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I think most all of us have made something that was not as well recieved as we expected. But you know what sometimes gifts are appreciated much more a little later in life than they are when they are first received. I know in my case I don't always see how something is going to fit into my life when I first get it. None the less I was raised to be thankful that someone thought enough of me to give me something. I am one that is guilty of saving things for good. I know how much work was put into making them and I don't want them messed up right away. It almost seems the norm anymore to not recieve thank you notes for wedding gifts. On the other hand right now I have had so many that were happy to get my potholders (just the plain ones) and kitchen towels that I can't keep enough made up. My niece liked a head band made out of fun fur so much that she wanted one in another color. My step mom is undergoing chemo right now and when I gave her some hats and scarves to use she cried because she was so happy to get them. I almost didn't offer them to her as I didn't think she would want them but I am so glad I did.

Edited by bgs
left out part of sentence

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Ok, my biggest frustration here.....what happened to the common courtesy of a thank you card? I'm sorry, but my momma raised me better than that- you Always send a thank you note for shower and wedding gifts, period. I have an Aunt that expects thank you cards even for Christmas and birthday gifts(which I'll admit I don't do-but shower gifts..always. And I have 5 kids, so I've written a good share of thank you cards in my day). But what happened to people that they think it's okay to just not say thank you anymore?

 

Now, on to the topic..thankfully I haven't had that happen to me.....yet ;). Or, at least, not to my face. Last year I made scarves for some of the women folk in my family. I picked one pattern and made all of them the same, just in different colors. Both of my grandmothers and my aunt use theirs, and my mom ended up with 3 scarves. I didn't like the 1st 2 that I made (all different patterns)but loved the 3rd and then thought "what am I going to do with the other 2??". So! I gave her all 3, with the last one at the bottom of the box. I wrapped each one before putting it in and then #'d them, adding notes as to how each one came about. She uses all of them. But the funny thing is that the 3rd one I made for her that I LOVED, but it was the 1st 2 that I see her wearing the most lol. She saved everything from that gift though..even the notes.

My cousin- a lux-a-holic- requested I make her one just like the others, in black and it really surprised me. I wouldn't have expected her to want anything hand made. I jumped on that and had it made up for her in no time flat. I didn't get much of a response from her when I gave it to her, but I 100% expected that out of her. Whether she uses it, I do not know. It was a super fast project, so..whatever. I just wanted to thank her for the mass amounts of hand-me-down clothes she'd given me for my daughters(and again..she's a luxaholic so we're talking a lot of high-priced name brand clothing here...stuff I can never afford to buy). so..yeah.

 

I just gave handmade gifts to two different gals for their baby shower gifts and they were both extremely appreciative. At my one friends shower, her mom, aunt and longtime family friend commented on how when THEY were having babies you used to get a lot of handmade items, but that you don't see it as much these days. The one even looked at me and said "that's such a special thing you did for her"..and it felt really good to see that others DO get it. Plus..this particular friend I well informed that I would be making her gift and quadruple checked with her on color choices, etc. In fact, she's at the hospital being induced today and wants to come over and learn how to crochet at some point during her maternity leave.

 

I'm making crochet dish towels/potholder/dishrag sets for everyone this year because that's what I'm able to do. If its not that, then it's nothing because I don't have the money to go out and spend on everyone. I decided to go with items that anyone can use(like, really, no one can tell me they have no use for a hand towel) and those will go in a basket with some home-baked goodies and maybe a candle. I can't do much for everyone and this is something I CAN do, so if people can't appreciate it for that simple fact alone..well..whatever. I'll just request they give the towels rags and potholders back to me if they don't like/want them, because I DO use them all the time around here. My cotton crochet kitchen towels are one of my favorite(and functional) things to use.

 

Now..I do have a dilema with my brother..he doesn't like crocheted stuff much at all, so he might be getting a stack of knitted washcloths.

 

I think handmade stuff is special, but I've also been given handmade things in the past that I was less than thrilled with, so I can relate on that end of it as well. My MIL crocheted some things for my oldest daughter that I ended up not using much, but not because I didn't like them. My daughter was born in June, so newborn sweaters and jackets weren't really something I put on her. I made sure though, to take lots of pics of her in the items even if she didn't get a lot of actual use out of them. My 2nd daughter was born in December so guess what? They finally got more use.

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