Crochet Gift not Appreciated!

[teakaycee]

:manyheart:hug:manyheart:hug:manyheart:hug

We love you ... and your beautiful work.... so there...

 

[boksie]

I am so sorry for you. I guess it's like Maria said--there are toxic parents out there and sometimes they are relatives. A couple years ago I took my dil to Illinois to visit relatives. I drove her by all the spots to see like my old high school, a neighborhood with beautiful old Victorian houses, good places to shop and that sort of thing. I drove by the house where my dad and step-mother live (same place my dad and mom lived before she died). I thought my dad was still in Florida where he goes every winter and when I saw him outside I pulled out my cell and tried to call but the number was still temporarily off. I went back and stopped in and my step-mother basically through me out and my dad didn't say anything. There is a good book out there called Toxic Parents Overcoming Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life by Dr. Susan Forward. Some people don't realize how much it hurts when parents are so cold-hearted. Anyway, give your beautiful, made from the heart crocheted items to people who appreciate them.

[beth eathorne]

i make my "mom" lots of things too but never anything to wear. Mostly Christmas items and afghans. I gave her the only thing i ever knitted and it was a scarf. It took me soo long to make and I was so proud of it but i never see her wear it. but that is ok too. hopefully you and your mom will be able to mend this fence and go on. My mother died when i was very young and the lady i am speaking of as mom now is her sister. So we never know when having forgiven and gone on can be a really good thing.

[segi1974]

that wasn't very nice of your Mom to do that to you. I can't understand either why she would ask for you to make for her friends and you say an honest no and she gives the shawl back. I am sorry to hear this. I am sure the shawl is beautiful. Please let us see a picture of the shawl. :hug

[Shellymoo]

Hi Kim

 

I too have a mother just like that and they can be very hurtfull!! I have stopped making / sending pressies and calling her awhile ago and I feel fabulous. The sad thing is.....she doesn't care that I have lost contact:shrug . I hope you too can find the peace and quiet that I have found. Until then....lots of :hugs :hugs and remember.......you have many people in life that love you (is doesn't have to be your Mum)

[crochet4ever]

Happy Bunny. I know what its like not being appriciated. People ask me to crochet things all the time that would take 5 months and want it done in a week. Never mind getting payed for what I make. What they would want to pay me would not be enought to cover the yarn. I have one friend that asked for a few toilte tissue covers and told me the colors she wanted that she liked to use in her bathroom. She asked if I wanted any money for them and I didn't charge her because I wanted to give her a gift. She gave them away to her daughters. I"ll be your friend . I'll keep the shawl and not give it back. LOL Cheer up Love Joanne

[Grammie Essa]

That is so sad and mean too. I am sorry your mom is like that!!! She should love anything you make for her! My mom passed away in 2004. She loved the afghan and scarves I made her, she was so appreciative of them. Your mom doesn't know what she is doing!!! and missing out on by being that way to you. You should give the shawl to someone at a woman's shelter, or maybe to a young mother who is at the neo natal unit at a hospital near you praying for her baby to survive. Maybe someone at one of the prayer shawl ministry would know who would be appreciative of it. Or keep it for yourself and wear it everytime you are around your mom and family!!! I hope your mom comes to her senses soon, like I said, she doesn't know what she is missing out on by not having a sacred relationship with you, her daughter and cherishing you. take care!!!

[classic crochet]

You MUST be my sister I'm sorry she was so rude about your gift.

[ami gu rumi]

it's unbelievable when people do that. every time i've offer to make someone something they insist that i don't. i don't understand why

[kellywombat]

I'm so sorry that your feelings got hurt... I don't know if it makes you feel any better to know.. there are others that have family issues too... I am one! That would be something my Mother would do... after many years.. I learned that I can't change her.. but I can change how I react to her! The best lesson I ever learned!! Also the hardest!!

 

Chin up... at least you can come here and get it off your chest... I hope you have a better day tomorrow!

 

Sending you good thoughts,

Kelly

[happy stitcher]

I'm sorry she didn't keep it, but at least you're getting it back. If it's not your style, you can put it away and save it for somebody who will appreciate it.

 

I always intend to make things to sock away like that, but I never get around to it. I've always got too much else going on. At least you've got a beautiful gift ready for somebody else now!

[snugsmontreal]

you are so not alone in this. im sorry it happened to you ut it does happen and it sucks people are so into buy buy buy they dont want or value something made from the heart. i went and bought a wool/cashmere blend sweater in the perfect color, washed unraveled, washed again and knitted a one of a kind scarf for my brother in law and when i told him how i had done it and how it was "green" and "ecofriendly" etc his responce was, in a dry tone i might add, "so what youre saying is you didnt pay for it"... not to mention he got me a quilting book for christmas... i dont quilt but i accepted gracefully

[CandEsMom]

Hi Kim. I've had a similar experience with my mom and it certainly does hurt. It wasn't a crochet item, but a scrapbook of my kids I made for her. When I asked her about it later she didn't even know where it was. Obviously, she didn't value having memories of her grandchildren around. Anyway, I think what I've learned is that it's not about how the gift is received, it's about knowing you did something that shows you care about and love your mom. You did the good, right thing, and that's all you can do. I know it doesn't make the hurt any less, though. I'm sorry and I understand how you feel.

-Sharon

[srlandis]

I agree with CandEsMom, you did a good thing and it wasn't received well, but that doesn't diminish your doing a good thing. I'm close to my mother and she's wonderful, but if I took it personally every time she returned a gift, I'd never recover. I've just learned to buy her things that I like, because, chances are, it will be mine one day soon. She doesn't mean it to be mean or thoughtless, in fact, I think she really means for it to be in the spirit of "I can't really use this, but maybe you can..."

 

Anyway, I think keeping the lines of communication open when possible is much better than a cut-off. It feels better, whether it's reciprocal or not.

 

Just my thoughts (and some experience!)

 

susan

[lil_mama06]

I'm sorry..Families can be difficult...

[HappyBunny]

:dayThanks so much to everyone for reading my post and sharing their stories and thoughts on my situation with the shawl. When I posted I had no idea so many would respond and it's filled my heart to read everyone's kind words. This has meant to me more than I can ever express.

 

 

Thank you!!

 

Kim

[Darsa]

Unfortunately I have some extended family that would do the same type of thing, so I understand where you're coming from, and I'm very sorry that you have to put up with that!

 

We can be your surrogate family! But, you have to make us all shawls and we promise we'll love them!!

 

Yeesh, I could USE one right now, there's a nice big draft coming in the windows here in my office at work!

 

[HappyBunny]

We can be your surrogate family! But, you have to make us all shawls and we promise we'll love them!!

 

 

 

 

I'll get started today!

 

Kim

[Miss Crochet]

Hi Kim,

I, too, was sorry to hear about your mother. But you have been given some really good advice by the others that I can only repeat:

some people are simply manipulative. Unfortunately someone has to be related to them and you happen to have one as a mother. I have one as a grandmother. There comes a point where you really have to just emotionally step back from that person. You are allowing her to have power over you, over the way you feel about yourself and by doing so, you are giving her control of yourself. Very psycho-babbly, I know, but from experience I can only agree with what a previous poster said: you just shrug and say, "Whatever." You take the shawl back off her and say, "Excellent. I have a line of people just dying to get a gift like this."

[Lubba_my_kiddos]

Well that was rude. My feelings would have been hurt as well. You put so much love into anything that you make and to have someone return it is not a nice feeling. I'm so sorry that it wasn't apprieciated.

[purlwise]

Wow! This certainly is odd. I would get it back and use it myself! But yes my feelings would be hurt also.

[Shellybrook]

You know, twice I recieved a gift from my mother that i knew I would never wear. (not handmade) While it was uncomfortable I knew that she would prefer to spend her hard earned and limited funds on something I WOULD wear. Your story just doesn't seem to fit into that category. It just doesn't make sense to me.

 

It then had me reflecting on how I would feel if even my closest loved ones rejected a crochet gift. I would be crushed. Your thread has inspired me to steer clear of wearables unless specifically requested.

 

Good luck with your Mom...I just can't think of any advice on that one.

[nana_k]

I'd like to be first to offer to adopt you! Your mom must have loved the shawl to have been showing it off to her friends. Sounds to me like she was just getting even for something. Whatever her reasoning, she has to have known she was hurting you, and that was cruel. I've had similar issues with my mom, not about crocheting but other things, and finally learned that it's best for me to keep an emotional distance from her. I can't change her, but I try not to react in a negative way to her. Find the shawl a loving home. I have a feeling you will find someone out there who is in need of a wonderful gift like that. And next time, just give your mom a cheap box of candy. lol.

[Titus2woman]

So where is the offending shawl now~LOL! We'd all be sooo blessed! I'm so sorry this happened~I never could have even come up with the idea of such a response~I'm angry for you! (((((HUGS))))) sandi

[nikki]

I'm going to chime in with an I'm sorry you were so hurt and I totally understand. The very idea of 'mom' is unconditional love and I can't ever see myself rejecting anything my precious daughter made me with love. I wouldn't cut her out of your life, I'd just never make her anything again. :hug