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Crochet Gift not Appreciated!


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I need to let off some steam about something that just happened to me recently... I made a really pretty shawl/wrap from some Kollage Inspirations yarn I got on Ebay at a great price. I sent the wrap to my mother thinking that she would look nice in it and would really like the color. She thanked me for it but seemed a little 'odd' about it. About a week later she started asking if I had made another one for myself or did I have any more of the yarn. I said no and explained to her the great deal I got on ebay and it was a one of a kind piece.

 

Turns out she wanted me to make several for her friends and when I said no, she told me she 'reluctantly' had to return the wrap to me because it just didn't work for her...???....I will say my relationship with my family of origin is very strained and always has been, so having a difficult situation come up with them isn't uncommon but I didn't expect an issue over a crocheted item! Now I regret sending it and my feelings are hurt.

 

Has anyone else had something similar happen?

 

 

Kim

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I am sorry that you have been so hurt. I have made things for my family that I am not sure that they appreciate, but they haven't returned them. She must have liked it if she wanted some for her friends. Family issues are the most difficult to deal with.

Here are some hugs :hug:manyheart:hug:manyheart:hug

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I know that has got to hurt your feelings, I'm sorry she did that to you! I'd be frustrated also.

 

But think of it this way, at least she was being honest. Its better for her to tell you and give it back to you than for your beautiful creation to sit in a drawer unused. At least this way you can find a home for it where it will be loved and appreciated!

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Thanks everyone, I really appreciate you reading my post. My husband thinks it wasn't just about not being able to make them for her friends...we also had to cancel on attending a b'day party for my niece and nephew and my husband thinks she was trying to make me feel guilty. Families are difficult sometimes, aren't they?

 

I just hoped that a crocheted gift would show her I care....

 

 

Kim

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Your mother is trying to control you. Take the shawl back and either wear it yourself or sell it. Take a "So What!" attitude. Is she in The Same Shawl Club? Most women want something their friends don't have.

 

There are toxic people out there. Sometimes they are our relatives. Being hurt only gives her more power over you.

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be thankful that she was ' honest ' with you. She could have thrown it in the garbage or ' lost ' it or whatever. At least this way you have the shawl. In a positive light, by being honest with you she is honoring your work and not treating it as garbage. She could have put it in a drawer and ignored it forever. None of this any comfort but it is a good life lesson. In the future give her a gift certificate or nothing at all. Hugs to you for trying.

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:hug

I'm sorry to hear that your mother (of all people) would do that to you. Some of my family member except something hand made from me during the holidays. I would never think of returning a gift that anyone took the time to hand make. Do you need my addy I would love to have something made by your hands.:clap

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There are always reasons for BAD MANNERS and rude behavior but none are acceptable. It certainly sounds like a "power trip" deal. Were it me I would take back the gift with grace and then wear it proudly.

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I have made things for family members that I don't think they really liked or appreciated, but no one has ever returned it. I think she returned it to make you feel bad. But I agree with another poster who said, just be glad you have it back, at least it didn't end up in the garbage. And I don't think you should feel bad about not wanting to make them for the masses. Geesh!

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It sounds to me like maybe she had told people that she could have one made for them and when you told her "no" she got mad. My Mom had a similar personality. It was always all about her and she didn't care who she hurt.

 

I would advise you to cut the strings and stay away from her if she is going to treat you like that. There are toxic people and I think they get in a habit of treating us badly. I finally told my Mom I would not be treated like that and she didn't need call me if that was how she wanted to act.

 

She did start calling me later--about 3 years later!--and we had a good relationship until she died. You need to set your own boundaries and remember the most important person in your life is YOU!

 

This is said to you in a most loving manner as I have lived it.

 

:hug,

 

Lorry

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Thanks so much Maria and Lorry for being straightforward and saying exactly what I needed to hear! And thanks so much to everyone for reading my post and being so supportive and understanding. I can't tell you how much it means to me!

 

I don't have the shawl back yet but I can tell you when I do get it back, I'll be sure to find it an owner that will truly appreciate the work that went into it!

 

Kim

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Would you have rather that she kept it, never wore it or maybe thrown it out? We need to remember, just because we think a gift would be "perfect" for a loved one, that doesn't mean it is. My mother and I went through something similar when I was a teenager and she was making most of my clothes. She had gone shopping and gotten a pattern for a suit to be worn on Easter Sunday. She showed me the pattern and asked what I thought of it. I told her that I thought she would look great in it....that was when she told me that she had bought it for MY Easter Sunday suit, she thought I would look great in it and that she had even bought the fabric, which I also thought would look great on HER, but not on me. She had bought both with love and much thought, but I still didn't like them. We both got over it. I now make things for my Mom, but only after asking her to "approve" what I have in mind. She still makes things for me, but she too, checks to make sure what she thinks I would like, is really something I would like. It saves time, money and hurt feelings.

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How awful, I'm sorry that happened to you...my thought while I was reading was, why would she want you to make them for her friends if it didn't work for her?! Someone must have made a thoughtful comment, for her to ask if you could do more for her friends....strange very strange. But consider this a bump in the road of life, I'm sure there are other more grateful people you could share this shawl with, one who would be gracious!

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