Jump to content

Maybe I'm overeacting, however....


Recommended Posts

I'm a bit angry right now, sorry. :( Spent the weekend in San Antonio with two of my best friends (YAY!) but something one of them said rubbed me the wrong way.

 

I was showing off my current project (filet HP cloak for July). I'm rather proud of it, since I am pretty much making it up as I go along. It's coming out rather nicely, if I may say so. :cheer Go Me! LOL

 

Anyhoo, showing off the completed sections, explaining what I'm planning and where I'm going with all this. My friend - who doesn't craft except a bit of cross stitch now and again - looks at me and says words I've learned to dread: "You must have lots of spare time."

 

Variations of this sentiment are 'You have TOO MUCH spare time' or 'I wish I had as much time as you' the implication being 'to waste on such silly projects.'

 

I usually blow off sentences like this, either ignoring them (as I did this weekend) or quipping that I've discovered the secrets to wormholes or time travel and therefore have all the time in the world.

 

Maybe I'm overreacting, but I hate it when people say this. With just a few words, they reduce my hard work to a trifle, something unworthy of time and attention and by extention, imply that I am unworthy.

 

I don't expect people to do handsprings, but whether they realize it or not, some of the joy leaks away with their careless disregard.

 

Unfortunately, I get this attitude alot. Among other things, I bead, quilt and cross stitch, I'm also a voracious reader and make most of my own clothes. To most, that translates into 'you have too much time on your hands.' I stay busy and out of trouble (for the most part), I don't burn down buildings or pull the wings off flies. I have a job, friends and family that put up with my quirks and yet....people condescend me when I tell them about my hobbies.

 

*Brill, I start off angry and end up depressed.*

 

So, ignoring my pity party, has anyone else ever heard 'you have too much spare time'?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 69
  • Created
  • Last Reply

people seem to have lost respect for items that are made by hand. the now generation is an over consuming one and if it is not over priced and poorly made it doesnt seem to be worth much in alot of there eyes. Keep on with your hobbies and dont worry someday you will be sitting in a rocker with your hooks and yarn and they will be sitting in a padded cell due to having stressed out with no relief outlet..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I tell them I don't watch TV (since I don't hardly at all). The other thing I've thought of to say is: "It depends on how you prioritize your time." I like the TV one because if they are smart they realize that they have a fair amount of spare time, too, they just spend it in less productive pursuits. :wink

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I tell them I don't watch TV (since I don't hardly at all). The other thing I've thought of to say is: "It depends on how you prioritize your time." I like the TV one because if they are smart they realize that they have a fair amount of spare time, too, they just spend it in less productive pursuits. :wink

 

I agree. I've read that the average American spends more than 4 hours per day watching TV. That's a lot of potential crocheting (or quilting, cross-stitching, etc.) time. We all find the time to do what we love to do.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I generally just shrug it off and tell people that I don't really have that much spare time or money, and use it as an opportunity to expound on the virtues of how portable and practical crocheting is as a hobby. Things like, "I can do it anywhere, and this poncho/sweater/thingamajig I'm sporting would be ten times as expensive retail--and it's how I want it and in the perfect size."

 

The best thing to do (and I realize you were likely just venting to those of us who can commiserate with you and you already know this) is to just let it slide. If they don't get it they won't, and it's their loss in the end :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Man, I get that statement ALL the time. It is frustrating. You feel you have to defend yourself. Just tell them you're much more efficient than a normal person, so can accomplish everything they do and more!! I still get the washing done, do the dishes, make supper, go to school (college), watch TV, etc. I just make time to do something that both makes me happy and makes the recipient of the item I'm making happy. Some people golf, some people shop, some people take their work home with them. I crochet.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Rhane,

 

Let me play devils advocate for a minute (I can do it so well). We humans tend to be odd little creatures. Many of us, find it easier to focus on the negative than the positive, and we say things to "make ourselves feel better at the expense of others".

 

This last is what I think happened w/ your friend (and take what I say w/ large grains of salt since I was not there and do not know her). She saw YOUR creativity and YOUR passion for something and felt miniscule in comparison. Then, out of some degree of jealousy, she said that (unconsciously I am sure) to hurt you so that she would feel superior.

 

Was it right of her? no. Should you stop being passionate and creative?? NO NO and, again, NO!! Feel compassion for her lack of self. Feel compassion for her insecurities. AND, embrace your talents still.

 

Be the best you that YOU can be. :)

 

Sandy

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You could also do the reverse-psychology thing and say, "Why, yes, I do, and I'm so glad that I can manage my time to have enough spare time to indulge in my hobbies. Everyone should be so lucky."

 

Just because you have to squeeze spare time out of standing in line or in between loads of laundry doesn't mean it's not spare - heck, that's the very definition of spare!

 

Take what was meant as a bit of an insult and take it as a compliment to your excellent time management skills!

 

And I agree, your friend is probably just a little bit jealous that she doesn't make time in her life for her hobbies. We, as women, are often taught to put others before ourselves, so we don't do things that we enjoy during our free time because that's time we should be using to "do" for others. Heck, how many of us even use our crochet time to make crochet stuff for other people and not ourselves, lol?

 

Anyway, try not to take it personally. I think it's also a phrase that people say when they don't know what else to say; a sort of conversational place holder. What they are saying is "Wow, this must have taken so much time and effort to make; I could never find enough time in my day to make something this fancy." So, you could also reply, "No, I don't have much free time; I just work on this whenever I can and before I know it, it's done! If you want, I can show you how."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

:eek You were a bit slow.:eek

You should have told this ignorant person that you have no spare time because you are too busy making things, then go on to something else like asking them what they have seen on TV lately. When they answer, say, "You must have plenty of spare time!"

It is their problem not yours so dont lose too much sleep over it, certainly dont get depressed because of it, we cant all like the same things can we.

Enjoy your spare time activities.

Have fun.

Colleen.:hug

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree with some of the other posters; I think those comments are most often a result of the person feeling inferior than that the person thinks your projects are a waste of time.

 

If I get a comment like that (and I've been lucky, it's been rare), I usually say flatly, No, actually I don't.

 

The whole premise of the comment is silly, anyway. If you are making most of your own clothes and gifts, you *aren't* schlepping to the stores/mall to hunt for and find these things. You know what you want and go ahead with it. Seems like that would take less time than hitting the shops.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You should have told this ignorant person that you have no spare time because you are too busy making things, then go on to something else like asking them what they have seen on TV lately. When they answer, say, "You must have plenty of spare time!"

 

Yup, that's the one I would have used. And to reiterate what someone else said up thread "Jealousy is such an ugly thing" - More often than not, this is the case.

 

My husband get's this a lot. He is a musician, and produces his own music. When people pull this crud about him having "too much time" on his hands to do this, I wanna call them out. My hubby says to let it die - he asks me if I think he spends too much time on his music - I tell him:

 

1) He doesn't watch TV (except for Judge Judy and Nascar)

2) He isn't out playing "ball" with the boys

3) He isn't out gigging in smoke filled bars

4) He works a FULL time job, to support a family of five and this is his HOBBY!

 

So I would say, let it slide. They most likely are jealous that you can produce such GORGEOUS things in your TOO MUCH TIME!

 

Off my :soap now!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Heh. I wouldn't let it worry you. A lot of my friends tell me that I'm a loser or whatever for doing it. I use public transport a lot and I take my crochet with me. I crochet on buses and trains. Even 15 minute bus journeys! If I'm watching tv I crochet then as well. I shouldn't let these sorts of comments upset you, just know that at the end of every year, for all those hours they have spent sitting in front of the tv, vegging out and doing nothing, they'll have nothing to show for those hours, whereas you will have all manner of lovely things which make you happy to be around. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When the insensitives say things like that I just say that I am really proud of the way I do use what ever little bit of spare time I have. Ask them what they do on a long car ride or while watching tv or standing in lines or on public transportation. That's usually the spare times that we very creative people get to do some of our best stuff. I really think that those that have no hobbies have no clue how relaxing and fulfilling it is. Just simply ingnorance on their part. Just smile and thank them for thinking you are so good with your spare time. :hook

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I hear it from my MIL all the time. Does it irritate me? Yes! Do I let it eat me up (anymore)? Not really. My 2 daughters have picked up the love of working with yarn ( 9YO asked for, and received a 1 lb skein of dishcloth cotton from the Easter Bunny!!!!) so I always have something to share with them. Bully with everyone else!

I say KEEP ON CROCHETING!!!!!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This just happened to me two weeks ago by my own sister. I opened an etsy store for my crocheting and I didn't want to tell her about it cause she has a tendancy to say smart comments. Calling me granny cause I crochet. It bothers me but I had let it go and just laughed with her. This time I e-mailed her the etsy link because she wanted to see it. Well.... she called me after work on her way home and told me that her and her co workers looked at the store and they were all making jokes and one person was even going to e-mail me and tell me that they had a very large wife and could I make a sweater for her. NOT FUNNY. There were other comments she told me about and then she told me that she told this group of co workers that if she ever started to crochet to shoot her. NOW HOW NICE WAS THAT!!! As she was telling me these things she was just laughing and thinking it was so funny. I was so upset to say the least. I told her I had to go. She could tell I was upset. I got off the phone and cried. I didn't answer her calls for 2 days. She e-mailed me and said she was just joking around. She is pretty vain. I couldn't take it anymore so I e-mailed her back and really let her have it. I told her thanks for the support, especially from my own sister, and told her if she would get the blow dryer out of one hand and the mirror out of the other maybe she would see that life isn't all about her. She apologized and apologized and I forgave her but she will NEVER receive any of my crochet items in her lifetime. LOL. It's really sad that people have to make fun of you for something you love to do.

 

I'm sorry your friend did that to you. You keep on crocheting! Don't let the ignorance of others stop you. People don't realize how much time and love we put into our crocheting. We are definitely artists and crafty people and jelousy isn't very becoming of them. :D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I got that nonsense, too. It's sort of a reflection of our society, though. We brag and boast about how we "are too busy," like it's something to be proud of. I think you should be proud of the fact that you have a balanced life, where you make the time for a craft that's so important to you. I think if more people stopped their personal rat races and made more time for creativity, this world would be a better place.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Personally, I wonder what people without hobbies get out of life. I can't imagine what I'd do if I didn't sew, crochet, read etc. How much tv can one watch? At least when I sit with the television I am also making something beautiful that can be used and admired. How many times can you clean the house in one week? What would I do without my crochet? The idea kinda scares me. Don't let it bother you. i have met people like that, but I have also met people that wished they could create something too. :hook:hug

Link to comment
Share on other sites

And, I have also been really lucky....people in our family can't wait to see what they get for christmas from me. One year, everyone was really disappointed because we bought their gifts. It really made me feel good because I knew that they really liked what I made them. I just thought that maybe they were tired of receiving homemade stuff, but I was wrong. so, that really made me feel great. Sometimes people can just be jealous because they can't make things themselves.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't know that people are as much jealous as they just really believe it takes huge quantities of "spare time" to produce crochet, knitting or other craft items. Most of us are unaware of the time we waste hanging around waiting for someone or something else to happen. And of course, TV must be the biggest time sink of the American people. I've begun taking a small crochet or knitting project around in my purse. Now if my husband needs to shop at the hardware store I can happily pass the time waiting for him. Or if I am at my parents' house and Mother has Food Network all day, I pull out a project and sit with her while she watches and I craft!

 

Most Americans are incredibly busy, but fail to realize there are snippets of time to be found even in their busy, busy lives.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think Pam has it exactly right (and it mirrors my own thoughts): somewhere along the way, our society decided that we should always be busy doing something, and if we weren't busy doing something productive (however that is defined) then we were wasting time.

 

Taking time out for yourself to enjoy quiet, relaxing time has become so devalued, and it's ridiculous: we can't always be "on" yet we're told that's how we should be.

 

It's easier for me, admittedly, because I live alone, so my home responsibilities don't match those of you with families, but we should all revel in the free time we can make for ourselves. I know some of my friends are jealous that I have time to do things like read and crochet, but we're all ultimately in control of what we decide what to do, and I decided a long time ago I was going to do what I wanted (obviously outside of work). I work hard, so why shouldn't I equally enjoy myself?

 

I remember I told my dad a couple of years ago that I was going on a 10 day vacation. It had been several years since I'd taken an actual vacation, especially one that long. His response: sure must be nice. I replied that it sure was and I was going to have a blast.

 

None of us should have to make apologies for how we relax, and the thought that more and more we should have to defend that shows just how skewed our societal values have become in that regard.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes, I have. Then I tell them on of the following: My hobbies are awesome stress relievers (I buy supplies vs. paying a doctor. Crocheting has really taught me to multi-task (I can help my son with homeowrk while I hook).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I hear this occasionally, because in addition to a full-time job I'm involved in many other "activities." When people ask how I do everything that I do, I tell them that we all get 24 hours in a day and I simply choose to use my time doing things that are important to me (volunteer work, crochet, whatever).

 

I think your friend felt embarassed that she has the same 24 hours every day that you do, but what has she accomplished? So, she had to diminish what you had done to make herself feel better.

 

I've even said, on occasion, "Well, I've never been good at sitting around doing nothing." That will shut up the ones who are especially snarky (although it's not a very nice response). :devil

 

Susan

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i really think it is more about what you chose to do with your time and what they have chosen for themselves, clearly they didnt chose crochet but i bet they have something they do with their free time, i doubt these women are surgeons who spend practically every waking moment slaving at a job for 100 hours a week... but thats just me i am over analytical of people who ry to put me down. the bottom line is atleast you arent throwing away your free time, what ever you choose to do with it is your business and atleast yours has an end product other than a few less IQ points (refering to the took much TV watchers out there)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.


×
×
  • Create New...