Need opinions PLEASE..

[JoBug]

Yesterday I posted on off topics about a dear work friend of mine who passed away in her sleep at 52 years old. Linda, she was the SWEETEST person you would ever meet. Okay, work is taking up a colection for her family, fine and dandy, although I havent much money to add to it. Now here is my question..

I was making my coworkers little angel ornaments for Christmas, as there are only 6 of us, so you can imagine how close we all are. Do you think it would be okay if I put Linda's in her casket with her? She LOVED my crocheting and was always so excited to see what I was working on, bringing to work. She didn't know about the Angels because I have been hidding them for everyone...I really NEED to know if this would be appropriate or not. I have a REALLY hard time with wakes and funerals and honestly do not attend many, since my mother died when I was 14, it is VERY hard for me, and brings back flashbacks, but I WILL attend hers, but do not want to do anything inapropriate or to offend anyone...so please let me knwo what you think, I cant afford a plant or anything like that. But I DO want Linda to have her Angel because she was such an ANGEL...so, can I put it in her casket, or give it to her husband???? What would you do..please

[Natasha]

You should do what you feel led to do, but only after asking her family if it would be okay with them.

[theworm]

I would give it to her husband and tell him that you were making it for her for Christmas and would like to put it in her casket. I think its a lovely gesture, but I wouldn't put anything in the casket without the husbands approval.

[Shell]

thats a lovely thought JoAnn. i would approach a family member first and ask (hubby might be a lil hard to reach right now) and see what they say. if not, it is customary here to throw petals or sand into the grave after the casket is lowered, you could place it in then. obviously that wont be within her casket. alternatively, use it to decorate a home made sympathy card telling her family what you have just told us. they may appreciate the little keepsake and the knowledge that she was much loved. i wouldnt imagine anyone would have a problem with it being placed with her, but just in case i tried to offer a few suggestions. i'm sorry you have to go through this at all

[JoBug]

Thank you all for your input, as I obviously have NO burial etiquette what-so-ever. I know she spoke fondly of me to her husband, and he seems to be a kind man, I will take it with me to the wake service and ask him if I can put it with her, or if he would like to have it...I am just totally distraught yet over her death..thank you all soooooo much!!!

[theworm]

[Empress Busy Bee]

I agree, totally ask him first. There is the possiblity it'll be a closed casket service in which case you won't have a choice.

Personally if it were me, I'd just give it to her husband to maybe put on their tree so he can enjoy it and think of her and how much she would have liked it.

[craftybutterfly]

That's so sweet of you! I agree, ask her family first. They may even want to keep it, and hang it on their tree every year in memory of her.

Hugs to you! I, too, never attend wakes or funerals unless I absolutely have to, they're just to hard.

[Tiga]

I agree with Empress - I think her husband would like to have it to put on their tree, or just to have around.

[MLLORF]

JoAnn, having just recently gone through this, I too suggest you speak with a family member. I had no problem with them putting something in the casket, I just forgot to ask if it was to stay there or if it was meant for our family to keep. Fortunately our funeral director was right on top of things. I would of hated to have them shut the casket and find out later it wasn't meant to stay there. My prayers go out to you as you go through this time of loss.

[ErinLindsey]

When my great-uncle fred died, I stayed up all night crocheting him a pink teddy bear (his favorite color was pink) and I had my dad put it in the coffin with him. (I dont do funerals...not even planning on going to my own)

 

Apparently all my relatives thought it was a nice thing to do. No one complained or thought it was weird.

 

When my grandmother died in 2004, I did the same thing. I crocheted a patriotic teddy bear (it was Memorial day weekend, and the funeral was on my birthday) Again, I had my dad put the bear in the coffin with grandma... Well...one of my dad's sisters decided she didnt want it to stay in there. She took it out and gave it back to my dad. (along with a nasty comment) I refuse to look at the bear. I dont want to see it. It was supposed to stay with my grandmother (the person who taught me to crochet) No one else thought it was weird for me to want to leave a bear with my grandma other than that one aunt.

 

I think its a neat idea to want to put an angel in the coffin with your friend. What if you make two...one for her and one for her husband to keep. Just make sure that the family gives permission and doesnt let anyone remove it if it's supposed to stay with her.

[eyrthmother1]

I was thinking the same thing as Erin, why not make 2. One to, hopefully, be able to leave w/ your friend and 1 to let her family have to keep in her memory. Would be less chance of confusion w/n the family wondering "did she want it to stay in coffin? or come home w/ us?"

 

Sandy