Slight Rant

[Sue89]

....take a trip to the "Dollar General" for everyone else!!!!!!!!!!

 

Ha! I love that!

 

Honestly, for me it's not even about the crocheted shawls comment. I just detest these Radio Shack commercials in general. I've found them repugnant ever since they started running them last Christmas. The idea that people feel entitled to place an order for gifts is disgusting to me. Sure, it would be great if everyone who gave you a gift knew you well enough to know what you'd enjoy, but do you have a right to only get what you want as a gift? No! If there's something you want, go out and buy it your darned self! Don't be placing orders with the people who care about you, or making them feel bad for what they choose to give. In my opinion you'd have to be pretty darned shallow to turn your nose up at somebody's hours of effort just because it means you won't be able to cash in their gift at the returns counter.

 

If someone doesn't receive a gift well, that just means they've made my future gift shopping a little easier by shortening my list of recipients. Gifts aren't things we're entitled to. That's what makes them gifts.

[Empress Busy Bee]

but do you have a right to only get what you want as a gift? No! If there's something you want, go out and buy it your darned self! Don't be placing orders with the people who care about you, or making them feel bad for what they choose to give. In my opinion you'd have to be pretty darned shallow to turn your nose up at somebody's hours of effort just because it means you won't be able to cash in their gift at the returns counter.

I guess I see it from the other side. I do think you're entitled to want what you want and if giving someone a list is helpful to them, go for it. I personally want to know. I'm a list maker. I make lists of what I think people want and try to find out what they want. Then meet somewhere in the middle. I'd much rather go buy a DVD or teacup for my sister then spend hours on something I know she won't like just because someone says homemade is better. Better for who? Better for some but not all. Yes the gift is about giving and the thought. It's also about that thought and putting time and effort into knowing or finding out what the person would enjoy. Forcing your tastes on them will almost always end in several unhappy people. That's not to say some wouldn't love a homemade gift. My sister loved the felted purse I made her but she wouldn't like a scarf, sweater, mittens, or poncho.

Know who you're making it for and make it for their tastes, not yours even if it means buying them something instead.

Just my thoughts and my family and friends think I'm the best gift giver.

[Sue89]

I guess I see it from the other side. I do think you're entitled to want what you want and if giving someone a list is helpful to them, go for it.

 

I don't get this at all. How are you entitled to get what you want if it's a gift? The only things you are entitled to are the things you worked for or paid for. To believe recipients are entitled to choose their gifts is to believe the giver actually owes them something. We don't owe people gifts for Christmas, birthdays, or any other occasion. We give because we want to, not because they've got it coming to them.

 

I think it's sweet that you do your best to find out what people like, but that's up to you as the giver to do if you choose, and not for the recipient to initiate. Saying "Sweetie, make me a list of things you'd enjoy" is different from hearing an unsolicited "Hey, here's a list of what I want." That is the utmost in rudeness, and that's what these commercials are about. I can remember one loved one in particular who ended up in tears after she was chastised for not buying a particular gift for one of her nieces. I can't imagine what toy or gadget could be worth hurting someone who's just trying to freely give of themselves. Whether it's a handmade gift or a store-bought one that just isn't what the recipient would've chosen doesn't matter. It's not right for them to demand particular gifts from you, or bash the ones they've received in the past. They can buy what they want with their own money after the holiday's over.

[Empress Busy Bee]

I didn't say you're entitled to a gift. I said you're entitled to want what you want.

You Sue want yarn or you wouldn't be here on this board. If I gave you painting supplies instead (I'm going to pretend you don't like to paint in case you do) you would be disappointed and maybe even hurt because you wanted yarn. Giving you paints would make me a thoughtless gift giver.

So in my opinion the thought doesn't always count if you're not thinking about the recipient.

 

I agree that bashing someone over a gift they received is rude. I agree that just giving out lists unasked for is wrong. However I don't see anything wrong with making comments in passing about something someone might like. We all do that.

 

I really have no opinion on the commercial since I've not heard it.

[L-A]

Wow, this thread has really grown a life of its own! Just to add one of my own experiences... My boyfriend's parents are in their 80's, still living on their own, & for the most part, sharp as a couple of tacks & very sweet.

 

Every Saturday they go to yard sales & come back with tons of, well, to put it nicely, junk. Broken picture frames, boxes & boxes of christmas ornaments, used blankets & comforters, baby clothes (they have no grandchildren), old telephones, tons of video tapes, out-of-date stereo systems, at least a million paperback books... you get the idea. They themselves joke about needing to go on one of those "Clean House" TV shows. But it makes them happy, so it's all good.

 

Well, last Christmas I, my boyfriend & his brother all received stuff from their yard sale excurisions. (The guys got blankets from a local department store that closed over 10 years ago. My gift was a used sweatshirt.) By the way, they are VERY well fixed financially. I'm the type of person who feels it's the thought that counts & does not think of gifts as what Christmas is about... and I thanked them very much for their gift. My gift to them were framed photos I'd taken of their beach house & of myself & my boyfriend.

 

But I have to admit that my feelings were very hurt (for myself, my boyfriend, and his brother) when they gave their daughter-in-law a brand new American Girl doll, complete with accessories. (The daughter-in-law is 44 years old & is a doll-collector) Those of you familar with the dolls know that they are pretty pricey. Every year, the daughter-in-law gives them a wish list at Thanksgiving, and every year she receives something from the list.

 

Now, I don't know what that is all supposed to mean. But I do know it made me feel that the rest of us were not worthy of receiving a thoughtful gift. I would have been really happy with just a bottle of shower jell from Target. It made me feel that the things I do for my boyfriend's parents didn't mean anything to them... that my feelings for them were worth nothing more than a used shirt. Please understand that I don't expect anything in return for any help I give them; I do it because I love my boyfriend & his parents. But nonetheless, my feelings were hurt.

 

Maybe feeling that way was petty. I don't really know. In fact, it suprised me that I did feel that way. But I guess sometimes you don't always know how you'll react to things. I have no doubt that they meant well, but it didn't help me feel any better at the time.

 

Okay, I'm off my soapbox. Thanks for letting me stand on it for so long!

[pragmatica]

Hey, L-A -- I kinda know how you feel. One year for the holidays my mother-in-law, who's a lovely person with whom I get along great, gave me a set of eight matching floral paper plates, paper cups, and napkins. That's it. It was baffling. The kids each got a nice toy attuned to their interests, my husband got some little technical gadget, and I got....paperware. And the pattern was not even remotely to my taste -- some kind of big garish floral thing like 1980s window treatments. And that kind of stuff isn't even to HER taste -- her home is all original modern art and prints. I'm still mystified by this, as this wasn't the gift that says "I didn't know what to get you but I tried" -- it was the gift that says "I didn't know what to get you so I grabbed the first thing I saw while I was in the checkout lane at Walgreen's."

 

One year I asked my husband for the Chococat ceramic dinnerware at the Sanrio store, and a pink cashmere zip-front hoodie from the Chadwick's catalog. I ended up with a plastic Chococat purse and a pair of pink Converse high-tops two sizes too big because even the pink ones are measured in men's sizes. I returned everything, got what I wanted, and am enjoying my ceramic Chococat mug as I type this.

 

In my husband's case, he was just trying to get me something on his own to show he was actually thinking, which is appreciated even if the results were a bit...misguided. And as for my MIL, well, I still have no clue what she was thinking. Paper plates? In terrible floral? Anyway, as I age, I'm attempting to take a zen approach to gift-receiving and just smile benignly at everything and then go buy myself what I really want.

 

Cheers,

Elissa

[L-A]

Elissa darling, I think your paper plates trump my used sweatshirt! And you are so right about taking a Zen approach to life... and to crochet. I find that crocheting calms my mind almost as much as a good 20 minutes of meditation!

 

By the way, I envy you your Chococat mug (says the woman as she moves her hand across her Hello Kitty mouse pad !) Saniro makes me smile

[pragmatica]

Naw, L-A, you win. At least the paperware was new and shrinkwrapped in plastic. A vintage purse or dress or sweater? Thoughtful. A used sweatshirt? Baffling. I really think you win with that one.

 

However, now that we're dredging up bad holiday memories, I'd like to offer the following. My youngest brother is five years older than I am, and we've never been particularly close: the age gap was too big for us to play much when we were little, and we had very different teenage experiences and our differences were made worse because he's some kind of genius and an impossible act to follow. But we try to get along because we're all grownups now, and it's taken me decades to realize that it's not that he's a jerk to me for any personal reason -- it's that he's kind of a malformed social jerk to EVERYONE, within the family or beyond. All in all, I'd rather be a calmer happy-ish person with slightly-above-average intelligence than have all those excess IQ points and patents and Emmys if they'd make me such a freak. (Yeah, it's sour grapes and cold comfort and a heap of other cliches, but it's what I've got.)

 

OK, enough "family of origin" psychobabble. (Sorry, gearing up for family Thanksgiving next month!) The point of this is what he gave me for my birthday a few years ago: a jar of mustard. Now, it may have been some kind of gourmet mustard. I don't know, because I don't like mustard except on a hot dog and as a binder for a strong vinaigrette. And this was when I was right out of college, and I didn't cook AT ALL. Mustard. Go figure.

 

In other bad gift stories, the most brilliant regift scenario I've managed was the following. Many years ago, the well-meaning estranged family of my horrible then-boyfriend invited us to Christmas in San Antonio, and not knowing what to do about me, they gave me a really ugly floral ceramic bell. (For my taste, I'm not sure a pretty ceramic bell exists, but that's just me; I understand that others like this stuff.) Meanwhile, my darling little old landlady had gone to Branson for Christmas, and brought me back a bright yellow tight-fitting ribbed polyester T-shirt with an iron-on applique of a duck wearing Ray-bans with the legend "Don't Worry, Be Happy."

 

I hadn't expected Holly to give me a present, and I was thrilled to be able to say "Oh! And I have your present right here!" and hand her the ceramic bell, still boxed and in its gift bag, making me look brilliant because not only did I have a gift but I had one directly to her taste.

 

Ah, happy holiday memories. I say we smile benignly and buy ourselves what we really want. And for every bizarro gift that we receive, we get to spend another $20 on a lovely lunch, or yarn, or shoes.

 

--Elissa

[lil-crochet-girl]

Yeah I agree with you all the way! I made dish towels for most of my family (grandrents, aunts, etc.) and they acted like they liked them and all but I could tell they didn't! It really hurts.. sorry it was so wordy! But I have been dying to get that off m chest! woo!

[Phoenix]

Since this has turned into holiday horror stories...

 

my grandmother has been buying all the grandkids ornaments since birth. For the other grandkids, she asks the parents what they are into and buys accordingly (saxaphone lessons = mouse playin the sax ornament)

 

I, the only non-catholic, receive little plastic churches every year.

 

It's teh thought that counts, and many families use gifts to make a point of excluding people. It's terrible, it hurts you, and you feel bad and greedy if you complain.

 

Here's my two cents: it is the thought that counts. In every way. If you spend your time making a gift for someone because you want to make it for them...that's lovely! But if you make something that isn't their style, thier colors or their size, because *you* want to make something...well, the gift really isn't about them anymore, is it?

 

I have no problem with people giving me lists...I do have a problem with them getting nasty about not receiving items off it b/c I am not the ordering dept and some people ask for stuff I can't afford. However, if it's x-mas and you know your mom is going to spend $100 on yarn to make you a poncho that you know you will never wear...I see nothign wrong with nicely (nicely!) hinting that you want this tech item instead. However, if you still get that poncho...you really aren't deprived of anything, you just have one more story to laugh at with friends online!

[Riohnna]

OOOO,,,,I would call the station,,get the phone company's advertising number,,,,call them,,and let them have it! OOO,,,,,too bad I am in Italy,,,grrrr,,,I would just wait to hear that! How DARE they?????

[waponswa]

One Christmas, I crocheted scarves for everyone. I put a lot of thougt into the color and design, and yarn texteure, in order to best match everyone with a scarf that they would like. My husband is the only one who wears the scarf I made. I've never seen anyone else wear theirs, and my mother actually gave back the scarf that I had made for her. On the other hand, my husband's side of the family loves everything that I amke them. I can hardly keep up with their requests!

 

When I was little, my mother and aunts and grandmothers made lots of homemade gifts for us kids. I have such fond memories of them, and I still have them, if I didn't wear them out.

 

I guess it just depends on the person, but the media doesn't help. Advertising has to sell its product any way it can. The sad thing is that kids who never minded/ loved homemade gifts will hear that and think that it's not cool anymore. That's the real shame.

[Angelhair]

Even though I agree with you, I must admit that when I was a teenager, my grandma knitted me a sweater and I really hated it and she could tell. It was too wide, acrylic (which I dont wear due to heat rash) and an ugly almost-flourescent-pink color. Its not right to force your tastes down someone elses throat. When making something for someone, one should always take their tastes into account. Maybe first flip through a crochet magazine or book with them and ask if they like anything in it...

[DisneyFan]

I think that the idea for present giving is that we should be giving things that we think they would like, not what we would like to give them or what we like. I have an 18 year old sister who loves getting anything crocheted from me--my mom is the same way. I have another sister who is 29 who scoffs at handmade things--little bit of a snob--so, if I crochet something for her, it's an afghan that she'll actually use instead of a fun fur scarf that will get thrown in the closet (as much as I'd like to get rid of what I have left). I think the idea of letting people look at your books and magazines is a great idea. My younger sister did that and has two things picked out for her birthday in March--gotta get started right after Christmas!