Feeling a Bit Down...

[KnicKnac]

I have tried on a couple of occasions to make my mother something crocheted. The first was an afghan that has now become a UFO because when she saw it she said it had too many holes - that was ok I made her a different one and she seemed to like it.

 

Now I just spent some time making her a sweater. She wanted charcoal yarn, and I can't seem to find any right now so I decided to put b&w together and crochet her a sweater with that. I took some pictures, sent them to her via email and she said she wants something longer with longer sleeves. Now the point isn't that I can't find someone else to give this sweater to, because I can. The point is that I crocheted it with her in mind and it felt good doing it.

 

Now it doesn't feel so good.

 

I don't crochet to get praise, I crochet because it feels good to make things for people. But I cannot deny that I enjoy it when someone makes a nice comment about something I did. I especially want my mother to like something I did - not for other people because she is ALL OVER my blog telling me how talented I am - I want her to like something I did for HER.

 

Does that even make sense?

 

I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening...

 

BTW - here is the sweater I did - I still have to put buttons so it's not quite finished. It actually turned into more of a shrug so I agree with her that it has to be longer, but, oh well. I don't know...

 

[lizc]

[Terri/LadySorce]

Beautiful Sweater!!!

:2hug

[Mom w/a Motif]

I think the sweater turned out beautifully. I don't know what to say about your mom. Sometimes people look a gift horse in the mouth?

 

I don't get people. I knitted my niece a vest once, was very proud of it myself. I asked her mom about it a year later, and she said, 'I didn't put it on her very much, because the neck was too stretchy.' That's not something you say to someone when they give you a gift from their heart. (Especially when it was handmade!!)

 

Tina

[Jamie]

That is a beautiful sweater! One thing that is obvious in your post is that you love your Mom, I've no doubt that she loves you too. Sometimes though, we all forget just how much ordinary words can hurt someone we love. I wish I could send a huge hug :hugto you and your Mom, 'cause when she realizes she's hurt your feelings, she's going to need one too.

[irikel]

I think that sweater is really nice....I love it .

[chichiturtle]

The sweater is great and so are you. You have a kind heart, it is a shame when people don't see the love it takes to make a hand crafted gift. Someone can go to the Walmart and get a sweater with longer sleeves etc but not everyone can get a custom made sweater crocheted by her daughter. Give yourself a pick me up and cheer up.

[shebear]

Gee I wish it was in my size. I really like that sweater.

[minwifeof4boys]

Now that sweater is lovely... and I am so sorry your mum is being a bit picky...I know if my child ( or anyone) takes the time to do something or me... I'd wear it every day just thinking about the love put into it!

 

I'm sorry dear...

[belant]

Beautiful sweater, and here's another hug for you.

[KnicKnac]

Oh wow, you all are so sweet. Thank you so much for the nice words.

 

I have a sister who is my biggest advocate. I will send it to her, I am sure either one of her daughters will be able to wear it, or one of her grand-children.

 

It just really hit me hard. I don't know why, it just did. She is 84 years old ... I am 43 - I was her change of life baby - you would just think. My sister would wear it and lavish over it even if it didn't fit and then tell the world I made it for her.

 

Oh well, thank you all!

[mudpie]

Now, I realize that you're a grown-up, but you're still her child. I can't tell you how many times I wore macaroni necklaces to work (okay, maybe not ALL day) because my babies made them for me, and now my grandbaby. And I know that it has to hurt that she isn't just pleased as punch that you even WANTED to make something for her. But, as others have hinted at, I'm sure that she doesn't realize the labor of love that you have created for her. Wearables for adults are the hardest thing to make to satisfy, because we all have different tastes and styles. I think you did a great job on the sweater.

[luvmnms]

:hug I'm really sorry that you mother didn't appreciate all your hard work.

 

I know that you made this specifically with her in mind and that you put a lot of time into making it out of love for her. I hope that your sister will find the perfect person for this beautiful sweater and it will be worn.

[midnightexpression]

what does UFO stand for?

[luckybmr]

That sweater is very beautiful. I have never made anything to be worn other than a scarf. Sometimes moms don't realize what they say hurts. She loves you and you love her.

[Empress Busy Bee]

what does UFO stand for?

Unfinished Object.

 

I agree with who ever said it's obvious you love your mom and she loves you.

I personally want someone to tell me what they don't like about what I give them so I can make them something they will like next time. If the next is choking them, how will I ever know if all they say is how beautiful it is. I do agree words can hurt. Is your mom saying it to be hurtful or is she trying to be a little helpful?

Also, I don't believe that it's always someone looking a gift horse in the mouth. Most times I think it's us, the crafters, forcing our tastes onto other people and expecting praise for it. That's not to say don't make anything for them. It just means fit the item with a style and color the intended will like. It is for them afterall.

[eyrthmother1]

KnicKnac, Your mom sounds a bit like mine. The only difference is I was adopted rather than a change of life baby (I'm now 37 and she's 87 and spirited...WHOA!!) It has taken be a bit to realize her mindframe on some things. She grew up during the depression and, due to that mindset, can't see having things that she can't wear or use well (wrong sizes, not quite like what she's wanting, etc) or that is "useless" (she likes purdy things at other folks houses, but doesnt see the use of displaying them much here because they collect dust, take time to clean, she might need that space for something more functional, etc).

 

The reason I say all this is, maybe your mom has a similar mentality. It's not that she doesn't appreciate it, but would rather have something just a bit more her "style" so she can use it MORE. :hug its not always easy to realize that,especially after you tried so hard, but our folks think differently than we do

 

Sandy

[StitchinCindi]

Hi, My husband was like that AT FIRST! He just did not realize how much work went into the stuff I was doing for him. Finally, as he called every day (he is a trucker), I would TELL him how far I had gotten on whatever for that day. He learned fast (LOL) how much time went into his things, even if it was just a scarf.

 

One thing you might do on that sweater (Which I love BTW), is to leave the black on there as a sorta stripe on the sleeves and hem, and just keep adding onto it in the B&W threads, then add on at the end the black stripe again. I hope this works. HUGS!

[ldftldy30]

I know how you feel! My sister hurt my feelings yesterday in just about the same way. Her only son (she is my only sibling) had his first child yesterday morning. He was only 3#12oz. I said I had run to wal-mart and gotten some soft yarn to make him a hat or something and she said (in a very brisk tone), "you should be worried about when he comes home"! What does that mean? You don't like what I do? I have no family here within 3 hours of me and it gets kinda lonely. My mom isn't all that supportive either. They just don't know how many hours it takes to make something.

 

Just remember that there is someone standing in the grocery store line, or sitting in the dr's office right beside you that would love that sweater. That I can promise. We just don't realize how many people would love to have something like that and someone that cares enough.

 

Whatever you do don't let it stop you from doing something you love.

[KnicKnac]

Oh my, you folks don't know how comforting it is to know that other people have similar things happen to them.

 

I am feeling better. I got a chance to get it off my chest and that was what I really needed.

 

Thank you all for being there for me.

[HoosierDoula]

I think your sweater is beautiful I do understand what you are saying though. I was talking with an online friend the other day and had just shown off pics of the dress I had completed for my daughter. My friend made the comment that is must be hot for her to wear. I told her that it wasn't at all hot, that there are good yarns out there and cheap stinky yarns you don't use for such projects. She went on to tell me that she had received many crocheted items for her babies and had NEVER PUT THEM ON THEM because they were probably "too hot and scratchy!" UGH! Way to break the heart of someone who went to a lot of trouble for you. She also mentioned her grandmother had made her a full size aphgan for her bed and she had never removed it from the plastic her grandmother had put it in!! GOOD GRIEF!! I understand not wanting to deal with ugly scratchy stuff but common courtesy tells me to at least use/wear the item so the one who made it can see it's been loved at least once!! I feel your pain

 

~Susan

Busy Mama to:

Hannah (9), Logan (7), Lance (5), Hayden :teddy(3)

and the TWINkies Mason and Morgan (13 months) :ducky

[Nan-Nan]

I know how you feel also. I am 64 & my Mom still does that stuff from time to time. She is the one who taught me to crochet so I finally figured she must be envious because she can't do it anymore. I even asked her & she said "yes, I wish I could still do that". I don't feel so bad now when she says something ugly because I know it's just sour grapes. She does still use anything I make for her & brags on it when she gets the chance to see others( she is housebound mostly). Please don't stop crocheting.

[Aggie May]

Can I speak for the Mum please.

What about getting her to choose and pay for the yarn she wants to wear.

I do not wear black or white and because of my shape, do not suit certain shapes of clothing.

If someone gave me a piece of clothing which was not my style, I would accept it, especially if I knew they had made it, but I would probably never wear it.

Now, to me, that is not the right way to do things really because that person has put a bit of effort into choosing the item, even if they did not make it, and I am not using it.

Maybe it seems as if your mum is "Looking a gift horse in the mouth" but at least she is more honest than most.

If you let her choose the yarn & pay for it, then get het to give you the measurements of her favourite cardigan, she will be happy & you will be happy.

The cardigan you made is ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS and your heart is in the right place but if you keep making choices for her, you are just setting yourself up for disappointment.

Keep trying, you are a good daughter.

Have fun.

Colleen.

PS If you still want to make Charcoal, mix Black & Light Grey together.

[craftconnie1]

some people just cannot accept gifts or gifts of love. My own mother could not get a gift from me without being critical It was simply her nature or what she was taught by her Mother. Make the gifts to please yourself . There simply are some people who just don't appreciate "home" made. at christmas I give them soap....dollar store soap.

[InStitches]

The sweater is beautiful! And you can never have too many hugs! (forgive me, my smilies have vanished!)