Reconciling a friendship what to make?

[zeropixie]

I'm am currently trying to reconcile a friendship with my daughter's father. He and I have not seen each other for awhile but he talks to our daughter on the phone frequently so he hasn't been completely out of the picture. I would like to crochet something for him but can not figure out what.

I had thought about a Superman afghan but I don't think that his girl friend would be comfortable with that. He doesn't wear scarves. Prefers baseball caps. He is a HUGE Yu Gi Oh freak and LOVES Superman. The Crow is his favorite movie of all time. He is a hard core rocker.

Why are men so hard to crochet for ? I know that there are some crochetsters here that can help and I would be so happy if y'all could help me.

Thank you, Melissa

[craftconnie1]

Perhaps a masculine memory bag,put in some 'memories' of your child. I think the girlfriend would freak at any large project because she might misinterprate your intentions. Start small and build up to a bigger gift.

[Ladycrochat]

If a Superman Afghan doesn't feel right ....how about a Yu Gi Oh afghan?

[zeropixie]

A memory bag would be nice but he already has a memory box for her, Superman I think . The only reason I am not going to do an afghan is that it is a personal gift. If some gave you one every time you used it you would think about the person who made it for you and that is why I think the girlfriend would have a problem, which is fine. He has a leather jacket that I helped him buy several years ago and it has caused a few problems in the past so I am trying to be respectful of her feelings.

[jessc031778]

I know I've seen patterns for a crochet baseball cap...and it looked really good too...maybe if you could find that pattern & then add the Superman S to the front???

[craftconnie1]

Obviously the girlfriend is part of the equation. Perhaps her input would help, in all of your relationships. I'm from a blended family and trying to please everyone became so exhausting. If she was part of the decision the hassles might not be so large and the article would be accepted. Mending fences include her as well as him, whether or not you think it should. Something for "them" especially if they are long term or living together. Seat covers for his car or truck might be another idea, steering wheel cover, shaving kit with essentials inside. Men(and boys) ARE hard to crochet for!!!!!!!

[zazzu]

Obviously the girlfriend is part of the equation....Mending fences include her as well as him, whether or not you think it should.

Oh, I completely agree with this. That broken fence would be mended right quick if his girlfriend was on board.

 

Melissa - If they're living together, could you find out the colors of their decor? Maybe your daughter knows? If not, a nice, neutral-colored afghan addressed to both him and his girlfriend should be received just fine, I'd think. As long as she doesn't feel left out or slighted in any way

 

Any gift with a Superman theme would seem just for him, even if you included the GF in the address. The gift would clearly need to be for both of them. Or you could get them each a separate gift...but, if I was in your position, that would feel weird.

[zeropixie]

Our daughter is only three so her conversations with him center around kiddie stuff not so much house decor . As for the girlfriend I have tried getting to know her and include her but to no avail. I think that it is hard for her to look past the fact that I have his child and that she is probably the only child he can ever have (health problems), which I MORE than understand because I probably can't have any more either.

Even though I would like it to be a surprise I think that should just ask him tomorrow when we call for Father's Day. I do thank everyone for their help. :)

[artemis]

What about something your child and her father could use together?

 

A tote bag for the grocery store...could be made in colors of his favorite things or with a symbol he likes.

 

A toy they could use together, like a ball.

 

A set of washcloths he could use in the bath with her.

 

This helps to take away the personal touch, yet emphasizes that the connection you want to keep is because of the daughter you share. I know this is not an easy issue...that goes way beyond how hard men are to crochet for!

 

Good luck.

[Hounddog]

If you make the afghan include the girlfriend's name on a tag. That way it would make her feel better about the gift.

Just a thought.

Darlene

PS Then sign your daughter's name as well as your own.,

[terrijo]

If it doesn't need to be a surprise then you could call the girlfriend and say that you'd like to make a afghan for "them" and ask what colors she would like. My oldest son is 29 and his biological has only been in his life since he was 21. They have phone conversations all the time(he lives in another state). My son has been to see him and his biologicals second trip out here will be this September. He has a long time girlfriend and I'm going to make an afghan for my son to give to them. You could also have the afghan be from your daughter to the both of them. Have your daughter pick the colors so it truly is from her---you just did the hard part of making it.

[nucki]

OOoh, Terrijo, I REALLY like that idea!!!

 

If I were in your situation (okay, I HAVE been in your situation, but never went so far as to give him a gift), I'd do what she suggested.

 

But that's me.

 

[zeropixie]

I came up with something. I have given him thousands of photos and a few years ago I gave him an album for them so I think that I will send a new one and crochet a cover for it. I know that the one he has is busting at the seams. I will probably put our daughters name on it and a pocket for a small picture I will let her pick the color which right now is probably going to be purple .

Thanks everyone for the advice I do appreciate it. I have tried to get his girlfriend involved but she doesn't want to right now. He and I don't live in the same town but have open communication and are trying to get our friendship worked out for our daughter. It has been strained over the years which makes getting together a challenge but things are looking better for both of us. Our lives are finaly getting on track and our daughter has been big source of insperation for us.

Again thank you it is nice to know that I am not the only person going through this.

Melissa:manyheart

[funkyreporter]

Hmmm... I have an opposite problem: My ex's wife really likes my crochet so when the kids were younger and would go over to dad's with a crocheted blankie I'd never SEE it again! Then I went to their house one day and noticed the beautiful blankie they were cuddled under on the couch MADE BY ME!!!!!! AGGGHHHHH. I just hope she doesn't take credit for my work. I think it makes the kids feel good, though, to have "mommy" things around at their dad's house. There are also quilts made by me on their beds as well as crocheted afghans.

 

So perhaps a 'family afghan' to all of them, letting her know she's considered as part of the family... I had to really work at it to convince the ex's wife that I am not a threat to her marriage and we get along reasonably well. It seemed to help a lot once I remarried...

[Empress Busy Bee]

I think an album is an excellent idea. Honestly it's what I would have suggested, with or without the cover. When my ex was with his girlfriend after our divorce, I never wanted anything from her and I'm pretty sure she didn't want anything from me. However pictures our our son for his dad was different.

 

Paulette that kind of happened to my sister. I made her and her kids a bunch of stuff. When she moved out she didn't take everything but before she could ever claim it, the new girlfriend/wife claimed it all saying her family made it for her and his new babies.

 

 

[terrijo]

Oh Good Lord!!!! It does take all types to make the world go 'round, doesn't it?