a question about confidence

[perigrine]

Not sure if this is the right place, but I am sure it can and will be moved if its not

 

The other day, or even the other month, you know how these things go, I was telling someone that I was good at crochet. Now for me to admit that I am good at anything is a big step, because I have spent so many years running myself down and thinking I was a no good piece of ****. Even now those negatives still enter my head, but with far less frequency than a few years ago.

 

I digress. The person I was talking to cheekily asked if I wanted a medal, or a chest to pin it on. Just now, while I was out in the meagre winter sun on the back step, I got to thnking about that. I know I am good, and I don't see why I should denigrate myself by trying to be coy or whatever. I don't believe that I was being big headed about my abilities, just confident in my assurance that I *could* do what the other person was talking about. Ok, I am not perfect, having the ability to read any pattern, chart, graph or otherwise, construct any garment or item by sight and designing wonderful wearable clothes. I can do some of those things. Like read almost any pattern ( I havent tried chart crochet yet), can make some things from sight, and my designing skills are still in the infant stages. The thing is I *can* learn, and plan to.

 

Is it egotistical for me to know that I am better at crochet than a vast majority of the population [of Tasmania]? To see this wonderful machine made garment in a fancy doo dah store and know that I *can* make it, and for much less? To see crocheted blankets at a market for 55$ and know just how much time, effort and the approximate cost of the yarn that went into it, and then decide that 55$ is a rip off? I don't think I go around touting myself to be the best, believing that I am the only one who can do this, and everyone should fall at my feet and pay homage to me.

 

Where does being self assured of ones own abilities cross over into big mouthing yourself? Is it your perception, or others? I believe that my confidence in myself is how/why I have made certain things. Like the Seraphina Shawl. Looking at the pattern I was horrified at the seeming complexity of it, but eventually, after I got to *know* the pattern, I found it was astonishingly quite easy.

 

I don't know. I will settle for knowing I *can*, ignore most other opinions, ask for help if I need it, and leave it at that.

[funkyreporter]

Well, Monique, being one of the better crocheters in Tasmania IS something to be proud of! And being able to feel self-confidence and speak of your accomplishments is a big step for someone who has felt the way you mentioned at the beginning of your post.

 

Perhaps the person who made the offending comment has their own 'issues' of self-confidence (maybe the person is also a crocheter or knitter who has had some difficulty on the 'learning curve')

 

There's a song with a line in it: "You never know just how you look in other people's eyes..."

 

Maybe what you were saying and what the person was hearing were not quite the same - you were simply stating your ability at a given technique, perhaps the listener thought you were 'bragging'...

 

I am proud of my crocheting and the other crafts I involve myself with such as broken china mosaic, mixed media (3-D stuff), quilting, cross stitching, scrapbooking, polymer clay, beading, art dolls... To me all of these are hobbies, stress relievers - Yet when hubby and I are out at a craft store or a thrift shop or yard sale and I am collecting things for my crafting I will often be asked, "Are you an artist?" and I am hesitant to answer! Hubby always speaks up, "Yes, she is." And they'll comment back, "I thought so by the way you're dressed." Okay.

 

And yes, our house is filled with my original art as well as original art we've collected from others.

 

Be proud of your ability and remember that the comments of others are their viewpoint and nothing else...

 

Happy crocheting!

[Mermaiden]

Some people are just too insecure about themselves to be able to listen and accept a statement like that. GO YOU!

[CraftyShannon]

I think it depends on your attitude. Saying "I'm better than most other people" can come off as egostical. It may be true, but that wording can sound bad. However, I think there is a difference in that and admitting you have a natural talent and ability to do something well.

 

People who know I crochet used to point out crocheted stuff in the stores, assuming I'd want to buy it. Some thought I was bold and a bit bragging when I said I'd go home and make it. I think it surprised them when I actually have made something similiar and it's nicer and cheaper. Now, others point out stuff in the stores, so I can recreate it at home. I've never really talked about being "good" at making stuff because that's not in my nature either. For the longest time, it was the people around me who had to tell me my stuff was good. It's only been recently that I've really said out loud that something I made turned out nice.

[Roli]

I also say "I'm good at crochet" and I add..."It's what I DO!" That usually makes people smile because everyone can understand an obscession!

[nucki]

Well, sistah, join the club!

 

I am right there with you, with most of what you said. The beginning of your post could have been written by me. Although I don't have QUITE as much confidence in my crocheting abilities, I have come to notice recently that I should have more confidence than I do.

 

That being said, I would also like to point out that it is possible (only you would know for sure, but it's a possibility) that this person was only joking with you and you took it the wrong way.

 

I say this because I've been in that situation, got hurt and defensive by something someone said, only to realize later that the person was only teasing and didn't mean anything mean by it at all.

 

But don't worry about being "big headed" about your crocheting abilities. Did you say you were the fastest crocheter in the world? No. Did you say you were the best crochet designer in the world? No. Did you say "you see __________ book? I could write that?" NO.

 

So don't stress about it.

 

Besides, there are so many different people HERE, with all different levels of abilities, that if you really WERE getting big-headed about your own abilities, I'm sure somebody would set you straight.

 

Saying you're GOOD at something is a far cry from saying you're the BEST at something. Heck, I'm a GOOD cook... but I sure as heck ain't no CHEF!

 

So regardless, I would let it roll off ya like water off a duck's back. And rest assured in the knowledge that yes, you are GOOD.

 

And that's a GOOD thing.

[PBLKNP]

Sometimes people who "run themselves down" tend to collect friends that run them down, too. I'd think long and hard about whether this person was "kidding" or not, and then think about who I want as friends. You want supportive people in your life...be happy in your ability to crochet!

[laurastar0962]

"The person I was talking to cheekily asked if I wanted a medal, or a chest to pin it on. Just now, while I was out in the meagre winter sun on the back step, I got to thnking about that. I know I am good, and I don't see why I should denigrate myself by trying to be coy or whatever."

 

My immediate thought was why yes, I would like a medal...and I would crochet a beautiful shrug to pin it on....I am sure I will get many commpliments! Thank you for the Idea! but then again I am a buig smart azzzz

 

Illegitimus non Carborundum (A latin phrase with a bad word in it, if you wanna know what it means pm me:)

 

Laura

[Suebee42]

I am proud of my crocheting and the other crafts I involve myself with such as broken china mosaic, mixed media (3-D stuff), quilting, cross stitching, scrapbooking, polymer clay, beading, art dolls... To me all of these are hobbies, stress relievers - Yet when hubby and I are out at a craft store or a thrift shop or yard sale and I am collecting things for my crafting I will often be asked, "Are you an artist?" and I am hesitant to answer! Hubby always speaks up, "Yes, she is." And they'll comment back, "I thought so by the way you're dressed." Okay.

 

I've never even seen you in person, and I can tell you're an artist by the way you express yourself here. You remind me of a few people I went to college with for Graphic Design -- the cool ones, not the stuffy J-Crew snotbags.

 

But I digress...

 

Self-confidence is a hard thing to muster if you've had issues with it for a long time. I know... my dad is the type to joke around in the "make fun of someone to make yourself look better" way, and I was often the butt of it... man did that tear me down as a kid. He was joking, but long-term that stuff really has an effect! Now when I see him do it to others, it really irks me. I even catch myself doing it, and stop myself regularly! Genes suck. LOL!

 

It's taken me years and years (actually I started college in 1992, so that's 14 years now!) to build my self-confidece back up... don't let anyone tear you down! *hug*

[mwedzi]

Oh my goodness, you sound like me. I know how hard it can be to feel good about yourself. Trust me, I really really know. And you have NOTHING to be ashamed of saying that you're good at crochet. Absolutely nothing. What kind of place do we live in where it's fine to say "i'm not so good at X" but big-headed to say "i'm good at X"? That person, whether joking or not, probably has their own insecurities, and I say that because I have said things just like that to people when feeling insecure about myself. "who do they think they are?"-type things, because I felt so bad about myself that hearing anybody say they were good at anything I wasn't (and since I felt so bad about myself, that was pretty much anything in the world) made me feel worse. Sure, I might try to disguise it as a joke (it's amazing what people think they'll get away with by going "ha ha", isn't it?), but that joke was still coming from somewhere, if you see what I mean.

 

Yes, you are good at crochet, and I bet you're good at a lot of other things you're not giving yourself credit for. Don't let anyone (even yourself. hmm, especially yourself) take away the goodness and power in you. It's a hard and painful lesson to learn to not focus on what you cannot do but instead on what you can do and feel good about it (ask me how I know), but if you can manage it, you gain so much that it hardly becomes important if the occasional person doesn't like it.

 

I'm always available to talk, PM me if you want, and take care.

[eurolyons]

And people wonder why it's so hard for one to maintain a decent self esteem. Remember when we were in school and someone would describe someone as, "she's cute and she knows it..." How cutting is that?

 

There is nothing wrong with thinking you're good at something. And I'll bet that the way you said that to the other person was fine...but like someone else pointed out, what she heard was something else...and that's on her...not you.

 

It's hard to walk that line of being proud of yourself and your accomplishments and not getting a big ego over it or the other side, which is to think less of yourself that what you really hard.

 

Go ahead, be proud...you have a right.

[craftconnie1]

I have found that people who make such rude comments are simply jealous. Often they will have their own agenda and by making you feel bad about your work or clothes or even your nose is their way of feeling better about themselves. These kind of people are toxic and it is best to ignore them or put them out of your life. Whether you're the best or the worst NO ONE has the right to criticize on your achievements. I grew up in a world of toxic people and I know its hard to over come the put-downs etc. but you have a whole world to cheer you on......shoot for the moon; if you miss, you'll land among the stars.

[Empress Busy Bee]

I agree with most everyone.

It is something to be proud of and there's nothing wrong with that.

[sparkles]

GO, GRAN! I echo everything everyone here said, but there was a little extra wisdom in Gran's post.

Many times that kind of thing comes from the childhood. My husband had (has) a mother who says, "You're so stupid, you can't do anything right" and stuff like that all the time. Don't know how he came to be so normal, but he's the one 35 years ago who told me that I had to love myself before others could love me.

Be good to yourself:hug You have as much right to be proud of your abilities as the next person. The other gal was probably just jealous as all get out!

[mimicat]

Hi Monique! I think most of us can relate to what you've experienced, it is good that you shared it here. In my many years (decades ) of crocheting I have stopped and set it aside because nobody minded or valued my skills. Many times I wondered if I can be proud of that kind of talent or skill. Now having known people from this forum and on the web who share the same passion and talent, I am sure that we should be proud of it! I also learned through the years that its better not to talk about crochet with people who dont appreciate it. And also, instead of talking about it, show then all your finished items. I found that it is best to show what you have done, than to tell someone that you can do this and that.

[AngiR]

It has been my experience that when people make such remarks, especially when it comes to something handmade, it's jealousy that is talking. I grew up with an older brother that had great fun telling me that I was short, fat, and would never amount to anything. After awhile you believe it.

But enough of the sob story. I've grown up a bit.

After very many moons of running myself into the ground, it just got tiring. It also helped that I have a friend that forces me to compliment myself at least once in her presence. I am also not allowed to say anything negative. If complimented, she has taught me to say "thank you" and not go into how long it took, how much trouble it was, all the mistakes, ad nauseum.

So, here is what I now do, and hopefully it will also help you.

1. If someone compliments something you have done, say "Thank you". If they want details, they will ask.

2. Find something to compliment yourself on everyday.

3. When the jealous, all thumb noobs make half snide comments about how good you are, etc, take it as a compliment. I usually say "I know. Thank you" and leave it at that. I don't say it meanly or with attitude. I say it as if it is a matter of fact. And it is.

So Girlfriend: Be proud of yourself and your mad skillz.

You can do something that a lot of people cannot.

Basically: You rock!

 

 

Cura nihil aliud nisi ut valeas - Pay attention to nothing except that you do well. (Cicero)

[Miss USA]

Personally- that always tends to backfire on me. I always end up getting people asking me to make them stuff. I hate that! Takes the joy out of it. But I am with you on that.