Help reading a pattern

[amythor95]

I am a novice at crochet however I bought a project from a crafts shop and I have attached the instructions. I cannot make sense of them at all and Google isn't helping me. I was wondering whether someone would be able to give me an advice on how to read this pattern. Thank you in advance.

[Granny Square]

Welcome to the 'ville!

There is another thread somewhere with another toy that was written this way. 

I have a few adjectives I'd like to hurl at this designer but I will behave myself.  She has essentially invented her own personal crochet terms and is charging money for her illegible patterns.  In the US, there are standard abbreviations, symbols, and 'grammar' that all publications, yarn company patterns, and legitimate self published pattern designers adhere to.  This is like an aircraft engineer making up their own words for measurements and materials to give to their suppliers to make components, and expect the components to work right.  (edited to add, here are the Craft Guild of America standard terms--see the menu at the right, 'how to read a crochet pattern'.  All sorts of other good stuff in that menu, as well.

Sorry to sound stern and grumpy, but IMO you have 'bought a pig in a poke' and I'm irritated on your behalf and of all the other people that have paid for this person's patterns.  The sad (and stupid) thing is, she undoubtedly put in a lot of work crochet-wise to design the thing and then turned it to garbage by not writing it out in an intelligible way.  What a waste!  It would not have taken a whole lot more effort to have written it in the correct terms.

My recommendation to you and other new crocheters is to stick to free patterns on the internet (If they are problematic, at least you are only out time, not money).  Yarn company websites are a good place for free well written patterns as they have been tech edited and are written in a standard way;  or books and magazines, again they are written in a standard way and if there are errors, you can usually find errata online (and a lot of the errors, once you have more experience, you can usually finagle a work around or figure out what was meant).  I have never paid for a self-published pattern, and would not unless I was familiar with the designer or was able to 'flip through' it first to see if it appeared to make some sense.

I will try to find the other Pig Latin pattern thread for you with my  guess at the terms, and maybe a free sloth pattern that might appeal to you.

Edited April 28, 2019 by Granny Square

[Granny Square]

Here is the thread with what appears to be the same bogus terms, with my guess at the translation.

https://forum.crochetville.com/topic/161264-newbie-help/

 

Edited April 28, 2019 by Granny Square

[Granny Square]

Some free sloth patterns, hope one is close to yours and will work for you.

https://www.thestitchinmommy.com/2015/08/crochet-sloth-plush-free-pattern.html

https://www.creativebug.com/classseries/critter-of-the-month?sscid=41k3_mjgfs

https://undergroundcrafter.com/blog/2018/11/17/crochet-sloth-pattern-by-lauren-bergstrom/

https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/amigurumi-baby-sloth-2

https://www.thesunandtheturtle.com/2014/12/amigurumi-baby-sloth-crochet-pattern.html

https://storylandamis.com/2017/03/09/pattern-zippy-the-baby-sloth/

https://www.topcrochetpatterns.com/crochet-patterns/speedy-sloth

https://spinayarncrochet.com/ragdoll-sloth-free-crochet-pattern/  this one's huge - wall art!

https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/spike-the-sloth

 

[bgs]

Granny I hope people purchasing these patterns are able to and will leave publicly viewed comments about them.  It is absolutely ridiculous for someone to be receiving money for these.

[Granny Square]

I agree Bgs, it isn't THAT hard to write it up correctly.   I wonder if she is on Ravelry, that would get the word out quickly.

I could see her writing up her own notes that way as she's designing if that shorthand system works for her, but c'mon -- a tiny bit more  typing, a little cut and paste with minor changes here and there and she'd earn her money for a polished published pattern, but she shouldn't be rewarded for this mess.  Unless we got a kickback for helping all the unfortunate people who wasted their money on her patterns and came to us for help (kidding!!!  Totally not worth the OP's  and the other posters' frustration and waste of money.)

To the OP - is the shop where you bought this close to you?  I would show the pattern to the proprietor and ask for your money back, and suggest that the shop owner shouldn't carry that designer's patterns.  Hopefully the shop owner isn't only a knitter, and knows what a legitimate crochet pattern should look like.